Struggling...really struggling...

[CAMom]

Hi Everyone~

 

I (well, my husband and I) are really struggling with our son (he'll be 16 in a couple of weeks).

 

He's taking 4 classes with The Potter's School this year and it's not going well. He's just not turning in his work. (This is his 3rd year with TPS and the first two years went perfectly!) When I checked his grades last week, he has several "zeros" for assignments. He finally admitted that he just chose not to do them and chose to program (computer) or read instead. The zeros are adding up and his grades are falling fast. I feel like I'm trying to stop a hemmorage.

 

I'm trying to figure out how to keep track of all of his due dates. I don't know if I should be sitting on top of him making him do all of the work. I would litreally have to be sitting next to him almost all day long to make this happen. What do I do here? I mean, he's supposed to go to college in a couple of years and I certainly can't manage his calendar there.:(

 

We had to witdraw him from speech and debate club. This was a consequence that was set up in August when the club began. He was told very clearly (and reminded multiple times) that his school course work had to be kept up on and that an evaluation would be made in Oct. (the deadline that the club made for a committment) as to whether he could continue to participate.

 

He was found lying last week about turning in assignments so the club had to go. He won't take responsibilty for his actions and blames my husband and I for taking away club. He's really not even speaking to me right now.:(

 

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through to him. I don't know if I did the right thing.:confused:

 

I know a part of the problem is his ability to manage time. He can tell me that it's going to take an hour to finish a composition and 4-5 hours later, he's still working on it. The biggest problem is, though, that he just doesn't do what he's assigned. He's sitting next to me right now completing a chem test that I just discovered is already two days late and will receive a 20% deduction. Sigh...

 

I could really use some insight and encouragement.

[Laura in VA]

(((Ronette)))

I would encourage you to contact TPS and ask them if they have any advice/words of wisdom for you. The director/owner really understands teens.

[Michelle in AL]

Is this a sudden change in personality? If he did fine his first 2 yrs, then it sounds like it may be. If so, I would think about depression or maybe another life situation or conflict that may be bothering him. If you've had to coach him a lot in the past to get assignments done on time, than maybe a more gradual approach to independence is needed?

[Jenn in CA]

You definitely did the right thing to take away the club. Don't worry about him not talking to you. That was a tough decision but stick with it and he'll thank you for it one day.

 

Maybe there's a way he can earn it back, after a month of 95% on-time assignments or something?

 

Maybe you can identify what he loves so much that he's willing to lie ... whether it's programming, reading, or something else... and take it away until things improve.

 

That is usually what gets through to my 15yods. He sounds similar... not good at time management, and also prefers programming. Net surfing, music, and video games are my "take aways" that get his attention, though, and he'll do almost anything to get them back.

 

I know what you mean about sitting on him... figure out a way to get him to prove to you he's done all his work, before he can do anything else. We have a strict rule about "No fun stuff until all the work is done" and if I ever catch someone loafing or slack-jawed on the Internet during school hours, they know they're in BIG TROUBLE. Usually they lose whatever they were doing for a day or three.

 

Hang in there! Ask God to show you his heart, and how to get to it.... be patient and persistent, and don't take "I don't know" or "I don't feel like it" for answers. You can do this, and you'll be amazed at the growth in him and you when you're on the other side of it.

[Jane in NC]

Does he use a calendar and record when his work is due, test dates, etc.? Some teens are more independent than others--others seem to need a bit of organizational hand holding.

 

Are these courses that he helped choose or is he attempting to assert his independence by rebelling (which is pretty normal for this age)? How involved is he in his education? If he has been involved and this is a significant change, you may, as another poster noted, have reason for concern.

 

Communication is key. Hopefully those lines are wide open.

 

:grouphug:

Jane

[Nan in Mass]

16 sounds very grown up to boys. They can get a license to drive a car, which in their minds often translates to "all grown up". All grown up means getting to choose what they do with their time, getting to choose to not do things they don't consider important to who they are becoming. Did he choose these classes? Do they meet his own educational goals? At 16, if he likes programming, he may have decided that he wants to be a programmer and that more history (for example) is not something that he needs. When older teens don't feel like they are getting what they need to get where they want to go ultimately (this is the tricky part because they are often rather short-sighted), they tend to switch into escape/wait mode. It sounds like your son has switched and you need to try to get him to talk to you about what he wants and how he is feeling. Some teens can see into themselves enough to do that, and some can't and need a lot of prodding and help to figure out their own feelings. (I have one of each.) You have to be careful not to reason back at them until some other conversation. You just need to listen, or they will give up and not tell you what is really going on. Myself, I'd be really leery of taking away educational activities like programming and speech and debate club, too, especially if he chose them himself; they might be the way he has chosen to teach himself the things he wants to learn. I managed to do all this wrong with the first one, right with the second one, and my youngest is 14 and not quite there yet and I'm hoping, hoping, hoping I get it right with him. If this post is all wrong and you've been doing this all along, and something else is going on, then just ignore this and forgive me. It is really hard to give advice over the internet.

 

-Nan

[threetreasurs]

Unfortunately, I found that my teen son needed more direct homeschool supervision than I would have liked<g>. It does get better, I promise. Just hang in there. I personally feel that keeping him involved socially with friends is quite important.

 

It might not be fun, you may have to spend a lot of time proactively monitoring his school since waiting for the zero is a no win situation. Perhaps over the weekend, you and he can come up with a chart of assignments for the week? And if he is doing assignments on the computer you may have to sit where you can see the screen to make sure his is not getting off task.

 

Boys, especially, but all teens, sometimes, need extra help to stay organized and stay on task.:)

[Holly IN]

going through this with my soon to be 14 year old. This is just a "we are in the same boat" type thing.

 

Son was pulled from Debate club. His grades fell big time. This time he chose it after us talking to him about it.

 

I am enjoying what others are writing....Thank you for bringing this up.

 

Holly

[Pamela H in Texas]

Maybe you can identify what he loves so much that he's willing to lie ... whether it's programming, reading, or something else... and take it away until things improve.

 

I think I would tell ds that his education is very important. Then tell him that he can have his screen time back after he catches up with his work. After he catches up, he can have screen time once his work for the day/week is completed appropriately.

 

As for the past work. Can he:

 

1) get partial credit if he completes them? Grades starting at 50 would be better than zeros.

2) can he do extra credit assignments to bring grade up somewhat?

 

Now, what we do for organization (dd is adhd, just medicated this school year) is that we have a 4 x 4 white board (half a shower/tile board from home depot). On it, she writes out all the work she needs to do for the week. For each item, there is a box to color in when it's completed. She puts a letter for the day of the week in each for her foreplanning but many times things get done before or after that time.

 

Anyway, by doing it that way, I can see what she needs to complete, how she's doing on time, etc. I rarely say anything to her about it all but it's on there clearly for her also. (btw, this is also how both ds and I have our school work set up)

 

And the rule is screen time after school for the week is complete.

 

BTW, my daugher is planning a computer based career. She's taking college courses and will start full time towards her degree next year. I understand the pull! I also understand that they have to get ALL their work finished. If he does other schooling along these lines, he'll still have to do some basic courses both in relation to general credits and computer things he may not really care about. Just gotta buckle down and do it.

 

About the speech/debate club....could he earn that back?

 

I hope this helps a little.

[Holly IN]

I do not think he can earn the debate club back. It is a year long committment. Our son can't go back until next year. Competitions start in November.

 

Holly

[LoriM]

Frankly, I'd be asking my teen for a refund of my money he wasted. TPS is not cheap, and he's tossing it away. But yes, I'd also contact TPS and find out what you could do to make up the work or withdraw for this semester and restart the courses next semester or next fall. Frankly, failing your student a grade and keeping him home an extra year would give him time to grow up to his responsibilities.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Lori, somewhat. I guess I feel it's early enough in the year for this kiddo to get his act together. But if he fails or drops the classes, I agree he'd be paying them back. I also think sometimes kids neeed an extra year :)

[Halftime Hope]

we are dealing with some of the same issues with a child. I won't bore you with details, but after talking with counseling staff, we are going to have an evaluation for ADD/inattentive.

 

Years ago a health care professional told us ADD was not possible, since this child can hyper-focus, but we've come to understand that the ability to focus may be selective for the things that can be done in the way that jibes with this child's brain-wiring. If the testing shows ADD, it will be part of a cluster of LDs.

 

Funny thing, problems have gotten worse over the years as this child has found a specialty and is no longer content to plod/slave-away at general work. Trying to explain that certain hoops are prereq's just isn't working at this point. Hopefully meds and behavioral therapy ideas will help.

 

Hang in there!

 

V

[Guest Katia]

Frankly, I'd be asking my teen for a refund of my money he wasted. TPS is not cheap, and he's tossing it away. But yes, I'd also contact TPS and find out what you could do to make up the work or withdraw for this semester and restart the courses next semester or next fall. Frankly, failing your student a grade and keeping him home an extra year would give him time to grow up to his responsibilities.

 

:iagree: Lori said exactly what I would have said.

[Brenda in MA]

I've seen my teen (now 17yo) become overwhelmed by his work and then almost shut down. When I look at what has to be done, I see a heavy, but doable workload that varies over time. It used to be that he couldn't see past the mountain to see the valley on the other side. He has gotten better in this respect over the past year. I think maturity and me talking him through the tough times have helped a lot.

 

When he would get into these holes (usually several times a year), I would have to step in and lead him out of the hole, all the while telling him to "ignore the mountain" and work on one thing at a time. I think learning about the ebbs and flows of workload (especially with outside classes with firm deadline) is hard for a lot of teens. They need down time and outside pursuits, but they have a hard time judging how much time an assignment will take and when they can afford the down time and when they can't. It's much easier to just ignore the hard work and spend the time doing what they like.

 

Since he was doing well the last two years, I'd suggest sitting down with him and writing all of his assignments in a planner. You may have to work beside him for the next week or so to help build in him the confidence that he can tackle the work and get it in on time. Then you can slowly back off, but I'd still suggest checking in with him frequently to make sure he is putting down all of his assignments in his plan book.

 

I used to ask my ds in the morning what his plan for the day was. I wanted to make sure that he'd taken the time to recognize what he needed to work on and prioritize things properly. Helping out in this way is a lot of work for you, but unless there are other issues, he will succeed with your help and encouragement. Also encourage him to come and talk to you if he starts to feel overwhelmed instead of ignoring assignments.

 

My guess is that he knows what he should be doing and feels badly that he hasn't kept up with the work. He wants to be successful and is unhappy with the situation because he's disappointing you and your dh as well as himself. He really needs care and encouragement that he can succeed and help getting out of the hole he's in right now.

 

If you haven't already, you may have to take a hard look at what is being asked of him in these classes and make sure that he is capable of the work. If it's taking him 4 - 5 hours to write a paper that you think should take an hour, then maybe he needs help getting started or making an outline. If you can help him over the hump, he should have more motivation to get finished.

 

I would also suggest talking to the Speech and Debate people and see if he can rejoin after you help him get back on track for a week or two. Make sure he knows that you think he is capable of doing both his school work and the debate club, but that school must have priority.

 

I wouldn't panic too much about his time management skills since he's just starting the 10th grade. He still has a couple of years of maturity ahead of him before he goes to college. My son matured a lot between 10th grade and now (12th).

 

HTH,

Brenda

[Beth in OH]

I managed to do all this wrong with the first one, right with the second one, and my youngest is 14 and not quite there yet and I'm hoping, hoping, hoping I get it right with him.

 

:iagree: Me, too.

 

Your post is filled with much wisdom, Nan. My journey has taught me the same lessons.

 

Beth

[Sammi]

This is a great topic. We have had issues with falling behind too, b'c of lack of organizational skills.

 

I sit down with him and help him get "reorganized".

 

Honestly I wonder to myself....what's going on? Is it that difficult? :001_huh:

 

Then I remember he is only 14, this is his first year of high school and it can be a bit overwhelming. So I have to put myself in his position.

 

Do you think your son is going through this, or do you feel that it is another problem all together?:confused:

 

Either way, I wish you well. I believe you are on the right track. It is hard when we don't have instantaneous results. I also believe that maturity is a big issue. I can see my son growing, but at the same time...there is a long way to go!

 

Again, this is a great topic. Let's please continue with it.

 

Hugs to you. :grouphug:

[threetreasurs]

The planning out/ organizing part of the brain doesn't mature until the early 20's I believe???

[CAMom]

My guess is that he knows what he should be doing and feels badly that he hasn't kept up with the work. He wants to be successful and is unhappy with the situation because he's disappointing you and your dh as well as himself. He really needs care and encouragement that he can succeed and help getting out of the hole he's in right now.

 

 

 

I only have a couple of minutes right now and plan to get back tonight to give a more proper thanks but, Brenda, this is spot on, I believe.

 

I finally got the kid talking to me last night and he said, "Well, you and dad already think I'm a failure, so what's the point?" I felt really bad that that's how things have been perceived. I assured him that dad and I don't believe for a second that he's a failure. I explained that just because you've experienced some failures doesn't make you a failure.

 

I saw a small light in his eyes when I said that.

 

I wanted to mention that this is not a sudden change in his personality. I have struggled with this kid doing his work in a timely fashion since he started school. Last year went so well with TPS because he took biology which is his ultimate subject of interest. He also took Latin 1 and I think he was excited by the newness of it. The year before, he took HTML which came so naturally for him that it was no effort.

 

I think that's a lot of our problem this year--the classes are requiring effort whereas, before, things came much easier for him. When things are hard, he's not willing to do them.

 

I already offered to sit with him this afternoon while the toddler is napping to map out the next few weeks' assignments and to help him make a daily plan that is managable.

 

I suggested to him that some of his harder subjects may be better done in larger block times a couple of times a week instead of spreading it out daily (like work on chemistry and history on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a couple of hours and work on logic and compostion on Wednesdays and Fridays for a couple of hours each) so that he can spend a longer focussed time instead of moving from thing to thing and losing his train of thought. He seemed intrigued by the idea. Any input on that?

 

Thank you, so much, and I'll be back later!

[Jan P.]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. My ds had the tendency to put off his work too. In fact, he still does this in college!! I know it is because he puts off the subjects in which he doesn't do well. Some of the things you mentioned in a later post may be of help such as organizing his days and getting him involved with the planning. However, you must stay on top of things. In a perfect world then it would be great if your ds could do everything independently. It's not a perfect world! Even college professors constantly remind students about upcoming quizzes, tests, papers, etc.

 

If the computer is going to be such a temptation, then it might be best to go back to paper and pencil type studying. It sounds like you don't want to give up on the Potter School, but could the information be downloaded or printed out where your ds doesn't have to be at the computer?

 

Well, keep your ds in viewing sight. After he has proven himself with better grades and turning his work in on time, then maybe lighten up with the social activities. If debate is out of the picture, then try to find something else to fill that void. My ds wasn't involved with debate, but another way to meet "rhetoric" type skills is to involve students in drama. Are there any theaters in your area? Could you start a drama group? Even just a few kids sitting around learning improv or a little Shakespeare is fun and educational.

 

ALso, don't be so hard on your ds in taking hours to write something. Perhaps he needs help in this area. My ds didn't start "blooming" in the area of writing until he was in college. However, I did put him in situations where he had to write. Actually, he hated his American Government class because the teacher at our co-op made him write a two page paper every week, but some of his best writing came out of that class. HIs English teacher last year at college was also good for him. I wished that he had taken English during his dual enrollment his senior year. Have you thought of dual enrollment? I know lots of folks don't like to have their kids in a college atmosphere at 16 or 17 years of age, but I found that my ds was more motivated because he was taking a "real college class". He was also motivated to do well because his grade could affect his future college grades. He didn't "dare" fail!

 

FWIW,

Jan

[FloridaLisa]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I'll comment briefly.

 

We've had similar issues over the years and at times it seems to be two steps forward, one step back. For my oldest, I can tell you he would not do well with 4 on-line classes because he wants the interaction/energy/competition provided by the live class. He has done so, so well with outside live classes with little to no oversight needed. So we limit the on-line classes to one or two at a time.

 

Second, I've found that my son, much as he might love his mom, really needs my dh at this point in his life encouraging, mentoring, supervising, setting the bar and giving the consequences.

 

Finally, kids just go through things. Hormones are wacky. I can remember going through a shortish period in high school in which I completely slacked off at school which caused a cycle -- I slacked off, did poorly in [chemistry], avoid my work even more and consequently did even worse. My parents never had a clue. My teachers apparently didn't care. I was in a happy, healthy home so what in the world was I doing?! I was able to pull off good semester grades, but I'm sure some caring and/or stern intervention by my parents or teachers would have nipped it in the bud.

 

All that to say, possibly it is just part of maturing and growing. Keep doing what you know to do: rule out any health/sleep/emotional issues, set the standard and then inspect what you expect. Administer large doses of physical activity.

 

Parenting is hard work. Prayers and hugs your way,

Lisa

 

P.S. Sorry. Not so brief after all!

[Janice in NJ]

Hi!

 

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's tough to find out that our kids need more oversight than we think/thought.

 

But you're not alone!!

 

There are lots of posts on this High-School board about finding out that school wasn't going as well as we think/thought - that our students are not as independent as we had hoped.

 

Spend the time with him to help him catch up and then stay on him. Check his work in every subject every day. Really. Everything - every day!

 

If there was a way around this, we gals would have figured it out by now. (We're a pretty clever bunch. :001_smile:)

 

So far - we haven't. So I check my kids work. Every day. And I've found out that I'm not alone.

 

There was a great thread a while back about "Organization." A lot of teaching-kids-to-become-responsible-for-their-work ideas were tossed around. Lots of commiseration too. :001_smile: Sometimes that's what me moms really need in order to keep on keepin' on!

 

So take heart! We'll make it! We just have to keep on pressin' on! :001_smile:

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=58635

 

Peace to you and yours!

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

[CAMom]

I wanted to come back and thank you all so much! Thank you for the suggestion to talk to the directors of TPS. I will definitely talk to my husband about that.

 

Does he use a calendar and record when his work is due, test dates, etc.? Some teens are more independent than others--others seem to need a bit of organizational hand holding.

 

Are these courses that he helped choose or is he attempting to assert his independence by rebelling (which is pretty normal for this age)? How involved is he in his education? If he has been involved and this is a significant change, you may, as another poster noted, have reason for concern.

 

He does not use a calendar. I sat down with him this afternoon and created one, though. It takes us up to Christmas break. Frankly, I had a tough time figuring out when everything is due. I think we got it, though, so he and I can both see it at a glance and it will be easier for me to keep him accountable.

 

He did help choose these courses. The only one he resisted was Advanced Composition. He wanted to take Classical Rhetoric. We told him he had to do well in Adv. Comp. this year and then we’d talk about rhetoric. The other classes were his choice. He does enjoy the actual classes and material. He just doesn’t want to make the effort to do the work.

 

Nan[/color] in Mass] Do they meet his own educational goals?

 

Yes, they do. His goal is to go to a four year college and major in biology.

 

Nan in Mass] I managed to do all this wrong with the first one, right with the second one, and my youngest is 14 and not quite there yet and I'm hoping, hoping, hoping I get it right with him.

 

He is our first and I feel so unequipped! My youngest is three and I hope I have it “right” by then! I appreciate your input, Nan!

 

And if he is doing assignments on the computer you may have to sit where you can see the screen to make sure his is not getting off task.

 

My husband has suggested this as well. I’m trying to figure out how to do it with a toddler in the house. The three year old is in constant motion and is very distracting to the teen if he has to work in the same room. I can’t see how I can attend to the toddler and monitor the teen’s screen but I’m totally open to suggestions on that!

 

Texas]

 

1) get partial credit if he completes them? Grades starting at 50 would be better than zeros.

2) can he do extra credit assignments to bring grade up somewhat?

 

Some teachers will give partial credit. The history teacher gives a zero for any late assignment. I’ll have him ask about extra credit.

 

I do like your ideas on listing out the assignments!

 

I do not think he can earn the debate club back. It is a year long committment. Our son can't go back until next year. Competitions start in November.

 

I don’t think he can earn debate back for this year but I told him he may be able to earn speech back. For speech, he can compete without being in a club, I think. If I’m not mistaken, you just have to be affiliated with NCFCA. So, he could compete in tournaments.

 

As for debate, I think I’ll have my son talk to the coach and see if he can come in later in the year and just be someone who helps research the cases and gather evidence. The debate partners for the year will already be assigned but maybe he can sub in if someone is unavailable.

[CAMom]

Frankly, I'd be asking my teen for a refund of my money he wasted. TPS is not cheap, and he's tossing it away. But yes, I'd also contact TPS and find out what you could do to make up the work or withdraw for this semester and restart the courses next semester or next fall. Frankly, failing your student a grade and keeping him home an extra year would give him time to grow up to his responsibilities.

Yes, my husband has considered requiring our son to foot some of the bill. We already have given him an extra year. He was technically in 10th grade last year. We sat down in the spring and decided (dh, ds and me) that he needed an extra year and counted it as his 9th grade year instead of his 10th. I don’t know how it would go over if we held him back another year.

Funny thing, problems have gotten worse over the years as this child has found a specialty and is no longer content to plod/slave-away at general work. Trying to explain that certain hoops are prereq's just isn't working at this point.

I hear you on that! LOL!! I’ve wondered if ADD isn’t a problem here. I’ll talk to my husband about investigating that.

Janice, thank you for linking me to the other thread. I’ll read that one tomorrow.

Thanks, again, everyone! I’m headed to bed. It’s been an exhausting day. But…the good news is, my son is speaking to me again!

[Sammi]

May I add that I have supplemented my son with Fish Oils and they are really helping with his attention problem.

 

This is a very timely discussion for my household.

Thank you for starting it.

[Moni]

I am tempted to think you can't "make" a teen do anything, and if a teen Wants To Do something, there's no stopping them!

:)

 

What does he want to do? Today, tomorrow, next month, next year?

Does he want a little part-time job, a little pocket money? Sense of self-worth in the eyes of others? Feel productive a bit?

Is he getting his emotional needs met? Is that tied to academic production?

Does he need some 1-on-1 time with mom or dad, away from the house?

Maybe he'd like to take a (useless) CC course pass/no pass in something of interest?

 

I'd wonder whether the issues are not really Academic.

Edited October 22, 2008 by Moni

[Moni]

Hi!

Spend the time with him to help him catch up and then stay on him. Check his work in every subject every day. Really. Everything - every day!

 

 

I agree.

After a while, once in a while have him "check himself" for you.

Ask him to Check as you would check ......which is probably a more closer look than he would scan knowing you're going to check up on him anyway.

 

And then he will do well, but only for a while.

It is always two steps forward, one step back.

 

It's really no different for us adults. ;)

 

We can be pretty responsible and on top of it, then let some things slide, then realize we have really let this, that, or the other slide, and then we play catchup. And then we do well again for a while, and then things start slipping but not to badly . . .and then one day we realize, *gasp, again this, that, or the other really needs our attention again.

 

His experience like a good opportunity for Training, and for Mom to get back into the habit of overseeing even the Big Boy.

 

:seeya:

[coopers5]

I hope I am not overstepping here, but, in case you are believers in Christ, I'd like to suggest a book -

Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp

 

I have three kids - the last is 16 and my last one home schooling here.

 

I have gone through some of these ups and downs - might I suggest that you delve into spiritual issues here? Usually, kids come to points where they cease to think they need to be accountable - and teens definitely need to see that their primary accountability is to their parents.

Parents need to take that role and not apologize for it.

It is part of loving them.

 

I find that usually at the heart of "symptoms" - these actions where the teen isn't doing what he should be doing, or is doing things he shouldn't - at the heart are perhaps some character issues you would want to deal with carefully in love before one leaves the nest.

 

Purpose together, as husband and wife, along w/your teen, to pray together each night or every other night about these problems. (again, that is if you guys are believers, I'm sort of assuming...) If you are, don't hesitate to pray together, admitting one another's shortcomings and areas of sin.

Honesty and openness from us towards our kids, I know, has really helped them be transparent with us. This transparency, in turn, (and I think someone mentioned communication already), really keeps communication where it should be and I believe that is God-honoring.

 

I will pray for you, as I know this is just probably such a heart-wrenching, trying time. You are definitely not alone.

 

I do encourage getting the book, though. It helps to get fresh perspective, I think, on the issues that matter most.

 

God bless,

Jo

[CAMom]

I hope I am not overstepping here, but, in case you are believers in Christ, I'd like to suggest a book -

Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp

 

 

 

Purpose together, as husband and wife, along w/your teen, to pray together each night or every other night about these problems. (again, that is if you guys are believers, I'm sort of assuming...) If you are, don't hesitate to pray together, admitting one another's shortcomings and areas of sin.

 

 

Thank you, Jo. We do have that book and my husband and I have been reading it together. It is a great book!

 

I told my son that we would start praying together regularly and we did start! I'm hoping that that makes an impact on both of us as we approach God together.

[74Heaven]

 

Now, what we do for organization (dd is adhd, just medicated this school year) is that we have a 4 x 4 white board (half a shower/tile board from home depot). On it, she writes out all the work she needs to do for the week. For each item, there is a box to color in when it's completed. She puts a letter for the day of the week in each for her foreplanning but many times things get done before or after that time.

.

 

Could you expand on this a bit? I just can't visualize it? If my dtr wrote out everything she needed to have done then I think it would take about 3 boards??? (Like for history, she has 3-4 things to do ea night? How could that all fit in for 6 subjects? i need some tips?)

 

And we just made my 16yo dtr quit her job - she just wasn't balancing a full schedule very well. I tried very hard to work with her these past 8 weeks but it wasn't improving, and the time she did have (weekends) were spent very poorly - like accomplishing 2 hrs of homework in 8 hours of time over the course of a day. She also is ADD and I don't see much improvement tho we did try medication.

 

Please do help us to see your idea - maybe we can try it. I do see that advance planning is going to help and be necessary.

 

Lisa,mopm to 5

[74Heaven]

May I add that I have supplemented my son with Fish Oils and they are really helping with his attention problem.

 

This is a very timely discussion for my household.

Thank you for starting it.

 

Can you tell me which fish oils? I've heard some are better than others?

 

And how, specifically are they helping?

 

Thanks!

Lisa, mom to 5 (4 of which are ADD-type like me :().

[Moni]

don't know which are "better" but many folks like http://www.OmegaBrites.com :)

[laughing lioness]

Just listened to "How to Get Boys Motivated Who would Rather Build Forts Outside" by Andrew Pudewa last night (title might be slightly different). He says that for any consequence to be truly effective it must have a reward and a consequence. If the kids are only going to lose something anyway, than why bother? I'd work in some postitive, short term rewards for work completed. He might fell like he's fallen into a hole without anyway of climbing back out.

I'd spend a lot of time checking and re-checking what is supposed to be getting done. Sounds like he is needing more personal attention from you:001_smile:

[Moni]

If the kids are only going to lose something anyway, than why bother? I'd work in some postitive, short term rewards for work completed. He might fell like he's fallen into a hole without anyway of climbing back out.

I'd spend a lot of time checking and re-checking what is supposed to be getting done. Sounds like he is needing more personal attention from you

 

I haven't heard that speech but I agree.

 

I find when the kids get "that" dejected, undermotivated, etc., what they really need is a positive/treat, not a negative/restriction.

 

It can seem backwards compared to most advice

:auto:

[CAMom]

Just listened to "How to Get Boys Motivated Who would Rather Build Forts Outside" by Andrew Pudewa last night (title might be slightly different). He says that for any consequence to be truly effective it must have a reward and a consequence. If the kids are only going to lose something anyway, than why bother? I'd work in some postitive, short term rewards for work completed. He might fell like he's fallen into a hole without anyway of climbing back out.

 

 

Thank you! Great input! I'll talk to dh about a short term reward.:)

[Laura in CA]

I know this is only a piece of the big picture, but I just wanted to say there's a special challenge with online classes. My kids (ages 11 & 13) are taking two classes with Potter's (the younger one is taking a high-school programming class & both are taking English) and although we *love* the classes, there's a drawback compared with "regular" classes -- the Potter's classes meet only once a week, so there are no daily reminders from the teacher about various assignments -- reading, grammar, quizzes, papers, etc. Everything is just due in a week or so, which is a long time to a kid! As Jan P. said:

 

Even college professors constantly remind students about upcoming quizzes, tests, papers, etc.

 

When I think of my own junior high or high school classes, the teacher would make various assignments due every few days, and remind us not to forget such-and-such. Also, if you have a question about an assignment, even a relatively minor question, it's more work in an online class -- you can't just stay after class the next day & ask; you have to go to the effort of e-mailing the teacher. So I've decided to -- at least this year -- help my kids by writing down *every* assignment for their online classes on a big calendar/checklist. Hopefully they're beginning to see that things like writing a big program or memorizing a poem need to be started in plenty of time; a short, easy grammar assignment can be left until almost the last minute, if need be.

 

HTH -- just wanted to encourage you!

~Laura

[Sammi]

Nordic Naturals, Omega 3-6-9 Junior. Ages 5 through teen. He gets 2 in the morning after breakfast. We selected this brand b'c it was from fresh water fish. Nordicnaturals.com We purchased them locally from a health food store.

 

I am not one for pills, so we opted to try a more natural approach than prescription meds.

 

He seems to have a better level of concentration. He is 14 years old. He is very distractible. But not in a bad way. He wants to concentrate, but gets overwhelmed easily. Did this get rid of that, nope. But I do believe it has helped. I can see a difference.

 

It can't hurt, you can give it a try. :001_smile:

 

 

 

 

Can you tell me which fish oils? I've heard some are better than others?

 

And how, specifically are they helping?

 

Thanks!

Lisa, mom to 5 (4 of which are ADD-type like me :().

[Beth in SW WA]

I know this is only a piece of the big picture, but I just wanted to say there's a special challenge with online classes. My kids (ages 11 & 13) are taking two classes with Potter's (the younger one is taking a high-school programming class & both are taking English) and although we *love* the classes, there's a drawback compared with "regular" classes -- the Potter's classes meet only once a week, so there are no daily reminders from the teacher about various assignments -- reading, grammar, quizzes, papers, etc. Everything is just due in a week or so, which is a long time to a kid!

~Laura

 

I agree. Latin w/ TPS is once/wk -- which means I do most of the "work" in terms of reminding about daily assignments, reviewing, pre-testing, etc. Thank goodness for thorough teacher manuals.

 

I'm following this thread closely. CAMom, your son is blessed to have YOU for his Mom. You are seeking God for wisdom & direction. You truly care. Thanks for your vulnerability and transparency w/ us. :grouphug:

[CAMom]

I'm following this thread closely. CAMom, your son is blessed to have YOU for his Mom. You are seeking God for wisdom & direction. You truly care. Thanks for your vulnerability and transparency w/ us. :grouphug:

 

That made me cry, Beth. Thanks...:grouphug:

[Beth in SW WA]

That made me cry, Beth. Thanks...:grouphug:

 

How's it going this weekend?

[islandmama]

I just had to reply and share. My son, who is almost 17 was failing at the start of 9th grade... I tried everything I could think of. What I found was that taking away the things he loved (and that were good for him mentally, academically, and spiritually) made him feel even worse, like a failure in a hole he couldn't crawl out of. He didn't even make an effort because it felt so overwhelming with no hope... Not to say there shouldn't be consequences, but providing grace and prompt forgiveness to move on to success. We talked with him, found out more about what he was feeling, and came up with a plan, very similar to yours... ;) We included computer programming (he will be taking courses at the CC) as a course. I sat down with this kid daily, just like my 1st grader, working through the tough subjects (especially writing). Slowly, he felt great about himself, and was encourage to work harder and pull himself out of the failure he allowed himself to get into! I just wanted to offer some encouragement to you that this year has been total success! I give him his weekly assignments, and he completes them at his own pace, does his Bible study without nagging, and is earning A's at an academy! He's our oldest too, and we're learning to let go a bit and instead of exerting the control, teaching him to control the outcomes of his actions, if that makes any sense...

 

I pray things will work out for the best! :)

[CAMom]

How's it going this weekend?

 

It's going better. Thanks for asking.

 

He actually turned in a couple of assignments early and is focussing for a few hours today on a US History presentation he has to give on Monday and his comp assignment.:)

[CAMom]

He's our oldest too, and we're learning to let go a bit and instead of exerting the control, teaching him to control the outcomes of his actions, if that makes any sense...

 

I pray things will work out for the best! :)

 

Yes, that makes sense. That's what we're attempting to do, too. Hearing your results is very encouraging.

 

Thanks for the prayers, Anita!

[Guest jmneycricket]

I was sending you a email and promptly deleted it by accident:001_huh:

 

Anyhow, my 14 year old this past spring (Jan 08 etc) got behind at times, but we caught up. But he wasn't enrolled in any outside classes either. Now this fall he is enrolled in two outside classes and he has fallen behind more often. I have lessened the work load that we do independently just this past week after I discovered he was behind in one class, and couldn't account for the assignments (nothing written on paper or in a notebook). I find such behavior upsetting as well. I have told my son that he is sabotaging himself, and to knock it off!

I get discouraged when he doesn't keep up. I have had to relay that as well to him. I have my own school work and stuff here at home I have to get done as well.

Anyway don't give up. Just know that there are others out there standing over there children checking on assignments. I guess we have to teach them organization as well as we can.:thumbup1:

[Beth in SW WA]

CAMom,

How's it going this week? :)

[CAMom]

CAMom,

How's it going this week? :)

 

Guess what, Beth? It's going great right now!:)

 

We've discovered and accomplished a lot over the past few weeks. One thing we discovered: The history teacher's syllabus that is poste on the Moodle site is different from one he e-mailed. We assumed the one on Moodle had been changed. That was a reason for some assignments being late. We spoke with the teacher and he gave Jordan credit for the assignments affected by the confusion.

 

We came up with a calendar that is working really well! We wrote out all of his assignments for all of his TPS classes and organized them by date. They are listed by time/date due. These are posted on the corkboard above his desk so that he's able to see two weeks at a glance. He lets me know when he is completing an assignment and I record the date and time it was submitted so that any of us (mom/dad/student) can see, at a glance, what's been turned in and what needs to be turned in. We haven't had one late assignment since.

 

We also worked out a daily schedule where he has large blocks of time for certain subjects on certain days. He really likes this!

 

As for debate, I spoke to one of the administrators of our club and explained our situtation. I told her that Jordan would still like to participate after the first of the year even though he might not be able to compete since the partners will all already be assigned. She said that was not a problem for the administrators but to talk to the debate coach.

 

So, Jordan is going to talk to the coach and explain exactly what happened. He is going to ask if he can still be a part of the team. He would be willing to do research and write briefs to help the other members evern though he wouldn't be competing. He would also volunteer to go to tournaments to help in whatever way he could.

 

So far, the plan is working great and he's realizing that he's plenty capable of doing all of his assignments on time and have time left over.

 

Thank you for asking!:grouphug:

[Beth in SW WA]

Ronette,

Great news! I'm glad you're having a better week! :)

[Michelle in AL]

Yeah, I'm so happy for you both!

[Nan in Mass]

That's great! Phew, huh? Thanks for letting us know.

[CAMom]

That's great! Phew, huh? Thanks for letting us know.

 

Yeah, phew!:) I really hope the other shoe doesn't drop.;)

 

Thanks to all of you for your support! You made me feel like I was not alone and definitely gave me the practical help I needed to find a solution!

 

:grouphug: