Moms of two or more boys,

[rafiki]

.

[Sarah CB]

especially those close in age, what rules do you have for physical contact? Do you simply let it at "It's only fun if everyone is having fun."? Sometimes it's like raising a pack of bear cubs the way they play together, but they really are bonding and not trying to be aggressive or hurt each other. How do you keep it from getting out of control as they age though?

 

I seriously try to enforce a "no touching each other" rule. My boys are 3, 6, and 8 but it's the 6 and 8 year old who get too carried away. It starts as a fun wrestling/tickling game and almost always ends up with someone getting hurt. I find it easier to just tell them not to touch each other at all.

 

However, their new game involves sticks used as swords and all three of them play that together; outside. So far the only injury was when one boy tripped over another's stick. They really like playing the game and aren't out to be mean to each other so I'm seeing how it goes. Hopefully no one will lose an eye.

[Tutor]

Generally, the rule here is keep the rough play outside and as soon as one person says "stop", you stop. Period. I still have to remind them to keep it calm inside and stop when asked outside, but I am hoping that's because they are only 7 and 4 right now... although dh's contributions leave me wondering. :)

[mooooom]

I was always on the lookout for someone getting hurt - but honestly, they were evenly matched. When they were 5 they would brace themselves in a doorway and take turns punching each other in the stomach. It was definitely consensual. They took turns. And laughed all the while. Dh said to leave them alone and let them, so I did. At a certain point they become too big to do this stuff in the house, so I told them it was outside only. At 14, it seems pretty rare that they play rough anymore.

 

Maybe it gets out of control in some families, but it never did here. No one ever complained or came whining to me. If they had I would have just sent them to separate rooms to calm down. I think they knew that so they never bothered.

 

Kind of like my dd who was told to leave the cats alone. She'd walk by covered in one long scratch fron neck to foot, but never complained because she knew it was her fault for not listening.

 

I guess I'm a hands off mom. No fire, no blood, I stay out of it.

[beansprouts]

especially those close in age, what rules do you have for physical contact? Do you simply let it at "It's only fun if everyone is having fun."?

 

This is basically my rule. If they are doing something that has the potential to cause injury, I do stop it. If they are loud and rowdy and driving me crazy, I send them outside or down to the play room. I do think that little boys need to tussle.

[Murphy101]

It's not playing unless EVERYONE is smiling.

"No" and "Stop" mean what they mean - no exceptions.

If you can't take it - don't give it.

If you don't want to play - then don't - but others don't have to stop too.

 

That pretty much covers the worst of the physical issues.

 

Now, what drives me insane is the NOISE level. We laugh that they need to find quiet methods of murder and mayhem. They cannot do anything quietly. They all have one volumn - sonic boom. The wrestling and war games isn't nearly as annoying to me as the constant deafening screaming and yelling that goes with it and the light fixtures downstairs rattling liek they are about to fall out from the stampede upstairs - and that's the noise when they are perfectly happy!

[Danestress]

But fairly tolerant of it outside. So my kids play outside a lot:)

 

I do have to be firm about, "If it's not fun for everyone, it's not fun" rule, since my oldest boy is 10 years older than his younger brothers.

[Ria]

My five sons never wrestled or were physical with each other. We didn't allow running in the house, so if they wanted to play tag or something it had to be done outside. Physical contact as part of playing didn't happen...they just never did it. (Physical contact as part of being mean, ie one kid hitting another, did happen. Not often, but it did)

 

Ria

[battlemaiden]

It's not playing unless EVERYONE is smiling.

"No" and "Stop" mean what they mean - no exceptions.

If you can't take it - don't give it.

If you don't want to play - then don't - but others don't have to stop too.

 

That pretty much covers the worst of the physical issues.

 

Now, what drives me insane is the NOISE level. We laugh that they need to find quiet methods of murder and mayhem. They cannot do anything quietly. They all have one volumn - sonic boom. The wrestling and war games isn't nearly as annoying to me as the constant deafening screaming and yelling that goes with it and the light fixtures downstairs rattling liek they are about to fall out from the stampede upstairs - and that's the noise when they are perfectly happy!

 

Oh thank you for writing this! This is my house too. The noise is painful at times. I have glorious images of all my kids sitting and doing puzzles or sketching on window boxes.... Hah! Mine seem to all have one baseline level of loud, but they can kick it up to "wall rattling" if needed.

 

As for the physical contact? I like Martha's rules. I say, "If everyone isn't having fun, it *isn't* fun" a lot. That helps.

 

Then again, my most physical child is my 7yo daughter. :D

 

Jo

[Mama Lynx]

It's not playing unless EVERYONE is smiling.

"No" and "Stop" mean what they mean - no exceptions.

If you can't take it - don't give it.

If you don't want to play - then don't - but others don't have to stop too.

 

That pretty much covers the worst of the physical issues.

 

Now, what drives me insane is the NOISE level. We laugh that they need to find quiet methods of murder and mayhem. They cannot do anything quietly. They all have one volumn - sonic boom. The wrestling and war games isn't nearly as annoying to me as the constant deafening screaming and yelling that goes with it and the light fixtures downstairs rattling liek they are about to fall out from the stampede upstairs - and that's the noise when they are perfectly happy!

 

 

Ooh, you've been to our house! :)

 

Those are pretty much our rules, too. Our boys are very physical. And loud.

[Guest janainaz]

Well, mine are far apart in age (almost 5 years). However, I believe boys need to wrestle and I think it's normal. I let my boys play and when it starts to get too wild, I reign them in. Most of the time it's just them playing and having fun. Yes, sometimes someone gets hurt, but nothing serious. I don't want boys that are whiney and never allowed to be rough-and-tumble. I don't think it's normal for boys to sit with their hands folded and be made to act like girls. It's ridiculous.

 

I have a friend who is way over protective with her son in this way and anytime anyone touches him, he's whining. Boys are supposed to be boys and they need to learn when to back off of a kid bigger than they are and they also need to learn how to handle their own strength with boys younger or smaller in stature.

 

This does not apply to girls...........that is just a "keep your hands off" rule.

[Murphy101]

Then again, my most physical child is my 7yo daughter. :D

 

 

My dh says the chalkboard high pitched squeal of our 7 yr old girl was developed specificly as a biological defense mechanism against her 4 older brothers.:D

[Remudamom]

Anything goes here unless I see fire in someone's eyes. Then I shut it down.

 

Tussling is a business for boys. Rough housing is preparation for.............something testosteroney. Let em be.

Especially if there is no blood visible.

[beansprouts]

Now, what drives me insane is the NOISE level. We laugh that they need to find quiet methods of murder and mayhem. They cannot do anything quietly. They all have one volumn - sonic boom. The wrestling and war games isn't nearly as annoying to me as the constant deafening screaming and yelling that goes with it and the light fixtures downstairs rattling liek they are about to fall out from the stampede upstairs - and that's the noise when they are perfectly happy!

 

 

Mama to 6 boys & 2 girls, & baby girl due in Dec!

 

 

I would accept Martha as an authority on little boys ;)

[JudoMom]

It's not playing unless EVERYONE is smiling.

"No" and "Stop" mean what they mean - no exceptions.

If you can't take it - don't give it.

If you don't want to play - then don't - but others don't have to stop too.

 

That pretty much covers the worst of the physical issues.

 

Now, what drives me insane is the NOISE level. We laugh that they need to find quiet methods of murder and mayhem. They cannot do anything quietly. They all have one volumn - sonic boom. The wrestling and war games isn't nearly as annoying to me as the constant deafening screaming and yelling that goes with it and the light fixtures downstairs rattling liek they are about to fall out from the stampede upstairs - and that's the noise when they are perfectly happy!

 

:iagree:

[Crissy]

Generally, the rule here is keep the rough play outside and as soon as one person says "stop", you stop. Period.

 

That's our rule, exactly. Once someone says, "Enough!" the game's over.

We've also learned that we have to add that the boy who cried uncle is not allowed to re-start the game once he no longer feels disadvantaged.

When the game is over, it's REALLY over.

[beansprouts]

Yes, sometimes someone gets hurt, but nothing serious. I don't want boys that are whiney and never allowed to be rough-and-tumble. I don't think it's normal for boys to sit with their hands folded and be made to act like girls. It's ridiculous.

 

I treat that very matter-of-factly also. "Sometimes when we play rough, we get hurt."

 

...but I would like to see one of these legendary "little girls sitting quietly with hands folded" :lol:

 

I have a friend who is way over protective with her son in this way and anytime anyone touches him, he's whining.

 

I didn't know you knew my BIL :glare:

 

This does not apply to girls...........that is just a "keep your hands off" rule.

 

I am not sure about that one. Outside the family I may consider this as a rule, but here at home my oldest daughter is usually right in the middle of it. :confused:

 

How do others handle "co-ed" wrestling among young children?

[wagnfun]

I was always on the lookout for someone getting hurt - but honestly, they were evenly matched. When they were 5 they would brace themselves in a doorway and take turns punching each other in the stomach. It was definitely consensual. They took turns. And laughed all the while. Dh said to leave them alone and let them, so I did.

 

 

I guess I'm a hands off mom. No fire, no blood, I stay out of it.

:iagree: This is me. I've got a 12 & 9. They are constantly wrestling & grabbing each others arm/foot/fake love handles. I see it as bonding. Come on, They aren't going to cuddle during a movie but they will take turns punching each other.. lovingly of-course, all the while pick on each other.

 

I use to get very upset and tell them to stop b/c it seemed like constant fighting. DH told me to leave them alone, they were being brothers. It took me witnessing my eldest sticking up for his younger brother in a group for me to see there were actually playing

[Tracey in TX]

Take it outside. If they want to wrestle, super. If they want to play nice, super duper. If they are loud, take it outside. They play rough. Don't like it, but DH encourages it so I allow it provided it doesn't bother the peace in our home. (And this just isn't quiet to begin...)

[lovemyboys]

Then again, my most physical child is my 7yo daughter. :D

 

 

Maybe it's a survival thing...you know, survival of the fittest, that superhuman response to the environment where a single person can lift a car off someone trapped...subconciously, her mind figured out as an infant that she'd have to adapt to survive...you know, that kinda thing??? :tongue_smilie: jk

 

But I'm glad to hear that boy houses sound pretty similar. We have similar rules of hands off, mom, and everyone has to be having fun. Dhs sound similar too. It's an adventure.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

It is a stunning thing to adjust oneself to viewing a bunch of young boys playing together. Simple, innocent play often turns into rough-housing and wrestling. This is how boys bond, imo.

 

It is important to keep them busy and try to exhaust them every day, which helps to burn off that extra, pent-up energy. Fresh air is of utmost priority!

 

We allow wrestling around and such when it is the proper time. If things get out of hand with my little boys while I'm trying to be productive in another venture at the same time, I redirect them. If this is not a good solution, it is my habit to sit them in chairs for 15 minutes at a time to give them the opportunity to practice self-control.

 

As far as fighting goes, we do not encourage this. I have figured something out that may be an exception to this rule.

 

Once in awhile one of the boys may begin to be a pain in the backside to his other brothers. On a particularly frustrating day, I questionned why the boys would allow their brother to act in such a way. They said "MOM! You would discipline us if we were to take action!" My reply was: "Well, boys, sometimes the consequences are worth it." (LOL...I likely would have reduced their punishment in this case)

 

For my teenage boys, I have stated that any physical violence they feel inclined to practice on each other must be done outside so as not to put us or the house in danger. My twin teen boys are almost 15 and HUGE. They are as strong as oxes and would put out a wall.

 

If you find that nothing seems to be working to get the ants out of your little boys' pants, here's a suggestion from our house....

 

Have a wrestling marathon! We clear the living room floor to create a "ring." We then have the boys systematically wrestle each other for timed rounds. The winner gets to stay in the ring until someone can take him out. There are rules: no kicking, punching, biting, grabbing private parts, etc....

 

Wrestling marathons are the most hilarious thing in our house. The spectators are usually laughing so hard they can hardly stand it.

 

Another option....sometimes my husband will wrestle all of the boys at once (he is a big, strong guy), and they will never defeat him..at least for a few years anyway (grin). This really tires them out!

 

This is how it is in our house. However, my boys do know that there is a time and place for everything, and they will not mess with drill-sergeant mom when it comes down to this.

 

Enjoy those rambunctious boys!

 

Blessings :o)

[msjones]

I have two boys, 7 &9. The newest 'game' around here is called "Whoever Says 'Ow!' First Loses."

 

msjones

[Joanne]

My oldest had sensory issues when he was younger and processed touch.....oddly. His inability to know when other people are bothered influenced my choices.

 

I've always held seemingly contradictory views: boys will be boys but I also instituted a no touch play rule.

 

My boys have never been able to stop early enough. That and the noise and type of movement involved in wrestle play makes me more anxious than it's worth to allow the play.

 

I do believe boys (especially) need physical play and interaction; we've always done this with Dad or Step Dad.

[Christine]

How do you keep it from getting out of control as they age though?

 

I have 2 "sets". (16 & 14, 6 & 5)

 

Ahhh, testosterone.

 

Despise it!

 

The physical-ness has calmed down as the boys have grown older. . .or, possibly, it's "moved". Basketball, ping-pong, soccer. . .not in my "realm".

 

My younger two currently have me in fits as that's how they deal with any "wrong" done to them. Brother A says move and Brother B hits Brother A for not saying please.

 

I will say, though, that roughness aside, the VOLUME of play for any age boy (including hubby) is what truly drives me insane.

 

But to answer your question. DH likes to say, "boys will be boys, let them be", but I'm the one home with them and rough housing is not allowed inside. "Outdoors" is my friend. . .and for some reason when they are out of doors they are less likely to wrestle or fight. More space to roam and mark their territory, I suppose.

[Cindy in C-ville]

Martha and Camy, I LOVE your advice. We only have two boys (and four girls), but even my girls are rough-and-tumble. Several years ago (my oldest is now 15) we had to have a conversation with the girls about wrestling boys, particularly boys who are not in our family. Like many of you, I believe that physical touch, whether it's hugging, holding in my lap, wrestling, tackle football, or whatever, is a good healthy part of growing up in a family. "Stop!" must be heeded immediately and the kids know that if they choose to "play rough" someone may very well get hurt. I'd much rather have a passle of kids where there is the occasional bloody nose, black eye, or fall out of a tree than kids who are afraid to take risks, don't know their own abilities and limits, and whine about any bump or bruise.

 

BTW, we moved our boys' bedroom down to the basement bedroom several years ago. It's nice - carpet, full bath, etc. But part of our motivation was so that nobody would come through the ceiling! If the weather's too bad (and I mean REALLY bad) to get outside, wrestling, jumping, etc., can take place down in their room and the house is none the worse.

[Laura Corin]

The boys are allowed to wrestle when they both choose to: if anyone doesn't want to, that's the end of it. There's no biting, kicking or hair pulling, and they have to be aware of tender spots. They've had moments when things got out of control, but I've rarely had to step in.

 

Laura

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

"It's only fun if everyone is having fun."?

 

 

That's rule number one.

 

2: Honor all cease fire requests

 

3. No threats of real bodily harm allowed, in words or actions.

 

4. Eyes and other "sensitive body parts" are off limits.

 

5. If someone gets hurt, the rough housing is done for the day, the swords get put away, etc.

 

6. You pay for anything you break.

 

7. If you are driving me crazy, you get sent outside. :D

[dani3boys]

But my twins just keep going until someone is hurt or upset. We have never had any serious injuries though. I can be very intolerant of wrestling and horseplay inside, but outside I don't mind so much. They are always playing with sticks. I think there is only so much you can do because boys will be boys!

[Murphy101]

For those with sensory issues or those not picking up on when it's getting too rough -

 

That's why I phrase mine specificly as "It's not playing unless everyone is SMILING." it forces them to look and gives a very specific social cue to look for.

 

If I was vague and said, "everyone has to enjoy it" or "be careful" - 2 simply don't get what the social cues are for that. Esp when they were much younger. (Actually try it in the mirror - shocked or pained can actually look very similiar to laughing or happy to a child who doesn't see social cues or interprete faces well.)

 

And yes, sometimes they will still go until someone is hurt or upset. Because part of the learning is learning boundaries and that's how they know they've hit a boundary. Kind of like they never believe they'll fall out of a tree until they do. Experience is a neccessary teacher for many children sometimes.;)

[ThelmaLou]

I have 5 boys, and the touching is non-stop. I try to force them to keep their hands to themselves during the school day. They almost can't resist walking past their brothers and giving them a slap upside the head, a jab in the ribs, etc... usually all in good fun. If they're sitting together on a sofa, they end up in a leg war, kicking, wrestling, and then everyone piles on. The poor two year old just stands there and screams, "Stop boys!"

 

The noise is absolutely the worst part. Laughing, screaming, etc... It wouldn't be so bad if there weren't so darn many of them! When my time of the month comes, I'm hyper-sensitive to noise. I almost can't even handle a normal conversation at the dinner table. So everyone gets sent to separate corners during the school day to help mom avoid blowing her top when the noise grows unbearable.

 

I grew up with one brother who was six years older than me. He was not a rough and tumble guy, so I'm just not used to this. My husband keeps telling me it's normal and that, like puppies, they need to play and roughhouse. I know he's right, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I love them to death, but boys are such animals!