SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 His insecurity with money is understandable. Really I operate constantly under the assumption I have no money. My parents struggled always with money. To the point we sometimes didn't have enough to eat and weren't sure if we could pay the rent. So I have to constantly fight the fact I don't think I have the money for something. That feeling never really goes away. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I haven't read all the posts, but I think amount per child is dependent upon a lot of things. I think parents should determine that themselves *alone* because they know their own financial situation, their kids, their comfort level with what is being spent. Gently, this is a family decision, not a decision to poll random people on the internet to see which side gets more votes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I see nothing wrong with asking for other perspectives. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Are you calling dh and me immoral? What is the $ cut-off between moral and immoral ? :ohmy: Moral is 100% homemade Christmas gifts that were knitted from cat hair shed on your floor, $0. Immoral is everything purchased in a store. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Moral is 100% homemade Christmas gifts that were knitted from cat hair shed on your floor, $0. Immoral is everything purchased in a store. :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Moral is 100% homemade Christmas gifts that were knitted from cat hair shed on your floor, $0. Immoral is everything purchased in a store. Now I have a plan for next year! I've got the cat hair in abundance, I just have to learn to knit! Would crocheting be morally acceptable? I can do that without having to invest in new equipment. :lol: I can sympathize with the OP's husband, as I have money insecurity issues (and other insecurity issues) from childhood as well. Everything is basically bought on sale over a several month period, as I would likely have my head explode as well if I had to pay full price and buy everything all at once! We rarely have disagreements over the amount spent on gifts for our daughter (more likely on the number of items), but are more likely to do so over charitable contributions, as requests come from all sides at this time of year and my husband has a much more generous attitude toward that than I do. It would be easier if they all came at once so that we could choose between them and be done, but they come in at various times. We really would probably do better to establish a firm contribution total and then let him apportion it as he wishes, but agree that done is done, even if something else comes up that sounds worthy. We have reined in our overall holiday spending, as there was a time I had probably 40 or more people on my gift list. We don't have a set amount for gifts, but we're also buying for only one child. We generally don't tend to do big ticket items for Solstice/Christmas for any of us, though we might for her birthday, and we tend to buy things during the year as desired/needed/available at a good deal. For instance we replaced her laptop when it died, bought a bunch of books off her wishlist when I found them used at Better World Books on Black Friday sale, helped her buy her new phone at Black Friday prices (replacing the hand-me-down from me she's been using for a couple of years), clothes she needed/wanted when there was a good sale, etc. This year I did start tracking what I had bought and how much I was spending so that I didn't go way overboard in number of gifts, as I tend to get things on sale as I find them and it can creep up because I don't realize how much I have gotten already. Honestly, I was surprised at the total, as I would have estimated I spent a good bit less this year than I did. This year I spent about $180 all told on her, though it would have been about $280 if I paid full price (and she wouldn't have gotten as much if I had to pay full price)---a cardigan, three pairs of tights, three pairs of fleece-lined leggings, leather dress gloves, an infinity scarf, and four books for Solstice, while her stocking will have a $25 itunes card (normally I'd do $15 but I got this one for $20), larabars, lindt truffles, sesame sticks, nail polish, a nail polish removal clean-up pen, lip balm, dried pineapple, shortbread, an orange, and sour gummies. In past years we've spent more and we've spent less, depending on her interests, our budget, what I found on sale, and whether I made her anything that particular year. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Although I recently read an article about cats that might change your mind. The gist was cats are terrible for the environment (they kill birds), unlikely (terrible) pets ( they do lousy in confined spaces and don't do anything positive for us...BS), disease carrying (toxoplasmosis), and allegedly 1/2 of cat owners are attacked by their cats (I call absolute BS on that one). I am a cat lover so to all of that I say bite me...but you might want to rethink them as a good source for scarves. On the other hand that might help improve their image as being useless. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 (edited) Although I recently read an article about cats that might change your mind. The gist was cats are terrible for the environment (they kill birds), unlikely (terrible) pets ( they do lousy in confined spaces and don't do anything positive for us...BS), disease carrying (toxoplasmosis), and allegedly 1/2 of cat owners are attacked by their cats (I call absolute BS on that one). I am a cat lover so to all of that I say bite me...but you might want to rethink them as a good source for scarves. On the other hand that might help improve their image as being useless. :laugh: I don't think our six(!) indoor cats who keep us all snuggled and entertained and healthy (laughter is the best medicine) got those messages. I better check with the post office to make sure the cats' mail isn't being rerouted. :laugh: And with 5 hairy cats (1 Devon Rex), we get tons of scarf material in the vacuum every day! Edited December 23, 2016 by fraidycat 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 (edited) I don't think our six(!) indoor cats who keep us all snuggled and entertained and healthy (laughter is the best medicine) got those messages. I better check with the post office to make sure the cats' mail isn't being rerouted. :laugh: And with 5 hairy cats (1 Devon Rex), we get tons of scarf material in the vacuum every day! Yeah I don't understand the article at all. I have never had a cat attack me. NEVER EVER. I know it can happen, but that's true with any animal (including humans). My cats follow me around all day. I honestly think they think I'm just a big cat. At night one sleeps on top of me and the other sleeps wedged up against me. They are so lovable towards me that I just scratch my head when people claim cats aren't good pets and do nothing for us. The person claimed they used to be a cat lover. Only thing I can guess is they had some lousy luck with cats or they were a lousy cat owner. Some humans are stupid towards cats and don't know how to handle them. Ever watch that My Cat from Hell show? 95% of the time it's the owner and not the cats that are the problem. Edited December 23, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 What I think is not going to matter much in your marriage...BUT...I do agree with what you wish to give. If your husband grew up with very little, he is probably afraid of losing everything. I know how he feels. I always feel doom when I spend money because it was ingrained in me growing up. I hope you all can come to a good compromise. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I'm not going to tell you what I spend on my kids, because history has shown me it won't go well here. Frugality= morality on these boards. But, you can tell your DH that he is very lucky he has you shopping instead of me. You're not alone. I spend a fortune on my kids. Like my grandmother and mother before me, it's my love language, so people can just deal. My DH would be thrilled if I spent $200 per kid. To give you an idea, I sometimes go over my budget of $1000 for my kid's birthday parties. But, everyone always has a heck of a good time, and that's what matters to me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Yeah I don't understand the article at all. I have never had a cat attack me. NEVER EVER. I know it can happen, but that's true with any animal (including humans). My cats follow me around all day. I honestly think they think I'm just a big cat. At night one sleeps on top of me and the other sleeps wedged up against me. They are so lovable towards me that I just scratch my head when people claim cats aren't good pets and do nothing for us. The person claimed they used to be a cat lover. Only thing I can guess is they had some lousy luck with cats or they were a lousy cat owner. Some humans are stupid towards cats and don't know how to handle them. Ever watch that My Cat from Hell show? 95% of the time it's the owner and not the cats that are the problem. I (and three other people at the same time) actually HAVE been attacked by a (our) cat when I was a teen. It was bad. But it wasn't just "out of the blue". It was a momma cat with kittens, and involved a male getting in the house - she went in defensive mode. I carried the male out of the house and walked back in then sh!t hit the fan. But, I don't hold her actions against other cats or even her. She was protecting her babies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I think the op is being very conservative and not at all extravagant and that the Dh has issues due to neglect. I'd do the same as her in that situation. Power through with giving the kids a nice-but-not-excessive holiday and just tune out the inevitable yearly speech from DH. This is an emotional issue and not a financial one. If the DH had a mother like the Op, this wouldn't be an issue at all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I (and three other people at the same time) actually HAVE been attacked by a (our) cat when I was a teen. It was bad. But it wasn't just "out of the blue". It was a momma cat with kittens, and involved a male getting in the house - she went in defensive mode. I carried the male out of the house and walked back in then sh!t hit the fan. But, I don't hold her actions against other cats or even her. She was protecting her babies. Growing up we got a kitten that was born to a feral mother. That cat you definitely had to be careful around. She never 100% was a house cat. KWIM? But she never attacked us. But yeah that's understandable. Not fun for us, but they are doing what is natural to them. We might do the same if we feel threatened and don't understand the situation. Our male cat is the most docile animal I've ever seen. My older kid will hold him like a baby and is rather handsy with him. I'm constantly telling him to knock it off. But that cat just goes with it. He never protests. Never claws him. We got him from a shelter and I think he must have been handled by small children or something because man he really puts up with a lot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 It is interesting to see how our childhoods play into things. Dh grew up with very conservative Christmases, while mine were extravagant (not quite as much as that lady in the UK, but close). He is now the more liberal one while I work on restraining our buys. It will be interesting to see what our own children do with theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caclcoca Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I am not sure how much we spend per kid. I am sure that if I am honest and add up everything - big gift, stocking stuff, and the really cute pair of socks that my dd will love, it would be more than $200 per kid. I just refuse to be honest and add it all up. We save all year, so we have money to spend. My dh pays all of the bills, so I am not hiding anything from him. We just choose to not know the final total. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Why would your DH be privy to how much you spend per child if you know the knowledge just brings strife? Shop all year, a little at a time. Or just buy and not say anything. The years I have bought Kids cars, computers, or other expensive items it get crazy. But, other years when they did not need much, I was more frugal. This year DD15 needed a lot of clothes and a new computer. I bought what she needed based on what I could afford. It seemed like a ridiculously excessive Christmas. DH told me today he went and bought the same DD some shorts because he was tired of seeing her dancer's booty shorts. He wanted her to have something more modest. My first thought was, "Do you realize how much I have already spent on that kid?" But, before I opened my mouth I realized DH would croak if he knew how much I already spent on that kid. Moral of the story: Some things are better left unsaid. 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.