How do you Handle Houseguests/Meals

[Slache]

I guess I'm odd, but I feel that you should have meals ready for them. If I were you:

 

"What's for lunch?"

"Today we're all making our own sandwiches. If you don't want a sandwich there's leftovers."

 

They are rude, I'm just saying that if they're your guests it's your responsibility to feed them. If they don't like what you make they can go out themselves.

[Seasider]

I do think they are bordering on rude, but as pointed out above, age and their at-home habits have a marked effect on their behavior at your house.

 

My older folks are quite a bit older and have long relied on restaurants for meals. The ability to choose from a vast menu or buffet has resulted in a pair of them becoming quite spoiled and picky eaters, and their expectations carry over to when they visit at my home. DH would like to apply the "you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit" policy, but since they take medications and have issues with keeping blood sugar stable, I always have a backup meal ready for when they are here. It is exhausting!

 

I think KFP's meal plan idea is great. And it's okay to prepare a dessert and not partake; if you feel like you and your kids don't need the extra sweets, stay on your regular plan and let the olders have theirs.

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[J-rap]

Some of their comments like "Pork again?  Chicken again" and refusing to eat leftovers seem a little rude!  Otherwise, maybe they're just a little unsure of what to do?  I don't know.  I guess I wouldn't change too much, just make it a little clearer.  And by the way, I do things the same way as you with our family houseguests.  I make dinner but people are kind of own their own for breakfast and lunch, though we usually end up eating lunch together.

 

So, I always tell everyone -- because everyone wakes up at different times for breakfast -- to just help themselves to breakfast.  They know where the cereal is, the bread it, the toaster is, the jam is, the juice is, and they know how to make coffee.  When I'm visiting my own parents, my dad is always up early and he just puts everything out:  the cereal, the bread, the milk, the juice, the butter, and the coffee is already made.  Then, people eat whenever they're up and help themselves.  That's a good system if you're the host and you're the first one up regularly.  Otherwise, it's pretty simple for people to find everything themselves.

 

For lunch, because we usually end up eating at the same time, I just take everything out and put it on the table and people create their own sandwiches, etc.  I usually have a variety of easy stuff, including yogurt, finger food veggies and fruits (baby carrots, sugar snap peas, grapes, bananas, etc.), along with the sandwich makings.

 

For dinner (when it's a crowd) I often throw things into the slow cooker.

 

I will say that if we have leftovers from dinner, I usually put them out as a lunch option, along with sandwich makings.  If there is meat leftover, I might slice it for sandwiches.

 

My parents are always super helpful though when they visit and will offer to make a couple dinners while visiting or take us out to eat now and then.

[sassenach]

What if you made a menu? Or even better, have one of your younger kids make it so it's cutesie and the motives won't be questioned. Something like:

 

Breakfast:

Chateau Paige offers a fine selection of self-service breakfast options including

 

Cereal

Bagels

Eggs

Oatmeal

 

Please help yourself!

 

Lunch

 

Our grab and go lunch items include.... etc, etc

 

Dinner

 

(here is where I might put in the effort to make an actual menu)

 

 

__________

 

It's not you, it's them. It's annoying. But I also think that they're not going to stop, so you will have to decide if you'd rather head it off or just keep dealing with it as is.

 

Edited August 24, 2016 by Sassenach

[KungFuPanda]

"You get what you get and . . .

 

. . . you don't pitch a fit."

 

or

 

. . . you don't get upset."

 

When my daughter was little she wanted to know why the cousins said it one way and everyone around here said it another. My best guess was that "get" rhymes with "fit" in some places and "upset" in others :-)

 

On that note, my stepfather will make a negative comment about any "weird" food. Weird means it will never be found on the Cracker Barrel menu :-/. He will always voice his apprehension about the foreign food in front of him, but end up tasting, liking, and eating another helping of it. Every. Time. I learned to accept his process and tune out habits. He's not being malicious, he's just in the habit of voicing his concern when something is different. If I'm not bothered with the inevitable comment, the meal is great. If I obsess about it I'll be the only one worked up about it. It's pointless.

 

Make a game of Old People Bingo and play it in your head. This makes the predictable comments more fun for you :-)

[BlsdMama]

 Every meal, "What's for dessert?" "Did you put anything on the vegetables?" "Pork again?" "Chicken again?" They won't eat leftovers for dinner. We're a family of 6 with 3 teens, so cooking for 8 is a lot of food. 

 

 

I have to admit I cannot, for the life of me, imagine my mother saying this to me.  But, if she did, bless their sassy little mouths, it would go something like this, "Wow.  Really?  Well, let me tell you something about the new age... my food bill kicks my mortgage in the butt every month, SO, just so you're aware, it's pork, chicken, or ground beef *every* night, not just when you're here, so it is what it is.  That's our budget and this conversation is really rude.  I love you, but like it or lump it.  We're okay with you eating out too."

 

Seriously.  

(And when I responded earlier, I read the first paragraph and thought - oh my gosh - her parents just aren't comfortable with being rude.  I'd be horrified at digging through someone's food.  I apologize for not reading the whole thing  before I responded.)

 

I'd still have a plan for B & L but the lengths at which I'd go to accomodate would depend on a few things:

 

1. How often do they visit?

2. How long do they visit?

3. Are they likely to live a long time?

 

And I'm totally serious on all three.  Because if we're talking about two days, twice a year, I'd totally try to make their favorites.  But anyone staying longer than 4-5 days, unless they have life long food aversion or dietary issues, uh, no.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I think what to do in your particular situation has been beaten to death- your parents are being borderline rude or passive aggressive, and it might be good to find some ways around that as other have suggested:  Set out lunch all at the same time, make a few desserts or get grandma to make one with grandkids, post a menu.  

 

But to answer the original question, how do I handle food with house guests...  

 

Yes, I have three sit-down meals a day.  They are usually still just as simple as we generally eat, but we do gather together and eat in one place.  But this is also a family habit.  We eat all our meals at the same time, in the same place, and I prep them all.  This has to do with me not wanting food out constantly, as we have a small apartment and our table is also our homeschool table.  

 

Breakfast, I'd probably rotate between eggs, oatmeal, bagels, and maybe one special pancake breakfast.  

Lunch, I'd rotate between simple hot meals and "French picnic"- cheese, cold cuts, baguette, olives, veggie sticks

Dinner- I'd post a menu

Dessert- I'd probably make a few homemade desserts if that was what guests expected.  I like making desserts though, and don't do it that often, so it's not a big deal to me to indulge them.  

[kbutton]

I think, perhaps, they'd feel more comfortable if I could get a jump on the kids and get everything out with plates, and then call everyone over. It's a small difference, but maybe it would feel more official to them.  I think this could be a big help.  My parents are otherwise not like yours at all, but this is something they expect, though they help make it happen. It's no big deal. (They both come from either large families or large extended families that often ate together, so everyone fending for themselves is still something that needs to have some organization to it!)

 

It could also just be me. I can't tell if they are really serious with the nit picky comments or if I'm not meant to take it seriously and they are just talking. We have communication issues. I asked my mom if they wanted to go to the water park. She said she didn't, but my dad probably might, but she hated them and couldn't we go another week. I took that to mean I shouldn't schedule it (DH would need to take off) and I didn't schedule it. Now, I'm told that my dad is really disappointed that we aren't going, and why didn't I schedule it?!  :banghead:

 

As for the waterpark, that's my MIL to a T. Except that she'd probably also be telling my FIL that he's disappointed, and he'd be denying any knowledge of the situation.  ;)

[MotherGoose]

Maybe it's my culture (southern us ) but I would never visit someone and expect them to feed me for a week with no help. That's rude. My parents and most other relatives

show up with food they've either grown in the garden or thought we might like and purchased. When they come to my house, there's sort of an unspoken agreement that if you're a close enough relation to stay more than a night, you will help extensively with cooking and cleaning. It means you are a close relative or friend. If you aren't close, you are treated like a guest and not expected to help with anything. If a guest of mine expected to stay longer than a night without any contribution to the household, (or any others, if it didn't come up in conversation), I would say, " I'm thinking about having X for supper tonight. What do you think? What would you like to have tomorrow? Any ideas?" And try to lead them towards collaboration. I'd also say, if they didn't volunteer, " would you mind helping with X?." I'd give them a relatively fun job, say chopping vegetables versus scrubbing burned pots, but I'd involve them.

Edited August 24, 2016 by MotherGoose

[gidget239]

Crocpot meals. If I have busy days or tiring days I definitely rely on my crocpot!

[Donna]

We have guests fairly often...musicians traveling through so we may or may not know them well.

 

I usually cook breakfast (or bake something) unless I am working that day, in which case, I will set out items available for breakfast and let everyone fend for themselves.

 

For lunch, I set out the options...sandwich fixings or salad fixings.

 

For dinner, I tend to do something simple that feeds many...think crockpot or lasagna. I tend to plan ahead when having guests to make things easier and have everything I need on hand. I also bake dessert because I love to bake (or dd bakes dessert because she loves to bake for guests).

 

 

[Paige]

So, today I dragged out all the lunch food and got plates out before the kids got to it and then called everyone over. I think things went more smoothly. I'm also starting to realize that asking redundant questions like "what's for lunch" when it is literally in front of her, "what's next" after she's had her meal (meaning what other food), and "aren't you going to _____," must be like breathing to her. She's just talking to fill the air a lot of the time.

 

I told them at lunch what was for dinner and asked for suggestions with the preparations and I made a special dessert. I think dinner went well, but I wasn't there. I had to leave for a class as soon as I finished getting the food ready for DH to stick in the oven and didn't get back until they were all finished. I think they were happy with the dessert.

 

Tomorrow we may eat out, but if not I already have something easy in mind. The next time I cook, I'll make brownies for dinner. And as long as we eat out once, that only leaves one more meal to plan. Maybe DH will want to fire up his smoker. 

 

Thanks for the commiseration and ideas! Today and tonight went much better. Also, they aren't terrible- they always compliment the meals and have done some dishes. Now if only I could make them like my furniture and lights!