Is there some kind of support group?

[BlsdMama]

I don't know if this JAWM or if I'm looking for suggestions, or maybe both, but please be gentle.

 

Please don't quote, I am absolutely deleting later.

 

 

I need to find additional support for parenting my LD son.  He's now 11.  What do we know?  We know the school system decided he had an IQ of 76 or 78.  They were wrong, we found a neuropsych and had full evals done.  His working memory tested out at 4%.  He is severe to profoundly dyslexic,  has an extremely high need for sensory input, is impulsive, and I think the hardest for me is lack of emotional control.

 

 

I should say right now, things are better than they were.  But, man, when you're climbing Everest, another 100 feet up the slope doesn't seem so far and it just seems like the journey is so long and there is no end.

 

I'm mentally/emotionally exhausted from dealing with him.  One on one, he gets along with well with adults.  Moreover, we are noticing he has more emotional control than we realize (such as he is well behaved at Trail Life, he handles disappointments better there, etc.)  This has made life difficult - whereas we once said, "He's still learning this," to "Oh my gosh, he can keep it together in a group of kids, why can't he do any of that HERE?"

 

I worked with him all day yesterday.  He is either A.) the hardest working kid I've ever seen in my life, assuming he wants to do the task or B.) the absolutely most laziest person I've ever seen.

 

And what's crazy?  It isn't the task.  For example, he chops wood.  It's great for him, I don't know WHAT it does, but it seems to be almost therapeutic.  You should see the stack of wood we have.... And split beautifully, by hand, by this kid.  It boggles my mind that my 11 year old does this.  And then yesterday?  We had an area behind our basketball hoop that we are landscaping.  The former owner had rocks/gravel there.  I have to loosen the pile, scoop it into the wheelbarrow, the kids sifted the rocks out for the driveway, then I move the dirt to the foundation area.  Even the little ones were helping.  Eventually, because he was so willing to work as s-l-o-w as possible and let his sisters work for him, I assigned the girls a different task and gave him the task to finish so that he wasn't rewarded for going slow.  And he did it, but he was angry and frustrated the whole time.

 

The anger and frustration is overwhelming especially when he should be able to empathize with the other person - for example, this morning, DD10 and DS 11 were at the breakfast bar.  DD10 is served her breakfast.  DS says, "Look at my bug bite on  my foot."  And plops his hoof on the breakfast bar. (As an aside - seriously?  What are you thinking man?!) She asks nicely for him to put it down.  He refuses, insisting she look, I step in and tell him to get his foot down,  cue surliness and frustration.  So I correct him, "DS, you don't get to be mad because I asked you to put your foot off the floor.  It's not reasonable."  Sullenness.

 

 

The frustration, plodding work, etc., has been taking a steady decline, IMO.  And we aren't doing school with him most days right now.  

 

Currently he does school with a really good attitude.  I'm terrified this is going to change.  I work really hard to minimize what I'm doing to FOUNDATIONAL things only and keep a proactive attitude when doing it so that we don't nurse some kind of bad attitude and create a habit of being upset about school.

 

What will I ever do if he whimsically decides he doesn't want to do school?  Or wants to take hours?  Oy.

 

My kids have all, up until this point, been really great about really getting done what needs to get done.  We do schooling mostly in the AM and leave the afternoon for reading/sleeping and DS listens to audiobooks.  Then they have the afternoon pretty much free.  It's motivating.  

 

I'm worried, actually I'm terrified.  I don't have the resources (energy, time, money, effort) to expend it all on one kid.  We had to drive a several times a week for oldest DS' mock schedule and I've got to say it was totally overwhelming - - but if I HAD to, we'd make something work if there was something that would work. :(

 

We have looked into OT.  We had a full eval done for whatever it is they evaluate - I know we did balance stuff, coordination, core strength, small and large motor, etc.  They came back with the fact that he was a little weak on core strength and she said she could work with him to strengthen that if I wanted but essentially he looked good.

 

Yeah, pass.  The kid practically has a six pack.  He is one of the most physical kids I've ever seen.  We have a climbing rope here about 15' into the air and he can climb it with upper body only.  He chops wood several times a week.  

 

This place was recommended by several people and really the only option without driving an hour to the university.

 

I was really frustrated. What I had hoped for was something for the sensory seeking.  She said he didn't seem to be sensory seeking.  He is.  He constantly runs his hands over texture, cannot keep his hands  to himself, rubs his ears, sucks his thumb.  The rubbing things is distracting and constant.  I thought maybe brushing or something.... I'm so uneducated in this area and I thought they'd offer some kind of assistance without me having to check three books out from the library, scour the internet for articles, then spoon feed some therapist everything I've learned.  No luck.

 

And frankly, I don't have it in me.

 

I've got eleven kids.  Eleven.  And so much of what I have to give is poured into this one child.  And I get it.  He has needs.  But frankly?  We all give for the one and the others don't need to be dealing with a ball of anger and frustration and venting and....................................................................

 

And if I had to drive to the university twice a week I could.  I really could and WOULD, *if* I knew it would help and *if* it wasn't forever.  I have one kid taking college classes this year (but he can drive) and a freshman I'm outsourcing Spanish and Biology, but she's doing Mock, so I'll be driving her thirty minutes (one way) three times a week and it's 4 hours long so we don't stay, obviously, so it up there and back then up there and back.  Two hours of driving each day, three days a week, infinitely better than this last year but still a rather lot for little people, kwim?

 

We're doing Barton.  We've done Level 3 twice and we're starting on Level 4 but I know he retains very little.  He could read a late 3rd grade book easily, but as you move up  you see a lot of guessing, typical dyslexic.  Math is a totally separate nightmare.  He can easily and happily do 2nd grade.  We're finishing that now.  He is showing an abstract understanding of multiplication and I'm VERY encouraged by that.  So now that he understands the concept, we will work on the tables.  He can tell time, count money, add, subtract, borrow, carry.  

 

I was told that with his severely working memory that these things would be incredibly difficult.  He IS reading. He IS doing math.   But he also should be in 6th grade, and on the outside and when having a conversation, he appears, mostly neurotypical, if not a little delayed, so people don't understand.

 

I'd love to put him in school but he would not receive more than he does at home.  Plus?  The kid just has never had a negative peer interaction.  We do homeschool co-op and Trail Life and get together with friends.  He doesn't know kids can be mean.  I don't want him, emotionally, to go through that. :(  

 

It feels like I'm tossing my hands up.  Currently he does Barton, math, and does a lot by audio - history, literature, etc.  We do board games, card games, etc.  And maybe this post is just stupid, that I'm worrying about something that has not happened yet (that he will start to not put forth effort in school) but I'd like to be as proactive as possible.

 

We are doing more cognitive testing next week and a functional MRI as part of a study.  I have no idea what I hope to gather from it.  They will not give me the results BUT they do send all the results to my neuropsych in Portland.

[maize]

No ADHD diagnosis? He sounds a lot like my ADHD kiddos except for the low working memory bit. If that were the case I would say it is time for a medication trial.

 

Honestly a lot of what you describe is pretty normal in my house, we just live with it and make sure there are lots of physical activity outlets and mental breaks. I have only six kids though, with your crew I imagine you have to run a pretty tight ship just to keep things functional.

 

Have you tried supplements?

 

One of mine who is emotionally volatile does well with audiobook breaks to calm down.

 

Sending hugs, some kids are incredibly tough to parent. My parents raised ten and one of those ten took more time and energy and resources than the other nine combined.

Edited June 30, 2016 by maize

[maize]

Was the neuropsych IQ score significantly different? The school district scored one of mine at 80 and the neuropsych at 117. Didn't give me a lot of confidence in the reliability of IQ testing.

[maize]

I'd also have him evaluated for depression symptoms, that can manifest primarily as irritability.

 

Do keep reminding yourself that whatever is going on is not your fault and is not his fault. It's just a challenge you have to face together.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Omg. Please keep my son for a few more weeks!

 

Seriously they sound identical.

 

Iq of 78, undiagnosed dyslexia, slow/lazy with many things, and low grade level.

 

My ds finished rod and staff 1st grade math in May, and finally retained it!

 

Unfortunately mine has school work behaviors. Massive behaviors. It really, really sucks.

 

Regular public school is out of the question. There's no way he'd actually learn anything. :(

 

He's been at camp all week. Comes home too tired to tantrum, and I'm realizing how much of a toll it takes on me.

[BlsdMama]

No ADHD diagnosis? He sounds a lot like my ADHD kiddos except for the low working memory bit. If that were the case I would say it is time for a medication trial.

 

Honestly a lot of what you describe is pretty normal in my house, we just live with it and make sure there are lots of physical activity outlets and mental breaks. I have only six kids though, with your crew I imagine you have to run a pretty tight ship just to keep things functional.

 

Have you tried supplements?

 

One of mine who is emotionally volatile does well with audiobook breaks to calm down.

 

Sending hugs, some kids are incredibly tough to parent. My parents raised ten and one of those ten took more time and energy and resources than the other nine combined.

 

I forgot to add that the school district was totally wrong on the IQ.  It ended up in the 90s - totally normal, jjust so impaired by dyslexia and working memory that it gave them results that they just didn't have the ability and knowledge to correctly interpret.

 

 

 

So, yes on ADD, but no on ADHD.

 

This post sounds so crappy..... :(  I enjoy this kid, love this kid, and am constantly aggravated by this kid.  I just think we all deserve better but I don't know how to not get irritated.

 

The neuropsych recommended medication.  Tell me it won't be awful.  She thinks it will give him another 3-4% of working memory -not a big deal for a neurotypical kid but HUGE in his life.

He takes fish oil, so is there something more you would recommend?  Huge amounts of greens - he is my veggie eater and could live on the stuff.  

 

I really don't want to medicate.  It has nothing to do with the medication.  Honestly, I think he's my most likely to make impulsive, not good choices in life, and I'm concerned about him getting in the habit of medicating.  Does that sound stupid?  We've been coping pretty good up until now but, ugh, I'm tortured over that decision.

 

And, yeah, I'm where your parents were, and I think we run on loose and organized time, kwim?  We have a good routine down but a lot of flexibility within that routine?  The children immediately below him (DD8 and DD10) are very academically gifted and so it has left me with a lot more time for him, but DD6 is *extremely* ADHD and appears to be dyslexic as well.  We are going to a LIPS two week teaching even to teach us to do LIPS this fall.  And so now I'm adding in another child with higher academic needs and I feel like I'm about to hit a tailspin, kwim?  We already do Barton with three.  Two of them are only mild dyslexics and such dedicated, hard workers and they retain information so easily that it isn't so hard to spend extra time on DS right now, but with the addition of La, I'm really worried I'm going to be shortchanging DS.  

 

What a juggling act.

Edited June 30, 2016 by BlsdMama

[BlsdMama]

Omg. Please keep my son for a few more weeks!

 

Seriously they sound identical.

 

Iq of 78, undiagnosed dyslexia, slow/lazy with many things, and low grade level.

 

My ds finished rod and staff 1st grade math in May, and finally retained it!

 

Unfortunately mine has school work behaviors. Massive behaviors. It really, really sucks.

 

Regular public school is out of the question. There's no way he'd actually learn anything. :(

 

He's been at camp all week. Comes home too tired to tantrum, and I'm realizing how much of a toll it takes on me.

 

 

You know, I guess when I was with him 24/7, I just didn't realize how much it drained me, kwim?  And then he goes to Grandpa's for the day or Trail Life for the evening and it's SO quiet here.  No one stirs everyone up, no one is angry or upset....

 

Then I started to realize the pattern.  Then I started to "see" how much of the pot was being stirred by just one cook, kwim?

[BlsdMama]

Was the neuropsych IQ score significantly different? The school district scored one of mine at 80 and the neuropsych at 117. Didn't give me a lot of confidence in the reliability of IQ testing.

 

Yes.  The neuropsych ended up with a low 90 - within the realm of 90.

 

I didn't see at as a fault in the IQ testing, but more in a fault of the ability of the evaluator to adeptly and adequately interpret the results.  Perhaps I'm wrong?  But the school district was simply SO off on their evaluation.  They really saw no problems with the kid except low IQ and I was certain that wasn't it.  Absolutely certain.  $1500 OOP neuropsych eval certain.... Sigh.

 

 

If I need/want to do more with him, this is the year.  Our OOP is already met.  Maybe that's what I should be looking into.  We go to the University for the research study next week.  Maybe I should be asking questions there............

[maize]

Re: medication

 

Learning to seek and utilize appropriate medical care, including medication prescribed by a doctor, is an important life skill. Maybe especially so for a person with neuropsychological difficulties.

 

My husband is alive because he eventually gave into my insistence that he seek medical care for depression. He was extremely reluctant, we have have such a social stigma against mental illnesses and medication for mental illnesses. One of the most important things I want my children to learn is that it is right and appropriate to seek medical care as needed and take advantage of the advances we have made especially for psychiatric troubles.

 

I know that at least some studies have found that kids who were medicated for AD(H)D are less likely to ever end up as substance abusers. I'm not sure what exactly your concerns are, but seeking appropriate medical care is a good thing to teach our children.

 

I would not hesitate to try a stimulant medication, they are short acting and can be taken only as needed. I'm a bit more concerned about what is driving your son's irritability. I'm no professional, but it sounds to me like your son may be struggling with both the dopamine and serotonin regulation systems in his brain. He's not going to be able to figure out how to navigate that on his own, I would be looking at all the tools available including good cognitive behavioral therapy (teach him to direct his own brain into healthier patterns) and medication that can help better regulate those systems he needs for his brain to function.

[maize]

 

 

I didn't see at as a fault in the IQ testing, but more in a fault of the ability of the evaluator to adeptly and adequately interpret the results. 

 

This is probably true, also the experience level of the tester and their patience and ability to elicit an response for a child who may be reluctant to provide one.

[Kanin]

Wow, and I get stressed sometimes with NOTHING like what you're dealing with. Here, I'm awarding you this Amazing Mom Award! :hurray:  Seriously, you are amazing. Dealing with one severely dyslexic, sensory-seeking, emotional child would be a challenge, and you've got the ten other kids. He does sound like a fun, creative, athletic kid - I hope you can figure out a way to enjoy all of those things and tone down the difficulty a little.

 

[Tiramisu]

Medication might just be the answer.

 

I know how you feel about those risks but I'm rather sure those same risks will be there without medication. I'm not sure what the studies say, but my experience leads me to believe, the risk are greater by not medicating.

 

I waited a long time to medicate for anxiety in one child and she ended up depressed and with all kinds of physical issues. After years and years of suffering a little pill helped her emotional issues and many of her physical problems, too. FWIW, has actually been diagnosed with a medical condition that causes anxiety so a lot of the therapy had limited value.

 

You would have thought I had learned my lesson after that. But once again, I waited too many years to medicate another child for ADHD symptoms. She also ended up depressed because we were always on her case. Another child started having emotional problems when the problems with her sister peaked. And recently my other child opened up about how depressed she had been at that time.

 

Life in our house was so stressful and our family relationships were very damaged. But once we medicated, so many things got better... for everyone. There is love and laughing in our home now. Other kids seem to love to come over now. When they tell me they love it here, it's still hard to believe.

 

Medication isn't the only answer, we still do therapy. But there are some situations that really are helped by it and get one to a place where the can learn skills that will help him.

 

And medication doesn't help one person, it helps everyone around him.

[maize]

One thing I keep in mind when considering medication (and yes, it is a really, really tough decision) is that while there are side effects to medications there are also side effects to not medicating--including more stress for everyone, more strained relationships, and the physical and psychological fallout of that. Those side effects are not harmless.

Edited June 30, 2016 by maize

[BlsdMama]

And I guess that's what we're seeing.... Sigh.  I was the crabbiest person in the world last night and had to address an issue with my oldest - just a request that should have been a non-issue, but I was dealing with problems with DS all day long and so then the request I made was sassy and rude rather than well said,  DD was (understandably) upset with the tone and wording of my request and there was upset all around.  And it ended with me in tears because I simply do NOT think he gets the best of me.  And I try really hard to wipe the slate clean each morning, but it's hard when a new argument crops up between the 11yo and the 6yo first thing in the AM.  Seriously?  Why are you arguing with a 6yo?  Why argue with EVERY single person?  Normally I just make sure I'm near him and head everything off, navigate the situation, and then redirect.  It works.  But, if, like today, I'm trying to make appointments for him to see the ped. to get a referral and calling the insurance company to see if they will cover any of this, then calling the University to see how to get the referral forms, well, then I will inevitably hear an argument which will escalate until I step in.  

 

Two words:

 

Walk away.

 

Just walk away - it's such a gift, DS, to just be able to set the debate down and walk away from it.  It's alright that not everyone sees your perspective.

 

 

I think it's time to go outside for a while............. Sigh.

 

Thank you all so much.

 

I have an appointment with my ped. on the 6th to begin the referral process.

And on a cognitive level he also has a functional mri with evals late next week.  

 

On the other hand, I'm so glad I have him.  He's raised my empathy level by 10,000.  I've learned SO much that makes me a better parent to the others. I just wish I had limitless patience.  I think of Corrie ten boom being thankful for everything and I really am trying, but at the same time, I will admit I wonder if she had to parent a seriously LD child if she would still be considered so wonderful?  That's wrong, right?  ;) :P

[Lecka]

This is very anecdotal, but we knew a young man who quit using nicotine after he started ADD/ADHD medication.

 

So he thought (or was told in trying to quit dipping and smoking) that he was self-medicating with the nicotine, and really the medication is much healthier for him than nicotine.

 

I am not sure but I have an impression he may have also drank and smoked pot, and also been self-medicating that way, I don't know. He just said it with the nicotine, and it seemed like a really good deal to me.

[Lecka]

Good luck with the testing, I hope it goes well and you can find something out.

 

It is frustrating!

[Heathermomster]

((hugs))

 

I have decaf coffee periodically in the evenings with a lady friend when I am feeling bad. 

 

There are some cognitive therapies that you could try.  Interactive Metronome has been used to increase wm digit spans.  Our CBT recommends 30 minutes of BrainHQ work about 5 times per week.  The therapy suposedly takes several hours to work.  There are ways to assess a baseline and then work towards increasing the percentiles.   CogMed is supposed to increase WM as well.  NAYY.

 

 

Edited June 30, 2016 by Heathermomster

[imagine.more]

I'm dealing with an identical child. Like you might have my daughter's long lost brother over there ;) 

 

The argumentativeness, especially picking fights with much-younger siblings. I say "Why are you fighting with the 5 year old?!" several times a week easily. 

 

Anger and frustration....check

 

Deliberately working slow.....check. My daughter's one big chore was to do the dishes each evening. For 2 years she did it badly. Broke tons of plates, always "by accident", and spent 2 hours every single evening loading the dishwasher and hand washing a few items. Complaints the whole time, multiple bathroom breaks during what should have been a 30 minute chore. And she never extended her task to anything else. So the counter would be a mess, the floor would have water drops and crumbs on it, the stove would be greasy, etc. At 12 I was solely responsible for our kitchen and did the whole "wash dishes, wipe down counters and stovetop and microwave, rinse the sink, hang up hand towel to dry, make sure the chairs were pushed in at the table and lights turned out ready for the next day. She at 14 still didn't do half of that and the half she did was done poorly. I'm 99% sure it's on purpose but hard to tell. 

 

I will say that ADHD meds (focalin in our case) were tremendously helpful. I didn't realize it would reduce the irritability and tantrums! I had just wanted her to improve concentration during school and not fall up the stairs every day because of hyperactivity. But apparently she had been so frustrated and down on herself because everyday tasks all felt so overwhelming and hard that she was feeling like a bad kid, which resulted in irritability, being frustrated, and then throwing fits in reaction. Now, meds didn't eliminate tantrums entirely, but they did reduce the frequency. Basically they removed the frustration tantrums so we're just dealing with occasional bad-attitude teen tantrums. 

 

Oh, and my DD does have a low IQ so I'm sure that affects things too. Even if your son's IQ is 90 I wonder if that's significantly below your family average IQ if that might be affecting his performance compared to his siblings and your own experience and so causing frustration similar to a genuinely low IQ? Like for us we have a mess of gifted IQ's for better or worse, so we struggle even more and I actually feel bad and wish sometimes we were more average and able to relate to DD more. 

 

Anyway, no big magical fix-it advice here, just lots of commiseration. We have 5 kids so far and with DD being the oldest it can be very tough. I can imagine how much you have on your plate with 11 and your more difficult child being one of your older kids. I have a 5 year old bright-but-dyslexic boy coming up who I still haven't taught to read because I am just so burnt out on remediating DD14's reading and everything else. The thought of adding another 30-60 minutes a day to teach my son to read in the same way makes me want to cry. 

[PeterPan]

When people are in the "I don't want to put this kid on medication" camp, usually we're talking 5/6/7 and people are hoping it will improve, go away.  You have a dc who is struggling to function, struggling to notice, and at this age it really matters that HE might like the improvements meds would bring. You can woodchop AND take the meds.  Nuts, you can do a 4 hour med in the mornings and then go woodchop all afternoon!  Get his school work done in that four hours.  HE might like how he feels.

 

Meds can improve social skills by helping a dc NOTICE how their behaviors are affecting others.  Right now it sounds like there's a lot he's missing.  Between that and the ADHD (which is all ADHD now with subtype) and just the extremeness of what's going on and the HABITS that are being developed here, I would want to reverse that.

 

Did the OT actually give you some kind of sensory questionaire?  Was she SIPT certified?  And did your np run the GARS, ADI-R, Vineland or other adaptive living scales, etc?  Did he diagnose a social delay, etc?  Things *can* get missed with a psych eval, even a np eval, and I think it's concerning that you're not being pointed in directions that will give complete solutions for the things you're listing.  Meds would be good, but it's meds *plus* some social skills instruction or behavioral instruction, kwim?  And if you want, start with the behavioral supports first.  The research now is showing kids who start with behavioral modification THEN go to meds actually have better outcomes than kids who do meds first than behavioral work or meds alone.  It's really sort of counter-intuitive, because you would think oh need meds to learn from the behavioral methods.  The studies are showing behavior work first, then meds.  

 

Even just your comment about how naive he is about ways his peers would act if he were in school is telling.  Something got missed or it's in the eval and you're not catching it and realizing what you can do with it or something.   Did your psych have any more suggestions/referrals?

Edited June 30, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[PeterPan]

Adding: Is it on the table to hire someone to work with him?  Maybe someone from your church or a college intern or...  They could use your materials, just sorta open and go.  That person would be fresh each morning, on time, bring clear expectations and structure, and have no distractions.  We're using a tutor now like that.  It can be a really good option.  

[kbutton]

The can't keep hands to self, the constant rubbing of ears, etc., and the arguing make me think you might want some adaptive behavior stuff run and for someone to look more broadly. The touching things, rubbing ears, etc. could be stimming or a tic. The arguing could be a lack of social understanding.

 

Or it could be attention issues and sensory seeking. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

Sending you an invite to a private support group for Middle School/high school AGE kids who struggle in some way (doesn't matter what level they are academically).

[BlsdMama]

LOL, OneStep, I requested the invite just a little while before you posted this. :D  Great minds and all that jazz.

 

Thank you everyone.  I am digesting.  I went ahead and made an appointment with the ped and asked for a referral.  The referral will go to the university and we'll redo the complete eval again.  We've hit our OOP for the year for the insurance so we may as well.  Called Blue Cross and they will cover the evals as long as it is "for the purpose of" ADD/ADHD testing.  Ironic, this is.  When we went in for learning disabilities but got the ADD diagnosis they wouldn't cover a penny, but learned our lesson there, didn't we?

 

The evals are three years old. I think it's time to pull those out again and look.  I was so bowled over by the working memory piece I really thought of the ADD as the lesser, non important, puzzle piece.  It will be interesting to re-read the evals with my more updated glasses on, kwim?

 

I asked my DD to ask her sweetie what he thinks of meds.  He's a great kid, almost 19, being quite academically/life successful NOW.... But he says middle school was a mess, lots of emotional upheaval, fights, arguments, physical, academic, emotional mess.  They had him tested for the gamut - ADHD, autism, learning issues.  The eval came up with only ADHD.  (He's one of the most dyslexic kids I've ever seen and insanely bright.)  They tried him on a couple different meds.  He did not like ritalin, they just continually upped the dose and he did feel like a zombie.  But then they gave him something different and he liked how he felt.  The only problem, he said, was that he struggled to be hungry when on it, then when it would wear off late at night, he was very hungry, would eat, and then not be hungry the next day.  He ended up losing a fair bit of weight, but he liked how it made him feel - more clear minded, able to focus, able to not get so upset.   It was very comforting to hear that from a kid who really struggled and then made it beyond, kwim?  

 

[maize]

From the perspective of someone who grew up with undiagnosed/unaddressed ADHD, it is such a frustrating place to be. I remember wondering from the time I was quite small why people thought I was trying to be bad. I wanted my parents to be happy with me, to be proud of me, but I was ALWAYS in trouble. I still don't understand how adults can get frustrated with kids for acting the way the child's brain tells them to act.

 

Kids do well if they can.

 

One of the hardest parts of ADHD is my regular failure to meet my own aspirations and expectations. I always wanted to get my homework done, but it ended up undone time after time. I wanted to keep my room clean. I wanted to do my chores. I wanted to be successful.

 

My own brain was fighting against me and that is a tough battle to fight alone and without understanding. I felt like a lazy failure.

[Ottakee]

 

I really don't want to medicate.  It has nothing to do with the medication.  Honestly, I think he's my most likely to make impulsive, not good choices in life, and I'm concerned about him getting in the habit of medicating.  Does that sound stupid?  We've been coping pretty good up until now but, ugh, I'm tortured over that decision.

 

 

I would HIGHLY suggest trying medication.  Likely they would start with a stimulant and it can take a few trials to find the right one and the correct dose but the results can be amazing.  It can be like giving a kid a pair of glasses that needs them or a person with hearing loss a set of hearing aids.  Meds can be a very helpful tool.

 

There is a lot of evidence that kids that are NOT medicated (properly and by a doctor with experience/training) are MORE likely to abuse drugs, get into big trouble in their teens/early 20s, etc.

 

The holding it together for camp/classes, etc. is VERY VERY hard for these kids.  They can do it for a short time but it is TOUGH and then the fall out at home is even worse.

 

When we started meds here, my dd gained over 2 years of academic growth in under 6 months.  She could finally concentrate long enough to learn and retain.

 

Oh, and something I just wrote to a friend of mine...........INCREASING my dd's meds has made ME a much better mother.  Dd is not nearly as irritable as well. 

 

There are risks to the meds but right now you are dealing with the side effects of not trying a med----low self esteem, high levels of frustration, poor academics, poor social/peer/sibling interactions, high levels of family stress, etc.  Those are some pretty serious side effects and need to be considered in the risk/benefit of trying meds decision.