Quiver0f10 Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 (edited) It will be a week tomorrow since ds's accident and DH feels he is fine to drive alone. We have been driving with him every day since, but honestly I am a mess thinking about him driving by himself. I really don't feel he is ready. Dh does. Am I just being an overprotective mom? Edited September 30, 2008 by Quiver0f10 spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Jean, I think it's perfectly normal that you would have those fears! I am sure you realize that an accident is quite a powerful teaching tool for a new driver, one they won't forget. Just bathe in him in prayer. Blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 He needs to know you're confident in him...it will mean the world to him...believe me, after an accident like that you are probably the SAFEST driver out on the road....the hardest part for him will be getting back and finding that he doesn't have to flinch at every intersection... There was a teen in our community (about 17 if I remember correctly) who was doing everything right...she was at a turn signal and her green arrow came on, she was the first car in line so she pulled out at the green light...a car ran the red light and broadsided her, killing her mother instantly who was sitting in the passenger seat....all she did wrong was not looking both ways at a GREEN light...sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we need to slow at caution lights, look both ways EVEN when we see green and keep a distance of 3 seconds between us and the car before us....those three tips will keep many out of an accident. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 There was a teen in our community (about 17 if I remember correctly) who was doing everything right...she was at a turn signal and her green arrow came on, she was the first car in line so she pulled out at the green light...a car ran the red light and broadsided her, killing her mother instantly who was sitting in the passenger seat....all she did wrong was not looking both ways at a GREEN light...sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we need to slow at caution lights, look both ways EVEN when we see green and keep a distance of 3 seconds between us and the car before us....those three tips will keep many out of an accident. Tara I agree - my dad always taught us kids to drive as if all the other drivers on the road were drunken idiots. OK - I know they (you folks!) are not all drunken idiots ... as I drive with my kids I talk out loud about WHY I am not immediately proceeding on green until i can SEE that the other drivers are STOPPING at red (I was once hit by an old guy who ran a red light as I turned left!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Jean, I know after my oldest son (19 at the time) had his big accident, which totalled his car and put him in the hospital, I was very, very nervous about him driving again. He had to attend an all-day driver's course as a consequence of his accident and the instructor told them that every day before they started their cars they should say to themselves, "Today could be a risky day." He repeats it often now. If I say, "Drive carefully," as he is going out the door he will smile and reply with, "Today could be a risky day." I think having a big accident has a huge effect on anyone's attitude toward driving safely. Your son is probably even more keenly aware of how risky the whole business is and will most likely be more on his guard. Your dh is doing the best thing by getting your son "back in the saddle again." I would be a nervous wreck, too, but it really is the best thing. The only way your son will improve is to actually drive. When my son was thinking about joining the Army a few months ago (same son), all I could think was that he was putting himself in harm's way and that was hard to take. He said, however, that he would be no closer to danger in Iraq than any place else on earth because he is always in the providential care of God. I know that is true but that doesn't always mean I rest fully in that truth - I am a mom and we moms worry from time to time.:) I sure know how you feel and sympathize with your concerns. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 How long has he been driving? In our state, after they complete driver's training, they have to log 50 hours/4 mos. with an adult before they can take the test for the license. After our two older girls got their 50 hours/4 mos. they took the test and got their license, but we still required they only drive with one of in the car for several ++ more months until we felt comfortable. Whenever we went anywhere, they would drive to get the experience. For both of them it was about a year before they started regularly driving on their own as I feel our state allows them to get their license too quickly. In my previous life, I was an insurance adjuster and saw way too many accidents with teen drivers, some I wish I could forget. Almost all of them were due to the inexperience of the young driver. I'm probably over-protective because of that, but I saw too many accidents that were totally avoidable. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell in SC Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 After DD wrecked the golf cart, she was a little leery of driving. She didn't want to get her permit the second she turned 15 like everyone else around here. . .when she finally was ready, I was scared (and still am to tell you the truth), but had to put it all in God's hands. I worry everytime DS goes bike riding too though, so I'm just a worry wart I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Your worries are normal. At the same time, I agree with your dh. I had a wreck when I was 16 - a bad one. A week later, I still didn't even want to get behind the wheel of a car. My mom told me about a friend of hers who would not drive after and accident and to this day, she still doesn't! I didn't want to be like that, so I did start driving again. He has to get his confidence back...and I am sure that he learned something from whatever caused this wreck. Even though the one I had at 16 wasn't my fault, there were things I could have and should have done differently. Prayers, lots of prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staci in MO Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 But I know a woman in her thirties who hasn't driven since she was in an accident as a teenager. I don't know what role her parents played in that turn of events, but her parents are still having to help drive her (and her children) the places they need to be. While I think it would be unlikely for a boy to have that extreme of a reaction, he has to start driving on his own at some point. Like the others said, your ds is probably going to be one of the most cautious drivers on the road these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 :grouphug:As a mom, I'd be worried too and encourage defensive driving. Expect everyone else to drive unsafely and drunken idiots is a good way to think of them as someone else mentioned. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Jean, Your worries are normal Mommy worries...but he will be a better driver for having had the accident. OUr youngest son, who we thought was the best prepared to drive of all 4 of our kids...had an accident and totaled our car 2 weeks after he starting driving. It really wasn't his fault, and he wasn't hurt. It made him much more cautious than he would have been otherwise. He is now aware of that split second that can change your life and he tells people that all the time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 I'm surprised he is legally allowed to drive. Did he get ticketed for the accident? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 I'm surprised he is legally allowed to drive. Did he get ticketed for the accident? Since you posted below me, I am thinking you mean me. My son was driving to his girlfriends house..meaning he knew the road well. A car load of teens came out of a field on his right and drove down the shoulder to their driveway. They were on his right side, driving the wrong way. He pulled to his left to give them room. As he passed them, he looked up again and there was a pizza delivery car doing a quick left. He had to pull right to avoid that car. He over corrected and slid into the ditch on his right, in part becasue the road had just had some work done and the shoulder was very soft...he slowly slid into a road sign totally the car. There was an off duty officer behind him who told my DH that any experienced driver would have hd a hard time in the same situation. But yes, the officer who was called ot the scene...gave my son a ticket and then he also got a bill for the road sign he hit. We actually went to court because we didn't feel the officer who gave him the ticket did his job thorougly..never ever before in my life felt the need to question an officer..but this one lied in court twice in his retelling of the accident. My son was terrified and didn't challenge him. I was not allowed to speak. So..he paid his ticket and for the road sign and became a very cautious driver. I was a wreck for a long time tho! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 I'm surprised he is legally allowed to drive. Did he get ticketed for the accident? Well, regardless of who you were referring to, I'm confused as to why you are surprised "he" is legally allowed to drive. Why wouldn't he be? Do you propose taking the privilege away from everyone who has an accident? He wasn't under the influence of a harmful substance - he just made a bad judgement call. Not sure why that means he should no longer be driving.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Share Posted September 30, 2008 Thanks everyone. He has to work tonight and I am thinking of letting him take the van and go. I am just so nervous I am tearing up at the thought. I know he needs to get back to driving though. Please say a prayer for him today . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 My post was directed to Quiver...she had written about the original accident saying that her ds has only been able to drive by himself for 3 days and that the accident was his fault. I thought in some states there is a probationary period and that with an infraction you lose your license. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Since you posted below me, I am thinking you mean me. My son was driving to his girlfriends house..meaning he knew the road well. A car load of teens came out of a field on his right and drove down the shoulder to their driveway. They were on his right side, driving the wrong way. He pulled to his left to give them room. As he passed them, he looked up again and there was a pizza delivery car doing a quick left. He had to pull right to avoid that car. He over corrected and slid into the ditch on his right, in part becasue the road had just had some work done and the shoulder was very soft...he slowly slid into a road sign totally the car. There was an off duty officer behind him who told my DH that any experienced driver would have hd a hard time in the same situation. But yes, the officer who was called ot the scene...gave my son a ticket and then he also got a bill for the road sign he hit. We actually went to court because we didn't feel the officer who gave him the ticket did his job thorougly..never ever before in my life felt the need to question an officer..but this one lied in court twice in his retelling of the accident. My son was terrified and didn't challenge him. I was not allowed to speak. So..he paid his ticket and for the road sign and became a very cautious driver. I was a wreck for a long time tho! I'm sorry, Katie. I actually meant Quiver. I should have quoted her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Well, regardless of who you were referring to, I'm confused as to why you are surprised "he" is legally allowed to drive. Why wouldn't he be? Do you propose taking the privilege away from everyone who has an accident? He wasn't under the influence of a harmful substance - he just made a bad judgement call. Not sure why that means he should no longer be driving.:confused: In Quiver's original post, she stated that her son only been able to drive by himself for 3 days and that the accident was his fault. I assumed since she wrote he had only been able to drive by himself that he was still in a probationary period with his license. In some states, a driver could lose his license for an infraction during a probationary period. Since Quiver said it was her ds's fault, I assumed he was ticketed. So, to sum up: probationary period + ticket = loss of license. That is why I was surprised he (with or without quotes) was legally allowed to drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Share Posted September 30, 2008 In Quiver's original post, she stated that her son only been able to drive by himself for 3 days and that the accident was his fault. I assumed since she wrote he had only been able to drive by himself that he was still in a probationary period with his license. In some states, a driver could lose his license for an infraction during a probationary period. Since Quiver said it was her ds's fault, I assumed he was ticketed. So, to sum up: probationary period + ticket = loss of license. That is why I was surprised he (with or without quotes) was legally allowed to drive. In AR you get your permit and then after 6 months you get your license. Then it's 6 months of driving with an adult and you can drive by yourself. It had been 3 days since he was allowed to drive alone. He did get a ticket and has to go to court November 10th, but in the meantime they didn't mention he can't drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 It will be a week tomorrow since ds's accident and DH feels he is fine to drive alone. We have been driving with him every day since, but honestly I am a mess thinking about him driving by himself. I really don't feel he is ready. Dh does. Am I just being an overprotective mom? Dr. Ben Carson faced this same dilemma with his 16 y/o son, only it was two accidents. Two of them, in a row. He and his wife decided to tell him that these things happen, he was ready (even though they agonized over it!) and that he needed to proceed on with his "growing and leaving" stage. They didn't want to hamstring his confidence and development, and felt that if they allowed him to hesitate or wait til later, his would lose a measure of strength and be possibly overcautious in facing other adversities in his life. He says that they made the right choice. I would say trust your husband on this one and give him your blessing and outwardly give him assurance of your confidence in his good sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 In Quiver's original post, she stated that her son only been able to drive by himself for 3 days and that the accident was his fault. I assumed since she wrote he had only been able to drive by himself that he was still in a probationary period with his license. In some states, a driver could lose his license for an infraction during a probationary period. Since Quiver said it was her ds's fault, I assumed he was ticketed. So, to sum up: probationary period + ticket = loss of license. That is why I was surprised he (with or without quotes) was legally allowed to drive. Oh, I get it. I don't think we have those laws in Virginia. Thanks for the clarification. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 It sounds like ya'll have handled it well so far, having him drive with you everyday. If your dh says he's ready, then it's probably ok. I'd probably be like you and try to hold back. When I was 17 I had an accident and totalled my dad's truck. It was just stupid not paying attention. I was lucky to only need stitches and have trouble walking for several weeks. And I was lucky it was just me and no other vehicle or person involved. My parents didn't let me drive again for a year. A foreign exchange student and I were going to one of my friend's homes and my dad just didn't feel like driving us so he just gave me the keys and told me not to wreck the car. It was fine, but completely nerve wracking to get in the driver seat after a year. I was soaked in sweat by the time I got less than 5 miles to my friend's house. This in my opinion was the wrong approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I had a fender bender at 17 within a couple months of receiving my license. It was 6 mos. later before I would get behind the wheel again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I'm probably no help at all. Your story has me super worried about my own soon-to-be-driving son, so I'd say no. I'd give him some more time driving with one of you in the car with him before he drives alone again..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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