The Grade 7 dilemma...

[Jess4879]

My oldest will be classified as grade 7 this fall.  She will be 13.  It seems like everything around here cuts off at that age.  Our soccer, baseball & gymnastics only go from K-6.  Even our church Sunday school only offers classes up to grade 6.  There is another church we are considering attending that has a much larger congregation and offers classes for all ages.  They also have a youth group, but it's tough to attend regularly because we don't have a reliable sitter. 

 

We have a homeschool group, but it is quite cliquey and very much centers on activities being held within the city limits, which is a good hour away from us.  I only know of a couple other families who have homeschooled past grade 6.  Lots of them tend to enroll in public school at this point.  I am feeling very lonely and worried about what the 7-12 grades are going to mean for us.  :(

[maize]

When you mention activities like soccer and gymnastics cutting off at age six, are these homeschool activities or community/business run activities?

 

The activities my children are in are community and business run activities, and all of them continue through high school. Basketball, soccer, swimming, tumbling, gymnastics, dance, and many more opportunities are available. Are none of these accessible in your area?

 

We interact. very little with other homeschoolers.

Edited March 22, 2016 by maize

[OneStepAtATime]

Agree with maize, are there no city or business run activities for older kids? If not, that is definitely concerning if things for older kids are mainly school based.

 

I was curious about needing a babysitter to attend church. Are younger children not allowed to go to that church? Are there no Sunday school classes for youngers?

 

And hugs.

Edited March 22, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[Ellie]

My dc did 4-H, ballet, marching band and more long after they were 12 (or 7th grade; mine were 12 in the 7th grade). We did our activities through community groups, not with other homeschoolers.

[almondbutterandjelly]

No lie, 7th and 8th grade are the hardest for finding social stuff.  A local church did have Upwards Basketball for 7th graders.  You might check the Upwards website for locations not too far from you.  They offer more than just basketball.  Upwards was really great.  If it's a bit of a drive for you, but doable, I would encourage you to try it.

 

Our city has sports leagues all the way through high school, and my dd did city basketball in 8th grade.

 

Other than that, we sort of re-embraced stuff done earlier on, like cake decorating classes at Joann's and building projects on Saturday mornings at Lowe's.  We also explored another church.  That was helpful for a time. 

 

We did send our dd to private school for 8th grade, though.  The friend factor was the biggest reason.  My dd did make a couple really good friends, finally, towards the end of the school year.  We are back to homeschooling, but she kept those friends.

 

So you are not alone in your experience.  ((hugs))  Best of luck.

[Luckymama]

Dd doesn't have homeschooling friends, just friendly acquaintances. Her friends come from her activities that are not school- or church-related, like ballet, Model UN and Youth in Government (both delegations are sponsored by the Y; kids do not have to be Y members).

[Jess4879]

When you mention activities like soccer and gymnastics cutting off at age six, are these homeschool activities or community/business run activities?

 

The activities my children are in are community and business run activities, and all of them continue through high school. Basketball, soccer, swimming, tumbling, gymnastics, dance, and many more opportunities are available. Are none of these accessible in your area?

 

We interact. very little with other homeschoolers.

 

These are community run activities.  Our homeschool group does not offer sports-based activities.  We are in a very rural area.  After grade 6, the schools have the only local sports teams (in our area.)  Our nearest city is about an hour away and they offer tons of stuff, but it's very competitive after the grade 6 level.  My oldest wants to play for fun, not to compete.  It's just not her thing, but she does enjoy getting out and playing. 

[Jess4879]

Agree with maize, are there no city or business run activities for older kids? If not, that is definitely concerning if things for older kids are mainly school based.

 

I was curious about needing a babysitter to attend church. Are younger children not allowed to go to that church? Are there no Sunday school classes for youngers?

 

And hugs.

 

Sorry, wasn't very clear on that.  We don't need a babysitter to attend church service - just for the youth group.  Because it is farther away, and later at night, I need a sitter to stay with the younger two while I take my oldest.  Otherwise I am trying to amuse two kids, past bed time,  in a small town where everything shuts down at 6. 

[RootAnn]

In our rural area, this is pretty true - although our local activities tend to narrow after 6th grade, there are some available through the end of 8th. Almost everything revolves around the public school once you reach high school. 

4-H, Legion baseball, Girl/Boy Scouts, private dance lessons, and a few other things are still out there - but some are still affiliated with the local school.

 

So far, our kids have so far had their group of friends in place by the end of 6th and chosen activities that don't rely on the school (art lessons, horse back riding, karate).

 

Best of luck!

[Peaceful Isle]

Could you see if she could take an art class, or maybe a group music class? My daughter is in 8th grade and finds great joy in her music and art.

Our church is the same way with the cut off at 7th grade.

Could she join the church choir? Or maybe be a junior helper in one of the kids classes ?

Just some thoughts . :)

[Sahamamama]

My girls are 11, 9, and 9, and I know just what you're saying about "things shutting down" for kids beyond 6th grade -- this upcoming year will be my oldest daughter's final year for our church's Sunday ministry, its midweek ministry, VBS, and Awana. All four activities, all things she enjoys, coming to an end at the same time. She is sad about it, too.

 

We still could continue with choir (if the director does it next year), we may sign up for a 4-H club (since my youngest two will finally be old enough), or we may look into joining American Heritage Girls (though I'm not sure I want to be out in that direction that late at night on a Monday -- bleh). I'm also not looking forward to whatever it is we'll have to do to transition our oldest daughter out of these K-6 activities into whatever is next....? Youth group? We're not sure what we think of that. I do really like and respect the youth pastor, though, so that's a positive. But youth group culture...? Not sure. I think so much depends on the specific group in question. Some groups are warm and inclusive and accepting, others not so much. It might be worth your time to take her to this youth group, if the leaders and kids seem loving, even though the logistics are rough with the younger kids. It's worth the effort, to have someone invest in and minister to your child, KWIM?

 

You'll never know if it might work to make meaningful connections, unless you try. I do know that sometimes the trying is what makes us feel lonelier, though, especially when we've put out the effort to connect, and it just doesn't work. I tell my daughter, "Well, Sweetie, you still have your sisters and your old mom!" LOL. 

 

Do you have 4-H in your area? Your girls could be in a club together, since they are both 4th grade and up.

 

But I don't really know what the solution is for our daughters, honestly I don't. On the one hand, I'm concerned that they -- my oldest, at least -- may become isolated and lonely, and not connected enough to peers. On the other hand, I'm convinced that case for connecting tweens and teens exclusively to peers is overblown in our culture. Perhaps what our daughters really need is time with us, their mothers -- as their mothers, not just as their teachers.

 

So I don't know. At least our daughters have a sister or two to make up a group of girls, right? It's hard to know how much to run here and there to try to make connections, and even harder to simply have a place to go at times. The advice I give to myself is this -- Don't underestimate the value of family time at home, mother-daughter time, father-daughter time, sister-sibling time, grandkid-grandparent time, and so on. Give your children the power of time spent in nature, the blessing of being well-rested, having free time, time for hobbies and reading, time for exercise, time to practice life skills, time to explore and just be. Most kids don't have any of this these days.

 

We have family movie nights, family game nights, family suppers, and at least one night per week with early bedtime (it's needed). We have been reading through the New Testament together, and we're nearly done. We hope to continue this with a book study next (maybe Psalms?). We do yard work together, instead of sports. The yard gets done this way, we're not going in seven different directions, and we all get exercise. ;)

 

On a good day, LOL, I think they will be okay, but I do worry sometimes. I wish you all the best as you raise your girls.

Edited March 23, 2016 by Sahamamama

[Jess4879]

My girls are 11, 9, and 9, and I know just what you're saying about "things shutting down" for kids beyond 6th grade -- this upcoming year will be my oldest daughter's final year for our church's Sunday ministry, its midweek ministry, VBS, and Awana. All four activities, all things she enjoys, coming to an end at the same time. She is sad about it, too.

 

We still could continue with choir (if the director does it next year), we may sign up for a 4-H club (since my youngest two will finally be old enough), or we may look into joining American Heritage Girls (though I'm not sure I want to be out in that direction that late at night on a Monday -- bleh). I'm also not looking forward to whatever it is we'll have to do to transition our oldest daughter out of these K-6 activities into whatever is next....? Youth group? We're not sure what we think of that. I do really like and respect the youth pastor, though, so that's a positive. But youth group culture...? Not sure. I think so much depends on the specific group in question. Some groups are warm and inclusive and accepting, others not so much. It might be worth your time to take her to this youth group, if the leaders and kids seem loving, even though the logistics are rough with the younger kids. It's worth the effort, to have someone invest in and minister to your child, KWIM?

 

You'll never know if it might work to make meaningful connections, unless you try. I do know that sometimes the trying is what makes us feel lonelier, though, especially when we've put out the effort to connect, and it just doesn't work. I tell my daughter, "Well, Sweetie, you still have your sisters and your old mom!" LOL. 

 

Do you have 4-H in your area? Your girls could be in a club together, since they are both 4th grade and up.

 

But I don't really know what the solution is for our daughters, honestly I don't. On the one hand, I'm concerned that they -- my oldest, at least -- may become isolated and lonely, and not connected enough to peers. On the other hand, I'm convinced that case for connecting tweens and teens exclusively to peers is overblown in our culture. Perhaps what our daughters really need is time with us, their mothers -- as their mothers, not just as their teachers.

 

So I don't know. At least our daughters have a sister or two to make up a group of girls, right? It's hard to know how much to run here and there to try to make connections, and even harder to simply have a place to go at times. The advice I give to myself is this -- Don't underestimate the value of family time at home, mother-daughter time, father-daughter time, sister-sibling time, grandkid-grandparent time, and so on. Give your children the power of time spent in nature, the blessing of being well-rested, having free time, time for hobbies and reading, time for exercise, time to practice life skills, time to explore and just be. Most kids don't have any of this these days.

 

We have family movie nights, family game nights, family suppers, and at least one night per week with early bedtime (it's needed). We have been reading through the New Testament together, and we're nearly done. We hope to continue this with a book study next (maybe Psalms?). We do yard work together, instead of sports. The yard gets done this way, we're not going in seven different directions, and we all get exercise. ;)

 

On a good day, LOL, I think they will be okay, but I do worry sometimes. I wish you all the best as you raise your girls.

We do have 4-H, so I have been checking in to that.  The club sort of shrunk for several years and only included beef, but apparently it's expanded recently to include other projects, so fingers crossed!! 

 

Normally I am very excited about where we live and the experiences we get because of it...but there are days when it definitely feels like a case of "living in the boonies."  LOL 

 

If nothing else, I think this has lit a bit of a fire under me to create opportunities.  I am going to see if there is any interest is starting a youth group gym night, or something in the town nearest to us.  Or maybe a book club...something.  Anything.  Either that or we'll just adopt a few teens and form our own teams??  ;)

[MEmama]

Can she participate in activities/clubs/sports with your local middle school? Mine keeps very active that way.

 

How about volunteer positions?

 

We don't have much interaction with other homeschoolers. We just find other stuff in our wider community. 13 is a great age for finally being able to do more grown up things like volunteering, babysitting, working with younger kids, etc. It's a transition age in many ways.

[Sahamamama]

We do have 4-H, so I have been checking in to that.  The club sort of shrunk for several years and only included beef, but apparently it's expanded recently to include other projects, so fingers crossed!! 

 

Normally I am very excited about where we live and the experiences we get because of it...but there are days when it definitely feels like a case of "living in the boonies."  LOL 

 

If nothing else, I think this has lit a bit of a fire under me to create opportunities.  I am going to see if there is any interest is starting a youth group gym night, or something in the town nearest to us.  Or maybe a book club...something.  Anything.  Either that or we'll just adopt a few teens and form our own teams??  ;)

 

Another board member here, Hunter, posted once about how rural parents seem to worry about not providing "urban activities" for their kids, and how urban parents worry about not providing "rural activities" for their kids! ;) I'll try to find that post, because I think she had good insight.

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/576162-revised-how-would-you-home-school-high-school-without-internet-and-without-lots-of-driving/?p=6702286

 

If you scroll down a bit, to Pen's post (#29, I think), you'll see that she says what you're saying: That the typical "rural education" in her area IS to send the kids to public school, because that becomes the all-in-one -- the academics, the social, the sports, the clubs.

[...................]

My oldest will be classified as grade 7 this fall.  She will be 13.  It seems like everything around here cuts off at that age.  Our soccer, baseball & gymnastics only go from K-6.  Even our church Sunday school only offers classes up to grade 6.  There is another church we are considering attending that has a much larger congregation and offers classes for all ages.  They also have a youth group, but it's tough to attend regularly because we don't have a reliable sitter. 

 

We have a homeschool group, but it is quite cliquey and very much centers on activities being held within the city limits, which is a good hour away from us.  I only know of a couple other families who have homeschooled past grade 6.  Lots of them tend to enroll in public school at this point.  I am feeling very lonely and worried about what the 7-12 grades are going to mean for us.  :(

 

We ran into the same problem here.  I involved both my kids in swimming at age 12 and my son was able to come up from behind and actually he is getting almost A times now, and enjoys the fellowship and camaraderie on the swim team. If your daughter is athetic and driven, swimming is one sport you can actually start late and do pretty well at. Also, as my son neared high shcool more things opened up for him in the tech areas.  Sometimes there is more available and going on for high schoolers, than for middle schoolers!

 

It didn't work out for my daughter with swimming, and I put her in a co-op.  It seemed like a great idea but hasn't worked out and we pulled her just before the end of this school year.  I was really worried about her too.  But we realized there are still lots of things to do.  At the library we found a crocheting club, and a tween book club that actually chooses nice books.  We found an art class she now goes to.  We also found that she loves the sewing classes for kids once a month at the local sewing store.  We also try to invite a friend over once a week on Thursday afternoon, and one friend likes to sleep over once a month!  If you really keep searching you should be able to find lots of things.  My dd can continue with her sports co-op through high school so that helps.....although we end up just taking walks and biking together a lot to get more exercise, since obviously once a week is not enough.

 

I would encourage you NOT to switch churches until you spend a looonnnngggg time there visiting, like up to a year.  It takes a lonnnnnggg time to know how a church really is, how the people really accept you, what they are really teaching, and even whether the Youth Group is worth the visit.  Also, you can take your daughter to their youth group right away without switching churches.  Everyone will undersatnd your situation!  The people in your church will understand why you are elsewhere because they care about your dd and they will want what is best for her.  The people at the new church will view her as an added ministry, and that is always near and dear to a youth leader's heart.  

 

So, keep trying.  It may take months to find different things, and you may have to keep asking and looking but I would not worry yet!

 

((hugs))  It's the weird part of homeschooling, that we have to be social coordinators!!!

[...................]

Also, I also plan a party whenever there is a lot of down time, and no one is sick, etc. Some food, a few crafts, and you're good to go!

[mom2scouts]

It is sad that so many activities end at that age or become school based. Here's an idea you could try. A family told me that they didn't want their children to play on football teams until high school, but the boys wanted to play. They invited all their football loving friends to a weekly pick up type game at the same place and time. Since your children are more interested in recreational play than competitive play, maybe something like this could satisfy their desire to play and socialize. Maybe there are other parents who would like to homeschool through high school, but are running into the same problem you are having. Can you talk to those with upper elementary/middle school homeschooled children and see if they would work with you to provide some opportunities?

 

I don't know if these ideas will work, but maybe it's worth a try. My own 13 year old gets along with others, but hasn't found a real friend to do stuff with him, so I do understand the feeling of isolation at this age.

[kolamum]

It's the same here in our town too.. the idea being that children {where we live} in Grade 7 are in highschool & thus can join team sports, or have jobs & highschool, &.. It can be really frustrating!