What if you need quiet time?

[Janeway]

It is 9:30am about. And as usual, my 11 yr old is talking to me at a million words a minute. Ok, maybe not that many, but he comes close. I cannot think straight. I cannot keep a straight line of thoughts. If I don't hear what he says, well, he throws in questions to affirm that I am listening and catches me.

 

I feel bad when I do not listen. But he got up at 8am and I cannot think straight. I had started an email to my younger child's teacher an hour and a half ago and still have not finished because he won't stop talking. I finally told him enough! He needs to sit down and do his school work. He did leave the room, but all he did was go to his brother and is talking his brother's head off. I came here to make a post about this.

 

I feel like I hurt his feelings telling him he has to stop talking. But seriously, cannot function when he is doing this. He is given lots of time throughout the day. Plus, on any given day, we are in the car a certain amount and can chat that entire time. Three days a week, we are in the car for two hours. But on any given day, we are in the car for a portion of time. Plus, we have lots of time throughout the day. I have never seen a child talk so much. Well <blush> except me. I think my grandparents must have wished this on me! LOL. One day, Grandpa turns to Grandma and says "why does she talk so much?" LOL..bless them! OK..so..my little nut fell from my nut tree. How do I deal with my own personal "little me" who talks as much as I did at his age? I am on sensory overload here and wound up from all the talking!

[73349]

I think being straightforward with him when he's getting started is best. "_______________, now is not a good time to talk, because I am writing to someone. Please save this topic for later or write me a note."

 

There's no need for anybody to get upset because you can't give him your attention every minute.

[HomeAgain]

Ditto to Whitehawk.

 

I tell my kids they deserve my full attention.  If I cannot give it to them, I will stop them, tell them I will be with them in X minutes, and send them on their way.

[regentrude]

He is old enough to learn that there are times when he needs to be quiet and do his work. You do not need to feel bad for telling him to work quietly, or to leave you in peace while you do an important task. We're not talking about a 5 year old here.

"I need you to be quiet and do your reading/math worksheet/project...while I write this email. I can talk with you when we both have finished."

Repeat ad nauseam.

[BooksandBoys]

I recommend noise canceling headphones. Not only do they take the edge off of the noise (they don't block it out, just damper it), but they offer a visual signal to a child that you are not available for conversation. I use mine a lot.

[theelfqueen]

SUSTAINED SILENT READING.

;) Emphasis on Silent.

 

[Gil]

Tranquilizers? My kid is a motormouth, I've gotten advice and commiseration about him on this board.

Someone said that they explicitly taught conversation skills starting around 8 years old.

Someone else said that they hide in their room.

I've been assured that snapping and pleading with them to just shut for 2 minutes does not help, so I haven't tried it yet, but some nights it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, be frank with him, but make it clear he isn't a bad person, he just needs to moderate his impulse to verbalize all waking thoughts.  DS is like this.  Unfortunately, he was hardwired to talk and talked very, very early, all.the.time.  I can handle it.  DH cannot.  Neither can DD.  Unfortunately, the way they dealt with it was to turn it entirely on DS, as if he failed in some way.  It hurt his self-esteem.  

 

Work on maybe a signal or code word or a sign you can put up that means for a set amount of time he cannot talk to you, and make it clear it is not because you don't care about what he has to say but that you need time to think and get work done, too, time when things are quiet.  (Noise canceling headsets might also be a great idea, like posted upthread).

 

You might also discuss that he may not have developed a good inner voice yet, so verbalizing is how he processes but it is important for him to proactively try to develop that inner voice.  Maybe set a timer each day for even just 15 minutes to start with.  Ask him to try thinking his thoughts instead of verbalizing them.  Try having an internal conversation with just himself.  It won't be easy at first but this is a good life skill to have.

 

Also, don't wait until the breaking point to say something.  Then it comes across as you being angry with him as a person and neither one of you is actually addressing the situation itself.  Maybe set a timer for discussion, and when the timer is done tell him you are walking away for a bit to get other things done while he works.  Emphasize how it is not that you don't care or that his words have no value but that if you are inundated with those words you cannot take time to think about them or process your own thoughts.

 

Good luck!

[Ellie]

You are describing my brother. I am not joking when I say that my mother once had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for several days, largely because of my brother's non-stop talking. In her face. Because he couldn't help himself. *This close* to her, such that he was breathing  on her.

 

:blink:

 

He became a pastor when he grew up. :laugh:

 

By all means, kiss his neck and tell him to go away. You will probably not be able to make him actually be quiet (during "sustained silent reading" he will talk to himself) but he can learn to go away for a short period of time. He can also learn  to give his siblings some space.

[need2read]

My 14 year old is a motormouth. It is getting better but yes there have been and still are times when I just need him to shut up for five minutes or I will lose my mind. Luckily my washer and dryer are in my walk in closet. When I am in there with them both running I cannot hear anything else so I sometimes go hide in there for a few minutes. He gets mad that he yells for me and I don't answer and I just say Sorry, didn't hear you! If it's an emergency he knows he has permission to just barge in without knocking so I don't feel too badly about doing it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Critterfixer]

Both boys go at me from sunrise to sunset sometimes. As they are getting older, they are also beginning to realize the value of quiet space--both are as introverted as their Mum. However, they love to share thoughts and ideas as they arrive in their brains, and I try to be generous. But I do require some time for writing, and I am simply not available. I have a sign posted on the back of my laptop that spells this out: "If it isn't about blood, fire or mortal peril, I don't want to hear about it. Mom is writing." When the sign is up, Mom is out. Often I write with music playing, and that's another good way to signify to both boys that I'm just not going to listen when it's my time to work.

The sign works pretty well. 

[Gil]

Here are a couple of the threads I started while questing for ways to make my eldest STFU for a few minutes. He's still a work in progress, but at least it's progress.

Thread 1 and Thread 2

 

If you find a way to make your kid be quiet for a few minutes at regular intervals then please come back and share.

[displace]

My DS7 is similar. I started instituting a quiet play time (or audiobook or independent stuff he needs to do that isn't quite school but necessary for us-like mazes). If he disturbs me (or makes DD scream) before I get him to do his work, we start back on school immediately.

 

This is not a set time except after lunch. Every other time is random and I say I need to do X so play for 10 min.

 

I frequently find it can take me hours to do simple computer work (check email, make purchases online, make lists for the library request). I theoretically wake up early to do those things before kids wake up but frequently get up late or just use that for me time.

 

In the car we listen to audiobooks or computer tablet school games. I can listen or tune out or drive. Sometimes DS will want to discuss the book and I feel guilty not listening sometimes so I tend to choose things I want to listen to as well.

[KSinNS]

Amen to setting limits. Kids need to learn that you are a human being with stuff to do, too. It's hard, but it is okay to say not right now. Plus, he needs to learn to be considerate, because no one other than you will ever listen to him that long. I say this as a motormouth myself, and the mom of a few :-).

[stutterfish]

Give them audio books/music on a tablet with headphones (it's hard to talk and listen at the same time)

Find a friend who talks as much as your child does and encourage them to spend time on long walks together. :)

Encourage them to write a daily diary/ ongoing story or produce a magazine. If they're not keen on writing, get them to go digital - create a weekly podcast and upload it, or type a blog, or make their own movies. I.e. use the skill they have for talking and channel it productively... They might make a brilliant radio or TV presenter in 10 years time :)

 

(BTW I had one like this, drove me crazy at times. Personally, I think it's a sign of a bright mind and an aural/oral-style learner. As mine has got older he's become brilliant at giving presentations and doing demos for audiences because he can think on his feet, is never short of interesting anecdotes...and there is never ever an awkward silence ;) ! )

Edited February 5, 2016 by stutterfish

[stutterfish]

(BTW, hang in there. In my experience the self-consciousness that arrives with puberty often helps kids develop some control over their verbal diarrhoea...and peer conformity will sort out the rest. At least that's what I've noticed in boys. From what I've seen of girls, puberty can make that verbal diarrhoea get a whole lot worse! ;) )

Edited February 5, 2016 by stutterfish