Homeschooling w/anxiety and depression

[MaryMak07]

Has anyone homeschooled through bouts of (or chronic) anxiety and/or depression? What helped/helps?

[forty-two]

I have a history of depression and I get hit by seasonal depression each winter (I also have anxiety problems, but they mostly don't affect homeschooling). Probably the biggest thing that has helped is having a set routine, one that becomes habitual, so that on bad days once I stumble out of bed I kind of fall into my morning routine out of habit. When I'm depressed, I have no energy for making decisions or figuring things out, and left to my own devices I will lose myself in a book or the web for hours. But with a habitual routine, it doesn't take any thought - I just go through the motions and it keeps life going.

 

Other helpful things are creating healthy habits when I'm feeling good, so that I've got stuff that helps boost my mental health in my routine. For me that's the usual exercise and sleep and personal care stuff, healthy, easy food to eat, some stress relief stuff, and positive things to fill my day with (to help keep effortless distracting time wasters from taking over). I also prioritize practicing my faith (Lutheran Christian, so my priorities are to hear God's Word and receive His Sacraments (to strengthen my faith) as well as make sure my routine is centered around living out my faith).

 

Other practicalities that help is to really streamline my hs'ing, so that everything is open and go, and that everything that can be prepped ahead of time (while I'm feeling good) is done and available for use. I also prioritize my day, so the important things are done first (I tend to be at my best first thing and fall off from there). Basically (when I'm feeling good), I look at what falls apart on bad days and what manages to get done, analyze why, and figure out how to make all the important things doable with the few resources I have on bad days.

 

Mostly everything falls under two headings: things I do to increase my functioning on bad days (routines, that include the things that give me the biggest bang for my buck, mental health wise), and things I do to decrease the amount of effort it takes to do things (routines fit here, too, plus planning ahead, streamlining, making things simple and open and go). There's a decent bit of trial and error involved, in analyzing what good habits help most in increasing my ability to function, and what sorts of things tend to trip me up. It's been a process, and I'm still working at it, but I get more done every year :).

 

:grouphug:

[klmama]

OP, sorry you're having a rough time of it.  Is this a seasonal thing?  Do you have a blue light to use in the a.m.?  You might try that when you first get up or while eating breakfast, and go for a walk outside then or over the lunch hour.  The light exposure helps your body adjust daytime and nighttime properly, and the exercise can make a difference for both anxiety and depression.  You might also consider having your vitamin D levels checked - low levels can really do a number on the emotions.  Also, if you tend to forget to listen to music while you are feeling anxious or down, set up some upbeat, cheerful music to play whenever you can listen.  Maybe have a dance time with the dc every day, or listen on earbuds or headphones while they work.  Little things like that can make a difference.  I hope you find some things that work for you!

 

[abba12]

Yep, I homeschool with CPTSD, and it's associated anxiety, plus seasonal depression, and one month of the year where I hardly function. For various complicated reasons, and with the guidance of a therapist, I do not take any medication. 

 

It's hard.

 

First and foremost, being honest with the kids has been vital. They know when mummy 'gets bad stuff in her head' and to let me have some quiet time. They know that if I have an impatient day it isn't their fault, and I try to remind them of that on the evenings of those days. If I have a bad turn, they know some very basic things they can do, both for me and for themselves. I worry that being around me full time could be damaging because I am not entirely stable, so I am very conscious of communicating with them, that things aren't their fault, and explaining things so they aren't scared, and then just trying to make life as normal for them as possible. They seem to be doing well despite me, thank God. 

 

Getting a good start in the morning helped me immensely. If I wake up, dawdle around, sit on my computer for 20 minutes (which turns into an hour)  I struggle a LOT, especially when I am depressed, and likely the day will fall apart. If I get up, get a nice breakfast ready that actually takes a little prep (chopping fruit and getting out yogurt instead of just pouring cereal) and get dressed immediately, to get stuck in early, I fare a lot better through the day.

 

Know your limitations. For me, things will not happen after lunch. I work on momentum, once I stop for lunch I am usually done and the emotional exhaustion and whatever intrusive thoughts I've been putting out of my mind take over. So I plan for an early start, and don't bother planning afternoon activities. I also know that a lot of hands on stuff will stress me out. I wish I could be that mum. I'm not. I accept it, and only plan for one hands on activity a week that DH does, or I leave certain things until DH comes home.

 

I can't achieve in a day what a 'normal' person can, I need to accept and plan for that. I don't know how this applies for you, but for me, dealing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks of CPTSD, and working on whatever issue I am tackling that week, is a huge load, like another part time job for me. My husband sees it that way, and says that my 'job' of taking care of myself is more important than the house being clean, or the 'extras' getting done, that he can help with those things but only I can keep myself healthy. If I neglect working on issues, and try to ignore/push away all the intrusive thoughts instead of letting myself process them, I will become an anxious, hardly-functioning mess, so giving myself that time and space each day is a preventative measure so I don't crash and burn. We've done various things to facilitate this. Quiet time (or, at least go outside and play and leave mummy alone time) is a necessity at our house. We have also, at times, had house cleaners come in because in between homeschooling, my health, and my own part time job, trying to clean would push me too far and cause me to not cope. It's a balancing act, doing as much as you can without tipping the scales and having it fall apart in an anxious, self-hating mess. 

 

Open and go curriculum, independent work. As good as some parent-intensive programs are, they aren't for me. I need books I can open, and just do, because if it requires prep I know at this stage in my life it won't happen. I'm fostering independence in my children very young, for multiple reasons, one of them being that when I have bad turns I need THEM to feel confident that they are safe, secure, and can manage without me. Unfortunately our family doesn't have the luxury of letting them rely on me completely. So even as early as K/1st, obviously some things will require me out of necessity, and I supervise wherever I can to ensure they're forming the correct habits with letters etc, but wherever possible I'm teaching them to be confident doing things alone when needed. I am there watching and helping nearly every day I can, but the only subjects my eldest NEEDS me for at this stage is reading lessons (she does explode the code independently though), half of math (she does 2+2=5 independently though) and some of her logic book. Otherwise, she can do enough independently to count as a full light day of school if I just give her the books. This is NOT the ideal and rarely happens. But some days I get hit with a panic attack, and it helps immensely to be able to say 'go pull out your math facts book and do the next page, then do this page of handwriting, and I'll check it over shortly' as I head to my bedroom to calm down. I've achieved this mostly by having her do just one book per day completely independently, and rotating which book that is every day, so 4 days a week I'll watch her complete her handwriting and correct her strokes/posture/whatever, and the 5th day I'll have her do it alone and just look at the end. 4 days a week I'll watch her do her math and correct mistakes immediately, help guide etc, and then on the (different) 5th day, I'll give her the book and tell her which pages to do. (not on new-content days, obviously. If a crisis happened on a new-content day math would just have to be skipped), My goal right now is that my eldest will be able to continue school, or at least light school, during the month I am barely able to function next year, and I think we are well on our way to doing that. My long-term goal is that by 3rd grade, the kids are CAPABLE (but not actually doing every day)  of working the whole day independently. This is much earlier than most homeschoolers, but I've (sadly) chosen curriculum to facilitate this, and unfortunately for us, it's not really optional. By 3rd/4th grade, skipping days and weeks will actually effect their learning, and we don't have the luxury of them being able to rely on me completely. As much as I might like to do some parent-intensive curricula, and love the look of them, I have to prioritize the children being able to do them alone when needed so unfortunately they're not options for us, as much as I'd love them to be. (and now you're seeing the depressed part of me that feels like I'm cheating the kids out of the education they should have, even though I know I've spent many many hours finding the best independent curriculum possible, and creating my own programs to merge some curriculum where the downsides of one were offset by the upsides of another, like in math. Sorry, this is a hard topic for me, but an important one for any family dealing with a homeschooling parent who may, without warning, be unavailable/not coping/called away at times.)

 

Be flexible but get it done, make it a flexible priority. Don't plan for a day, plan for a week (or even, for some people, month!). If school doesn't happen on Wednesday, don't just write the day off, perhaps do school Saturday, or do an extra lesson or two Thursday and Friday. But don't get into the habit of just skipping bad days, because you'll feel behind and begin to feel anxiety and issues over that, and it'll be harder to keep on track during sort-of-bad days in the future. This winter I struggled and school was dropped for weeks, we fell 'behind'. Fortunately my kids are too young for that to be too worrying, but it taught me now rather than when it really matters, that if I begin skipping days when it's hard, it'll get worse and I'll begin skipping weeks, and things will fall off track. 

 

Plan at your good times. This summer I had a week where I felt motivated to plan, so I took advantage of it, DH took over everything else and I single mindedly planned for a week. It has helped a lot on bad weeks to have everything organized and laid out in weekly plans for me. 

 

So, know your limitations, work hard at your best time of day, make sure you get time and space and communicate the situation with your kids, be willing to accept and let go of perfection, use curriculum that can just be opened and done, teach your kids to be as independent as they are capable of for times of crisis/bad turns, even if most days you intend to be sitting right with them for lessons, and be flexible but firm with yourself, and plan as much as you can during good times.

[Pegs]

I don't think I could parent safely or homeschool on the medications I'd be prescribed if I were to seek medical support for mental health difficulties, so I'm not on any. Different strokes.

 

I like having a general sequence of daily activities established, so that if I'm having a slow day, I just Do The Next Thing.

 

I've also learnt to adapt rather than write off an entire day when things are tough. The CBT style work I've done WRT my chronic pain have also been really helpful for things like low mood, fatigue, anxiety. I'm fairly skilled at heading off catastrophic thoughts and gnawing ruminations, and I think it's made a significant difference to my quality of life, and to how well I can function as a parent and tutor.

[forty-two]

Be flexible but get it done, make it a flexible priority. Don't plan for a day, plan for a week (or even, for some people, month!). If school doesn't happen on Wednesday, don't just write the day off, perhaps do school Saturday, or do an extra lesson or two Thursday and Friday. But don't get into the habit of just skipping bad days, because you'll feel behind and begin to feel anxiety and issues over that, and it'll be harder to keep on track during sort-of-bad days in the future. This winter I struggled and school was dropped for weeks, we fell 'behind'. Fortunately my kids are too young for that to be too worrying, but it taught me now rather than when it really matters, that if I begin skipping days when it's hard, it'll get worse and I'll begin skipping weeks, and things will fall off track.

 

 

I've also learnt to adapt rather than write off an entire day when things are tough. The CBT style work I've done WRT my chronic pain have also been really helpful for things like low mood, fatigue, anxiety. I'm fairly skilled at heading off catastrophic thoughts and gnawing ruminations, and I think it's made a significant difference to my quality of life, and to how well I can function as a parent and tutor.

 

Learning to regroup after a bad morning (or a bad day) and get *something* done, instead of just writing the whole day off at 10am because I started badly, or the whole week off because of a bad Monday and Tuesday - that has been a huge step for me.  And making school a priority - putting it up there with getting kids fed every day - has been important - so that I'm not waiting till I "feel up to doing school", but instead am committed to trying my darnedest to do *something* every day.  The whole "nibbled to death by ducks" approach - it doesn't always feel like much, but it adds up over time.

[MaryMak07]

This is all so helpful. It has been my hearts desire to homeschool since my oldest was born. After my daughter I have had some postpartum depression and anxiety (likely influenced by losing a very close loved one less than 3 weeks before she was born, my toddler having a broken leg my last 6 weeks of pregnancy, financial stress and husband in his last semester of grad school writing a thesis and working on top of it). Anyhow, I never had anything diagnosed before this but it's been awful.

 

One of my anxieties/worries is that I won't be able to homeschool because of these things (which still are not gone but also high likelihood of recurrence). Then that makes me depressed, and it spirals. Hearing from you ladies has been an encouragement. Thank you.

[Plink]

This is all so helpful. It has been my hearts desire to homeschool since my oldest was born. After my daughter I have had some postpartum depression and anxiety (likely influenced by losing a very close loved one less than 3 weeks before she was born, my toddler having a broken leg my last 6 weeks of pregnancy, financial stress and husband in his last semester of grad school writing a thesis and working on top of it). Anyhow, I never had anything diagnosed before this but it's been awful.

 

One of my anxieties/worries is that I won't be able to homeschool because of these things (which still are not gone but also high likelihood of recurrence). Then that makes me depressed, and it spirals. Hearing from you ladies has been an encouragement. Thank you.

Just because you have struggled, don't let yourself assume that it will never get better.  Your life has been chaotic.  It will not always be so.  Yes, stress will always be present in our lives, but with proper treatment, you can learn to handle it well.  Homeschooling is not something to rule out because of a single episode of PPD/Anxiety.  

 

That said, make sure you are getting the treatment you need to be a good mom.  Talk with your doctor, see a counselor who can help you to check your catastrophic thoughts, and take care of yourself physically.  You can do this, but don't assume that it will necessarily get better on its own.  Be proactive and you can make your dream of homeschooling a reality.

[mellifera33]

These are the things that help me:

 

I am sitting in front of my SAD light right now. I find it very helpful in the gloomy months.

 

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

 

Don't catastrophize. Missing one subject doesn't undo the rest of the subjects that got done. One unsuccessful lesson doesn't mean the day, the curriculum, the month, is ruined.

 

Have a routine.

 

Get outside and get some exercise.

 

Find time for hobbies and relaxation.

 

Find time to just play with and enjoy the kids. 

 

 

Now I'm off to try to remember all of this today!

[Coco_Clark]

You figure out your stressors and you make your health #1 priority.

 

For ME triggers include: lazy mornings (turn into lazy days, like someone else mentioned I need to get up and moving and it needs to be at the same time every day), not getting enough exercise, and not getting enough down-time (aka, too much soicilalization).

 

Sometimes you have to give up the ideal for your reality, if that makes sense. My kids go 2 half-days a week to an umbrella school. I'd rather be 100% homeschooling, but honestly I need the break (and the socialization for the kids that I don't need to be a part of). Others may end up using more independent programs than they wish, or ect and so on. You can't compare, I guess is what I'm getting at. Or hold yourself to the standard of a healthy person.

 

I highly recommend therapy. Highly. It's expensive and I get that but I still think you prioritize it. Give up cable, or lattes, or prime, or the fancy cell phone. Ask for donations for Christmas. Do what you have to to get good therapy. That may go along with a prescription, I've had seasons on and off anti-anxiety meds.

 

I love what's been said about routines. I get into big decision fatigue. And when I'm spiraling every decision can seem like life or death. Minimizing the choices you make every day is integral. Honestly, I've found that kids love the daily/weekly routines too. We even have set breakfasts and lunches for days of the week so I'm not always deciding what to feed them. Note- I'm NOT talking about a schedule, something you can fall BEHIND on. I'm talking about a routine- an order of events. Think big blocks of time!

 

Basically, yes you can do it. But not without being really proactive about your health. And Id even say not without assessing every once and a while to make sure it's working. If it's not, you have to be able to admit that it's not.

[J-rap]

I agree with another poster that you shouldn't assume things won't get better for you.  In fact, I would assume the opposite!  You have had a lot of stressors in your life, and hopefully things will smooth out as those become more part of your past instead of the present.

 

I homeschooled with quite severe depression (due to circumstances) when my kids were in high school.  I can honestly say that homeschooling was the only thing that kept me sane during those years.  I loved having my kids around and it was a great distraction for me.  When I was actually working with them, I could completely forget my depression and grieving.

[Jackie]

I've had chronic depression since childhood and anxiety issues since my teen years. (I'm in my late 30s now.) I've tried the meds, ALL of them, and they have no positive effect for me. They do work miracles for some people, so do talk to your doctor. The following is what does work for me:

 

- Sleep. A solid average of 9 hours a night is necessary for my well-being.

 

- Getting dressed every day and getting out of the house frequently. I schedule activities for/with my kid that require leaving the house most days of the week. I tend to isolate when I'm depressed and the enforced mingling with the outside world is necessary.

 

- Finding meaning. I volunteer. I use what skills I have to help others, even if only in very small ways. It helps to know that I'm doing something worthwhile when I'm feeling especially crappy about everything.

 

- Playing to my strengths. I'm naturally good at organizing and scheduling. I'm better at big picture than with small details. I am not naturally good at big, involved projects. I do a lot of my big planning during the warmer, sunnier months (when I'm likely to be functioning at my best) so that I can simply fall back on my plans in the cold, gray winter months (when I'm likely not doing so well). I try to outsource some of the crafty stuff that I suck at.

 

- Realistic expectations. Knowledge of cognitive behavioral techniques helps here. I get down on myself and have to check whether I'm holding myself to reasonable expectations. I also have to set some minimal expectations for myself and then a separate set of what I would like to get accomplished if there is time and energy left over.

[Mommy22alyns]

Sleep, which isn't always possible for me.

Meds, I need them, plain and simple.

Things the girls can do independently.

[SeaConquest]

For me, meds + sleep + a yearly plan + me time + a supportive husband = successfully homeschooling with bipolar disorder and anxiety.

[...................]

1. bring it out into the light. Share it with all you friends and family and have a person to call!!! AND THEN< CALL!  Do NOT struggle alone.  

 

2. Get professional help.  Yes, if you find the right person she can literally turn it around for you and with you.

 

3.  Exercise!

 

4.  Not too much caffeine, because you need to sleep.  Sleep produces seratonin and so you have to exercise and limit caffeine so you can sleep.

 

5.  Ear plugs. Sleep deprivation is a big cause of anxiety/depression.

 

6. proper diet- too much sugar, not enough food, low sugar levels, hyperthyroidism, can all affect you just like anxiety.

 

7.  Get out and do stuff.  I think staying home too much became a weird cyclical thing for me.  I would get tired and overwhelmed when I packed my days too full, then I would cut back and cut back and cut back till we were only getting out about once a week and even then to the same venues, and then I would feel lonely and depressed and then even more overwhelemed when we did something unusual/out of the box. etc.

 

8.  Preparedness.  Have things you need on hand:  GPS, snacks, food, water, blankets in the car, a plan, and people to call if things go wrong.  with two very loud, active little kids, low blood sugar, not a lot of extra money and anxiety, sometimes I would go out because I was feeling good and wanted to seize the moment only to end up with anxiety because I really wasn't prepared, not even on a level that any normal person would be prepared.  How many people really run our of the house without clear directions, snacks, water, and with a bunch of loud kids, etc.  Of course thinking you can prepare for everything can backfire because you have to be OK with it, if things don't go just your way.  But in the beginning, being prepared can help get you ove rhte hump and out the door more often.

 

Pray.  God is a healer.  

[...................]

Oh, I wanted to say that volunteering is a biggie for me too. Getting out of my "box" and into other roles (Sunday School teacher, Swim team coordinator, guest teacher at CO-op,) and getting to weekly Bible study with people who aren't just homeschool moms...these things are very important...getting out of the house with regular things to look forward to...very important!  

[abba12]

8.  Preparedness.  Have things you need on hand:  GPS, snacks, food, water, blankets in the car, a plan, and people to call if things go wrong.  with two very loud, active little kids, low blood sugar, not a lot of extra money and anxiety, sometimes I would go out because I was feeling good and wanted to seize the moment only to end up with anxiety because I really wasn't prepared, not even on a level that any normal person would be prepared.  How many people really run our of the house without clear directions, snacks, water, and with a bunch of loud kids, etc.  Of course thinking you can prepare for everything can backfire because you have to be OK with it, if things don't go just your way.  But in the beginning, being prepared can help get you ove rhte hump and out the door more often.

 

Oh, oh, this! I've totally just gotten on the bus with the kids with nothing but my purse, phone, a nappy and wet wipes. I tend to do it on bad trigger days (when I go out adrenaline from triggers, plus a basic 'need to cope' instinct, plus it being grounding, all kick in and it can stop the cycle during a bad-but-safe day, obviously not so relevant for depression though). 

 

I keep aiming to keep a bag of stuff for going out, it never happens, but it would sure help if it did. If you can drive, even better, keeping things in the car would help. Unfortunately I can only take what I can carry, and I end up wherever the bus takes us. Luckly the bus takes us to shops where I can buy whatever I forgot I needed, but it's not ideal lol. 

[dragonflyer]

Thanks ladies!  This is really encouraging.  I have been off of exercise due to a foot injury and needed this encouragement to stay the course rather than allow life to spiral out of control.

[BooksandBoys]

I homeschool with anxiety that began as postpartum anxiety after my last baby was born over two years ago and turbo-charged into PTSD a year and a half ago when one of our children was in an awful accident. I also had chronic depression/dysthymia from about age ten until age 30. Anxiety has superceded depression now, but j watch for its return.

 

1) Therapy. It's essential. I have to talk to someone and my husband won't (can't) be that someone and my friends can only listen do often.

 

2) I school nearly year round (6 weeks off in summer) so that I can take a mental health day when I need it.

 

3) I only take 1 mental health day, never 2 in a row because letting myself have more spirals into inactivity and paralysis.

 

4) Exercise is essential, at least 45 minutes at a time helps the most. I prefer to run (very slowly), and I am to exercise at least five days a week. Exercise is my medication (I've tried many meds over the years of depression, but the side effects were so bad "for me" that I choose exercise and therapy instead of meds.

 

5) B-vitamins, Vitamin D, daily sunshine, and a low carb, high protein diet help me feel my best. I also work hard to maintain a balance in our socializing. Too much or too little increases my anxiety. This one is a challenge because the balance keeps shifting as my symptoms improve.

[RockstarMom]

Valuable thread! I have mild depression ( am irritable a lot) and take meds for it. My oldest (ds12) has a mood disorder and my dd8 has bipolar. She is in a manic phase now which means NO sleep and we're not getting a lot done during the day. It's hard. I need to be organized, prepare ahead of time, stay as consistent as possible and... the hardest part for me... MAKE myself go to events I sign us up for. I want to cancel the day-of a lot, I'm just not up for it sometimes because of my mood or theirs. It\s not easy. Glad there are others here!