creekland Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Who has bookmarked the threads relating to depression, peri-menopause, the blues, or anything else I should re-read to get helpful hints on improving my mood so my poor hubby and younguns don't have to put up with my current stress-induced or peri-menopause induced "drop of a hat" anger, etc? (sigh) Evidently, what I'm doing isn't working... and I'm sure they'd appreciate getting "me" back - not to mention school will be happier next week if it were to carry over there. (I'd like to think it won't, since it never has before, but...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Awww, sorry. I haven't book marked any threads, but if misery loves company, let me just say Know where you're coming from. :( i know that I'm being short and snippy and still I go on being short and snippy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 if misery loves company, let me just say Know where you're coming from. :( i know that I'm being short and snippy and still I go on being short and snippy. I think a good part of it goes with the XX chromosome. Normally I can blame it on PMS and get over things in a day or two - probably just like many of us. This is not PMS related (wrong timing) and seems impossible to shake at the moment. I feel badly for my guys. With many of the stress-related things (all except health issues) we're in the same boat, but they're sailing it much better. Naturally, that's frustrating too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I think a good part of it goes with the XX chromosome. Normally I can blame it on PMS and get over things in a day or two - probably just like many of us. This is not PMS related (wrong timing) and seems impossible to shake at the moment. I feel badly for my guys. With many of the stress-related things (all except health issues) we're in the same boat, but they're sailing it much better. Naturally, that's frustrating too. Yes, for me, it generally follows my Aunt Flo. It's like my body is trying to get the hormones together to squeeze an egg out of the pot, but my inner chemist has amnesia and is doing the recipe all wrong. That's how I envision it, anyway. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Might I suggest that your attitude and demeanor may be a sign that your deep-down self knows that something in your life isn't "right." You might want to take some time to ponder what it is that is stressing, irritating or depressing you. Take the time to really get to the bottom of the whole-in-your-soul (yes, I just made that up) and see if there might be some little changes here and there which might help you. I know exactly what's stressing me. A major part of it can't be changed (did what I could) so I need to live with it. The rest we're working on changing, but it will take time and effort (& very significant $$). The "effort" part keeps bringing it up - as does the fact that I pay our bills and run our budget. Neither issue can be ignored nor eliminated, so being able to deal with them without getting short and snippy at all the other little stuff that comes up in everyday life is pretty important. Hubby is doing it well. I wish I could react more like he is. Me? It all depends upon the hour and ranges from wanting to pack my backpack and disappear to - well - that short and snippy stuff that he shouldn't be on the receiving end of. I guess I'm wondering if there are diet options - foods that improve moods - or heck - I'd even try essential oils at this point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Does it help for you to set very small goals each day that help you feel like you're moving forward? I mean practical goals. For example, if health and $$ are your big stressors right now, could have a goal each day of walking for 30 minutes and spending no more than $20 at the grocery store? (just an example, of course) As far as diet, my son says that a modified paleo diet has given him more energy and helps him sleep better at night, in case those are any of your issues. I find that I can sometimes drown in an emotion, and the longer I'm in it, the more hopeless it feels. But if I force myself to to do something completely different for even just an hour or two (outside of my typical environment) -- coffee with a friend, volunteering at some function, etc. -- I can often put things back into better perspective. My guess is that getting back to school will help. It'll put your mind on other things. You take care! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I haven't bookmarked anything (so sorry!!) but exercise is the single best thing for me when I am struggling with depression. It is also one of the harder things to do because when you are low finding energy is challenging. What I find though is if I force myself, within 15 minutes of starting I start to really feel better. I will be honest with you and tell you that there have been a few times when I cried through a workout. That is okay. Sometimes our body needs that release and doing that actually helps us to move on emotionally. Also journaling helps when I am struggling with compulsive thoughts/struggles. Other than that I have done talk therapy before when I needed it and I am on a mild-dose antidepressant now to level out the valleys. I have not read the rest of the thread to see if there is a life situation that is a trigger. If there is, and just journaling/talking with hubs and exercising aren't helping, talk therapy can really help. I think most of us put it off longer than we should because there is misplaced shame about it. Honestly though when I was going through a really tough time with postpartum depression it helped me so much to process through my thoughts and feelings with someone who was not friend or family. Praying for you to have wisdom in this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 could have a goal each day of walking for 30 minutes and spending no more than $20 at the grocery store? (just an example, of course) As far as diet, my son says that a modified paleo diet has given him more energy and helps him sleep better at night, in case those are any of your issues. I find that I can sometimes drown in an emotion, and the longer I'm in it, the more hopeless it feels. But if I force myself to to do something completely different for even just an hour or two (outside of my typical environment) -- coffee with a friend, volunteering at some function, etc. -- I can often put things back into better perspective. My guess is that getting back to school will help. It'll put your mind on other things. I definitely already walk more than 30 minutes each day - just walking - not counting chores outside. And spending? That's driving me crazy. The tenants really left our house in horrid shape - AND we've gotten a call that the next water bill will be higher than this past one - did we have a leak? No leak. They evidently left the water running knowing they were going to stick us with that bill (and the sewer bill that runs off it). The sewer bill we just paid (since they didn't) had a $20 reconnect fee in addition to the regular bill and late fees. They are NOT supposed to reconnect without our authorization (tenants should have had to leave due to the township rules), but tough for us. It happened and we get the bill for it. The amount we spent today at Walmart and Lowes is frustrating. I was talking with youngest about it. We budget for all the usual updates. We just forgot to budget for kicked in plastic containers (fruit/veggie/meat, etc) inside the fridge. Who knew that some folks felt the need to kick holes in them? Then all the miniblinds, curtains (& rods), doors (inside), ceiling fans, etc, etc, etc. And what gets to me is that we were NICE to them - letting them be late with payments with NO late fee - waiting patiently for their settlement - not kicking them out while they had kids in school - letting them owe us in excess of 7K due to his issues and the known court case coming up that he won - and they respond by this. In what world is that even fathomable? Today I got plenty of exercise cleaning their toilet (it would have put oodles of public toilets to shame). It cost me $3 for a heavy duty cleaner and $4 for a decent brush. How in the world could 3 females have lived in that house with the toilet at it was??? Then of course, I started work on the oven, fridge, etc. There's a bit more. There's so much junk on it all it takes a bit of time. It was actually tempting to just buy new appliances, but there's that money thing again. The floors are all ripped up. The walls are all painted. We just need to replace and clean things now. Fortunately youngest is still around and doing an awesome job helping and landscaping the outside. But all this money we're spending on those idiots or due to those idiots has definitely shaken my faith in parts of humanity. We're already spending half our income on college bills and this will easily add up to almost the equivalent of one more in college (at the rate we're paying). It's a VERY significant budget deal and mainly due to their mean-ness. Not a dime of that 7K we so patiently waited for either, nor are we likely to get any of it. I'm sorry, Creekland, I forget that you were going through some tough situations. My suggestion probably wasn't very helpful. I know that you're trying your best. Your suggestion was actually quite helpful. I know all the nuts and bolts of why I'm on a short fuse right now, but digging beyond all the stuff I mentioned above (due to thinking about your post), it's mainly due to that realization that life isn't the way we think it's supposed to be (as in my sig). There are people who are just plain mean and bite the hand that tries to help them. There are health issues that can't be fixed. Those things happen to many. They just don't fit into our ideal world and coming face to face with those right now is the key. And figuring out that key - remembering it when I get frustrated - really did keep me from being upset at all the other little stuff today... Internally it still bugs me, but I didn't need to kick the dog (figuratively). I haven't bookmarked anything (so sorry!!) but exercise is the single best thing for me when I am struggling with depression. It is also one of the harder things to do because when you are low finding energy is challenging. What I find though is if I force myself, within 15 minutes of starting I start to really feel better. I will be honest with you and tell you that there have been a few times when I cried through a workout. That is okay. Sometimes our body needs that release and doing that actually helps us to move on emotionally. Also journaling helps when I am struggling with compulsive thoughts/struggles. Other than that I have done talk therapy before when I needed it and I am on a mild-dose antidepressant now to level out the valleys. There's definitely no way I'm journaling anything - ever. My dad reading a journal when I was 15 took care of that. Exercise is something I always get every day. If I don't (or even when I quit), that's when one of the health issues hits (like now). So when I finish a day and sit down to relax, I get reminded of the health stuff in addition to the current tenant stuff. It doesn't have to be at the end of the day. It's all the time - from waking up in the early morning to any time not actively moving to before falling asleep at night. Then I've found there can be a window. Exercise too much (too quickly) and there are issues too. Fortunately, I think school will fall into that ideal window - at least for now. And the distraction ought to keep my mind off the tenant stuff. So I just need to make sure I don't kick the dog... at school or at home, since there will be tons of little (annoying) things I need to do by being full time vs my usual part time. I can get away with skipping a lot part time! The money from doing the full time gig at school will help pay off some of the bills from all this too. Now I just have to hope for decent classes! But otherwise (to all), no essential oils or equivalent? I won't even google them! I'm content with the placebo effect if that's what it takes... Maybe a small chocolate bar per day? Oh wait, I already do that. I'd contemplate an alcoholic drink per day, but it's best if I don't I suspect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Maybe a small chocolate bar per day? Oh wait, I already do that. I'd contemplate an alcoholic drink per day, but it's best if I don't I suspect. I self medicate with dark chocolate (semi-sweet chips) probably more than I should. I also sometimes will put cocoa powder (unsweetened) in my coffee to get the hit from that. Chocolate does have very mild antidepressant properties. =) Plus it's an antioxidant!! Diet wise try to go high protein low carb. Sometimes when we get low we eat starchy carbs and that just makes you feel worse. Of course, chocolate chips have carbs so I am probably the most double-minded person to say that. =) It really sounds like you are in a perfect storm of stress right now and you just need to hang on tight, do the next thing, and wait for the storm to pass. I don't know your situation but based on what little you have said it sounds like something that would discourage or stress most people. Hang in there!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Oh man, that sounds so terrible. Few things make me feel as angry and helpless as when people do awful things without a thought about how it affects other people. Keeping you in my prayers. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Magnesium, iron, and B12 have made a huge difference in my mood and PMS symptoms. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Magnesium, iron, and B12 have made a huge difference in my mood and PMS symptoms. What are your mag and b doses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Creekland :grouphug: As someone who has cleaned a rental property that was trashed by a tenant I know a bit of your frustration. Especially since we had been nice and understanding to the tenant. Dh and I decided as we filled a couple of boxes of industrial garbage bags that we were done with being landlords. We were lucky that the property was able to be striped down and cleaned up enough to be sold. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nansk Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I googled some for you: Perimenopause?? Can you help me?? How I know perimenopause has made me irrational Perimenopause = big pile of emotional goo?? Perimenopause, mild depression: what to do? What were your first signs of perimenopause and how old we Perimenopause -- ladies who are going through this, do you f 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 SAMe ashwagandha and bacopa EFT time 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I self medicate with dark chocolate (semi-sweet chips) probably more than I should. I also sometimes will put cocoa powder (unsweetened) in my coffee to get the hit from that. Chocolate does have very mild antidepressant properties. =) Plus it's an antioxidant!! Diet wise try to go high protein low carb. Sometimes when we get low we eat starchy carbs and that just makes you feel worse. Of course, chocolate chips have carbs so I am probably the most double-minded person to say that. =) It's definitely worth trying more chocolate (always dark) and having an excuse to do so! I already try for mostly low carb due to my family genetics having diabetes on both sides. I allow exceptions though. Perhaps I'll cut back on those. As someone who has cleaned a rental property that was trashed by a tenant I know a bit of your frustration. Especially since we had been nice and understanding to the tenant. Dh and I decided as we filled a couple of boxes of industrial garbage bags that we were done with being landlords. We were lucky that the property was able to be striped down and cleaned up enough to be sold. It has tempted me more than once to just sell the place. However, the vast majority of tenants we have are terrific. We've only had one other bad one and that didn't cost us nearly this much in effort or $$. We'll learn from the experience and not give breaks of this magnitude again - plus we'll try to screen tenants better if we can. (These folks passed a credit check when they first moved in and paid ok for the first couple of years. I'm guessing that he might have gotten addicted to painkillers along the way, but I may just be fishing for any reason I can come up with.) I googled some for you: Perimenopause?? Can you help me?? How I know perimenopause has made me irrational Perimenopause = big pile of emotional goo?? Perimenopause, mild depression: what to do? What were your first signs of perimenopause and how old we Perimenopause -- ladies who are going through this, do you f Thanks! This will give me some decent reading! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 SAMe ashwagandha and bacopa EFT time Hmm, I'll have to google these just to know what they are - except for time, of course. Or maybe I'll just look for labels when I'm shopping. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I googled some for you: Perimenopause?? Can you help me?? How I know perimenopause has made me irrational Perimenopause = big pile of emotional goo?? Perimenopause, mild depression: what to do? What were your first signs of perimenopause and how old we Perimenopause -- ladies who are going through this, do you f Just wanted to let you know I loved this one (2nd one down in your list): http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/484767-how-i-know-perimenopause-has-made-me-irrational/ And from only 2 years ago to the month. I should have probably read it then! I thought about reviving it, but then figured I probably shouldn't. I can definitely identify with it though - and appreciate those who gave helpful thoughts in it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Eat protein at every meal. Eat a vegetable at every meal. For a few days track your nutrients on something like https://cronometer.com/. Don't pay attention to calories, just pay attention to what nutrients you're routinely missing. Something as small as adding a couple tablespoons of sunflower seeds per day (fixing low vitamin E levels) could make all the difference. If you're on hormonal birth control, go off of it. Get a brief amount of hard exercise - the kind that leaves you gasping for breath. Google Tabata workouts for more information on getting that in just 4 minutes. Try to spend 20 minutes per day outside at noon in the sun. Preferably exposing as much skin as possible. The sun and Vitamin D both make a huge difference in mood too. You can switch your cleaning products to homemade ones with essential oils - Peppermint, Grapefruit, and Lavender tend to boost my moods the most. Do at least one thing every day that makes you happy. This could be a bubble bath, laying out in the sun (on a towel if you don't have a hammock), painting something, using one of those adult coloring books, baking something or doing something otherwise creative, reading a trashy romance novel for 20 minutes, etc. Watch something funny at least once a day. Maybe an episode of Friends on Netflix. Maybe DVR'd Modern Family. Something to make you laugh. If all of that doesn't make a huge difference, go to the doctor and get an antidepressant. Seriously, Wellbutrin is a $4 generic at Walmart and it made all the difference in the world when I had situational depression. It helped me feel much better about everything in less than a week. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Here's what I've shared in the past. 15 minutes reading the psalms (or similar if you're not Christian) per day. 15 minutes outdoors in the sunlight 15 minutes moving my body. (doesn't have to be a 3 mile run. A sedate stroll is fine.) This is my prescription when life is hard and I can't climb out of the pit. Often it's due to unchangeable circumstances. Find one indulgence to spoil yourself with every day. For some it's a square of excellent chocolate, others may like a soak in a bubble bath. Whatever you need. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Oh, Psalms, that's a good one. They all end upbeat. I would like but I'm out of likes again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Eat protein at every meal. Eat a vegetable at every meal. For a few days track your nutrients on something like https://cronometer.com/. Don't pay attention to calories, just pay attention to what nutrients you're routinely missing. Something as small as adding a couple tablespoons of sunflower seeds per day (fixing low vitamin E levels) could make all the difference. This one might be really worth trying. I've really cut back how much I eat for a few months now. There could easily be something I'm missing. I think as soon as youngest heads back to school (next week), this will be on my "to do" list. If you're on hormonal birth control, go off of it. Not an issue. Get a brief amount of hard exercise - the kind that leaves you gasping for breath. Google Tabata workouts for more information on getting that in just 4 minutes. This won't be happening. The last couple of times I got close to this it affected the health issues. There's apparently a window of activity that works best for that part. Try to spend 20 minutes per day outside at noon in the sun. Preferably exposing as much skin as possible. The sun and Vitamin D both make a huge difference in mood too. I'm pretty sure this isn't an issue. We're outside a lot. You can switch your cleaning products to homemade ones with essential oils - Peppermint, Grapefruit, and Lavender tend to boost my moods the most. I rarely use cleaning products aside from water and basic soap. The last little bit I've done at the rental house I did buy cleaners for, but it's too recent to have made a difference. Do at least one thing every day that makes you happy. This could be a bubble bath, laying out in the sun (on a towel if you don't have a hammock), painting something, using one of those adult coloring books, baking something or doing something otherwise creative, reading a trashy romance novel for 20 minutes, etc. Will have to think about this one. In general, I like our normal life and routine. Watch something funny at least once a day. Maybe an episode of Friends on Netflix. Maybe DVR'd Modern Family. Something to make you laugh. We love comedy and generally catch something from Comedy Central or Studio C - not every day - but often. If all of that doesn't make a huge difference, go to the doctor and get an antidepressant. Seriously, Wellbutrin is a $4 generic at Walmart and it made all the difference in the world when I had situational depression. It helped me feel much better about everything in less than a week. All other stuff would need to fail first. The nutrient part seems like it could be a likely culprit. School starting next week could easily help too. I went in for part of today to start assessing what I'll be doing and it was quite refreshing to be welcomed back into "my world." They probably went a little overboard to be honest, but they're thrilled I took the assignment considering I had been planning on turning it down when we didn't need the money from it. Here's what I've shared in the past. 15 minutes reading the psalms (or similar if you're not Christian) per day. I normally read from Psalms or Proverbs daily, but I've let it slip for the past month or two. Time to restart! 15 minutes outdoors in the sunlight Definitely already get far more than this. Farm chores will do that for a person, then add all the other stuff. 15 minutes moving my body. (doesn't have to be a 3 mile run. A sedate stroll is fine.) Ditto This is my prescription when life is hard and I can't climb out of the pit. Often it's due to unchangeable circumstances. Find one indulgence to spoil yourself with every day. For some it's a square of excellent chocolate, others may like a soak in a bubble bath. Whatever you need. Well... we'd travel 24/7, but our bank account would run out pretty quickly. I don't think our credit cards would carry us through to the rapture either. Otherwise I'm hard pressed to come up with anything I want to add. If I want the change, I've already done it. The Psalms/Proverbs part I shall start adding back into my life this evening though. That never should have been dropped! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Just a quick added note after I've been making cookie dough (for a post memorial service tomorrow) and pondering thoughts for a bit. I don't think it's depression "stuff" I'm dealing with. Frustration about things going on, sure, but not "unhappy with life" depression. It's the frustration that has given me a bit of a short fuse - very much like those in that older thread I mentioned above. But I don't want to get angry with my guys over trivial things. Sweating the small stuff is really dumb, so I don't want it to get to me period, much less take it out on them. I'm not sure that was terribly clear before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Just a quick added note after I've been making cookie dough (for a post memorial service tomorrow) and pondering thoughts for a bit. I don't think it's depression "stuff" I'm dealing with. Frustration about things going on, sure, but not "unhappy with life" depression. It's the frustration that has given me a bit of a short fuse - very much like those in that older thread I mentioned above. But I don't want to get angry with my guys over trivial things. Sweating the small stuff is really dumb, so I don't want it to get to me period, much less take it out on them. I'm not sure that was terribly clear before. So in stressful times ( and right now, boy, are we in stressful times...ill fil who needs around the clock care for terminal cancer and they live out of town) I tell my kids "Yeah, I am really stressed and on edge. I have to let the pressure out sometimes, so I will yell....not at you,. Just at life in general." And they see me go "AURGH!" when I spill the milk or when something ELSE goes wrong. And if it's something that they did. I follow my yell up with "That's not a yell at you. It's just LIFE IS MAKING ME CRAZY right now. It's okay, I know you didn't mean it." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 So in stressful times ( and right now, boy, are we in stressful times...ill fil who needs around the clock care for terminal cancer and they live out of town) I tell my kids "Yeah, I am really stressed and on edge. I have to let the pressure out sometimes, so I will yell....not at you,. Just at life in general." And they see me go "AURGH!" when I spill the milk or when something ELSE goes wrong. And if it's something that they did. I follow my yell up with "That's not a yell at you. It's just LIFE IS MAKING ME CRAZY right now. It's okay, I know you didn't mean it." I recall your posting about your FIL. :grouphug: And yes, that sounds about right, so 'tis nice knowing I'm not alone. I guess I'm just wishing I could handle all the other stuff as easily as they seem to rather than getting so darn angry or frustrated. It makes sense to get frustrated at the bigger stuff. We all are. Yet we don't take that out on each other - perhaps because we're all in the same boat? But the other relatively little stuff... (sigh). I guess I could blame it on the health issues since that's the only difference other than the X/Y chromosome bit, but since those aren't likely to go away, I definitely need to be able to handle life with those too - preferably without having an apology on autopilot! Hopefully the house stuff will end by Sept 1st and we can re-rent it easily even though school is already in session. We opted to pay a housecleaner to do the rest of the cleaning rather than having it grate on my nerves. It's probably a bit less expensive than therapy would be! The housecleaner only charges $15/hour. I expect to also tack on a huge tip... (more $$ out, but this job is worth more than $15/hour!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 What are your mag and b doses? 500 mg on the magnesium I take Pure encapsulations B-Complex plus 2 a day and Thorne's Methyl Guard Plus 2 a day 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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