Nature vs Nurture?

[scubamama]

Let the Nature vs Nurture debate begin! I have a 6.5 yob, overall nice kid. So what's the trouble you ask? Well, dh is starting to worry about his lack of athletic ability...I think this is his manly insecurity showing :) DS doesn't care one whit about sports, doesn't really care to hit the ball or play soccer or throw the foot ball, etc. Or even ride his bike. It doesn't bother him that other kids don't need training wheels anymore. DH wants me to "coach" DS in sports :lol: I am totally uncoordinated! Plus I have a clingy 1 yog and a 3yog that is always right by me side too. Sometimes I try to entice DS into playing catch or batting or playing soccer with me (and my entourage) but it may only last about 5 mintues until he's bored and the little ones are either crying or running to the street to be mashed flat by cars. I have taken then to the park to ride bikes - but this is a major undertaking by myself (picture 3yo riding bike off path, it flips, she cries, baby cries, DS rides off oblivious to situation and I have to chase him carrying 2 screaming kids while passerbys watch in stunned silence). DS played (and I use that term loosely) soccer on the local township team - he's just not competitive and some of the kids werre and some were silly goofs like him...mostly they chased the ball in a pack. The point is - I can't see him ever really caring about sports and being the "going out for the team" kind of kid. He loves lego, making imaginary forts in the yard and stuff like that. We don't watch sports. DH is not home very much - maybe 1 hour a day while kids are awake due to business. When he's here they all want him and there's a limited amount of daylight for him to do outside jobs too - that's why he wants me to "do sports". So I think this is just the person my DS is and that is OK. DH thinks that if I exposed him to more sports (nurture) he'd be in to it. Here's the rub : at 6.5yo it seems that every sport here in my area is already full of parents micromanaging their kids while they play (I saw this in soccer, until then i thought folks were exaggerating about this kind of thing). I would be responsible for taking him to every practice/game while entertaining 2 busy girls too. I'm not too keen to do that....soccer in the cold rain with a new baby and a 2 yo wasn't my idea of fun. DS never complained but he never raved about it or practiced at home like the coach wanted him to. So, am I just a big lazy bone or should I sign up for ESPN and get on the road to soccer, Little League, etc? As a side - DH never played a sport in his life, he's a lovable computer nerd who ran a satellite truck for the NBC sports line up and never watches sports on TV b/c he's "seen enough on that truck!" but he doensn't want DS to be deprived or miss out on something. So his heart is in the right place. Whew! that sure was wordy...if you read all that, you rock! Go have a Gatorade and replenish your electrolytes :)

 

I'm all ears to other moms thoughts,

 

Michele

[Jen500]

I think physical fitness is important. I don't think you necessarily have to have 'athletic ability' to be physically fit. And we really don't participate or watch team sports at our house. We like walking, biking, hiking. The kids will kick the soccer ball or try to play whiffle ball in the yard just for fun. Does your son like to go for walks?

[happyWImom]

I think exercise is important, but I have never been into sports either. My dd is, and my ds isn't! But, what we are doing is joining the local YMCA. The great thing is, they have a homeschool "Fit for Kids" class 2 times per week and they get to learn all the different sports. I figure that way, if ds does like something, we can foster it, otherwise at least he's getting exercise. Do you have access to a Y? If not, the only other thing I would reccommend is to wait until next summer & sign him up for some of the summer activities that they have in the community. That way, again he just gets to try for a while.

 

By the way, I think you are just great to even consider "coaching" him. With your 2 other little ones around?:eek: I would tell my DS if he wanted any coaching done he would need to figure it out, not me! But that's just me.:D

 

Good luck!

[scubamama]

Yes, I look like a complete fool trying to "coach" my son....but it's just all part of the service i provide as a neighbor - comic relief! :lol:

He does participate in a homeschoolers gym class once a week with many,many other uncoordinated hs kids - I laughed until my sides ached when the poor gym teacher ( a nice ex - marine) tried to teach them basketball and said "Didn't you guys eve watch basketball on TV?" one little kid said "We don't have a TV." The man almost passed out - his face showed a parade of emotions shock...confusion...it was super funny!!!

But he does like gym class. At home he runs around the yard like a nut with his sister (almost 4yo) and climbs trees. We do have a TV but probably only watch 15 min a day...I'm a Weather channel junkie.

 

Michele

[Nakia]

Michele,

I don't have boys or advice, but I love your sense of humor! Your post made me laugh! FWIW, I think organized sports are highly over rated. My DH is extremely athletic; I am not. Our oldest two daughters show no interest, and I am fine with that. Like someone else posted, we are planning to do our homeschool group's PE class this year. We also like to hike and walk. Our oldest does horseback riding and loves to swim. My five yr old is attached to my hip right now and won't get out of my sight, but she is the most "athletic" of the bunch. We'll see.

 

I think you are doing a great job!

[jail warden]

Well, it sounds like you are doing well with your homeschool phys ed class. I personally think if he doesn't really want to do sports what's the point since he is running and being physically active otherwise. You are in a very busy point in your life with the two little ones and I don't think you need to add anything else! But, you need to find what you think is best for your family. HTH!

[Joanne]

I agree that finding personality fitting ways to keep active and fit are important.

 

Organized sports are not vital but I do think that some level of group activity to a common goal is.

 

I say the next thing very gently......I think your DH will need to adjust his thinking about what makes a healthy *boy*.

[Tracey in TX]

Let the Nature vs Nurture debate begin! I have a 6.5 yob, overall nice kid. So what's the trouble you ask? Well, dh is starting to worry about his lack of athletic ability...I think this is his manly insecurity showing :) DS doesn't care one whit about sports, doesn't really care to hit the ball or play soccer or throw the foot ball, etc. Or even ride his bike. It doesn't bother him that other kids don't need training wheels anymore. DH wants me to "coach" DS in sports :lol: I am totally uncoordinated! Plus I have a clingy 1 yog and a 3yog that is always right by me side too. Sometimes I try to entice DS into playing catch or batting or playing soccer with me (and my entourage) but it may only last about 5 mintues until he's bored and the little ones are either crying or running to the street to be mashed flat by cars. I have taken then to the park to ride bikes - but this is a major undertaking by myself (picture 3yo riding bike off path, it flips, she cries, baby cries, DS rides off oblivious to situation and I have to chase him carrying 2 screaming kids while passerbys watch in stunned silence). DS played (and I use that term loosely) soccer on the local township team - he's just not competitive and some of the kids werre and some were silly goofs like him...mostly they chased the ball in a pack. The point is - I can't see him ever really caring about sports and being the "going out for the team" kind of kid. He loves lego, making imaginary forts in the yard and stuff like that. We don't watch sports. DH is not home very much - maybe 1 hour a day while kids are awake due to business. When he's here they all want him and there's a limited amount of daylight for him to do outside jobs too - that's why he wants me to "do sports". So I think this is just the person my DS is and that is OK. DH thinks that if I exposed him to more sports (nurture) he'd be in to it. Here's the rub : at 6.5yo it seems that every sport here in my area is already full of parents micromanaging their kids while they play (I saw this in soccer, until then i thought folks were exaggerating about this kind of thing). I would be responsible for taking him to every practice/game while entertaining 2 busy girls too. I'm not too keen to do that....soccer in the cold rain with a new baby and a 2 yo wasn't my idea of fun. DS never complained but he never raved about it or practiced at home like the coach wanted him to. So, am I just a big lazy bone or should I sign up for ESPN and get on the road to soccer, Little League, etc? As a side - DH never played a sport in his life, he's a lovable computer nerd who ran a satellite truck for the NBC sports line up and never watches sports on TV b/c he's "seen enough on that truck!" but he doensn't want DS to be deprived or miss out on something. So his heart is in the right place. Whew! that sure was wordy...if you read all that, you rock! Go have a Gatorade and replenish your electrolytes :)

 

I'm all ears to other moms thoughts,

 

Michele

 

I have four die-hard athletes. And one DD who dances b/c she loves everything artsy. We nurtured them the same. Encourage competition in everything! DD just doesn't like to compete. She'll do it on her own terms, but it's not her thing.

I'm a strong believer in that nature trumps nurture. Our job as parents is to introduce DCs to life--intellectual, spiritual. personal, artistic, and athletic. God has already given them a desire and a gift. It's our challenge to help nurture their hidden talents.

There are so many ways to keep physically fit. If DS doesn't enjoy the team pursuits, maybe introduce him to nature walks, bowling, running, etc. DH is sweet to have the desire for DS to be a sports guy, but he might not be wired for that desire.

Good luck and enjoy the journey in finding his 'thing'! (Who knows, maybe it's just chasing his sisters down the hallway each afternoon!:001_smile:)

[Mandamom]

with the others that as long as there is physical activity in his (and the rest of the family's) day that he'll be fine. He might later find an interest in other sports that are a little more individual (tennis or a martial art) or he won't.

 

I have 2 black belts, one of which does no sport and probably never will again, the other wants to make it to the NFL :). Of my 2 daughters, one is on track to become a competitive gymnast while the other struggles with anything requiring strength or flexibilty. My concern is that they are all healthy and they are whether they are active in sports or not.

[Sasharowan]

My oldest never really cared for sports. Finally played 2 years of Upwards basketball(noncompetitive) to get the (EXERCISE, EXERCISE) Dad off his back, but now that he is too old for it refuses to go into the more competitive teams and I don't blame him. He is perfectly happy to toss the ball in the backyard or play one on one. The last 2 years, my dd has played Little League in the spring, softball in the summer, and Upwards basketball in the fall. Her choice, she likes the team dynamics. It really helps that her coaches for softball and basketball have been homeschoolers and she has made some good friends. Ds7 played softball the last two summers mainly because he would have to sit out there anyway and this let him in the dugout with the other kids, his heart definitely wasn't in it. We are going to try him in dance this fall since he really likes dance and music shows. Ds2 already has a good throwing arm and asks when he gets to play ball. None of the others had any interest in balls at his age, but then again, he has grown up at the ball fields watching sis play.

[Heather in Neverland]

You just described my oldest ds completely. We have run the gamut of childhood sports: we signed him up for tee-ball first. Between his penchant for picking daisies in the outfield instead of paying attention to the game, and the parents on the team that were so aggressive it scared me (this is tee-ball, right?), we decided to drop out.

 

Next was soccer. Except that I noticed right off that he wasn't running up and down the field as much as the other kids. When I asked him about it he said "Why bother? If I just stay put the ball will be back here in a minute."

 

We also did karate but he just couldn't get into all that bowing and kneeling, etc. He didn't take it seriously enough for the Sensei.

 

So we gave up and put him in piano. My husband was dismayed. My brother made plenty of "sissy" remarks. But guess what? Three years later and he has been accepted to a university piano program for young musicians and he played three pieces from Phantom of the Opera for his recital.

 

Who's laughing now?

 

So what if he doesn't like sports. That's just the old school way of thinking...every boy has to play sports? I think not.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Hey, scubamama..I'm right there with ya. My ds8 has never liked sports. I made him try one thing per year until he finally was able to articulate to me how he felt....or maybe I finally was able to hear what he was saying. This year when I asked if he wanted to play basketball like ds6 he asked me, "is that an individual sport" (can you tell we're not sportsaholics, he didn't even know what it was!). When I explained that there were other kids there, he said he'd rather try something that was just him and the instructor. He told me that when there are a bunch of other kids he can't understand what the coach wants him to do and feels like the coach spends more time on the kids who are screaming and yelling (his words) than on him. SO...I let him pick guitar lessons. And he goes to the Y about 3 mornings a week and swims laps with his dad. When I asked him why he liked swimming and not other sports, he said, "well, in swimming, I can tell if I'm getting better and I can think."

I don't think he'll ever be a "team sports" kind of kid, and dh is slooooowwwly coming to grips with that. The kid gets plenty of excersise, climbing trees, running around on our 13 acres and we do "nature hikes" together as a family. IMO team sports are not all they're cracked up to be....especially at such a young age.

I've been thinking of looking into that thing where you use a compass to find coordinates and hike around to find flags....<---wow! what an articulate sentence. I have no idea what this activity is called (someone help me) but seems like it would be something that he'd like based on his rationale for liking swimming.

So, I guess, to come to a point I'll just say that I wish I had not spent so much time making my ds try every team sport under the sun and go more with what I could kinda see in his personality all along. How much happier would we have been if ds wasn't miserable doing team sports, dh wasn't grumpy about ds not knowing (or wanting to know) how to catch, and I wouldn't have been crabby about spending time and money forcing my kid to just "finish the season".

[scubamama]

Hey Ladies...

Thanks for all the replies - it's always good to check back and see that someone cared :001_smile:. Meanest mom - I think our situation would be similar - I'd be spending money and forcing ds to finish the season and being frustrated with him when all I really want is to just love him and not make him feel like a klutz. I remember how awful I felt in ps missing the ball and being terrible at sports but I was a girl so it was easier. We used to hike before dd1yo was born but she hates the carrier and when allowed to walk she wants to wander off into the woods and not stay with the family - it's more like we go and stand in the woods together by the baby! We'll just keep on keepin' on!

 

Later gators...

 

Michele

[Tammyla]

Fitness over organized sports is more important.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Fitness over organized sports is more important.

:iagree:

[Catherine]

in that he would daydream, run away from the field (yes!) and just basically act silly. But, he has always been extremely active, and finally, when he decided to join a swim team, we've never looked back. It is individual, yet there is a team concept, it is amazingly good exercise, low risk of injury (mom loves that) and IMO promotes my own goal of working toward lifelong fitness.

 

Have you considered just waiting a bit? 6 is very young. My boys have not started swimming until about 11 or 12. By that age, they are a little more developed physically, more mature too. Just a thought.

 

I hate that some people consider non-athletic boys "sissies". That really burns me. Everyone has their gifts. Some kids are just not athletic.

[cathmom]

Much as I love football, I do know that it is possible to have a fulfilling life without sports!

[H.S. Burrow]

Hey, scubamama..I'm right there with ya. My ds8 has never liked sports. I made him try one thing per year until he finally was able to articulate to me how he felt....or maybe I finally was able to hear what he was saying. This year when I asked if he wanted to play basketball like ds6 he asked me, "is that an individual sport" (can you tell we're not sportsaholics, he didn't even know what it was!). When I explained that there were other kids there, he said he'd rather try something that was just him and the instructor. He told me that when there are a bunch of other kids he can't understand what the coach wants him to do and feels like the coach spends more time on the kids who are screaming and yelling (his words) than on him. SO...I let him pick guitar lessons. And he goes to the Y about 3 mornings a week and swims laps with his dad. When I asked him why he liked swimming and not other sports, he said, "well, in swimming, I can tell if I'm getting better and I can think."

I don't think he'll ever be a "team sports" kind of kid, and dh is slooooowwwly coming to grips with that. The kid gets plenty of excersise, climbing trees, running around on our 13 acres and we do "nature hikes" together as a family. IMO team sports are not all they're cracked up to be....especially at such a young age.

I've been thinking of looking into that thing where you use a compass to find coordinates and hike around to find flags....<---wow! what an articulate sentence. I have no idea what this activity is called (someone help me) but seems like it would be something that he'd like based on his rationale for liking swimming.

So, I guess, to come to a point I'll just say that I wish I had not spent so much time making my ds try every team sport under the sun and go more with what I could kinda see in his personality all along. How much happier would we have been if ds wasn't miserable doing team sports, dh wasn't grumpy about ds not knowing (or wanting to know) how to catch, and I wouldn't have been crabby about spending time and money forcing my kid to just "finish the season".

 

 

What you are describing is called Orienteering. There is something similar using handheld GPS units called Geo-Caching where you track "caches" of "treasures" and log in your code at each cache. I will be learning how to do this in October.:)

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

What you are describing is called Orienteering. There is something similar using handheld GPS units called Geo-Caching where you track "caches" of "treasures" and log in your code at each cache. I will be learning how to do this in October.:)

 

Thank you! My brain was taking a mini-vacation on the shores of some warm ocean just when I needed it. :D

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I'm with the others who says that fitness is important but sports aren't.

 

However, I think I'd encourage him with a few basic skills so if he's hanging out with friends who want to toss a ball, he'll feel comfortable. However, I don't think he needs to learn it now and I sure wouldn't be doing it with littles in tow.

 

Maybe Dad and he can play catch on the weekends.