How did you pick the right college?

[gingersmom]

Assuming money (financial aid,etc) is not part of the equation. 

 

How did you and your child decide on a college?

 

The acceptances are rolling in ( :hurray: ) but deciding on where DD should go is harder than I thought.

 

Her number 1 favorite school is local (a huge plus for me, she would still live at school), has one of her majors that she is pretty sure she wants to pursue. But no other majors she would really like to pursue. So if she changes her mind about majors she would want to transfer.

 

Schools 2-4 are cross country from us (two plane ride trip home). They all have multiple majors she could choose from. 

She likes school #2, knows plenty of kids who attend and like it, we visited during winter so that might have added  to my  impression of it (it was seriously cold). 

 

Schools 3-4 are two plane trip ride homes (from one snowy state to another).

 

She is a seasoned traveler and  has taken many plane trips solo so this doesn't worry her.

 

She loves loves school #1 but now I am the one having reservations. The selfish side of me wants her close by, on the other hand I am afraid of my input influencing her too much and then we both regret it later.

 

Uggh. I thought this decision was going to be much simpler.

 

 

 

[Hoggirl]

Ds and *I* did not choose a college. Ds chose a college. I absolutely helped him craft the list of the colleges he applied to. We absolutely talked about all the things you mentioned: near v. far, the risk of choosing a college based on a major knowing that that major might change, cost (because all money trees have their limits) and how that might affect our ability to help with graduate school later on, and even the weather. Like you, I did not want to infuence him. Not that I really think I could - he's pretty strong-willed! Ha ha! If she continues to ask you, I would just point out obvious and objective facts and tell her that you cannot make a decision for her (assuming that's how you feel). The last thing you want is to have her choose the school *you* want, attend, hate it, and then blame YOU since you picked it! IMO, she needs ownership of the decision as long as you are okay with any of her choices (which I assume you are). With that said, my ds made a spread sheet of all of his schools and did some sort of weighting of factors that mattered to him. Each school got a score based on that. Definitely more involved than a pro/con list. That's how he got his top three. I am not exactly sure how he made his final choice, but I will say he chose the "dream school." ;) He made his decision about six days after his last decision came in. It can be an almost paralyzing experience, can't it? No one likes to make a mistake, and it certainly is a big decision, so getting it "wrong" is very scary. But, if I were you, I'd stay out of the way.

 

Sorry! I have just been extra bossy today!! All the best with the decision-making process.

[8filltheheart]

Has she visited the campuses, sat through classes, talked to the undergrad advisor, maybe done an overnight?   My ds's opinions were radically altered by intentional campus visits. By that I mean not a general group tour campus visit, but a dept focused, discuss my real options as a student in your dept on this campus vs. other schools.

 

 

[madteaparty]

Deleted bc I misread

[Granny_Weatherwax]

DS and I (along with DH) aren't making the decisions.  DS is.  It is a frustrating process for us (see my threads and comments on other threads) and we don't necessarily agree with how DS is approaching things.  But, in reality, we know that he will have to live with the consequences of this decision. Like Hoggirl, we are discussing options, feasibility, reality, etc and then we let him make the application decisions. At this point, he has selected and crossed off schools for his own reasons. When DS has acceptances (keeping fingers crossed) to compare, the final decision will be his.

 

--

For my DD, there were two options:  the local LAC or the other almost local LAC (20 miles away).  She selected the one with a better attitude toward young, single mothers living off campus even though it's not the caliber of the local LAC.

[Starr]

I think overnights can be a positive or negative. All those visits depend on if they get along with the hosting students. I like being able to reach my child even if for a few hours for a fun visit. And am glad they haven't expressed interest in going across the country. None of you will ever be able to know what choice would have been best. You just have to pick one. I think some of the hardest decisions are a handful of good ones. She's likely to do well at any of the schools.

[gingersmom]

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Picking colleges was torturous and I didn't want to repeat the process once she was admitted.

 

She has started to put lots of thought in where to go so I am feeling better.

[G5052]

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Picking colleges was torturous and I didn't want to repeat the process once she was admitted.

 

She has started to put lots of thought in where to go so I am feeling better.

 

It is indeed hard.  Mine was very quiet about it until I sat down with him and basically put it all in his lap to decide after explaining the alternatives from my perspective.  He's made his choice and is excited about it. 

 

I was a transfer student myself and have no regrets about how it worked out in the end.  These things are difficult, but are not set in stone either!

[creekland]

Like others I let my guys choose and didn't really press for reasons why.  I did, however, eliminate financial impossibilities as those just weren't going to be possible.  Then they could choose.  I'd have supported any decision they made.  We bought the T-shirts after they made their decisions and haven't looked back at all.

[Laura Corin]

Calvin visited all the colleges he applied to plus one more.  In the end, he chose based on the kind of course (content, type of assessment, structure/lack of structure) and his feel about the place.  His first choice was easy - it had everything.  

 

His second choice, I feel, was highly influenced by the feel of the place on the weekend when we were there - there was an arts festival going on, and his cousin (at the same university) was singing in an a capella group.  I talked through the pros and cons of that university, but didn't try to talk him out of it - it was a fine choice and he liked it.

[Trilliums]

My son is a senior also and will be facing this decision soon.    I also want this to be his decision, but honestly it is very hard!  He asks our opinions and relies on us for advice in so many ways, I cannot imagine not giving him final input one way or another.  He also has a few issues going on (dyslexic and aspie) which cause some concern over adjusting to full time college.  I am torn, honestly.  He still needs guidance in some ways, but in others he is completely independent.  For him going away to college is mostly a big unknown, so he sometimes doesn't even know the kinds of questions to ask when assessing a school.  He is de'ed at our local big state U so he does have college exposure.

 

I hope your daughter finds a great place for her college years.  Also, I do keep in mind that, although it may be hard, the kids are not tied down to their choice for 4 years.  Transfers are an option if majors change or things just don't go well.

 

[TravelingChris]

It has been different for each of my kids.  My first was doing it from overseas and in looking back, I regret not knowing what I do now but do know my son made lifelong friends at the school and also learned a lot.  WIth my second, I was much better informed.  However, it turns out that she chose the wrong school for what life threw at her.  But again, she has transferred, is back in college  online now due to her medical issues, and is getting married in less than a month so I can't say things turned out badly. 

 

With my last, she has only done one application so far- and will be submitting her other ones this week and next week.  SHe hasn't received a decision yet on the first one but it will be here soon and no later than 15 Jan.  Then the other ones will all be giving their decisions in February and March.  We will be visiting or revisting campuses then.  FOr the one that is giving the decision soon, I will arrange for her to have an overnight if the answer is yes but most likely not before the wedding.

[TravelingChris]

Oh and I didn't really answer how she will choose---classes offered and what types they are,  campus atmosphere,  how far away is it,  how likely that she will get the help she needs to make her college stay a success.  These are all things she has expressed to me that are important to her.  Two of the colleges she likes are far away from us and also in northern states.