Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I am so fed up with cooking, I can hardy stand it. I put it off until the last minute, daily, because I am so disgusted with cooking the same things over and over. DS is 18 and has always been incredibly picky (I suspect something undiagnosed). He literally only eats : burger, home baked fries, green apples, chicken, lasagna (wont eat it leftover though), mac and cheese, pizza, quesadilla, breakfast sandwich (daily- scrambled egg, with bacon and cheese on toast or bagel). DD 12 is gluten intolerant, and is getting increasingly picky as the choices that I offer become more narrow. She dislikes most veggies. DDs 23 & 21 love loads of veggies, and will eat anything but tend to be low carb/ low grains. I am so tired of trying to please everyone. I would like to find some recipes, map out a week or more at a time and just put food on the table and let anyone who doesn't like it deal with it. The trouble is the DS won't eat, he will heat up pizza or make a quesadilla....but he can't continue to live on that! I would love any advice on dealing with an incredibly picky eater. He puts such a crimp in my cooking style and we are all suffering over it at this point because I have stopped cooking. I need a swift kick in the rear to jumpstart a healthier change. Please help me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 18, 21 and 23 are on their own. No chance I'm dealing with picky adults. They won't starve themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Make what you want to eat. Anyone who doesn't like it can make their own meals or starve. I would assist the 12 year old. 18 year old is on his own. Yes, he can live on pizza and quesadillas. Many young adults do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I have a very picky eater. I usually cook modular, so separate meat-veggie-starch dishes, not casserole type stuff, and try make sure that there is one item he will eat. If I cook something he does not like, he is free to make himself a sandwich, cook some eggs, or pasta, eat a pizza, or some cereal. A teen won't starve in front of a well stocked fridge or pantry. 21 and 23 year olds with dietary whims that are not accommodated by my cooking style? They would be in charge of family meals a few times per week. I would not feel the need to cater to picky adults beyond offering several meal components from which they are free to choose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Three of your kids are adults. Let them cook their own meals. Your last kid could cook her own meals as well, however as there are foods she cannot eat for medical reasons and as she is much younger than her siblings it is reasonable to put more effort in there. The trouble is the DS won't eat, he will heat up pizza or make a quesadilla....but he can't continue to live on that! Yes, he can. I watched a documentary once about a girl who could only eat chocolate (and the documentary was about her family getting help for the extreme pickiness) and she thrived just well for 15 years on that diet. If she can eat nothing but candy for 15 years, your son, who is an adult already, can eat bread and cheese and tomatoes indefinitely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Ds18 is a picky eater. We found a few things that are super easy to make that he can have when I cook something he doesn't like. He cooks for himself on those days, all microwave stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Sorry, I guess I didn't clarify...the oldest two are not the problem. They pitch in a cook frequently! They eat anything I make. My problem is twofold. First I am catering to the pickiest in the house, my son. Yes he should fend for himself but that upsets me. I feel so guilty when I make a meal that I know he will not eat. I causes me so much stews that I have nearly stopped cooking. Secondly I need to expand what I cook to expose my 12 yr old to a wider rang elf foods so that I do not reinforce her budding pickiness. DS has been like this from the start. But it is either getting worse, or I am just getting tired! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 First I am catering to the pickiest in the house, my son. Yes he should fend for himself but that upsets me. I feel so guilty when I make a meal that I know he will not eat. I causes me so much stews that I have nearly stopped cooking. Is he bothered by his own restricted diet? If so, there are options for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 What I have done for years is to make something that I know he likes on one day and then next make something that he doesn't like...allowing him to eat leftovers form the day before (which he dislikes) or cook something frozen for himself. I guess I am just feeling worn down by it all. I am busy, trying to start a business, homeschooling the 12 yr old for the first time and I am tired of trying to accommodate him. I guess my first sentence is really my answer...just keep doing what works. I just feel so uninspired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Is he bothered by his own restricted diet? If so, there are options for help. Not particularly. He is aware that he is missing nutrients due to the lack of fruits and veg, but he is unwilling to try new things. He is good about taking vitamin supplements. I think if I could get him in the kitchen to cook for the family it may help him to branch out a smidge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 The more often you do it, the less you will stress about not catering to your 18yo. Cook what you want! You can warn your 18yo first if you like - something along the lines of "I am going to be trying out cooking a lot of new things in the coming weeks. If you don't want them, you'll need to make food for yourself. Just a head's up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 :grouphug: I have tons of empathy and sympathy. Check out the website about this by googling "mealtime hostage." I am right there with you. I have actually broken down into tears at the pediatrician's office over this and our other eating issues. If you knew me IRL, you would know how rarely that occurs (I am not a crying type). We have multiple food allergies, selective eating disorder/arfid (maybe what you are dealing with), celiac, dairy issues, and pre-diabetes, all spread around 6 people who still live here. Some days I feel like I can barely make it through trying to figure out another meal, and want to throw a toddler fit and refuse to even try. It's wildly frustrating! I get it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I believe I have read before that some nutrient deficiencies (zinc maybe) can cause picky eating. Have you ever tried a rule that everyone has to try one bite of something they don't currently like? Last spring my 5-year-old went from "hating" broccoli to enjoying it in two weeks because I cooked some almost every day and made him try it. I've read familiarity with a food can help people learn to like it. I admit, however, it might be much easier to "reprogram" a little kid's taste buds than a teenager's. I didn't like veggies as a kid and now I eat a lot of them. My dad told me in high school that my tastes would change as I grew up. In your case, whatever you decide to do, you might want to mention that veggies taste more bitter to kids than to adults and that as they reach their twenties, they may find they enjoy (or tolerate) foods they used to hate. Maybe you could share stories of foods you used to hate as a kid but learned to like or discovered you liked it it were cooked differently. If your kids hear this message over and over, someday they may try new foods and discover they like them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I don't think there's anything wrong with an adult being a picky eater, but I do think that they either need to politely eat what is offered if someone else is cooking for them, or make their own food. It's very nice of you to want to make food for him, but I think it's valuable for him to do his own thing because others can't accommodate him all the time. I actually learned to eat a lot more foods around the time I was 18 both because I started cooking for myself and because I started eating completely new-to-me foods. I'm the opposite of picky now and I wouldn't have learned that if my mother had continued cooking for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Lisbeth, I am so sorry! I feel you pain. I have resorted to doing the bare minimum and we are just not eating well because I am fed up. After hearing what is on your plate, I should be grateful that I really only have one big issue. The 12 yr olds pickiness and gluten intolerance is not a big deal. I just need to put on my big girl panties and stop trying to cater to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Hoppy- he does take a mineral supp that includes zinc. I have tried the techniques you mention...we have been dealing with this for many many years. But you are right and even though it may not work with him, it is still the right approach for the younger one. I am afraid I have just given up. It is time to pull it together. Amira, yes of course you are right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2jjka Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I have very picky eaters with a handful of food allergies/intolerances thrown in. We have a lot of plain chicken and rice. They can add dipping sauces as they wish (BBQ, honey, honey mustard, teriyaki, etc) And I try to serve sides of fruits and veggies I know they will eat (carrot sticks, applesauce, melon) The other thing I sometimes do is serve breakfast for dinner. Eggs have protein, and even my pickiest kid loves hash browns. You can also hide a variety of pureed things in pancakes and smoothies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Do they ever see you trying new foods or foods you don't like? Maybe if you make a big deal out of you trying to learn to like say, seafood or liver, someday they might be willing to try a new veggie. Other than that, I'd just keep reminding the younger ones about how someday foods won't taste as strong as they do now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 (EDIT--this is responding to the picky eater, NOT of course to the medical condition--it should go without saying that naturally she is dealing with a lot already with the gluten issues.) Ellyn Satter is my hero. She put into words and into a philosophy how I was raised and it has given me confidence with my own kids. I have one picky eater and one adventurous eater. http://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/ We cook for ourselves. The adults. My children have gone to bed hungry. My daughter ate nothing but her breakfast cereal for an entire week two weeks ago. She cried because she said she was hungry after dinner--we said, finish your dinner. She stormed off. Fine with me, that is going to be lunch at work! Nobody is allowed to complain at the table. This is a rule for everyone in the house. You may point out that food is undercooked or otherwise unsafe. You may get up and get yourself whatever condiment you like. You do not have to eat anything. What you do have to do is be appreciative that we have food and that someone prepared it. You can eat two servings of any one thing but beyond that you have to finish a bit of everything because we're a big family so we can't have one person eating all the noodles. The. End. Any tantruming, whining, fussing, or complaining gets you sent to bed without dinner. You may prepare alternative food AFTER the family meal has been prepared, or well before so it doesn't interfere. You can buy your own prepared food if you don't know how to cook. You may not raid lunch snacks for dinner. If you want expensive lunch snacks for dinner buy it yourself. If you need money, we have work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 At 12 years old you can get your gluten intolerant DD more involved in her food choices- and maybe the 18 year old will eventually join in because he's missing out on something. Specifically, many years ago I followed a food blogger with a son who refused to eat vegetables. So she started a blog called The Great Big Vegetable Challenge, where they went through every letter in the alphabet, trying vegetables that started with certain letters. They would give each vegetable multiple chances- basically trying to find the way her DS liked the veggie best. For a vegetable like Yams, she made a stew one day using them, another day she made a fritter, and then yet another day used them in a sweet bread. Her DS tried them all (just a taste) and there were many ways he discovered he loved vegetables along the way. The blog turned into a book as well. Since you have two veggie lovers, I would challenge them to put this challenge to your 12 year old. Put them in charge of coming up with new and clever ways with veggies, taking into account the gluten-free needs. And then keep some of your picky eater's things on hand in the freezer for when he needs them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 18, 21 and 23 are on their own. No chance I'm dealing with picky adults. They won't starve themselves. That's what I was thinking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I make a meal that everyone CAN PHYSICALLY eat. If anyone over the age of 8 doesn't feel like eating it, they are free to get peanut butter (or humus) and bread. They are not to bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I just need to put on my big girl panties and stop trying to cater to him. Well, it's good you said that, because I didn't want to phrase it that way. I think we all know that it is stressful, of course you don't stop wanting to care for him just because he tore off a page on his calendar. But you making yourself miserable isn't going to help him improve, and at this stage, if he doesn't want to change you just can't make him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Well, it's good you said that, because I didn't want to phrase it that way. I think we all know that it is stressful, of course you don't stop wanting to care for him just because he tore off a page on his calendar. But you making yourself miserable isn't going to help him improve, and at this stage, if he doesn't want to change you just can't make him. Yes. You are right. I guess I came here to post this because I needed to vent before I could face pulling it together. I appreciate the stories and advice! I will check out the blog above about the veggie challenge...sounds like fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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