Interesting article about Santa and selfishness

[maize]

http://www.crucialskills.com/2014/12/does-santa-make-you-selfish/

[fairfarmhand]

Very interesting.

 

Several years ago, we started gathering our kids near Christmas and talking to them about "What gift do YOU want to give your siblings, mom, dad, etc." Of course, this time of year, we pay our kids for all kinds of chores (we don't usually do that). I've noticed that now the focus is on "Mom ,can I do some chores for you so I can buy sister a gift." or "I still can't think of a good gift for dad." Their minds are more on giving than on getting.

 

I've also tried to bring them onboard for choosing gifts for cousins, Grandparents, etc. because I want them to think more of giving during this season than about getting stuff.

[Liz CA]

A strong reminder of the power of our words...and how much more rewarding it is to give rather than to get. Researchers have found that the same areas in our brains light up when we serve someone or help someone as when we tremendously enjoy our favorite food... :)

[LucyStoner]

My sons warmed my heart when I found them spontaneously making a Christmas list last week...of things they wanted to give other people. They had listed out everyone they wanted to give a gift to and gift ideas for each. Their ideas were pretty good too.

[Catwoman]

Idk. We have had Santa for 16 years, and I also have kids who volunteer, fundraise and enjoy giving gifts to others. In fact, my girls just left to go to the fabric and craft store, to buy what they need - with the money dd17 earned - to make presents for family and friends. Dd17 is happy she is earning money because 'I can go and buy some presents to put under the Wishing Tree ( for families who are struggling this Christmas ).

 

So based on our family sample of one, I have to say that no - being asked what you want for Christmas year after year, and having Santa come year after year, has not impacted on my children's sense of decency, sharing or caring.

 

Imo, it's more about how you raise your children throughout the year that matters.

:iagree:

 

I agree completely! Our whole family has always done the Santa thing in a very big way, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. I don't think it has had the slightest impact on children's character -- if a kid is greedy and materialistic, it's a convenient excuse to blame it on Santa.... except that Santa isn't the one raising that child 365 days a year.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Idk. We have had  Santa for 16 years, and I also have kids who volunteer, fundraise and enjoy giving gifts to others. In fact, my girls just left to go to the fabric and craft store, to buy what they need - with the money dd17 earned - to make presents for family and friends. Dd17 is happy she is earning money because 'I can go and buy some presents to put under the Wishing Tree ( for families who are struggling this Christmas ).

 

So based on our family sample of one, I have to say that no - being asked what you want for Christmas year after year, and having Santa come year after year, has not impacted on my children's sense of decency, sharing or caring.

 

Imo, it's more about how you raise your children throughout the year that matters.

 

:iagree:

[LucyStoner]

I'll chime in and say I agree with Sadie. My sons aren't greedy and they get presents from Santa every year. There was one year when my older son was totally underwhelmed by his gifts and I reacted to it like he was being selfish. I needed to check myself because he was 6 (or was it 7?, um) and for crying out loud 6 year olds can hardly be expected to be total paragons of altruism and lack of self want!

 

When I stopped, listened and dug a little deeper it was because he was really sad that he hadn't recieved any Legos because he loved putting together Legos with us after Christmas. He understood he wouldn't get everything that he wanted and appreciated the things he'd received which he hadn't thought to ask for but the lack of new Legos, even just a small set to put together was sad for him. Rather than allow him space to express that I immediately thought I was raising a selfish spoiled entitled middle class kid. I realized that I needed to be more willing to examine my expectations than I expected him, as a young child to. It was a valuable lesson as a parent especially for me since I am raising my sons in much more financial comfort and security than I had so my gut reaction was "what the heck did I do wrong, when I was a child this would have been the best Christmas ever." #Crossclassparenting

 

We usually do the 4 present thing- something to wear, something to read, something you want, something they need plus a well chosen Santa gift or two that is for them together or separately. We are big on making and recycling things so they don't expect all new (and probably don't even notice if it is brand new or not.)

[Lady Florida.]

Idk. We have had  Santa for 16 years, and I also have kids who volunteer, fundraise and enjoy giving gifts to others. In fact, my girls just left to go to the fabric and craft store, to buy what they need - with the money dd17 earned - to make presents for family and friends. Dd17 is happy she is earning money because 'I can go and buy some presents to put under the Wishing Tree ( for families who are struggling this Christmas ).

 

So based on our family sample of one, I have to say that no - being asked what you want for Christmas year after year, and having Santa come year after year, has not impacted on my children's sense of decency, sharing or caring.

 

Imo, it's more about how you raise your children throughout the year that matters.

 

i also have a very small sample family but this is true for us too. My son has always received gifts from Santa and has always enjoyed giving gifts. He would anxiously tear open his gifts, but he would also love to hand out everyone else's gifts. He has worked to fundraise, and has given his own money to various Christmas charities as well.

 

:iagree:

 

I agree completely! Our whole family has always done the Santa thing in a very big way, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. I don't think it has had the slightest impact on children's character -- if a kid is greedy and materialistic, it's a convenient excuse to blame it on Santa.... except that Santa isn't the one raising that child 365 days a year.

 

Spot on, with the bolded part.

 

When I stopped, listened and dug a little deeper it was because he was really sad that he hadn't recieved any Legos because he loved putting together Legos with us after Christmas. He understood he wouldn't get everything that he wanted and appreciated the things he'd received which he hadn't thought to ask for but the lack of new Legos, even just a small set to put together was sad for him. 

 

There were a number of years where I imagine not getting any Legos would have been extremely disappointing to my son too. 

[LucyStoner]

There were a number of years where I imagine not getting any Legos would have been extremely disappointing to my son too.

Believe you me, not a mistake we have repeated, lol.

[SKL]

For us, Christmas has always been a combination of giving and receiving.  My kids are also known to sacrifice for each other.  Often one will give her goody to the other when the other is feeling down.  I never taught them to do this (though I do make my kids share just about everything, by not designating one single owner of most things).

 

My kids are very much indulged, not just at Christmas but all year long.  Yet they are no less sensitive than other girls their age.

 

I think seeing others give is meaningful for young kids, even if they are the recipients of the gifts.

[Seeking Squirrels]

I think Santa has made it harder for my six year old to understand why we want to donate to charities or do the angel tree or whatever we choose to do that year.

 

She is very kind and generous and giving with people she knows. She absolutely loves picking out and making gifts for everyone. There is only one present under our tree so far and it's from her to her little sister. But when we try to talk to her about little kids that don't have the things she has and that need our help in order to get something for christmas, she doesn't get it. Because santa. It's okay if their parents don't have any money because santa will take care of them and give them things. She wants to give to her family and friends because she loves them. But for people she doesn't know? She's not interested.  A few things she has said on the subject do make her sound very selfish.

 

I've been pretty upset about this. I've been wondering aloud to DH (only, not DD) if we've somehow raised a completely selfish child. But then we see her do other things that are completely selfless, so I try to check my panic. So tell me, is this completely an age/maturity thing? Or should a six year old be getting this and we need to back up somewhere or find a different approach?

 

 

[Catwoman]

I think Santa has made it harder for my six year old to understand why we want to donate to charities or do the angel tree or whatever we choose to do that year.

 

She is very kind and generous and giving with people she knows. She absolutely loves picking out and making gifts for everyone. There is only one present under our tree so far and it's from her to her little sister. But when we try to talk to her about little kids that don't have the things she has and that need our help in order to get something for christmas, she doesn't get it. Because santa. It's okay if their parents don't have any money because santa will take care of them and give them things. She wants to give to her family and friends because she loves them. But for people she doesn't know? She's not interested.  A few things she has said on the subject do make her sound very selfish.

 

I've been pretty upset about this. I've been wondering aloud to DH (only, not DD) if we've somehow raised a completely selfish child. But then we see her do other things that are completely selfless, so I try to check my panic. So tell me, is this completely an age/maturity thing? Or should a six year old be getting this and we need to back up somewhere or find a different approach?

I think your expectations are far too high. Your dd is only 6. The fact that she is generous to the people she knows and loves is already far beyond the behavior of many (perfectly normal) children her age, so instead of being disappointed in her, I think you should be tremendously proud of her. Generosity toward people she doesn't know will come later.

 

Personally, based on what you have described, your dd sounds lovely, and you sound like a wonderful mom. :)

[LucyStoner]

I think Santa has made it harder for my six year old to understand why we want to donate to charities or do the angel tree or whatever we choose to do that year.

 

She is very kind and generous and giving with people she knows. She absolutely loves picking out and making gifts for everyone. There is only one present under our tree so far and it's from her to her little sister. But when we try to talk to her about little kids that don't have the things she has and that need our help in order to get something for christmas, she doesn't get it. Because santa. It's okay if their parents don't have any money because santa will take care of them and give them things. She wants to give to her family and friends because she loves them. But for people she doesn't know? She's not interested. A few things she has said on the subject do make her sound very selfish.

 

I've been pretty upset about this. I've been wondering aloud to DH (only, not DD) if we've somehow raised a completely selfish child. But then we see her do other things that are completely selfless, so I try to check my panic. So tell me, is this completely an age/maturity thing? Or should a six year old be getting this and we need to back up somewhere or find a different approach?

From the time my older son was 3-6 I ran a family services charity that did a big Christmas basket program (among many other things). Recipients received gifts and food gift cards. It was a big project and I was the only FT paid staffer so I corralled a lot of volunteers including family to help out. My son totally believed in Santa but accepted that this was a way that we could help Santa do ore for people who needed the most. That "we help Santa" explanation seemed to work well and from about age 4 on he was sorting gifts and baskets with the best of Santa's elves.

 

I definitely would urge you not to panic. She's fine. Just keep showing her the example of you helping others.

[Night Elf]

I always had long wish lists for Santa when I was a kid. My sister and i would get jealous of each other because of toys we owned. But I didn't turn out to be a selfish individual. To be honest, I couldn't say how I would have done with the test about the big and little chocolate bears. Today, I'd give them both away and not take anything for myself. I don't think the idea of Santa ruined me and I don't see any evidence of it with my own kids.

[JustEm]

I think Santa has made it harder for my six year old to understand why we want to donate to charities or do the angel tree or whatever we choose to do that year.

 

She is very kind and generous and giving with people she knows. She absolutely loves picking out and making gifts for everyone. There is only one present under our tree so far and it's from her to her little sister. But when we try to talk to her about little kids that don't have the things she has and that need our help in order to get something for christmas, she doesn't get it. Because santa. It's okay if their parents don't have any money because santa will take care of them and give them things. She wants to give to her family and friends because she loves them. But for people she doesn't know? She's not interested. A few things she has said on the subject do make her sound very selfish.

 

I've been pretty upset about this. I've been wondering aloud to DH (only, not DD) if we've somehow raised a completely selfish child. But then we see her do other things that are completely selfless, so I try to check my panic. So tell me, is this completely an age/maturity thing? Or should a six year old be getting this and we need to back up somewhere or find a different approach?

Don't be so hard on yourself or your dd. My son will be 6 in a few days and this is the first year he understands being generous to strangers. We do a giving tree at my church where we get gifts for parishioner's children who can't afford to get their kids anything. They make lists, we buy gifts and wrapping paper that get handed over to the parents so they can wrap the gifts for Christmas morning.

 

When my son asked, doesnt santa get them gifts I responded by explaining that he gets tons of gifts from all the people who love him, including santa. These parents aren't able to give their kids gifts so we buy the gifts so the parents have something to give to their loved ones. It finally made sense to him because he loves giving things to people he loves. I imagine your dd will get it eventually.

[SKL]

A 6yo is developmentally supposed to be self-centered.  It doesn't mean she will be like that forever.

 

When my kids were little, I didn't expect them to come up with ideas to help strangers.  I told them what "we" (our family, i.e. *I*) do to help others and why.  Where possible, I had them work alongside me on volunteer projects such as packing harvest boxes.  We did most of this at times other than Christmas.

 

The question about why won't Santa fix the other kids' problems was answered by - Santa has limited budget and if he's going to get something for every kid, then he can't get too much for any one kid.  And poor kids need a lot more than toys.  Maybe they don't have any clothes that fit them or anything healthy to eat.

 

My kids stopped believing in Santa at age 6/7 anyway.  I don't believe in going through all sorts of gyrations to keep the "dream" alive despite kids' developing logic.  Once there is no Santa, they can better understand why our Christmas tree is going to look different from that of many other people.  (Ours has a lot more books under it, LOL.)  This year my kids had a blast doing their Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes.  They are beginning to know what it feels like to "be" Santa.

[IsabelC]

Nice article.

 

Our situation is that we don't give the kids any gifts for Christmas. Our tradition is that each child is allocated an amount of money to give to charity, and we have a discussion around how fortunate we are, and that we don't really need anything, and what would be the best way to help others with their Xmas allowance.

 

However, we're actually thinking of changing things around and starting to give them things next year. Not just because of the harassment from others (and there is a lot; most people seem to see not doing Xmas gifts as akin to starving or torturing the kids), but to help them develop an abundance mentality. I don't want them to feel that it is bad to enjoy receiving things, or that they are having to give up getting in order to give. I want them to feel that our life is so abundant that we can enjoy extra things and give to others.