Young kids and hitting vs. slapping?

[Susan in TN]

I'm having a hard time knowing how to word this, so bear with me. Would you have a different reaction to hearing of a young child (say 4 or 6yo) getting mad and hitting another child on the arm (or back or whatever was closest) vs. slapping across the face?

 

ETA: I guess what I am wondering is if face slapping from someone that young is more likely a learned/observed behavior?

[SKL]

That young, I'm not sure.  It definitely means something different for someone older.

 

I haven't seen too many times when a young kid has slapped or hit another in the face, honestly.  Usually it's a whack on the arm or whatever body part is doing what the hitter doesn't like.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Face hits hurt more even if done with an open hand.  

[VeganCupcake]

I would consider it the same, at that age and likely most other ages.

[Wilma]

Outwardly, it'd be about the same, I think.  But inwardly a face-slap would feel different.  Maybe more personal? 

 

I have no face-slappers here, though.  And only the occasional hitter.

[Starr]

Neither is an appropriate means of expression.

[Susan in TN]

That young, I'm not sure. It definitely means something different for someone older.

 

I haven't seen too many times when a young kid has slapped or hit another in the face, honestly. Usually it's a whack on the arm or whatever body part is doing what the hitter doesn't like.

With kids that young, I guess I'm wondering if face-slapping is more of a learned or observed behavior?

[SKL]

With kids that young, I guess I'm wondering if face-slapping is more of a learned or observed behavior?

 

Or possibly more of a fear/panic reaction than a response to irritation?

[MiMi 4under3]

Hmmm. A young child hitting somebody on the arm or back seems reflexive and impulsive, whereas a slap to the face seems more intentional and purposeful.

[bolt.]

I'd tend to consider it normal (unacceptable) hitting cognitively... But my feelings in the moment may be exaggerated due to the cultural content of a face slap. I have that cultural connotation, but I doubt that a young child does; so I feel it, but I don't actually believe the child meant it that way.

 

I might get the impression that a child has observed face slaps (between others individuals, or on TV) if the face was not terribly at-hand for hitting, but the child appeared to think about it and go to the trouble of hitting the face (when other body parts were much more convenient to the impulse).

 

However, this would lead me to think the child had observed face slaps. If the child had been slapped in the face, s/he would probably be far to hurt and upset to process what happened and how to imitate it.

[KRG]

My 4 year old randomly said something about slapping faces yesterday. No one here is slapping or has been slapped on the face or anywhere for that matter. He hasn't watched anything with slapping either. I just chalked it up to being 4. He says lots of odd things.

[redsquirrel]

I don't see a difference. Both are examples of a person using physical force and and pain to get her way instead of her words. I wouldn't treat them  differently in terms of consequences or processing.

[Farrar]

I think young kids tend to lash out in the simplest way possible. So when I've seen kids under 6 yo hit, it's usually just the nearest body part. And that's usually not the face. It usually takes some measure of control to slap someone across the face, at least as I picture it. So I think it would give me pause, not so much because of a learned behavior, but because it seems to imply some planning and planning to hurt is what bothers me much more than the sort of in the heat of emotions young kid hitting stuff. Though, maybe not. I wouldn't be sure and I like to withhold judgement, especially for young kids.

 

I'll add... 6 yo is old enough to hold back. Four less so... It's a continuum, of course. I wouldn't expect most 2 yos to be able to stop the impulse to hit very well, I would be able to expect most 4 yos to most of the time, but I would be very understanding and not too punitive when they do after having just been hurt, or in the moment. I'd be less understanding with a 6 yo. A much more serious conversation would take place and possibly consequences, though it's still young enough... The other day, friends were playing. A 10 yo accidentally hit the 7 yo (though by doing something he should have known better about) and the 7 yo lashed out right back and smacked the 10 yo's arm. I felt like... that was understandable if not optimal, you know? A conversation, yes. Not a huge punishment.

[Kerileanne99]

I think the context matters. Most kids, if they hit, just seem to react. It isn't really planned and they end up sort of smacking at the nearest body part.

 

That being said, I learned that my sister had been 'popping' her kids in the mouth when they smarted off by watching her three-year-old intentionally try to hit my dd in the mouth because he didn't like what she said. I was lucky enough that it led to a serious discussion with my sister (who has 4 kids, the first at 15) and was completely overwhelmed by so many circumstances. Not an excuse, but coupled with our upbringing, had roots. Ultimately we were able to get her depression meds and a parenting class and things are much better.

 

So yes. It would be a area of concern if it was deliberate and aimed, rather than just where a frustrated little hand ended up...

[FriedClams]

We have always had a "no touching" rule. No hitting. No pushing. No rough play. Especially in water. (I LOATHE any holding under water "games".) Yes, it occasionally was violated, and I would turn s blind eye at times (Sumo against dad, etc.) But the kids know the rule.

[AimeeM]

I would find them incredibly different.

I have three children. All of whom has went through some sort of short lived "phase".

A young child "hitting" never, ime, involves such things like AIMING and intentionally open-hand "slapping" in one part of the body (such as the face). A young child hitting tends to be emotional, never elaborate, and often the result of frustration - and they "hit" at the closest thing they can.

[Korrale]

My kid (4 y.o) is pretty passive. But if he does react it is a shove. Just because it is easiest. I don't like it. But sometimes the 2 year old I watch can be a bit more aggressive. He is a slap, open handed or hit with an object anywhere kind of guy. When he was little it was often over the head or across the face just because it was easiest to access. I don't know how much he learnt. He was surrounded by a few men who used to think they had to teach him to punch and be rough. But I think a lot of it was just his more temperamental nature. He had gotten better as he has gotten older.