Counselor/therapists, anyone experienced with chronic anxiety disorder

[Ewe Mama]

Please do not quote as I may delete later.

 

I am at a complete loss as to how to help my dh, who suffers from chronic anxiety disorder.

 

He is under the care of a psychiatrist, but has not sought the help of a counselor/therapist with whom to speak regularly. I have suggested he find one for several years.

 

His biggest fear was getting cancer. In January he was diagnosed with a very early, very easy to treat form of cancer. He was treated successfully and was officially declared "in remission" in July. The doctors are all very happy and optimistic with his outcome.

 

Dh has constantly exhibited negative, defeatist attitudes about his prognosis. He says things about each birthday or holiday being his last. Not seeing his children grow up. On and on and on.

 

I know it doesn't help matters that at least three other people in his office have recently been diagnosed with cancer. They are constantly doing cancer awareness fundraisers and whatnot. His best friend's mil is in the last stages if cancer and is in the hospital. He just can't get away from it.

 

I love dh and want to be supportive of him, but I don't know what to do to help him. His shrink has him on two different anti-anxiety medications and some sleeping pills, upon which he is now completely dependent for sleep at night. This has concerned me greatly and the psychiatrist told him to cut back, so now he is hardly sleeping, or wakes very early and his mind starts churning.

 

Dh is a recovering alcoholic, attends meetings, and regularly hangs out with his friends from meetings.

 

In the past two months, since being declared in remission, he has been back to the doctors to have two biopsies. The doctors have continued to say that everything is totally fine. He now says that he is unable to hear in one of his ears. He went to the doctor who said he had an ear infection. The doctor said his ear was red inside, but he had no other symptoms of an ear infection. Balance was fine, no dizziness, no sinus problems, nothing. He was given antibiotics, which are not helping. Dh is now positive he has a brain tumor.

 

He sits around the house and does absolutely nothing. He keeps finding excuses to leave work early and come home. He eats junk food and is gaining weight. He never exercises, never spends time with the kids. The only time he talks to me is after the kids go to bed and he starts worrying about everything. I try to be supportive and to listen patiently, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out. He doesn't listen to any suggestions I offer, like finding a therapist and exercising with me and the kids. He is always yelling at me and the children, rarely says or does anything kind or helpful. There have been moments of his rational self peeking through, but they are so few and far between that I have started to wonder if my dh will ever be back.

 

Is this a time for patient understanding, or should I give him a suck it up, Buttercup tough-love stance? I don't want to encourage his woe is me attitude, when the doctors have told him repeatedly that all is well. He goes in for his next PET scan in early October, but I honestly don't know how to be there for him in the meantime.

 

I am an optimistic, happy type person who has spent the last 16 years with Eeyore on steroids. I am starting to get snippy with him because I don't know how to cope with his constant, overwhelming negativity any more. We are about to celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary and I would like it to be a good one.

 

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I would also love some book suggestions.

 

Thanks for reading all of this.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Joanne]

I think I have sufficient background to respond, but if you'd like to know what that is, please ask or PM me.

 

How long has he been sober? Does co-occuring or other mental health issues run in his family?

The deal with anxiety (as a mental health issue, not the normal anxiety of life)  is that it is not rational. He has many thinking errors that would benefit from experienced, licensed mental health support.

From an addiction standpoint, I am concerned about the sleeping pills. *Some* things in your post indicate being in relapse - keeping in mind when I say that that drinking/drugging is the LAST act in relapse - thinking and behavioral changes precede the use. One of the common relapse components is secondary drug or alcohol (if alcohol was not the drug of choice) use.

 

In addition to the anxiety, I see depression.

 

If your personal integrity is such that staying is your decision, "no matter what", you have limited options. My suggestion would be to decide to build a happy, fulfilling, rewarding and rich life for you and the kids. As you may know from Al Anon, you did not cause this, can't cure this, can't control this for him.

 

I would also encourage you to not "protect" him with the kids - I'd be direct and explicit with them that his brain is not functioning properly, that it is diseased and untreated and that is why he is the way he is. The kids also need to know, age appropriately as the mature, they are at risk for mental health issues. They deserve to know that Dad is sick, and that while there *is* treatment, part of his sickness prevents him from accessing it. And they need to know it is not their fault. They would even benefit from Alateen or Alatot.

 

[texasmama]

I concur with Joanne, and I also see much more than anxiety.  I see ongoing depression (possibly Dysthymia) and potentially other issues, as well, which cannot be diagnosed over the internet.

 

I highly suggest an "intervention" of sorts, even if it only includes you being very clear and confrontive.  Do so with the support and advice of your own therapist.  If he will not enter treatment (individual and/or marital therapy), then you have reached another decision point, but him engaging in individual and marital therapy would be my goal in an intervention.

 

I also agree with Joanne regarding how the children receive information about your dh's behavior towards them (and you...and in general) such that it is not normalized and that they understand that he has a problem, not them.  The situation you describe is potentially pretty damaging for kids.

 

I share concerns about sleeping pills and think that the psychiatrist is likely missing the big picture, which is easy to do when the picture is complex and a doctor has only a short time with a patient and only the patient's feedback on which to prescribe.

 

If you are Christian, I highly recommend the Boundaries in Marriage book.  Also, get yourself to Alanon because it sounds like you are living with a dry drunk.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: Many hugs and thoughts as you navigate this situation. 

[Ewe Mama]

Thanks, Joanne.

 

He has been sober for 17 years. No relapses. The psychiatrist he has been seeing for several years is one who has a very good reputation among the AA crowd around here because of his knowledge of the program. He prescribed the sleeping meds while dh was still undergoing chemo and radiation to help him rest and remain physically well. He continued to ok their use after treatment was completed. I became uncomfortable with his sleep pattern being so affected and his inability to sleep on his own at night. He can fall asleep at the drop of a hat at any other time of day, it is just that he doesn't seem to be able to sleep through the night unless he takes something. If he doesn't take it, he wakes up at 4 am and can't go back to sleep because his thoughts and fears take over. So he gets up and takes a half of a pill and half of a Xanax to sleep a bit longer. As soon as I was concerned about the sleeping pills, he asked the psychiatrist about it, so it wasn't as though he was trying to hide it or afraid of being cut off. His doctor agreed that it was time to wean him off. I think that is what they are still trying to work out.

 

Dh is the only member of his family I have knowledge of depression or other mental issues. He was admitted to a psych ward as a teenager once, due to severe depression. It was after that that he began drinking. He drank until about a year before we met, so I have no first-hand knowledge of his drinking days.

 

I am not of the opinion that our marriage is doomed or anything so dire as that. I am looking for suggestions and coping mechanisms for both of us. I have never been involved in his appointments with his psychiatrist. I would love to do counseling, together and individually. He has always been Eeyore-ish, but usually he exercises, is the "fun" parent, and is a lot more involved in life. I am just really worried about him and want to be there for him in a healthy, encouraging way.

[texasmama]

I think this has become your "new norm", and you are likely accustomed to it.  The frog in the boiling pot may apply here.  I view your dh's situation and your marriage as somewhat more troubled than you do given the information you list in your OP.  Certainly not hopeless but in need of quite a bit of individual/family/marital support.  He really needs professionals, mama.  You can't do much to fix this at home, particularly as the situation seems to be worsening.  What you can do is "choose life", as it were, in spite of his negativity and inappropriate behaviors - and you can give your children the information that he is ill and that his yelling at them and not engaging with them and, in fact, disengaging from life in general, is not their fault. 

 

(((hugs))) 

 

Take what you need and leave the rest.

[Joanne]

I agree with Texasmama; the creeping symptoms have been normalized for you and it's likely your family doesn't "see" how far from ok you've drifted.

I also want to suggest you have DH see a general MD/Family practice and have his testosterone checked.

 

The problem with sleep aids in the brain of an alcoholic is the diseased response; alcoholics have an exaggerated and pathological response to such drugs. Then, as you've identified, his anxiety brain begins the assault.

 

Is he aware of the level of irrationality? Is he aware of his family tone and relationship with the kids?

 

Even though you were not involved with his drinking days, you'd qualify for Al Anon and benefit from learning the tools there.

 

 

[Kebo]

I would be wondering if there were a medical problem underlying this .... does he have other symptoms? GI problems, chronic sinus issues, migraines? Could he have an undiagnosed medical problem, such as celiac disease (http://www.celiaccentral.org/mental-health/Anxiety/614/) or low thyroid or testosterone (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-best-strategies-managing-adult-adhd/201304/the-great-masqueraders-depression-anxiety-low-en)? Is he on any medications that might have anxiety/depression as a side effect? If he's open to diagnostics, I would recommend doing a VERY thorough history and workup, preferably with a doctor who is trained in this sort of thing. It might take some looking to find the right professional.

[sbgrace]

Is one of his anxiety meds an anti-depressant? If not, I think it should be. He sounds depressed for one, and I hear some obsessive type anxiety for 2. If it is an ant-depressant, it sounds like a med change or secondary med is needed.

 

I agree with getting his testosterone checked. 

 

A cognitive behavioral therapist would be your best bet for therapy for the negativity and anxiety, but I suspect he needs depression and anxiety stabilized by medication before he'll get much benefit. I'd research good ones.

 

 

[Guest]

Erik Bohlin has some great info on his website which is his full name as one word, with .net at the end.  I'm not sure about the linking rules anymore ...  

 

He helped me a great deal with anxiety.  

[Miss Mousie]

I highly suggest an "intervention" of sorts, even if it only includes you being very clear and confrontive.  Do so with the support and advice of your own therapist.  If he will not enter treatment (individual and/or marital therapy), then you have reached another decision point, but him engaging in individual and marital therapy would be my goal in an intervention.

 

 

 

 

Is he aware of the level of irrationality? Is he aware of his family tone and relationship with the kids?

 

 

I hesitate to comment, as I have zero training or experience in this area, but the above tidbits made me think that you might try "holding a mirror" before your DH.  Perhaps a log of sorts indicating briefly a few situations throughout a day and noting how DH reacted.  You might also note how you had expected him to react, based on your experience with him  pre-diagnosis, and see if he will acknowledge the differences.

 

I would assume this would have to be *very* gentle so he doesn't feel attacked or get defensive and shut it all out.

 

Again, I have no notion of whether this is a good idea, but maybe if you run it past a therapist you can get some knowledgeable assistance in forming a plan.

 

Best wishes to you and the Ram Man, Ewe Mama.

[maize]

My husband deals with chronic depression, anxiety, and OCD; I have a fair idea of what you are going through. Fortunately for us medication mostly does its job and dh is able to function most of the time in a healthy way. The disease never goes away, though, and we have faced many relapses over the years.

 

Counseling would be helpful, maybe he would consider going together if you frame it as needing to go as a couple to get help working through the stress of dealing with cancer. You might want to talk or write a letter to the counselor beforehand explaining your husband's history and your own concerns. I did something like this at the beginning of this year when dh was in a rather bad slump and I knew he needed to get back into counseling but he wasn't interested. I set up a marriage counseling session with someone who I knew also dealt with depression, anxiety etc. and as I hoped the counselor was able to convince dh to come in for regular sessions of his own. Also, it really doesn't sound like the meds he is on are working well for him; does the psychiatrist know how badly he is functioning right now? Your input and observations might also be helpful to the Dr. in determining if meds need to be adjusted

 

 

And I agree with being very open with your children. I talk with my kids a lot when dad is in a negative mood, we talk about how the illness affecting his brain is not his fault, that he works with doctors to try to make things work better but sometimes there are still problems, that his behavior during these times is not his real personality and that they are not responsible for causing his negativity and anger nor do they have the power to make it go away (i.e. by trying to appease him). Letting daddy take a nap and hoping he wakes up feeling better are often the best we can do.

 

It's tricky because when he is irrational he is really not capable of being a real spouse or a real parent. Fortunately he is healthy enough most of the time that the kids have a generally good relationship with "real" dad, and can differentiate between that relationship and the un-relationship they have with "sick dad" who rears his head from time to time.

 

I am sorry you are going through this, and hope you are able to get your dh into counseling, maybe more effective medication, and hopefully some more healthy behavior patterns (exercise, diet...) to get him out of this slump. Many hugs to you and your children, it is not an easy path.

[Ewe Mama]

Thanks for the book recommendation, texasmama. I will definitely look into it as we are Christians and we believe in the sanctity of marriage.

 

I spoke to him on the phone earlier and I said that I felt the need to have some counseling as a couple, to come to terms with many things that we have been facing, along with the whole cancer thing and his anxiety. He was surprisingly open to the idea, which was a blessing. I will talk to him further about this later. He is aware that things need to change and seems to be willing to try.

 

I told him I was concerned about his sobriety and asked him if he felt that he had fallen off the wagon because of the sleeping meds. He said he had been following his doctors' recommendations (who were all aware of his sobriety) and was within their guidelines. He reminded me that following his surgery and during his cancer treatment he was given a prescription to a very addictive narcotic, but he had had no difficulty taking what was needed for pain management and then leaving the rest. He continues to attend meetings and has very close friendships with other people in the program, one of whom is a counsellor. He sees them several times each week, so is not isolating and he is definitely involved in helping others.

 

I asked him about getting his testosterone checked, as well.

 

He was all worked up about whether or not he should call the ENT who did his cancer surgery to ask him about the hearing loss. He does not like to be a pest, so he internally agonizes. I told him to call.

[Trish]

Regarding the hearing loss -- perhaps this an actual medical issue?

 

Just because he is prone to think "brain tumor" doesn't mean he shouldn't be checked out for one. (unless this has been done already or recently)

 

Also wondering if it could be related to his use of medication?

[Ewe Mama]

Is one of his anxiety meds an anti-depressant? If not, I think it should be. He sounds depressed for one, and I hear some obsessive type anxiety for 2. If it is an ant-depressant, it sounds like a med change or secondary med is needed.

 

I agree with getting his testosterone checked.

 

A cognitive behavioral therapist would be your best bet for therapy for the negativity and anxiety, but I suspect he needs depression and anxiety stabilized by medication before he'll get much benefit. I'd research good ones.

I'm not sure what's what, but he seems to currently take zolpidem 10 mg, alprazolam (I think the label says 1 mg, and duloxetine (60mg)

 

I don't know what each one targets, but those are the bottles he currently has on his meds shelf.

 

He has been prescribed different things at various times, but I think these have been his regulars for a while now. Could the chemo and radiation have changed the effectiveness of the meds? Just thinking out loud here...

[Ewe Mama]

Erik Bohlin has some great info on his website which is his full name as one word, with .net at the end. I'm not sure about the linking rules anymore ...

 

He helped me a great deal with anxiety.

I will definitely check this out. Thank you for sharing the info!

[Joanne]

I'm not sure what's what, but he seems to currently take zolpidem 10 mg, alprazolam (I think the label says 1 mg, and duloxetine (60mg)

 

I don't know what each one targets, but those are the bottles he currently has on his meds shelf.

 

He has been prescribed different things at various times, but I think these have been his regulars for a while now. Could the chemo and radiation have changed the effectiveness of the meds? Just thinking out loud here...

 

The alprazolam (Xanax) is a drug of abuse. With his background, I would not feel comfortable with it.

 

I am an addiction professional and specialist. We won't accept alprazolam for our clients in Intensive Outpatient Substance Abuse treatment. Most residential treatment centers won't accept it, either. I would not refer to an MD who prescribes it for recovering addicts, and I would not feel comfortable taking it.  I have found, unfortunately, even Psychiatrists do not get adequate training on addiction. I won't say anything further, I am not an MD.

[Ewe Mama]

Regarding the hearing loss -- perhaps this an actual medical issue?

 

Just because he is prone to think "brain tumor" doesn't mean he shouldn't be checked out for one. (unless this has been done already or recently)

 

Also wondering if it could be related to his use of medication?

I agree completely. He was checked out by a GP (not our doctor, but a different one in her practice.). He said it was an ear infection (no symptoms other than hearing loss) and prescribed a Z pak. No change. DH has been agonizing over calling the doctor ear, nose, throat doctor who did his cancer surgery because he doesn't want to be a pest. I told him to call. Both of his trips back to the doctor since his remission was confirmed in July have been valid concerns, but he has always checked out as being fine following the biopsies.

 

My biggest desire for him, and I know this may being asking wayyyy too much for someone with an anxiety disorder, is for him to be able to say that he is concerned about some health problem, but he is most likely going to be just fine. I just wish he had the coping mechanisms to not jump to worst case scenario every single time. His doctors have been so encouraging and optimistic throughout the entire process. He just does not believe he is going to beat this and it is heart-breaking.

[Ewe Mama]

The alprazolam (Xanax) is a drug of abuse. With his background, I would not feel comfortable with it.

 

I am an addiction professional and specialist. We won't accept alprazolam for our clients in Intensive Outpatient Substance Abuse treatment. Most residential treatment centers won't accept it, either. I would not refer to an MD who prescribes it for recovering addicts, and I would not feel comfortable taking it. I have found, unfortunately, even Psychiatrists do not get adequate training on addiction. I won't say anything further, I am not an MD.

Thanks for that info, Joanne. What would be an acceptable alternative in his situation?

[maize]

One thing that has helped me personally deal with the challenges and burdens of mental illness in the family is to think of it the way I would a physical handicap. Dh has a sister who is blind, and her handicap impacts her family in many ways: in spite of the fact that she is a very independent and capable woman, SIL can never drive the children somewhere, supervise them in a swimming pool, read notes sent home from school, etc. There are a myriad of ways in which the whole family must adapt to accommodate mom's blindness, there are exceptional expenses such as hiring a driver to take kids to after school activities or mom to the grocery store. It is part of the reality around which their lives are built but does not define their lives.

 

Dh's mental illness is his handicap, and our marriage and family have had to adapt to deal with that. Sometimes it means a weekend plan gets changed because dad is in a slump and can't live up to his part of it. Sometimes it means I carry the brunt of the parenting responsibilities because dh isn't rational enough to parent responsibly. Sometimes it means I make decisions on my own because trying to consult together to make a joint decisions runs up against a deadlock of anxiety (I ended up choosing the house we bought without input from dh because the house hunting process was more stress-inducing than he could handle, he never even saw the house until the final pre-closing walk through). Sometimes it means exceptional expenses in the form of expensive counseling sessions.

 

It complicates life, it complicates our marriage. But it doesn't define our lives or our relationship, it is something we work through together as much as possible and, when that is not possible, it is something the rest of the family just works around.

[Ewe Mama]

One thing that has helped me personally deal with the challenges and burdens of mental illness in the family is to think of it the way I would a physical handicap. Dh has a sister who is blind, and her handicap impacts her family in many ways: in spite of the fact that she is a very independent and capable woman, SIL can never drive the children somewhere, supervise them in a swimming pool, read notes sent home from school, etc. There are a myriad of ways in which the whole family must adapt to accommodate mom's blindness, there are exceptional expenses such as hiring a driver to take kids to after school activities or mom to the grocery store. It is part of the reality around which their lives are built but does not define their lives.

 

Dh's mental illness is his handicap, and our marriage and family have had to adapt to deal with that. Sometimes it means a weekend plan gets changed because dad is in a slump and can't live up to his part of it. Sometimes it means I carry the brunt of the parenting responsibilities because dh isn't rational enough to parent responsibly. Sometimes it means I make decisions on my own because trying to consult together to make a joint decisions runs up against a deadlock of anxiety (I ended up choosing the house we bought without input from dh because the house hunting process was more stress-inducing than he could handle, he never even saw the house until the final pre-closing walk through). Sometimes it means exceptional expenses in the form of expensive counseling sessions.

 

It complicates life, it complicates our marriage. But it doesn't define our lives or our relationship, it is something we work through together as much as possible and, when that is not possible, it is something the rest of the family just works around.

Thanks for sharing this, maize. Thank you for the reminder and wake-up call.

[maize]

I agree completely. He was checked out by a GP (not our doctor, but a different one in her practice.). He said it was an ear infection (no symptoms other than hearing loss) and prescribed a Z pak. No change. DH has been agonizing over calling the doctor ear, nose, throat doctor who did his cancer surgery because he doesn't want to be a pest. I told him to call. Both of his trips back to the doctor since his remission was confirmed in July have been valid concerns, but he has always checked out as being fine following the biopsies.

 

My biggest desire for him, and I know this may being asking wayyyy too much for someone with an anxiety disorder, is for him to be able to say that he is concerned about some health problem, but he is most likely going to be just fine. I just wish he had the coping mechanisms to not jump to worst case scenario every single time. His doctors have been so encouraging and optimistic throughout the entire process. He just does not believe he is going to beat this and it is heart-breaking.

A good therapist can help him learn to recognize catastrophic thinking and redirect his mind in a healthier direction.

[StephanieZ]

Holy cow, that sounds awful. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. From what you write, it really sounds to me like he has a serious depression, not simply anxiety. I have had anxiety issues as have some of my good friends, and I know anxiety can be really awful. But, it also sounds to me like the medications are not the cure. Which should be obvious from how long he has been on them and how unhappy and poorly functioning he is now. I'd urge him to go to a good therapist, probably a cognitive therapist, as I've found that the typical "talk therapy" approach is tiring and not terribly effective. You can spend years whining about your crappy parents and the mean kids in 7th grade . . . but not feel any better or function any better. He needs to feel and function better in a matter of months, not years. So, anyway, I'd ask the psychiatrist for referrals and/or ask your GP and/or ask around or google your local area . . . 

 

I am a believer that serious psychiatric medications should never be used without actual ongoing therapy. In the vast majority of conditions, therapy alone is equally as helpful as meds, and both together are much more effective than either alone. Not to mention, medications have side effects, addictive potential, etc. 

 

I would try to consider this a serious marital issue as well as a serious health issue for your dh. I would INSIST he get full and aggressive treatment including therapy. I would willingly go to joint sessions/therapy as well, but I'd insist he go weekly to a therapist/counselor until he was WELL. I would insist just as I would if he were refusing to treat a treatable cancer or high blood pressure, etc. He owes it to you and your kids to be as healthy as he can be. I would try to be gentle for a while, but I would, if necessary, go as far as to move me and the kids out of the family home if he refused to get help, as I don't think it is healthy to be around that kind of illness when the victim is refusing to get help. So, I would force the issue. I wouldn't divorce over it, but I would separate indefinitely if needed. 

 

(((Hugs)))

[Catwoman]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Farrar]

My dh and I have also been married for 16 years, he's also been sober for about that long, he also suffers from anxiety. We've been really lucky that medication does its job. He has ups and downs, but not since before we were married has he had a down anything close to what you're describing. However, just strongly seconding what Joanne was saying and that many doctors don't seem to understand the dangers of some prescription drugs for addicts. In dh's early recovery time, he was given meds that he really should not have been by doctors and psychiatrists who clearly did not know what they were doing in dealing with addiction. It still baffles me when I look back on it. Much more minor, but he had to have an argument with the dentist about alcoholic mouthwash the dentist was trying to proscribe for gingivitis. I just don't trust medical providers to be savvy about addiction issues.

 

I don't have great advice, just hugs. I hope you're able to really aggressively advocate for him and help him find the treatment he needs.

[sbgrace]

I think you need someone to take a fresh look at those medications. His depression/anxiety med is Cymbalta. That wouldn't be first choice due to side effects alone. I wonder why no SSRI. I can't speak to the addiction component, but I think you definitely need different medications. These aren't working.

[Happy2BaMom]

 

Ds, 11, has struggled with an anxiety disorder, major insomnia, OCD symptoms and panic attacks for several years. The first six months of this year were pretty hellish, and we were just about to put him on psychotropics (had the Rx in hand) until we discovered "The Chemistry of Calm" by Henry Emmons, MD (psychiatrist) and made one last-gasp attempt to avoid the prescription treadmill.

 

We have had AMAZING results since, following the therapeutic supplement recommendations of Dr. Emmons, who recommends an integrated approach using diet modification, meditation, and a variety of natural supplements to increase seratonin levels and GABA-receptivity/levels. We also see a Functional Medicine doctor, who helps balance the supplements ds is taking. The supplements can be taken along with prescription anti-depressants, and in some cases they have been proven to increase the effectiveness of the meds. The approach tries to support proper "brain chemistry". Your husband sounds like he needs professional help on several fronts, but perhaps this book could also help support his brain/body functioning. There are some pretty strong links between alcohol addiction, anxiety/mental issues and a condition called 'pyroluria'. Even if your dh does not have this condition, there can be nutritional issues with alcoholics and their cravings.

 

Ds no longer has insomnia and his daytime symptoms are reduced by 50% or so (in my estimation). He is still anxious, but it no longer runs all of our lives. We have tried EVERYTHING over the years - nutritionists, herbalists, chiropractors, counselors, a full-on sleep study, cranial sacral therapists, yoga, etc. etc. Nothing has helped for more than a few days, except for this.

 

You mentioned that you are Christian. Dr. Emmons does discuss Eastern-type meditation in one chapter of the book, but I believe you could easily either skip the section, or take the gist of what he is discussing and adapt it within the context of your beliefs.

 

The Life Extension Foundation (www.lef.org) has a summary of the supplement recommendations of Dr. Emmons (search "The Chemistry of Calm" - I'd link to it but can't for some reason using my iPad).

 

Dr. Emmons also wrote the book "The Chemistry of Joy" about depression. It may also be worth checking out. The book "The Mood Cure" was also helpful for me.

 

You have my sympathy/empathy. It is very difficult living with someone who is in the grip of irrational thoughts and addictive behaviors. Best of luck.

[StephanieZ]

I'm not sure what's what, but he seems to currently take zolpidem 10 mg, alprazolam (I think the label says 1 mg, and duloxetine (60mg)

 

I don't know what each one targets, but those are the bottles he currently has on his meds shelf.

 

He has been prescribed different things at various times, but I think these have been his regulars for a while now. Could the chemo and radiation have changed the effectiveness of the meds? Just thinking out loud here...

 

IME, Xanax is definitely a drug you can get used to and it can easily become less effective over time if taken frequently. I have had an RX for it for close to a decade, but I've only taken it a few times per year nearly all that time. Generally my bottles expire before use, so every two or three years I get another small bottle of low dose pills. It's nice for me to have on hand for major dental work (little bit phobic, but much less so now than I was when first prescribed, as by using the Xanax over the years, dentistry became less and less stressful, so now I don't even take it for routine stuff, just save it for root canals, etc), family crises (deaths, critical illnesses, etc), but, for about a month in 2012, I was very ill (allergic reaction to a drug), which resulted in multiple ER visits, a 24 hr hospitalization, and months of high dose steroids, as well as a complete cessation of running, where I had been running 40-50 miles per week or more for many months, which was my personal coping mechanism for the stress I was under (recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's in my mom).

 

So, I was sick and a complete basket case, since steroids are crazy-making, I was battling constant hives which I am rather panic attacky/PTSD about (long story), and I couldn't run (would cause more hives), and so the DR had me on nightly Xanax to allow me to sleep (otherwise I was not sleeping at all). In that month of being on it, I was nervous about being on it daily, as I know it's addictive potential. My dose was low enough not to generally lead to addiction (just once a day, relatively low dose), but, even so, I noticed that over the month, the one tablet that used to KNOCK ME OUT would now just MELLOW. My prior "mellow me" dose barely touched me, and my prior "knock me out" dose was now just enough to mellow me a bit.

 

I got off the Xanax around then (even before getting off the steroids or restarting running) by switching to melatonin (horse doses at first, lol) and benadryl as my sleep aids, which I still use and is safe, effective, and non-addictive. (I really have no idea why doctors don't prescribe this combination of safe and effective OTC sleep aids. I know so many people on hard core RX sleep aids . . . ) After not having more than one or two doses of Xanax over the last year, I took a Xanax last week after a very difficult several days and nights, and my old teeny-tiny "mellow me out dose" was plenty to once again knock me out for a great night's sleep. I personally love having it in my medicine cabinet, but I am 44 and have never had addiction issues, and I am still very leery of daily use for anyone, and I would never use it daily myself for any extended period, as I can easily see it becoming habit forming as I saw readily how you'd have to constantly increase dosage to get the same results. On the other hand, melatonin and benadryl work just as well for months on end (actually, even better, as I was able to reduce the melatonin dosage over time), without any significant side effects and no addictive potential. 

[Kebo]

You might also want to get his vitamin D levels checked as well.

[maize]

The most helpful medication advice dh has received has actually come from his therapist. He share's the therapist's recommendations when he goes to his dr., the Dr of course does the prescribing but a good therapist sees more of how a patient is progressing or not progressing over time, and may have better insight into what drugs or combinations have been most effective for people with similar symptoms. There is unfortunately quite a bit of trial and error involved in tailoring psychiatric medications to an individual; what works well for one person may be largely ineffective or may cause unacceptable side effects for another.