What do you do to help the homeless?

[BlueTaelon]

This past week has probably been the most difficult of my life, a week ago we found ourselves homeless since I haven't worked since Dec due to dd13's needs and just living on her SSI wasn't paying the bills even though we hadn't splurged on anything in months, I couldn't even meet our basic needs for rent and electric much less anything else. I reached out to organizations I was told might be able to help but everyone was tapped out.  I did the only thing I could so we didn't lose it all, I put everything but what we needed daily in storage (clothes, food, toiletries) and tried making a plan. When your homeless simple things are no longer simple, the 1 place in the city (an hour from here) that offers free showers and laundry is not all that safe a place and you need to keep your children next to you at all times for safety, plan to spend $5 for a 10 min shower at a campground. Cooking a simple meal on a camp stove requires planning since it needs time to cool down and then you need to find a place you can wash your dishes. I discovered being homeless costs even more because your literally paying for everything piecemeal. Laundry, showers, a camp site (you can't sleep in your car with children or CPS will remove them), propane fuel for cooking. It adds up fast!

 

I learned it means having a conversation with CPS right off the bat to explain how you will meet all your children's needs so they don't show up unexpected when your already stressed out. (I was actually relieved after that conversation because both my kids are special needs and one had a freshly broken collar bone at that point but I addressed every concern and showed I had a plan and that I was taking steps to make sure this truly was temporary. They said I was doing great and they had no concerns)

 

I learned you can't count on shelters, they won't even accept us between severe foods allergies and a child with a autism dx. The noise and chaos causes to many issues in their experience and dd13's (she has autism) electronics would most likely get stolen and taking them away is going to cause major issues.  The fact that I don't drink or do drugs was also a strike against us since apparently most people end up homeless due to drugs or alcohol so I wouldn't need to participate in a rehab program. I also technically have a job since my boss is holding my position for when I can come back. So while these are all positive things we don't fit the profile of who the shelters help. I was surprised to learn how often this actually happens to SN families, we don't waste money, we do what we should but when the bottom falls out we fall though the cracks.

 

I thought this area didn't really have a homeless population until we became homeless ourselves and realized that the homeless are often invisible. I see them now when I go to the various agencies looking for help and I can easily see them on the streets now where as before I would not have pegged them as homeless.

 

I'm one of those crazy coupon ladies and I've donated my freebie hauls a lot to the shelters over the years and thought I was doing my part but it wasn't until now that I realized I only helped a few since most homeless don't go to the shelters for a number of reasons. When your donating actually go inside, talk to the homeless themselves, find out which agencies are actually helping the most and give to them and not just the shelters. I've been amazed at the amount of places out there for help but most are so strapped you have to go to several just to get very basic needs met (you wouldn't believe how excited I was to get 2 rolls of TP the other day!) and that means getting around which can be very difficult when your homeless. I'm thankful I have a working car, its 15 years old but it works well so I've been able to get around, I can't imagine being on foot and dragging around kids no less, especially when there isn't really public transportation available, there is one bus that runs in a square around the city every 2 hours which leaves several miles of walking. I only wish there was an agency that gives gas vouchers because of all the running around we need to do. Its insane I have to attend a church service and discuss it with the church to get help, its 100 miles round trip which they are aware of but it would get us money for our first months rent so I will need to donate plasma twice to have the gas money to go not once but twice because of course I can't discuss my thoughts on the same day as the service.

 

This has been a humiliating and difficult week and made me realize where the needs are not being met for many. For us this is thankfully short term, were getting into an income based apt hopefully by the end of next week, its not in the city we wanted but at least its an actual city with about 2k people (our current one has under 300 people) with our Dr's, a hospital and 2 grocery stores and its only 15 minutes longer drive into the city then we make now. Because we got housing coming up my mom has decided we can sleep on her floor until we get in next week instead of the campground which while safer is more stressful I think since I have a strained relationship with my parents as they do not understand or accept my kids SN's. Anyway, the big city (40k people is big here) has a homeless out reach person and with her help we were able to get St Vincent De Paul (this agency is amazing, I had no idea they did so much!) to cover our security deposit and the church will cover our first months rent (rent we can actually afford since its 30% of our income when combined with utilities)

 

I realize though that we are very very lucky to find permanent shelter so quickly, most places the waiting list is 1-3+ years but since I'm willing to go rural it was easier and I have to admit the area is beautiful with a stream nearby that you can hear from the apt and they are in good shape. It meets our basic needs so we will be fine. I've stayed in our little town so dd7 can stay in school which she loves and maintain some normalcy for her and when we move to the town 30 min from here the schools are working out how to get her over here since its a protected right to stay at your school when you become homeless even if you relocate, plus its to late to transfer with only 3 weeks left of the year and I want her to finish it out. She can transfer next year to the new school.

 

I haven't been able to do my couponing thing since we got here a year ago but this experience has renewed my interest and I will be making sure to give to organizations that help everyone instead of just those lucky enough to get into the shelter and without strings. I will be making and giving out toiletry bags with basics like bottled water, soap, razor, shaving cream, toilet paper rolls, baby wipes ect. I didn't realize how much they were needed until I was living it and this is stuff I can often get for free or pennies with coupons  but it takes planning, time and resources the homeless often don't have access to. It never occurred to me how the little things I take for granted were such a big deal to those who don't have them. Yesterday I needed to print out copies of all my bills and in the back of my head I'm thinking "no biggie, I'll print them out at home" then reality hit, I don't have a home, my mom doesn't have a printer and the library is closed for 3 more days (its only open 3 days a week here for a few hours) so I needed to call around and find a place I could do that which made me grateful I have a cell phone then trek out there.

 

I'm out of time and need to go do chores but just wanted to tell people to please be aware of where your donations actually go and think about whats actually needed. Clothes and old stuff are great but there is an even greater need for the very basics for sleeping (sleeping bags), shelter (tent) and hygiene.

[Ethel Mertz]

Hugs to you. Thank you so much for your post. I've worked with several agencies that help homeless folks and you have nailed it ever so accurately. I am so sorry you have had to go through this and i am very glad that you have found a solution.  :grouphug:

[Ottakee]

Sorry you are struggling with this right now.

 

Our church has helped several families in your situation with gas cards, food cards, things food stamps don't cover (toiletries, personal hygiene, etc) even down to gift cards so that the parent(s) could go pick out their own child's gifts for Christmas instead of just getting whatever someone else though they needed.

 

Thankfully our area has a few women's shelters that take women and children. 

[AimeeM]

*hugs*

I was actually going to suggest SVDP, as our parish works directly with them (and our parish has a SVDP office/team). They really are amazing. Even when everyone else is tapped for funds, they will do everything they can to help.

 

On a personal level, all I do is donate cash and food directly to the homeless that I see. Other than SVDP I'm very weary of most organizations and prefer to donate directly.

[Moxie]

Yes, donating is important but I think even more important is to build community. If you have friends that care for you, you build a safety net for yourself and you can be a safety net for others.

[6packofun]

Situations like yours are so much more complex than most of us realize!  (And more common I'm sure.)

 

Can you share what one thing a single person or family could do to help your situation?  We want to know how to help, but don't know what that "one thing" is to get started...

[6packofun]

Btw, I printed out your post to share with others as a real-life experience with homelessness.  I think it would be very helpful.

[poppy]

What an incredible post, thanks for laying it out like that. I'll be following this thread with interest.

[BlueTaelon]

Situations like yours are so much more complex than most of us realize!  (And more common I'm sure.)

 

Can you share what one thing a single person or family could do to help your situation?  We want to know how to help, but don't know what that "one thing" is to get started...

 

 

For us the biggest, immediate crisis was shelter, we didn't have a good waterproof tent (rains a lot here) or money to pay for the campsite more then 3 days the day we became homeless and I was told repeatedly that where ever we slept don't let it be in the car! That one still baffles me because it wasn't to hot or cold and while not the best place to sleep I could lock the doors.  Anyway, the basics are needed, safe shelter, sleeping bags, toiletries, those little $20 backpacker stoves that run on those $3 propane bottles and a pot so they can heat up a meal, bottled water (its amazing the amount of junk foods and sodas that have been offered to us instead of water and healthy foods that we need to stay healthy when staying outside), baby wipes are great for wiping down for a kind of sponge bath and for cleaning hands and faces when you dont have water around.

[Ameena]

*hugs* I've not been homeless, but have come close a couple times. There also is a class of what I call near-homeless or ultra low income - one step away from being homeless. I've been there a lot. Having to scrounge bus fare to get to the store to be able to buy groceries with food stamps, having to try to figure out how to pay for toilet paper, wipes & pullups for dd with no money coming in.

 

ITA with finding out which places actually help, and which ones only pretend to help those in need. There are large churches in our city that on paper look like the have a great program for those in need - until you actually try to get help. Then they make Scrooge look friendly. Or the ones that will help with utility bills, but only if it's not on a disconnect or a payment plan. Or more than X many days late. Those make no sense to me.

 

And If I had to say one thing - please please please don't require a church service before offering aid. Most of the places that seem to do this are X-tian in some sense. If one believes the teachings of the Bible - Jesus never asked questions first - he just helped. So why don't they?

 

My best experience has been at a little hole in the wall ministry place done by a local church - they do a service that lasts about 20 minutes while folks are eating a hot meal. It's optional, and they make sure to announce that if anyone wants to step out while they do a short service that is okay. They also are the nicest folks, and really go the extra mile to get folks what they need, be it a sleeping bag, a tent, food, whatever. They do bus passes, food, clothing, SHOES, housewares, hair cuts and other odds & ends. Sometimes bikes too - BIKES are a big need here for homeless to get around.

 

Here, SVDP has been good too. We also have a local group called CAM - Christian Assistance Ministries, formed by a network of churches. They are very good.

 

One thing I often find is there are lots of places that do food assistance - almost everywhere here does food. But a lot of times that's not what you need. I'm good on food stuff thanks to us getting SNAP {food Stamps}. But it's the non-food items that I tend to need. Like a few weeks ago a part went out on my fridge door. Thankfully I will be able to fix it for around $20 in parts, but if not we were going to be without a fridge. Money, even for a used one, was just not in the budget & wouldn't be anytime soon. Folks don't always realize what a need there is for things like fridges, furniture, or especially beds. If someone homeless does get into housing, often they are starting over with NOTHING. Families that are just making it are often forced to choose between something like paying rent / mortgage or replacing a broken fridge / washer / dryer / etc.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

I have spent most of my career working for organizations who help very low income families and homeless people. As a child, I was homeless a couple of times and very close to it many more times. I know all too well that poverty is expensive, in more ways than one.

 

The number one piece of advice I have is to get yourself to an area with more jobs and more services just as soon as you can. Less than 2 months after arriving in Seattle in 2007, my brother and his family had transitional housing which ultimately led them to a housing voucher. My SIL has that voucher now that my brother is thankfully out of their home and she pays about $33 a month for rent because her income dropped due to a family emergency.

 

There's not a lot where you are. I would do what you can to move.

 

My best wishes and positive thoughts to you and your daughters in this rough time. It's not easy but you can get through it and come back to something more stable.

[LucyStoner]

Also, in WA state you will not lose your children for living in a car. At least on the west side over here, keep a low profile and look for services and you aren't going to get a CPS worker trying to take the kids. Maybe a CPS worker offering help with finding housing but not to take the kids on that basis alone.

 

My mom used to walk the car camps here with food and hygiene supplies. She was a great woman.

[MinivanMom]

I was in DC last month with my kids, and I spent a lot of time pointing out the homeless to my oldest daughter. I was kind of surprised that she didn't immediately recognize them; I think I sometimes forget how different her life experiences have been to mine. We encountered a woman "cleaning up" in a restroom at the Nat Gallery of Art and that opened up a very interesting conversation about the day-to-day struggles of homelessness.

 

I now live in an urban area with lots of shelters and programs. There are many ways to volunteer, and there is lots of support for families in crisis. There is even a wonderful "brown bag" ministry that welcomes even small children to put together and hand out meals. Food isn't usually the most necessary item, but it's a way for children to be involved and develop awareness and compassion. My main goal is for my children to understand that the homeless are just like us - just people in crisis. It truly is a situation of "there but for the grace of God go I".

 

[MinivanMom]

Yes, donating is important but I think even more important is to build community. If you have friends that care for you, you build a safety net for yourself and you can be a safety net for others.

 

This.

 

[Cinder]

:grouphug:

[AimeeM]

It's a pet peeve of mine that most of our men's shelters do not accept men who AREN'T drug or alcohol addicts. I met and befriended a lovely older gentleman (homeless) named Randy, who was living behind a dumpster at a local gas station. He lost his CDL when he was laid off and couldn't be rehired due to uncontrolled diabetes. He lost everything, but had nowhere to go because he wasn't an addict It was horrible. We paid for him to stay for a while at a local hotel, brought him meals and money daily (we live in a subdivision across from the gas station) and then a lovely woman who worked at the gas station took him home with her. He died shortly after, but at least he had a full belly, and died in a nice warm house, in a nice comfortable bed, knowing people cared about him.

 

Sorry to ramble. It still eats at me that there were no beds available to this clean, sober, kind man. I've also met several obviously mentally ill women who are living on the streets. It's dangerous for them. One in particular had the crap beat out of her. She never speaks coherently and was rambling about a cop conspiracy and about how her father (Bill Gates) owns the local strip mall she was standing next to. She needs help. She needs to be off the streets. She isn't stable enough to find the help herself, but nobody can "force" it on her. Makes me so sad :(

[solascriptura]

Many hugs to you.

 

What do you think is the best way to help the homeless? I do give food and toiletries to the local shelter, but I know it really isn't enough.

 

I went to the shelter to give a big bag of toiletries last christmas season. There was a young family waiting to be signed in. Their family consisted of dad, mom, a school age kid, a young toddler and a very pregnant wife. I cannot forget the look on the boy's face. Sure, the little one had no clue what was going on, but the maybe 8 year old boy knew what was happening. He looked absolutely crushed and although it was several months ago, the sad face has not left me.

[Liz CA]

First, I am so glad you have another home lined up and that you found help. I am sorry you had to discuss things with CPS and go through the fear of losing your children. I cannot begin to imagine what you went through this week.

Back to your question -what do I do for the homeless? Not enough. Over the winter, I packed plastic bags with peanut butter jars, soap and crackers, granola bars as well as a drink like Capri Sun and pass them out the car window. During the hot summers here, it is not that easy to pass out food that does not spoil within an hour. I suppose a piece of fruit and peanut butter will still be okay in the summer and more than one drink...

 

We do participate in a local shelter program where area churches open their doors for night time shelter. People have to go through some kind of intake process, mainly to make sure there is no alcohol or drug issue. A volunteer usually stays with them during the night while they are staying a church. Most churches around here have kitchen facilities and they are served the evening meal and a breakfast the next morning. This is cooked and delivered exclusively by volunteers.

I wish I had more resources to help. But until I do (if I do) I have to accept the fact that I can only help a few at a time.

 

Since you have some insight, would you mind sharing what would be most practical help to the average homeless person?

[mommaduck]

My husband used to give rides on cold nights to the homeless to various shelters. We've given canned food and can openers, new socks, underwear, hand warming packets to protect from frostbite, comforters that one of our former churches made from old denim jeans, etc. In that city, there were families, with children, living in their cars and the children went to school or daycare during the day while the parents worked. Currently, we have a couple of homeless living in our parish. The local police department has helped with many things irt them...making sure they get the various types of help they need. Yesterday, I took one to a medical appointment on my way to pick up my husband. She was planning to bike up there on a bicycle that was gifted to her by someone else. I even sat and waited for her and took her back after picking up my husband. When our family lost a place in another state due to plumbing issues, a friend took us in for eight months while my husband went through a career change that allowed us to relocate near family.

[Truscifi]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you are managing well under incredibly trying circumstances. I hope the transition into your new apartment goes smoothly. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

To answer your question, I donate clothes and household items to 2 local charities that are known to really help people in our community. I also carry a supply box with packs of trailmix and bottled water to give to homeless people when I meet them. I had not thought of hygiene items, but I will definitely add those to my supply box. I wish that I could do more, but we are not in the best place financially ourselves.