dirty ethel rackham Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Yeah, it was one of those days. Must be PMSing because I just couldn't walk away. This FB friend - a casual acquaintance who posts frequently so I know too much about her life - posted the usual rant of "my kids never listen unless I'm yelling." Well, you see, this very highly educated woman with a high-power career is a FB complainer. If someone on the train didn't tick her off, it was the lady picking up dog poop in too showy manner (hey she was picking it up.) She constantly complains about her kids (high achieving good kids.) Last week, she posted something about how she had to go all Tiger Mom on her kids and tell them that with their attitudes, they will never get into a decent school (they are middle school age) and will be stuck going to our state flagship university - a very good school, just not an Ivy. That kind of irked me because my oldest goes to a less selective school than the school she just dissed and I don't consider that a failure at all. Most people would consider getting into this state U to be quite an accomplishment. This post has rankled me and been under my skin all week. I should not have risen to the bait, but, I just couldn't help myself. So, today, after her "woe is me, my kids are so terrible" post, I had to point out that it is more effective to not repeatedly give the same order and then blow up - you ask once and then follow up with action - like Joanne's GOYB parenting. Something to the effect that yelling leads to disrespect on both sides, harms relationships and leads to bad attitudes on both sides. She countered that she couldn't always be at her best due to her high stress job (lawyer), annoying people she sees every day (like people on the train and bus), yada yada yada. It sounded like an excuse - you can be a "bad parent" if you are not at your best and a slam at SAHMs who of course should be perfect since they don't have to deal with what she has to deal with . It also sounded like she was blaming her kids for her "bad parenting moment." Should have let it go right there. But NOOOO. I had to counter that being the grown up means you try to do your best even when you are not your best. If you can't behave that way at work, why is it OK to behave that way at home? I strive to not treat my kids in a way that I wouldn't tolerate from them (not being a pushover or anything, just trying to be the adult in the relationship.) Well, I guess I stirred up a hornets nest. Lots of fellow tiger moms came out of the wood work to give this "poor woman" support from big bad meanie like me. I should have just let it go. I really should have not gotten involved. I just get irked with people who have enough money to go to Disney 4 times a year get to go plus a few fancy parents only vacays (that she complains about how much work it is to pack for,) and dump all over their kids for being kids - works in progress - and say that they just can't help it. Okay, my posts were really more respectful that came across here (snark added later here), but she certainly didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I guess I need to hide her posts for a while. Note to self: "It is OK if someone is wrong on the internet. Really it is OK." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I had to delete some fb friends because I found it difficult to refrain from commenting on things along the same lines as your issue. I have to remind myself a lot that for many ppl fb is essentially a huge jawm site and its not worth saying anything if you don't want to agree with the person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 "mom is stressed and always yells" is a legacy she may be leaving. Has the woman never seen The Devil wears Prada? Power does not come from yelling, a soft voice can exude much more power. But, you know some people just want to complain and don't care to change. Sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 My cousin's wife bagged on him all the time on FB. I finally piped up and said that he's a good guy who probably didn't realize this was quite so important to her, and last week she was upset when he wasn't ________, but now she was upset that he was. It was also enough that his brother spoke to him privately about the posts he didn't know about. His wife blocked me. And then she blocked my mom. It's been five years. Incredibly, they continue to be married, but I have always felt bad for him, loooong before this happened. FB is so weird, and so are the people there. (I'm there, yeah, I know.) :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quelle.que.soit Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I heard something new (to me) today. It's allegedly an old Polish proverb: "Not my circus. Not my monkeys." I think I'll use it when I'm tempted to jump into something that doesn't effect my real life. You can use it too if you want. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minuway Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Ugh. I see stuff like this so much. I'm sorry. Its so hard not to get involved. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I mentally read all FB posts with the Forum JAWM tag secretly attached. I think it is really what most people want from FB anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Huge hugs. Sorry you tried to do the right thing and it got slammed back in your face. :grouphug: Try to walk away from the whole mess, if you can. Don't read, don't post and try not to think about it for a while. I do not do FB. I cannot stand FB. Too many situations where I get frustrated or worried or irritated at a FB post and I KNOW that saying anything will open up a big can of worms. And they aren't seeking any advice anyway. And half the posts (or more) are just drivel and junk and people posting every single thing they are doing from moment to moment to moment just for fun, not because they actually want any meaningful interaction. And I should just read it and move on. But I still get frustrated or worried or irritated....Yet DH does do FB. Somehow he functions just fine and never has an issue. Guess I need to be more like DH. Anyway, again, big hugs.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 :grouphug: It's hard not to rise to that bait. I really, truly hate it when people post bad things about their children publicly. It's unbelievably disrespectful and it has the power to affect those children's relationships. I also think there is never, ever any excuse for treating children or people poorly. I don't give a rip how high-pressure her existence is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 :grouphug: It's hard not to rise to that bait. I really, truly hate it when people post bad things about their children publicly. It's unbelievably disrespectful and it has the power to affect those children's relationships. I also think there is never, ever any excuse for treating children or people poorly. I don't give a rip how high-pressure her existence is. Yes....and anything posted on the internet can remain in various forms for decades....does she really want what she is posting right now to still be floating around years from now? She's a lawyer, she should know better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 We all fall for getting sucked in sometimes. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I have to admit to playing the role of shocked-fb-helper a few times. "Whoops! Mary did you realize that went out on your public feed? I'd hate for people to get the wrong idea about you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I heard something new (to me) today. It's allegedly an old Polish proverb: "Not my circus. Not my monkeys." I think I'll use it when I'm tempted to jump into something that doesn't effect my real life. You can use it too if you want. :-) Brilliant! I need to use this one, and I'm not even on Facebook! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I try to keep FB my happy place, but I too have been sucked in a couple times when I just couldn't let it go. :) FWIW, I agree with your comments to her. Just maybe they planted a little seed in her mind of a different way of looking at her kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You may have put her on the defense at the moment, but maybe she will take the time and mull over your words and rethink who she treats her own family vs strangers. I know I am guilty of treating strangers better than I treat my family. Doesn't make sense, but it happens. So, you may never know how you taking the time to point that out will change things in her life. A true friend is willing to point out the truth, you know, like pointing out that you have broccoli inbetween your teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Eek, if I were a lawyer I could be your friend. It's venting. Just ignore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Eek, if I were a lawyer I could be your friend. It's venting. Just ignore. Yeah, I should have ignored it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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