I am not happy with the college choices

[Elisabet1]

My 2nd child is a very competitive student. But, the more competitive schools here are the HUGE state universities. Honestly, I do not like them at all. I went to a big state university myself, and hated it. I had been very involved in high school, and the state university had no clubs, nothing, and the only social activities were drinking. 

 

Now, my oldest is at a small private liberal arts school. He is in clubs. He is in a German club that seems very active and fun. That is the main one. Things are going great. He even has a great campus job via work study. At the huge state universities, there are not really work study jobs. I did ask already. They said you could be awarded work study, but then it is up to the student to actually find the job, and most cannot because there are very few jobs available, despite awarding work study to so many students.

 

I would like to see my 2nd child able to go to a school like that. But the small liberal arts schools in our area have rather weak programs in maths and sciences (but strong in premed, which she is not). So if she wants to go to a school that is great in math and science, but is a small LAC, she would have to go several states away, which is not what she wants, nor what we want, at all. She has had too many emotional issues, I think that would be a disaster. But the huge state universities, I think she would get there and hate it, and get lost in the crowd, and things will be rather bad there too. She is someone who, if she does not feel connected to the teachers and people, she hates it and cannot seem to do well. 

 

Any suggestions?

[Melissa B]

Do any of the state universities have an honors college?  They generally act as an intimate yet challenging smaller college within a larger state university. Students often share a restricted dorm, take most classes together, join clubs together, etc.

[plansrme]

Is there a smaller state U that would suit her?  How about an arrangement in which she spends two years at a smaller state U and then transfers to a larger one?  Georgia Southern and Georgia Tech have something like that for engineering.  I am sure there are others, but that is just the one I happen to know about.  Also, do the big state Us have honors colleges or honors dorms for which she would qualify?  Many of them work well to make the big school feel smaller.

 

As for work study, I am sure this varies now, but there was zero advantage at my school to a "work study" job versus an independently-obtained job either on or off campus.  It was a piece of cake to get a job on campus--I walked into the student employment office, and they sent me to interview with someone in the department with an opening.  I got an awesome job that way; my other awesome campus job was from my advisor's saying that if worked on campus, I needed to work in the dean's office.  He marched me down there and said, "Don't you want to hire her?"  It was really, really easy, and completely outside of the financial aid office with which I was intimately familiar.

 

I hope you find something that works for all of you.

[bettyandbob]

What does you dd think? Has she visited any of the schools? Has she looked at the programs offered and research opportunities in her field? Has she talked to people who attended or attend currently?

 

This is something I will be balancing with my dd, who is very introverted. We visited a very competitive large state university and it looked great, but the size was daunting to me. I know several people who attended. One of my neighbors was saying that once you get into your degree program you have your small group. Other people have said they found their group through a service club, social club or other interest club. I know the size becomes manageable for people find their way and become active in such smaller groups. We have a little more time to process, but I feel it is mostly dd's decision. She needs to pick her school. We will visit again. We will also visit a very competitive LAC in my state again. We've also visited some slightly less competitive schools. I think the key with the large schools is knowing how to find your group. Since my dd is in 10th grade we get a little time to watch how she is with negotiating joining something (whether it be a research group or a dance club) on her own. I think even a small LAC can be problematic if the student can't put herself "out there" to join a club or ask to join a research project. I know because I went to a small, very competitive LAC. I spent a lot time just being unconfident in my abilities and afraid to try which hindered having a place for me even in a small school.

 

[In The Great White North]

Why are you only looking in your area?  It might help to widen your search window.

[Carol in Cal.]

UC Merced is a STEM school that has only about 7000 students because it's still pretty new.  Housing is very inexpensive.  It's kind of in a desolate, arid farmland area of CA, but has a phenomenal outdoor ed program with Yosemite National Park.  It might be just what you're looking for.

[Julie in MN]

I would consider whether you are only looking at what you would like, and not what she would like.

 

I went to a huge university.  At the time, it was the largest single campus in the country (U of MN, Twin Cities).  I loved it. 

 

I was a person who hated the cliques of high school and couldn't wait to feel like a grown-up.  I liked having grad students and published professors and all kinds of people around.  I wasn't in any clubs that I recall, but I definitely benefited from any Honors courses I took, since they were small and, well, less busywork.  I also did a couple of activities for fun such as a ballet class at the student union for exercise.  And I had a lot of hands-on opportunities, volunteering and doing internships in all kinds of interesting niches.  I value my experiences there.  I can't say I have retained any friendships from college, but it was a short period in my life, and actually I don't really retain any high school friendships, either, though it might be because I went to 3 high schools.  I still know a few from junior hi but it seems we just see one another every few years.  I guess I'm more a family person, and maybe a bit of a hermit :)

 

I think my biggest downside to the large college was the faith apathy, with some jaded professors, lack of neighborhood churches, and such.  So I might try to get my kids in some kind of campus faith community, but can't guarantee they'd connect with them.

 

Julie

[Brenda in MA]

I would like to see my 2nd child able to go to a school like that. But the small liberal arts schools in our area have rather weak programs in maths and sciences (but strong in premed, which she is not). So if she wants to go to a school that is great in math and science, but is a small LAC, she would have to go several states away, which is not what she wants, nor what we want, at all. She has had too many emotional issues, I think that would be a disaster. But the huge state universities, I think she would get there and hate it, and get lost in the crowd, and things will be rather bad there too. She is someone who, if she does not feel connected to the teachers and people, she hates it and cannot seem to do well. 

 

Any suggestions?

First of all, I agree that it would help us to recommend options if we knew which state/region you are in. Second, what year is your dd? Is she a senior looking for colleges now?

 

How are you evaluating the nearby LAC programs, and what makes you think they are weak? If you're just looking at rankings, then these may not tell the entire story. Have you contacted specific departments and asked to meet with faculty in the area(s) she is considering? Since these schools are nearby, you should be able to arrange a visit there and a few meetings. If you can meet with the folks there, I'd definitely ask questions about research possibilities and where their graduates go.

 

My second is also a very competitive student, but we are really focusing on the best college "fit" for him. After going through the process with my oldest, I have really become less impressed with the schools' reputations and rankings and more interested in the specific experience my student will have in his major department.

 

You might also put some work into investigating a few schools that are "a few states away", especially if the student is junior or younger. Kids change and mature a lot during high school, and while you may think she's not ready to go a few states away now, that may change later. At least if she puts in a few applications to places that are a bit further away, she'll have more choices come time to choose.

 

I also second the other peoples' suggestions about honors colleges are larger schools. Best wishes finding that really good fit.

 

Brenda

[Pawz4me]

Gently asked -- What does your DD want?  There's nothing in your post about that. Only about what you want or don't want.  It's going to be her college experience, not yours.

[creekland]

I'd be looking for an Honors College in a larger State U or either an LAC or medium sized research U near an airport so trips home on breaks are convenient.  I'd visit these and see what she liked - coupled with what works financially for you.

 

I loved my large State U.  Oldest loves his small LAC.  Middle loves his medium Research U.  It's all about fit more than location if they can see themselves there (and can get home if they want to).

[8filltheheart]

Having a very non-coping Aspie, I can understand that if a child has a lot of emotional issues that they shouldn't be too far from home. (My ds isn't even ready to not live at home at 21.). I don't think it is fair to jump to conclusions that the op's concern about distance is unfounded and that her dd's desires are all that matter. (Our ds would love for us to fund his living on his own..... And that would be disasterous.....at a job training today he informed them that he was incapable of answering a phone bc it is too much stress for him to handle (true).......but he wants to get married and have children now--he doesn't even have a girlfriend ;) The kid is not dumb. Far from it. But his issues are very real.) Emotional problems can turn into life threatening issues quickly.

 

I do think that geographic location and intended majors are needed though in order to be helpful.

[Nan in Mass]

Not very helpful, but I would put near-by above better-program for a child who needs family support any day.  Some degree is better than no degree.  If they can't get through the program, it doesn't matter how good the program is.  Picking up the pieces and transfering is so much harder than not having problems in the first place because you have the support you need.  I did that in college.  I know.  Youngest was adamant about not wanting to be far away and that limited his choices.  (He's just high strung.)  In his case, there was a good fit nearby.  Judging by the amount we've visited so by, he was right about needing to be near.  We are SO glad we listened to him.

 

Your daughter may not stay with the same major, either.  They grow and change a lot the first year or two.

 

Nan

[Carol in Cal.]

You know, I attended a large public university, but I found a fairly intimate niche there.  I was a chemical engineering major, and it happened that at that school the College of Chemistry had only two majors--chemical engineering and chemistry--so there was a fair amount of individual attention.  It's worth digging a little deeper if a large public university is the most handy and cost-effective choice available.  It might turn out to be better than you'd think.

 

Someone mentioned the U of MN upstream--they have a fantastic Lutheran campus ministry there that would totally redeem the place for me if I went there--creating a collegial faith community that is staunch but unafraid of questions.  I know that there are others almost as good at several other large universities as well.  That's worth checking.

[katilac]

There's no way on earth a big state university doesn't have clubs and activities. Really, any school, other than maybe online centric for-profits, are going to have plenty. Just go to the web site of any of the schools, and you will find an extensive list. 

 

I think you wind up knowing and hanging around with roughly the same number of people no matter the size of the school. Even at very small colleges, it is impossible to know everyone - you need to find a niche. I don't think there's any substitute for visiting schools in person. We've only done casual visits so far, but my dd had a negative reaction to the first big school we went to . . . and then a very positive reaction to the second, even bigger school. Some big schools are very sprawling and chaotic, while others are well-planned and have a true campus feel. 

 

I'd definitely suggest researching and visiting the schools to see what they offer now, and how it might work (or not) for your daughter, rather than go by what you remember from your own college days. Beyond that, we'd probably need more info to be really helpful - her interests, age, location, what issues have you so concerned, etc. Is she a senior or are you looking ahead? 

[ThisIsTheDay]

Echoing the honors college suggestions. My dd ended up at her "safety" after being accepted into the Honors College.  At her school, it means more rigorous core classes, separate dorms, specific HC activities, additional advisors, "Honors" designation on her degree (if she maintains a certain GPA), and more. 

 

She wanted the large school atmosphere.  Dh and I thought she'd thrive better in a smaller, more close knit setting.  This has been the best of both.