HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 My ILs live in another state. The last time we visited them I discovered these noodles at their grocery store that I really liked and that I couldn't get back home. My DH's aunt and uncle (FIL's brother and his wife) visited my ILs and my MIL gave the aunt and uncle some noodles to bring back with them to give to us. While I appreciate it, we now have to drive 45 minutes one way to get them from the aunt and uncle. I like the noodles, but not that much. :) Anyway, my MIL sent me an email last night saying that I'll want to buy a gift for the aunt and uncle for bringing the noodles back with them. I thought that was a bit odd because everyone who visits them are always bringing things back and forth among the family members and none of us have ever bought a gift for doing so. I mean, how hard is it to throw something in a suitcase? :confused1: So am I really expected now to run out and get a gift for these people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I wouldn't....a verbal or written thank you would work for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Your MIL might be aware of something you don't know. The noodles might have been hard to get in some way, and the aunt and uncle went "above and beyond" in acquiring them. If you aren't able to bring a gift, you could at the very least say thank-you in an especially hearty, grateful way. And be sure to ask your MIL why she recommended a gift. Is that the norm in the family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I wouldn't. I like Rebecca's thought to ask "why?" Maybe there's more to the story you don't know. If they just put them in the bags on the way home, though, I wouldn't get a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Your MIL might be aware of something you don't know. The noodles might have been hard to get in some way, and the aunt and uncle went "above and beyond" in acquiring them. If you aren't able to bring a gift, you could at the very least say thank-you in an especially hearty, grateful way. And be sure to ask your MIL why she recommended a gift. Is that the norm in the family? I know they didn't go out of their way to get the noodles because my MIL personally gave them to them. Unless they couldn't fit them in their suitcase and had to carry them separately, I don't see why it would be a hassle to bring them back. And my DH and I are ALWAYS bringing food, that comes in breakable glass jars, to them when we visit. We have to strategically pack everything so that these items don't break and ruin our clothes and every single time, our luggage is gone through by security and our "setup" is undone. Thankfully nothing has ever broken, but we've never gotten a gift for doing this! The whole family brings items back and forth with the families out-of-state and no one has ever gotten a gift! I just don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Oh, I just found out the aunt and uncle drive down to Florida (we're in NY) so all they had to do was toss them in their car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Um, we have friends who carry stuff across CONTINENTS and I don't usually take them a thank you gift for doing so....hmmm.. it never would have occurred to me. We do it for them, they do it for us, cooperation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Is your MIL an especially wise, astute person? Because again, she might be aware of something (some tension in the family, a rumor that you're not a grateful person, or something) that you don't know, and she's trying to help you out. Again, ask her, and see if you can draw out why she wants you to do this. If it was just a suggestion thrown in for no reason, then of course you don't need to worry about it. But there might be more behind it. Family dynamics can be complicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I would forward that email straight on to my DH and let him deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 You said you had to drive 45 min. to pick up the noodles from Aunt & Uncle. Could MIL mistakenly think they delivered them directly to you, and want you to thank them for going out of their way and making the drive (which they didn't)? Only logical explanation I can think of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 You said you had to drive 45 min. to pick up the noodles from Aunt & Uncle. Could MIL mistakenly think they delivered them directly to you, and want you to thank them for going out of their way and making the drive (which they didn't)? Only logical explanation I can think of. I was wondering the same thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Is your MIL an especially wise, astute person? Because again, she might be aware of something (some tension in the family, a rumor that you're not a grateful person, or something) that you don't know, and she's trying to help you out. Again, ask her, and see if you can draw out why she wants you to do this. If it was just a suggestion thrown in for no reason, then of course you don't need to worry about it. But there might be more behind it. Family dynamics can be complicated. Honestly, I think it's her passive aggressive way of saying *she* should get something for getting us the noodles. She's like that. She does wonderful things for people, but then complains about how it didn't seem appreciated. I've witnessed both her doing something and the response she got and in most cases, I don't see how someone could have done more for her. I really think she wants the band brought out, it put in sky writing, and rose petals thrown at her for doing the things she does. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 You said you had to drive 45 min. to pick up the noodles from Aunt & Uncle. Could MIL mistakenly think they delivered them directly to you, and want you to thank them for going out of their way and making the drive (which they didn't)? Only logical explanation I can think of. She knows we're going to pick them up so that's not it. I really think she just indirectly is trying to tell us she should be getting something, even though anything we'd try to do would either be rejected or not enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 I would forward that email straight on to my DH and let him deal with it. I did, LOL. He said he'll just get his aunt some flowers (one of the suggestions from him mom) which ticks me off because now I feel like we're giving in to his mom when we really shouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Is your MIL an especially wise, astute person? Because again, she might be aware of something (some tension in the family, a rumor that you're not a grateful person, or something) that you don't know, and she's trying to help you out. Again, ask her, and see if you can draw out why she wants you to do this. If it was just a suggestion thrown in for no reason, then of course you don't need to worry about it. But there might be more behind it. Family dynamics can be complicated. Honestly? if my MIL recommended such a gift, I'd find something. she's much more astute about her side of the family than I am.! And I'm sure I could get something in a price range we could afford. (And we don't have the best relationship, but she's my husband's mother and our kids' grandmother and I want to do everything possible not to strain the relationship more!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Can't you just order the noodles online somewhere in the future? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 The short answer is no, you do not have to buy a gift. In fact, you almost never "have to" buy a gift. A hug and a "thank you" are sufficient. A written thank-you note would be especially thoughtful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Can't you just order the noodles online somewhere in the future? I actually did find the noodles (a different brand) online and I plan on letting her know I can get them myself now. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghee Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I'm probably being passive aggressive, but I might make a BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL over the aunt and uncle for bringing the noodles. You know, with a band and skywriting and a shower of rose petals. I'd tell MIL thanks for the idea and how I "went all out" to show them how MUCH I appreciated them putting those noodles in their car ;) I really don't like people playing games with me, if you think I'm not doing something right TELL me. Do NOT make little subtle jabs at me. And, yeah, I'd find my own noodles :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Can you take them a home baked cake or cookies to showsomee appreciation if you feel obligated to give them something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Can you take them a home baked cake or cookies to showsomee appreciation if you feel obligated to give them something? The uncle is diabetic. My MIL made sure she reminded me of that so I didn't buy them candy. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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