Help for parents with infant in NICU?

[T'smom]

I know a woman who just had a baby very prematurely and the baby will be in The NICU for about a month. We don't know each other well, but we were both in a mom's group together at church. The group would like to do things to help out....of course we're taking meals, but what else would be helpful?

[Flowing Brook]

Babysitting children, Cleaning her house, bringing snacks to the hospital, financial donations.

You could drop by the hospital and just hang out with the parents.

When the baby is more stable and the parents are more willing to leave the hospital maybe you could offer to sit with the baby while they go home to sleep or run errands that only they can do.

[SKL]

Gift cards for restaurants, especially any near the hospital. My sister had a similar experience and her husband often brought restaurant food for them to eat together at the hospital. Olive Garden beats hospital food any day! ... Is the mom going to be hanging out at the hospital pretty much 24/7? Some books, crosswords, etc. might help her pass the time.

[wapiti]

Also consider meals in individually-frozen plastic containers, so that she can grab one when heading out to the hospital for the day (many NICUs or cafeterias may have a microwave for warming up the food; ours had a special lunchroom adjacent to the NICU, with pumping rooms and all, just for the NICU parents).

 

Remember to make meals that are good for a nursing mother (some people may prefer to avoid certain foods, such as spicy things or gas-causing vegetables), lots of fat and protein.

[VeritasMama]

I agree about restaurant gift cards, going out for dinner was a great break for us when we didn't want to be too far from the hospital but needed a break (I've had 3 newborns in an NICU). Also, meals that can be reheated in a hospital lounge are a great idea. We also recieved some vouchers for the hospital cafeteria, that was a real blessing.

 

Also, as far as housework, laundry would be a huge help. It is one of those time consuming chores you just don't think about in those situations, but needs to get done.

[wonderchica]

All good ideas above. Maybe one of those pillows that wraps around the back of the chair to help your back. Lots of sitting in her future.

[Pawz4me]

Restaurant gift cards

Gas cards

Purchase weekly parking passes or donate money to cover parking expenses (if the hospital charges a parking fee)

Baby sitting/house cleaning

Offer to run errands or drive older siblings to appointments or sports/music practices

[Zebra]

Gift cards to restaurants or food that you can eat whenever is very helpful. When I had a preemie someone actually brought dinner at 4:30 one day, and demanded that I sit down and eat it then so they could get their containers back....another person brought in all this equipment and made this complicated dinner that DH had to help out with, and then clean up after. Those scenarios are NOT helpful, people should really ask before doing things like that. A more thoughtful person dropped off grocery bags full of mostly non-perishables like snacks and a frozen pizza all from Whole Foods. That was much more helpful. A gift card could be nice; I needed to buy a lot of extra things I wasn't planning on.

[applethyme]

A basket with snack foods.

Restaurant gift cards

gas gift cards

[Heatherwith4]

Gift cards for restaurants or gas

Grab and go snack foods (fruit, granola bars, string cheese, bottled water)

Help with older kids or anything around the house. Also help with pets.

 

When DS7 was born premature, someone brought me a preemie outfit with a sweet card attached. That has really stuck in my mind this whole time, even though he couldn't wear clothes for a little while. :)

[KRG]

Gas cards, cash for parking if she is having to pay for parking--that adds up so quickly!

[redsquirrel]

When my son was in the NICU a friend came over and scrubbed my apartment clean. I cried I was so thankful. She is a cleaner and it made her feel better to scrub and I ...don't. So it was a good match.

 

I liked magazines to help pass the time. A magazine was good because it was easy to pick up and put down and I didn't really have to concentrate. I wanted to read, but not have to work at it. Gas cards, yes, that would have been a big help. If the baby is a preemie then a few preemie clothes will come in handy. When my son came home we had to do a mad scramble to find preemie clothing for him. Newborn clothes didn't fit for a couple months, he was so, so tiny.... a packet of preemie diapers was helpful as well. Not too much stuff like that, just a bit.

 

I was 'lucky' in that my preemie was my first. I don't know what I would have done if I had older kids. So, if she does have older kids, then I think anything, anything to help with that (babysitting etc) would be such a big help. I think my heart would have ripped in two if I had to split my time between older kids and a baby in the hospital.

 

And be aware that many hospitals have limits on who can sit with the baby. We could bring in blood relatives and then only four people total aside from myself and DH were permitted to actually come in the NICU and see the baby. So, we had the four grandparents signed in to see the baby, but my sister could only peep through a window and see his box.

 

And don't be surprised if after the baby comes home you don't hear a peep from them. We were on 'house arrest' for three months and couldn't have anyone in to see the baby and I wasn't supposed to take him out around people etc. I think I went a little mad during that time. Well, ...madder

[VeritasMama]

Ooh, preemie clothes are a good idea. When my firstborn was a preemie, it was hard to find many clothes for him. I did end up finding quite a few things at Walmart, which I normally don't shop at for clothes. I agree that donating a few preemie outfits would be helpful and touching.

[Stayseeliz]

Babysitting, gift cards, easy meals with no prep or clean up are huge! NICU is tough!!

[prairiewindmomma]

I had a preemie this past fall and she spent a month in NICU. Hopefully the RSV restrictions have lifted, but we couldn't bring our other children with us to the hospital and we chose not to have anyone other than my parents come back to see the baby. So, childcare is huge.

 

If mom had a c-section, rides to the hospital are helpful. I couldn't drive....with the high level NICU an hour away, dh was spending four hours in the car each day driving me to the hospital between drop-off in the am and pick-up in the pm. After a few days of that, friends stepped in and put together a carpool and took over driving duty.

 

mealtrain.org is a great website for organizing meals. Ideally all meals are dropped off at a time that is convenient for the family and in disposable dishes.... We have also had some crazy meal situations. :(

 

Snacks are awesome. Our NICU had a kitchen and provided bread, pb, and jelly....but that's not ideal for a nursing mom. I was too exhausted to prepare lunches; I ate a ton of Luna bars and racked up quite the cafeteria bill. In my defense, I was pumping every 3 hours around the clock, and I was away from home from 6am-9pm daily.

 

Housework/yardwork is also great. Or if someone knows her well....laundry service. A dear sweet woman came by and picked up our laundry weekly and returned it the next day folded and ready to be put away. Another dear friend cleaned my house every Thursday afternoon. Having someone keeping the housework going allowed me to be able to spend time with baby.

 

I am just now getting out to see my friends. I haven't seen most of them since October. Be patient if your friend has to drop off the face of the earth for a while.