Nothing new here, but... overwhelmed, ready to give up (vent)

[tabinfl]

I'm in over my head. When we made the decision to homeschool, our kids were in a great little church preschool, we had a full-time nanny, and I was working part-time (at our own business, but out of the house at our office) and doing enrichment activities with the kids the rest of the time. We envisioned lots of travel, field trips, etc.

 

Now... I am home homeschooling full-time since last summer. Kids are 5yo b/g twins and a 4yo girl, essentially all at the same level academic/maturity-wise. Nanny left in August to attend school full-time. Husband went from getting out of the office at least a day or two a week to maybe coming home a few hours early once a week and only occasionally taking days off (and even then being tied to his phone or email -- not all work-related). We have a sitter 6-10 hours a week, but not reliably.

 

I also have RA, so I have at least a couple of doctor appointments a month + near-constant pain (usually manageable, but it never really goes away) and limited stamina due to disease-related fatigue.

 

I feel like the ship is sinking. I can't keep up with housework, shopping, or any outside activities. The kids are doing well with the 3 Rs, but I feel like I'm not really teaching them, they're coasting on what they learned in preschool or picking up the things that just "click" easily. Getting them involved in chores is of course a goal, but puts me even farther behind.

 

Craft projects are usually a disaster, and just more mess to clean up (or not). Lesson planning? Ha. By the time my husband gets home, I'm ready to drop -- and thankfully he's willing to take care of baths and bedtime because I usually do. I tried using Sonlight for less prep work, but its Christian worldview is just too far from our beliefs (we are Christian, but not of the creationist / dominionist persuasion).

 

I have tried and failed repeatedly to find my kids' "currency". It changes faster than I can keep up, and there are times I need something to work faster than point charts (like right now when I I am trying to think of the next word to type and my girls are fighting over the last two strawberries at lunch)

 

When we DO do school, there are wonderful moments. These are, however, few and far between. I cry every day, and I'm exhausted. All I want right now is to sign them up at a great private school nearby and go back to work, but I feel like I would be giving up all of the reasons that we didn't do that a year ago.

 

I'm not the type to pray for answers or believe that God will put the right decision in my heart. With faith I can move mountains, but I've got to bring the shovel.

 

I know (I hope?) that in a few years the kids will be more mature, more manageable, and that our business situation will be such that my husband can be more involved. I just don't know if I can last that long.

[Guest inoubliable]

:grouphug: No advice here, but plenty of hugs.

[jackson'smama]

no advice from me but i'm in a similar boat. hugs. hopefully you'll get some advice here.

[Ruby Rose]

You have a lot on your plate. Have you talked to you doctor about these feelings? You may have depression. It causes feelings like you have described I can only imagine constant pain enhancing these feelings.

 

Your children are very young. I don't think hard core academics are necessary at this point. Read to them, take walks outside, draw, color, sing, play, play, and play some more. Spring is coming and it will make a huge difference in the things you are able to do. Let your kids make a small garden and learn about plants and bugs.

 

Lastly, give yourself a break. I understand how hard it is to have a husband that works ALL the time. You have made major changes this year and it takes time to get into a groove. At this point, life is learning.

 

Take care!

[JBJones]

Your post has brought tears to my eyes. I feel I am in over my head as well. I'm dealing with some health problems, trying to lose weight, trying to hep DD make a friend, trying to keep said child interested in academics, trying to stay healthy to take care of my aging mother who has always been there for me, etc. I agree about how overwhelming it all is. I sincerely hope your situation improves.

[catz]

Auto-immune disorders tend to run in my family (my mom has RA), and stress or untreated depression can be a huge trigger. Do you have any options to have more time for yourself? If homeschooling doesn't work for you, it's definitely not the end of the world. I agree, your children are super young. Go easy on yourself. My kids did very little structured work at those ages and are still ahead of the curve. :grouphug:

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: it sounds like you feel overwhelmed. RA sucks. it zaps me more than anything else i've dealt with. :grouphug:

 

one technique i use is to give myself mental gold stars. i fed the kids breakfast. gold star. it was nutritious; another gold star. i read aloud while they ate; a third gold star. everyone ate and no one fed the dog; a fourth gold star.

 

for me, ritual/routine is everything. i train myself, and then the kids, to manage small segments of each day on "auto pilot", so that once i have won the same battle several days in a row, it has become automatic. i work on breakfast + 15 minutes tidying in their rooms while i load the dishwasher as the first "auto pilot" thing.

 

the next bit sounds like a lot, but i introduced things into our lives one at a time, so that it was mostly not so overwhelming as it sounds. for us, outdoor time is crucial at any age, so the things i added in next was an outdoor nature walk each morning, after which we came home and had lunch. then i added in singapore math in the morning, and a half hour where they watched a "magic school bus" while i had a coffee break.

 

then we centered life around the book in Five in a Row. They would crawl into bed with me each morning, and i would read to them. the night before, i had looked for 10 minutes at the various possible activities, and chosen one, so i was ready to take the story in that direction. last thing i added in was "teach your children to read well". then after lunch everyone had "happy horizontal hour". they had to be in their rooms with no electronics and "happily horizontal" by themselves.

 

then a few months later, after happy horizontal hour, we would listen to story of the world on cds while they used the activity book as coloring activities. then we added in sign language using dvds. i also used a "theme of the week" preschool book that had finger rhymes and songs and craft activities already organized. (for me, having everything as "grab and go" really mattered a lot. what little energy i have must not be wasted in lesson planning ad infinitem. if i can't figure out what the lesson is in 5 minutes, then its not so likely to happen.) this was to meet their "crafty" needs, which i really don't have.

 

lastly, we added in one outside activity (one combo dance class a week). nothing else, because i could only juggle so many things, without everything coming crashing down.

 

and some days/weeks/months are just REally Hard.

 

you can do this. maybe try and choose one thing and get it to a manageable level, while just noticing that everything else is going to hell in a handcart.... i started with laundry and food, and that took months to get to the point where it just happened without me really noticing. it required me to ditch most things i thought i knew about laundry, and just choose to do what works for me.

 

hth,

ann

 

ps. for what its worth, i could never have made sonlight work for us. there is simply too much work for my attention span, or theirs at that age. five in a row was magical, in that it was easy, fun, didn't feel like school and they learned soooo much. it was the closest thing to effortless homeschooling we've ever managed.

[Mergath]

I think you need to slow down and take things one step at a time. You're trying to take on too much at once when you're not used to it. You said you had a full-time nanny until August, so your first step should be to get used to doing the parenting full-time. Don't worry about school at this point, just get a routine down for each day. Figure out how you're going to manage days where your RA means you can't do much. Get your kids used to hanging out with you and only you again. Learn how to manage three children and get housework done. Go on like that until the parenting part is easy-peasy (well, as easy as it ever is, lol). Then, when you've got that down, slowly add in the homeschooling, a little at a time, no more than you can handle. Like everyone else said, your kids are young. Focusing on just you guys without the academics for awhile isn't going to do any harm.

[Night Elf]

ps. for what its worth, i could never have made sonlight work for us. there is simply too much work for my attention span, or theirs at that age. five in a row was magical, in that it was easy, fun, didn't feel like school and they learned soooo much. it was the closest thing to effortless homeschooling we've ever managed.

 

 

My kids loved Five in a Row. Sonlight was always too much though I tried to make it work 3 times. When they outgrew FIAR and SL didn't work, I just used curriculum I learned about here. I did better with things that were already scheduled out and that had simple, clear instructions. When I tried to pull things together on my own and schedule them, we crashed and burned. Every single time. I've been homeschooling 12 years now. There is no shame in not being creative enough to design and implement a homeschool program.

[Trish]

With so much going on, how about the Easy Peasy homeschool site? She's got two "getting ready" levels for Ages 4 and 5. The right-hand side of the page has links to the levels.

 

Easy Peasy

[NotSoObvious]

So sorry you are overwhelmed!

 

If putting them in school is a solution and feels right to *you,* then do it. They are at the perfect ages. Don't feel guilty about it. It also doesn't have to be forever.

 

If you are determined to keep them home, just slow the pace. They are still so, so young. You have lots of time. Focus only on reading. Participate in library activities, museum programs, join a gym with child care, put the 4 year old in preschool part-time, set things up so that you aren't the one leading the circus.

 

Read the book Simplicity Parenting and know that less is more. Go play in the park. :)

[KungFuPanda]

I did the full-out WTM thing with my oldest. If I had to do it over again, I'd just keep our math program and do Five in a Row with it and not add a thing until age 7. Maybe a gentle handwriting course if they were interested.

 

What does your day look like. With those ages, you should be able to knock out schooling before lunch, then you can do what you'd like with the rest of the day. Have you considered getting an occasional housekeeper?

[Garga]

I agree with the others. Slow down on the hs part. Forget about crafts. Sounds like FIAR might work out well for you.

[Anne]

Another vote for FIAR (remembering elfgiva's post above about doing ONE activity!!), and not worrying so much about academics at this point. Your kids really are little!

 

Forget about crafts. Several people have suggested looking into an occasional housekeeper. Another thought is to look into hiring an older homeschool girl to spend a couple of hours doing activities (outdoor/crafts/whatever) with your kids (and cleaning up after them!). Anything that is really, really bothering you that they're not getting.

 

I agree with the others to discuss your outlook & feelings with your doctor.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Anne

[speedmom4]

I think you need to determine if this is a phase or is the stress of everything you have on your plate just too much for one person to handle. I have been in some dark phases especially when my kids were younger. But somewhere in my heart I knew that it was a phase and somehow it would resolve itself. I did question my reason for homeschooling and seriously thought about putting my children in school but something always stopped me. I think if you look deep enough you will "know" what the right decision is. It's in there. I was listening to Oprah on XM radio yesterday and she was describing how to find your life's calling. I think it was on her Life Class series. It might be worth looking into because it really spoke to me. Everyone should find their life calling whether it's a paid vocation or not.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Remudamom]

To all you young moms....this is just a little period in time. Slow down, enjoy your kids, don't over think your curriculum or over worry about your housekeeping. See a doc if you need to.

 

My third homeschooling year I had a six yr old, an 18 month old and three infants. Things got wilder from there. I have arthritis that was not well managed at the time. There was so much pain that at one point my kids could not touch me.

 

I made it. You will make it. Keep your house clean enough. Do enjoyable things. Teach the basics. Don't push your littles. Relax. Enjoy. Enjoy.

 

When you get old like me and look back it'll be no. big. deal. Then your house can stay clean and you can nap or hobby or whatever. You will get there.

[Trish]

My advice on crafts: Holidays only! If you want to.

[Lucy]

For six years I struggled with migraines while homeschooling three + a toddler. I spent two weeks straight every month flat on the couch with a pillow over my head. Then, I had two weeks to try to get some schooling in. I felt like such a failure. My friends' kids were busy memorizing the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt and mine were gluing buttons on a piece of construction paper. :) But I learned, from necessity, that the younger years don't need to be as "academic" as I had been shooting for. When the been-there moms on this board tell the newer-to-homeschool moms to just focus on reading fun books, cuddling with your kids, and occasionally do a low-mess art project, they are speaking from experience (and often regret) that they didn't slow down and chill out in the early years. While I was worried about them being behind, my girls are all "current" in their reading and math now, even ahead, and I am so glad I was forced to lay on the couch and cuddle. I agree with the earlyer posts, just take the time to adjust to the new life and have some fun. You will ease yourself into the academic years and be surprised at your success.