UPDATED: A Cruise Ship WWYD

[AlmiraGulch]

My family (DH, DD16, DD10, DSD9 and I) are going on a cruise in April. 49 days 4 hours 43 minutes, actually, but who's counting?

 

Anyway, the cruise line allows kids to sign themselves in and out of the Kids Club at 8. When DD10 was 8 I did not allow her to sign herself in and out. However, now that she's 10 I really have no problem with it as long as she abides by the rule, which is if she's not in the club she's in the cabin. Period. Unless she's with her sister (DD16), in which case as long as they leave me a note where they are I'm fine with them milling about. They are experienced cruisers and I think they'll be fine. It's no different to me of them wandering around my neighborhood or walking up to the store or whatever.

 

That said, DSD9 is not an experienced cruiser, or experienced anything, really. She's quite sheltered, and said she thinks she might be scared to leave the Kids Club, or leave the cabin to go to the club, without an adult anyway. That tells me she's probably too young to do so.

 

Certainly I'm not going to force her to do it, but I don't really want to penalize DD10 and force her to stay, either, when I think she's responsible enough to come and go within the confines of the rules. DH wants them to stay together so we don't have to keep track of two kids in different places. I don't really think it's a big deal, honestly. The club is one deck about our rooms, on the same end of the ship.

 

I think we should allow DD10 sign-in/out privileges but not allow it for DD9 (she doesn't really want it anyway). DH thinks we either need to allow it for both and force them to stay together, or allow it for neither. I see his point, but if it were just me with my girls, I'd allow it for DD10 by herself.

 

Before you give your opinions (and yes, I want them), I do know that it's a big ship with thousands of people and anything could happen. I've considered the risks, just like I considered the risks when I decided to let DD10 walk home from the bus stop by herself. I think that odds are they'll be fine.

 

Ok.....WWYD?

 

UPDATE: Turns out this was much ado about nothing anyway. It seems the cruise line has recently changed the rules and the age groupings for their kids' club. DSD will be on a different group (7 - 9) than DD (10 - 12), and you can't sign yourself in and out anymore til age 10 anyway. I guess that takes care of that.

[magnificent_baby]

I, personally, wouldn't let my kids go anywhere on a cruise ship without me escorting them to their destination. I'm overly cautious when it comes to my kids though, in general.

[Cera]

They aren't the same kid. I am in a similar situation (close in age step kids) and they don't always have the same rules.

[Renthead Mommy]

I'd let both sign themselves out. But not make them go with each other. If the 9yo doesn't want to go, don't trap the 10yo. That a quick way to really stain a step relationship. They aren't sisters, they are step sister. And like it or not, it changes things.

 

Where are they going to go? Cabin to club, the only other option is really food or pool. I'd say no pool with out adult/16yo, but ice cream I'd be okay with. Why not get everyone walkie talkies and then they can tell you they are leaving the club and heading for ice cream or whatever.

[AlmiraGulch]

I, personally, wouldn't let my kids go anywhere on a cruise ship without me escorting them to their destination. I'm overly cautious when it comes to my kids though, in general.

 

 

I completely respect this. I'm not as cautious, particularly since they are experienced not only in the circumstances, but with this exact ship. Still, I understand your point of view.

 

They aren't the same kid. I am in a similar situation (close in age step kids) and they don't always have the same rules.

 

 

That's what I keep trying to tell DH, but he doesn't get it. It doesn't help that he's an only child, and so is DSD (for all intents and purposes...DH's son is 19 and lives in another country).

 

I'd let both sign themselves out. But not make them go with each other. If the 9yo doesn't want to go, don't trap the 10yo. That a quick way to really stain a step relationship. They aren't sisters, they are step sister. And like it or not, it changes things.

 

Where are they going to go? Cabin to club, the only other option is really food or pool. I'd say no pool with out adult/16yo, but ice cream I'd be okay with. Why not get everyone walkie talkies and then they can tell you they are leaving the club and heading for ice cream or whatever.

 

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Kids Club, room, food are all fine with me. I'm even ok with the water slides with the 16 year old. Walkies don't always work on board and are easily lost. However, I forgot to mention that the ship we're going on has an app that allows for unlimited texting with other people with the same app for only $7.99 per device, and we'll all be using that app (the kids on their iPod Touches, us on our phones).

[mytwomonkeys]

i wouldn't let my kids check out without an adult. i trust my children completely and fully. i do not trust other people completely and fully.

[jenn-]

I am going to be facing a similar decision in November. I don't think I will let my 3 boys sign in and out (the youngest might be too young anyways), but my DD will be 13.5. I don't like the idea of her roaming the cruise ship but I don't know I will have much choice in the teen center. I've cruised several times now, and I know how easy to get turned around on the ship and that is my main concern.

[AlmiraGulch]

I am going to be facing a similar decision in November. I don't think I will let my 3 boys sign in and out (the youngest might be too young anyways), but my DD will be 13.5. I don't like the idea of her roaming the cruise ship but I don't know I will have much choice in the teen center. I've cruised several times now, and I know how easy to get turned around on the ship and that is my main concern.

 

I hear you. The only reason I'm not concerned about getting turned around is because they usually get the layout of the ship before I do! Plus, they've been on this ship before. Well, DD10 has, anyway. She also knows that if she ever is really lost on board to go to the main desk in the lobby, and she can always find here way there.

 

FWIW, I won't allow them to just roam about the ship, if I let them out on their own. They'll have certain places they can be and that's it. I I know they can't just beam themselves there and they'll have to traverse parts of the ship to get to those places, but none of the routes (except to and from the cabin) are through passenger room areas. All are public and only have them going through public areas. That's better, for me.

[Joker]

So, if they don't have to stay together does that mean the 9 yr sdd will end up alone in the cabin or kids club, or does it mean she will be with you but not the kids? If it meant she'd be alone, I'd make them stay together. I get you feel it's unfair to the 10 yr old but I imagine it'd be a horrible trip for a 9 yr old to be uncomfortable and without anyone she knows. If it means she'd just be opting to stay with the adults, I'd let the 10 yr old sign in and out on her own.

[Soror]

fwiw I'd let the 10 and 16 yo.

[Candid]

I think I would split the difference between you and your dh. Give them both sign out privileges. Give them both the same rules. Encourage the youngest to go with her older sisters at first, and if she doesn't want to go by herself so be it. She can stay in the cabin and be stuck there or stay in the club and be stuck there too.

 

The older two can escort her to the cabin or club if they are in motion at that time (in other words, if one of the olders is going someplace then she should have to take the 9 yo to the club, but if she is not or she isn't around, then too bad).

 

This might also be a time for cheap cell phone or other communication devices to facilitate communications.

[Jennifer in MI]

When our kids got to those ages and we were cruising, we made the rule that they had to text us and let us know when they were leaving and where they were going. Then, we'd meet them there. Which ship will you be on? Do they have cell phones for everyone? (We made that rule when we cruised with Disney and they had cell phones for use on the ship. Then, this last cruise, we didn't have the cell phones. I just assumed all cruise lines had them!!! It was a HUGE pain in the butt not to be able to communicate with my kids!)

 

Now that my kids are older, they have free reign on the ship. (But, they're 12, 15, and 16)

[AlmiraGulch]

So, if they don't have to stay together does that mean the 9 yr sdd will end up alone in the cabin or kids club, or does it mean she will be with you but not the kids? If it meant she'd be alone, I'd make them stay together. I get you feel it's unfair to the 10 yr old but I imagine it'd be a horrible trip for a 9 yr old to be uncomfortable and without anyone she knows. If it means she'd just be opting to stay with the adults, I'd let the 10 yr old sign in and out on her own.

 

The 9 year old would likely be in the Kids Club or with us until we check her out since she doesn't want to be alone in the cabin. I'm certainly not going to force her to be in the cabin by herself if she doesn't want to be.

[Mama Geek]

I think you have to decide if you want this to end up as an issue between you and your dh. It wouldn't bother me to have different rules for the 2 kids, but I wouldn't want to argue with dh over it.

[K&Rs Mom]

Our last cruise we gave both kids sign-out privilege when we signed them up for the club, but they weren't allowed to use that privilege unless we approved it before that seeing of club. So we knew every few hours whether there was something else they might like to do, and 9 of 10 sessions whoever was in club just stayed there until pickup time. My point is, just because you allow it on paper doesn't necessarily affect the kids' permissions from you. If you think 9yo will be happy staying in the club, you can "allow" her sign out privilege but expect she won't use it.

[Danestress]

I would be disinclined to let either child check herself out, but it sounds like you have thought through the decision carefully and have made a choice.

 

I would not burden the children with the obligation to be always together. I might require that of them for a limited time - say an afternoon when you and DH are doing something in particular that will keep you away. But in general I would say that the burden of keeping track of two kids is a burden that parents of two children will have to bear at times, particularly when the two children are not life long siblings.

[Mom in High Heels]

I gave Indy sign in/out privileges on our most recent cruise. He knew where our cabin was and either my mom or I were in the cabin after dinner because Han Solo had to go to sleep. He's responsible enough, IMO and we were 2 flights down from the club (the floor directly above was a restaurant), so I wasn't worried. Okay, that's a lie, I was totally worried, but I let him and it all turned out fine.

 

In your situation, I'd give the 10yo sign out privileges if she wants them, but the 9yo would have to stay at the club until you came to get her. Or you could give her sign out privileges and if she doesn't want to use them, she can stay.

[Anne]

If both the girls were mine, I wouldn't force the older to abide by the rules which needed to govern the younger. Even though they're close, there would still be things the older was allowed to do that the younger isn't - that's just the way it works. So, I wouldn't feel the need to have the same rules for both girls even if they were full sibs. AND, I definitely would not force dd & dsd to stay together "all the time" - sometimes, yes - but "all the time" - definitely, no. That's a great way to ruin a relationship, imnsoho!

 

You may just have to be prepared to spend a little more time with dsd and help her move around the ship more. Also, she may be much more confident after she sees the layout and goes places with your kids.

 

Anne

 

ETA: I'd probably allow both girls to check in/out on their own to enable the younger to go with the older when that was appropriate/useful.

[PachiSusan]

i wouldn't let my kids check out without an adult. i trust my children completely and fully. i do not trust other people completely and fully.

 

Having cruised twice with a younger child, I agree with this. The people that hung around the Adventure Ocean place bothered me tremendously. One guy was asked to leave because he was always there and just watching the kids go in and out.

 

It's not that hard to tool on up and pick up my kid. I had a beeper on me if she needed me to come at an earlier/later time than we agreed on.

[PachiSusan]

I hear you. The only reason I'm not concerned about getting turned around is because they usually get the layout of the ship before I do! Plus, they've been on this ship before. Well, DD10 has, anyway. She also knows that if she ever is really lost on board to go to the main desk in the lobby, and she can always find here way there.

 

FWIW, I won't allow them to just roam about the ship, if I let them out on their own. They'll have certain places they can be and that's it. I I know they can't just beam themselves there and they'll have to traverse parts of the ship to get to those places, but none of the routes (except to and from the cabin) are through passenger room areas. All are public and only have them going through public areas. That's better, for me.

 

I was lost nearly every single day of our 14 days on the ship. LOL I got turned around constantly.

[edelweiss]

I have only cruised on Disney, so that is the only perspective I can offer. I feel completely comfortable allowing sign out privileges for my 9 year old with Disney. I also allowed them when she was 8. However, I will say that she was always with her sister (11 years old when younger was 8), and I feel much better with them being together. They had one Wave phone and we had the other, and they called us if they left the kid's club and let us know where they were heading. We also had the rule that they are never, ever allowed to go into any private corridors. The ships layouts were very easy for them understand, and they knew how to get to food, or the shops, or our room (which we always choose right near the stairs/elevator, so that they don't need to go down any corridors) by staying in public areas.

 

We also are cruising again in April!! DD9 (will turn 10 during the cruise-- it is a cruise to celebrate her 10th birthday, actually) has now decided that she hates the kid's club (actually she decided it on our last cruise in Sept. 2011 and wasn't really fond of them before that), so I will allow her to have some freedom on the ship as long as she is with her sister. They are very good at keeping us informed with the use of the Wave phones.

 

In your situation, I would give both girls check out privileges. The 9 year old might choose to leave the club when her sister does. She might really find that she likes that option. I definitely wouldn't penalize the 10 year old though. I know that it would make my kids not want to go into the kid's club at all then!

[anotherbrother]

Can you have it set up so the 9 yo can only sign out if she's with your 10 yo?

[Renthead Mommy]

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Kids Club, room, food are all fine with me. I'm even ok with the water slides with the 16 year old. Walkies don't always work on board and are easily lost. However, I forgot to mention that the ship we're going on has an app that allows for unlimited texting with other people with the same app for only $7.99 per device, and we'll all be using that app (the kids on their iPod Touches, us on our phones).

 

 

Well that's the same as walkies then. Our last cruise 2yos ago, ironically Carnival Triumph, (ship was fine, but that was the trip that made us realized how far below other lines Carnival is) they didn't have the texting app or an at sea signal so we used the walkies.

 

So, if they don't have to stay together does that mean the 9 yr sdd will end up alone in the cabin or kids club, or does it mean she will be with you but not the kids? If it meant she'd be alone, I'd make them stay together. I get you feel it's unfair to the 10 yr old but I imagine it'd be a horrible trip for a 9 yr old to be uncomfortable and without anyone she knows. If it means she'd just be opting to stay with the adults, I'd let the 10 yr old sign in and out on her own.

 

 

There can be over 800 kids on these cruises. Granted that 2-17, but in the preteen club the numbers run high for the ages of your girls. There is a very good chance they will both make their own friends. The 9yo will have someone to hang out with at club to do the parties and crafts and all. So what you also need to decide is does not leaving 'on their own' mean the same as leaving with a sister or leaving with a friend?

 

When we took one trip as a 'family' we had 6 kids. Only the oldest neice was old enough to sign out on her own. We'd spy her and her little girlfriend getting ice cream often. It was a huge deal for her and a big confidence booster.

 

The younger, once on board, and knows her way around and has a friend may very well want to do more.

 

Whatever you decide, leave room to adjust the rules as their experience of the week grows.

[jenn-]

Is this something you can change your mind during the cruise? If not, I would give them both permission but tell the younger that she can have them call you to escort her until she is comfortable with getting around.

[gardenmom5]

I'm failing to see the sign-in/out problem for dsd. I understand she doens't want to go in or out by herself, but you have a dd who is 16 - she can drop her at kids club or drop her at the cabin or she can stay in one or the other. if she doesn't want to go with them, she can stay by herself.

 

if they have to be in one or the other place, I don't see the big deal about seperating them.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm failing to see the sign-in/out problem for dsd. I understand she doens't want to go in or out by herself, but you have a dd who is 16 - she can drop her at kids club or drop her at the cabin or she can stay in one or the other. if she doesn't want to go with them, she can stay by herself.

 

if they have to be in one or the other place, I don't see the big deal about seperating them.

 

Yeah, the 16 year old could, or we could, or whatever. I don't see the big deal about separating them, either, but DH does. For some reason he thinks they should be together all of the time, but they're not even together all of the time when they're at home. Like some others have said, it's a great way to make them mad at each other and resentful that the other is putting a damper on their vacation.

 

I posted here so that I could show my husband some logical feedback from my point of view, and also to see if there was just something I wasn't considering to sway me to his.