Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 So, we have reached an uneasy compromise with my son regarding school. Essentially, he does all of his work online and is required to stay on his assigned pace and keep his grades at a certain level. And that's it. To say I'm not happy would be a huge understatement, but it's what we can do at the moment. What he had hoped was that he would be able to "streamline" schoolwork in order to make time to do more things he cares about, specifically dancing/working at his dance studio. However, it's a small studio with a limited schedule and range of classes, and the owners have not responded to our attempts to open that conversation. We can't afford to finance a full schedule of dance classes, even if it were available at his current studio. He doesn't want to move to a different studio, and after a few years of floundering to find this place, I'm content to leave that as is. He would love to do more theatre, but I opted not to take him to audition for the couple most recent community theatre productions, because the locations and schedule simply don't mesh with things to which my daughter is already committed. (I haven't yet figured out how to make it possible for me or my vehicle to be in two places at once.) And he turned down a chance to audition for a youth production -- for which he had been offered a scholarship -- because it wasn't a musical and he didn't want to learn the necessary accent. So, instead, he does the bare minimum required of him for school and around the house, dances three or so times per week, rehearses with his choir once a week, volunteers a few shifts at the local science museum and then hangs around, making things with duct tape and cardboard, watching TV, texting with friends, playing computer games . . . It's driving me batty. This morning, I suggested to my husband that we sit down with the kid and tell him he must find something meaningful and, preferably for a vareity of reasons, outside the house to occupy the time and attention he is not devoting to school. One thing my son has mentioned a few times is wanting to get a job. I've discouraged it in the past, prefering that he keep his options open for performance opportunities, since that is, in theory, what he wants to do with his life. However, if we can't find an appropriate internship/training situation, I'm thinking a job might be a good option. I know one of our local grocery chains hires for some positions beginning at age 14. They don't list those openings online. He'll have to go into the store to apply. I'm wondering if anyone has any other suggestions of the kinds of jobs that might be open to a boy his age? I'd prefer it not be a self-starting, make-work thing (not babysitting or yard work or anything like that), since those have a tendency to fizzle around here. I'd prefer a more formalized situation. What do your under-16 year olds do, if they work? How did they find those opportunities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 There isn't a lot out there for 14 yos, but you might try ice cream and yogurt shops. I think they can hire 14 yos. I know the local waterpark hires for some jobs at 14, but not many. :grouphug: I know it's hard to just let go on the academics, but that's what I did when my son was 14. I put him in private school for 8th grade, and I was hands off. I considered it his year to fail if he had to. I didn't push, I let him deal w/ homework, test prep, everything. He had some bumps, but he didn't fail, and by the time he hit high school, he had set his own goals. I did push, pull, remind, etc. his freshman year. He's a sophomore now, and I rarely do more than remind him of projects that are due. Hang in there, he'll figure it out. I think having a job will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnIslandGirl Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Maybe a bus boy or dishwasher for a local restaurant? Does the Theater need any help in the costume department he could volunteer in? Around here, there just aren't many paid positions available for younger teens. Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 "So, instead, he does the bare minimum required of him for school and around the house, dances three or so times per week, rehearses with his choir once a week, volunteers a few shifts at the local science museum and then hangs around, making things with duct tape and cardboard, watching TV, texting with friends, playing computer games . . . It's driving me batty." This seems like a lot to me. Ok, so he only does the minimum required for school and chores, but he does do it. He also has 3 outside activities and is looking for more. Does he use his free time to get into trouble? If not and he is just enjoying the free time to hang out and such, I'm not sure why that would be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 When my dd was 14 she worked at a local church (not ours) cleaning the kids' rooms and doing Gal Friday kind of stuff. It was great - the staff loved her, she earned more than minimum wage, and the hours fit in well with our homeschooling. In our state, kids under 16 cannot work more than 3 hours at a stretch, so she worked 3 hours twice a week. Six hours gave her money to buy herself an iPad 3, plus give money to a local horse charity and save some, too. Nice! She heard about the job through her boss, who knew my dd from our homeschool group. My dd had tutored her son in Latin, so this woman knew my dd was keen to make money and have a job. Now dd is in high school part-time and no longer has the time available in the day for the job. She was sad to quit, but her schedule is packed full (especially during marching band season) and there is no way to fit it in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Great question. Ds expressed interest in getting a job last night. I'm going to look into bagger/stocker at the local grocery for over the summer. We also have a computer shop in town, but I think it's a one man operation. I worked in a toy store in high school and enjoyed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 What do you mean by 'bare minimum required of him for school and around the house'? If you want him to do more around the house I would ask him. Are you wanting him to take on a heavier school load? It sounds like he does a lot. My son is 15 and he does his school work, is involved in a teen homeschool group, goes to 4H twice a week, is about to start volunteering at the library, does his chores, plays with his little brother and usually takes care of him so I can get dinner started in the evenings. He also reads comic books, plays video games, basketball and rides his bike in his free time. Most places around here do not hire until 16. From what you wrote it looks like he has a pretty full schedule. I'm just wondering what else it is that you want him to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Personally I think he actually has a good balance of down time with busy time for a 14 yr old, they need that time to laze about. But that said my 14 yr old works at the A&W as a cashier. There are child labor laws they have to follow, so he is not allowed to work more than 2 hours at time on school days. It can never interfere with his classes. He is not allowed to work after a certain time of night, or before a certain time in the morning. He can only be a cashier/work the front, Never allowed in the kitchen before he turns 15 etc. Once he is 15 he can work 3 hours a day, in the kitchen etc, his employer has much more options for him. As it is he works 9-15 hours a week, and he likes teh paycheque, he likes it fine once he is there, he gripes and groans about getting up for wrok (at least twice a week he works either 10-12, or 11-1, we live 20 minutes away so to get up and ready and out the door on time he needs to get up sooner than a usual day for him). He has cadets once a week, youth group once a week, hangs out at teh studio when his sister's dance and tries to get his school work done. He does not help around the house much. The job while good has taken up a lot of his down time and he feels it. He will likely request a cut in hours in spring so he can play a sport, so he still won't get down time, just more activity rather than work. Work has been good for him, but it is more than we anticipated it would be kwim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I worked at an apple orchard starting at age 13. I simply worked in the little storefront selling apples, cider, produce, etc. The child labor laws were different since it was considered an agricultural job. Maybe something like that is available in your area? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 My 12 year old was reading over my shoulder, "Jobs for 14 year olds? Slave Labor". Had to share my smile. :D To answer the question, lots of "bag boys" at the grocery stores start at 14 around here. Bus boys too. I worked at a grocery store bakery at that age, the local grocery store hired lots of high school kids. Our dd was doing her first year as an unpaid junior intern at Old Sturbridge Village at 14, she is in her third year there now and also works as a girl Friday at a hair salon for paid work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 When I was 14 I had a job cleaning at a nursing home; it was about the only place I could find to work legally at that age. My parents bought me a horse with the condition that I pay for boarding. I'm not sure if that law has changed, but you could check into it. I know there were jobs doing laundry, cleaning, cooking that I could have done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 How about the traditional yard work, pet sitting, babysitting, snow shoveling for neighbors? Put up a few flyers, pass out flyers to neighbors, etc. The neighbor boys make good money mowing people's lawns. Or, how about planning a summer drama workshop for younger kids? Overall, I do tend to agree with others that it sounds as though he is passing his time in an appropriate way for a 14 yo. His path will be different from his sister's. I know my boys spent a lot of down time in the 12-14 year old range. They seemed to need more recreational time, or time just doing ... nothing. I am curious though, how much time does his school work take? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Places like Burger King and Dominos hire at 14 around here for cash register, or phone answering type jobs. I know the feeling of watching them do absolutely nothing unless they are told by someone else to do it. I'm not sure how much a 14 year old is expected to be a self starter - I think they are figuring out the extremes in this world (perfect, least needed, most available, etc.) and finding that middle ground. My 13 year old thinks I work her like a slave by the way she talks about it and I feel like I give her next to no responsibilities... not like she completes them without me reminding her anyway. Point is, I think they grow out of it when they have to live up to an outside authority's expectations. Having a job could do that, but I don't think he necessarily needs to just fill in more time. Just my 2 cents. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 The "problem" is that he finishes his school work so quickly that he ends up with a lot of free time to get unhappy and bored. His current schedule is: U.S. History, FLVS Latin I, FLVS English III (honors), FLVS Music Appreciation, FLVS Algebra II, Aleks Chemistry, Aleks On an average day, he finishes his assignments in under two hours. It's not unusual for him to finish in under 90 minutes. We require him to maintain grades of no less than 'B' in any course and an 85% average across the board, as well as keep on pace, in order to be eligible to attend outside activities. Thus far, he is complying, grudgingly. In theory, he's also self-studying for the American Government CLEP exam, but I already cancelled the first scheduled date because it was clear he was nowhere near ready and I didn't want to waste the money. And we're supposed to be participating in a co-op, through which I had hoped to have him finish the art history/appreciation stuff I had planned before we threw it all out the window. However, because of the combination of the running around we do to get his sister to her internship/job and assorted rehearsals and auditions and an assortment of other stuff going on at home, we haven't attended in weeks. I'm on the verge of just admitting it isn't going to work out for us. So, a typical day would have him getting up at about 8:30. He's supposed to be up at 7:00 when my husband wakes him before leaving for work. However, my husband forgets to wake him at least once or twice a week, and another time or two, my son gets up but goes back to sleep on the couch while I'm walking the dog or taking a shower. He takes far too long a shower, then eats breakfast, after which he'll finally settle into schoolwork by 9:30 or 10:00. He's usually finished by noon. ("Finished" is a loose term, here, since we're also having tension about his reluctance to ever go back and fix or resubmit FLVS assignments until I force the issue. One of the major advantages of the online thing was supposed to be getting me out of that role. So, it's frustrating.) On Mondays, he has nothing to do until 4:15, when I drive him to choir. He has a dance class after choir rehearsal. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, we leave the house at about 2:30 to take his sister to work. Because it's a half hour drive to her job/dance studio and my son's studio is closer to that than to home, we usually stay in the area, running errands or killing time at Panera waiting for his classes to start at 5:30. His Wednesday class is quite short, more of a dance team rehearsal than a full class. On Thursdays and Fridays, he has no regularly scheduled activities, meaning he is at loose ends from noon-ish onward. He does an average of three four-hour shifts per month at the science museum. During the spring semester, his dance team does have three competitions scheduled. Each one will also involve one additional rehearsal the weekend prior to the event. If his academic load were taking him anything like a "normal" amount of time to complete, or if he were struggling in any way, the picture would be different. However, it requires so little of him and he's done so quickly that it just leaves him what, for this kid, is an unhealthy amount of dead time. He is not amenable to my supplementing the basic course work in any way. As I said, getting me out of the position of being his "teacher" was the primary goal of signing him up for the online courses. He is adamant that he does not want to do any more schoolwork than is strictly necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 It seems like Thursday and Friday are the only days he has an excessive amount of free time. I certainly don't think a job is a bad idea if he is willing and it can be schedule on those days, but if not maybe he could volunteer more on those days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I have a son who was uninspired by school work and really benefited from a job. He's a working adult now, and no one would ever think he is lazy (though based on his school effort, I often thought so when he was younger). So I can imagine that if he did have a job, you might find a lot of positive changes in him. However, I think you are likely to continue to have problems with transportation. Some of the other things he wants to do he can't do because you can't drive him. I wonder if work would just add to the stress. And of course, with .... what? 9% of American's unemployed, I am not sure who would hire a 14 year old when they could hire an 18 year old. Most of the way I can think to make money are the kinds of things you don't want to do - letting him start a lawn mowing business or a babysitting business. Is there any way your 18 year old daughter could start providing her own transportation? That might free you up to let your son participate in more activities for his own benefit, at an age when sometimes those activities are most important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I might add in some sort of exercise (forgive me if you've already mentioned this, I've not read the whole thread) have you considered handing over say, car maintenance to him? Also, if he can't find a paying job, I'd check with the 4H department to see if he could volunteer somehow . (they had public speaking clubs) I might also talk to my friends and see if they need help, even if it's just one or two days a week. My dd just spent all day Wednesday with my real estate agent friend helping to sort files, clean the office, etc. My firend's going to call again in a few weeks. So even though my friend doesn't need to hire one more worker, she can use the help in the office from time to time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Is there any way your 18 year old daughter could start providing her own transportation? That might free you up to let your son participate in more activities for his own benefit, at an age when sometimes those activities are most important. She's not ready for that yet. Because she was away at school during the prime time most kids learn to drive, she kind of missed the window. By the time she graduated and got home and caught her breath, she was busy with other things. She is now finally taking (making) the time to learn to drive, but even once she does, we cannot afford another vehicle or the insurance on one. At this point, although she is working very hard, she isn't earning money. So, the short answer is, no, she can't. Not yet. And, to be brutally honest, I'm not terribly interested in going too far out of my way to provide my son with yet more opportunities he may or may not actually take or put any effort into. As others have mentioned, he has three outside activities, all of which he does with about as much effort as he puts into school. In theory, he "loves dance," but I haven't seen him stretch or practice at home in months. If he were to find something he desperately wanted to do and come to me and put forth a case for why he should have a chance, I'd consider it. But I'm not going to continue to be the one who pokes and prods and searches and makes it happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 If he really cared about dance, he would train several hours a day on his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 A couple more thoughts on this. It seems like he is about to be penalized for finishing his work in an efficient manner. As well do you expect him to continue only having 2 hours of school work through high school? I would add more electives, another science or introduce things like woodshop, auto-mechanics, household repairs or other life skill type elective. Another option with summer coming is summer camp counsellor. My daughter last summer at 13 was a counsellor in training at YMCA kids camps. She had a 2 week training camp and then she did 2 weeks of helping as a counsellor. It was a volunteer position but a huge opportunity and learning experience. That still gave her a month of summer time for family etc. As a teen growing up I worked in an afterschool daycare daily. I started as a volunteer at age 11 and stayed a volunteer 5 days a week 3 hours a day until I turned 15 and they started paying me. In the summer I did a youth leadership program which was similar to what my dd did last year but it was run by the city i lived in back then. 2 weeks training and then we did placements in various settings, those summers I worked in a daycare, in a library, taught swimming lessons, worked with disabled young adults etc. It gave a wealth of experiences and let me see what I was strong at and what was not my cup of tea. Good for future career planning. With his schedule being quite full in the school year I would encourage a hobby or elective and then find a summer volunteer experience at this point. Determine your goals for high school with him. Will 2 hours a day of bare bones course work be enough for college admissions? Is he looking at college or trade school when he graduates? Have you looked into his admission requirements, to be sure there is nothing else you could pick up to take another 1-2 hours of his time in the day to boost his future. After that I would look at work, but I am telling you despite working that young myself and my son working now, it does have drawbacks so I am playing a bit of devil's advocate here. My son is unlikely to go off to college, with his issues, he is better off straight into the work force, so for him building experience and training young is important to me. He is discussing his options with joining the army.again the skills he is learning at work and cadets fits that better than more academics. So really take a hard look with your son at his future goals and see if a job at 14 really serves that or if it is you wanting him busier. Keep in mind as well how many of us wish we had more down time. We all wish we had the flexibility in our time to put our feet up, read whatever. Our kids really only have a few more years left of that open time before hitting postsecondary and then jobs, their own families to support etc. If they do not need to work to meet the goals of being able to support themselves and their families starting this young than I think giving them another 1-2 years to laze about inbetween schooltime and extras is the best thing we can do for them. Jmo of course, it probably sounds hypocritical to say don't have your son work when mine does, but like I said different goals yada yada Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Finding a job would solve one problem, but would bring up others. Transportation has already been brought up, but scheduling is going to create more problems. If there are other things that come up at various times, such as the theater productions, with rehearsals, auditions, etc., it's going to be a hassle to get his employer to schedule around that. You're pretty much at their mercy, particularly if he's working at a place like a grocery store or fast food. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 A couple more thoughts on this. It seems like he is about to be penalized for finishing his work in an efficient manner. As well do you expect him to continue only having 2 hours of school work through high school? I would add more electives, another science or introduce things like woodshop, auto-mechanics, household repairs or other life skill type elective. Another option with summer coming is summer camp counsellor. Nope. He will not accept the idea of any electives. Period. He is doing as much school as he's going to do. As I said, I'm not happy with the compromise, but it is what we all agreed to when I attempted to expell him from my homeschool. He has two summers under his belt already as a junior counselor for theatre daycamps during the summer and plans to go back again this year. And, yes, I fully expect he will not up his academic committment at all, if he can avoid it. He is already a full year ahead of his age peers across the board and beyond that in a subject or two. He sees no reason to put forth one iota more effort than we require. With his schedule being quite full in the school year I would encourage a hobby or elective and then find a summer volunteer experience at this point. Determine your goals for high school with him. Will 2 hours a day of bare bones course work be enough for college admissions? Is he looking at college or trade school when he graduates? Have you looked into his admission requirements, to be sure there is nothing else you could pick up to take another 1-2 hours of his time in the day to boost his future. After that I would look at work, but I am telling you despite working that young myself and my son working now, it does have drawbacks so I am playing a bit of devil's advocate here. I guess that's part of the thing: I really don't see his schedule as very full. You have to understand that he puts very little effort into any of the outside activities. He puts on the required clothing, allows me to drive him to the location, does what he does and allows me to drive him home. As far as discussing goals? Been there, done that. He now leaves the room when I try. He has no particular interest in college, assumes he'll go, because we tell him he has to and he realizes he'll make more money that way. But he is not at all bothered by the idea of doing a couple of years of community college locally as a stepping stone, and his test scores from last year already qualify him for admission and class placement there. I've strongly suggested he consider just starting at community college in the fall, either full or part time. He nods and shrugs and moves on to something else. So really take a hard look with your son at his future goals and see if a job at 14 really serves that or if it is you wanting him busier. He has no goals, really. He vaguely assumes he'll do something in performance. And, unfortunately, he is just talented enough and lucky enough to be of the gender that is always in short supply that he often walks into roles and opportunities that an equally talented girl would have to fight tooth and nail to get. I've tried to tell him that won't continue forever, but my opinons have no credibility with him (pretty much never have). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Oh, I see....about 15 minutes per subject. Any thoughts on what he plans to do next year? Is there a local CC where he can take classes? Maybe the live classroom situation would be motivating. Could he do a job shadow or career research? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Finding a job would solve one problem, but would bring up others. Transportation has already been brought up, but scheduling is going to create more problems. If there are other things that come up at various times, such as the theater productions, with rehearsals, auditions, etc., it's going to be a hassle to get his employer to schedule around that. You're pretty much at their mercy, particularly if he's working at a place like a grocery store or fast food. Erica in OR Which is why I've previously discouraged the whole job idea when he's mentioned it. However, since he is now getting very picky about the kinds of shows for which he is even willing to audition and is unwilling to put any serious effort into preparing for auditions (using the same monologue and song for the last two years, for example, and turning down a show because he didn't want to have to learn an accent), I think it's time to put that on the back burner. If he's serious, he can find some auditions and opportunities on his own and ask me to get him there. Otherwise, the vague possibility that "something might come up" isn't going to take top priority any longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 I might add in some sort of exercise (forgive me if you've already mentioned this, I've not read the whole thread) have you considered handing over say, car maintenance to him? Also, if he can't find a paying job, I'd check with the 4H department to see if he could volunteer somehow . (they had public speaking clubs) I might also talk to my friends and see if they need help, even if it's just one or two days a week. My dd just spent all day Wednesday with my real estate agent friend helping to sort files, clean the office, etc. My firend's going to call again in a few weeks. So even though my friend doesn't need to hire one more worker, she can use the help in the office from time to time. He does exercise, in the sense that he dances a few times a week, does some light weight lifting, and spends a fair amount of time being physical in the backyard. We pay to have our cars maintained. Neither my husband nor I have the know-how or interest to babysit him learning that kind of thing. He already has tons of volunteer hours, with multiple organizations. I don't feel comfortable asking friends for favors, since I have no guarantee he'd be of any actual use to them. I do appreciate the thoughts, though. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Do you think he feels overshadowed by his sister? ETA: I know you were just asking about jobs, but the way you describe his attitude combined with the few things I recall about your daughter make me think of issues that we have gone through with my two boys. Younger son often feels over shadowed by his brother and sometimes he feels as though he might as well not even bother since older brother can do it better. Both of my kids are bright and advanced, but older son is just...different and more intense about it all. Anyways, I don't really mean to digress off to other subjects, but it did catch my attention. It is so hard to know what to do with these teens! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 So, we have reached an uneasy compromise with my son regarding school. Essentially, he does all of his work online and is required to stay on his assigned pace and keep his grades at a certain level. And that's it. To say I'm not happy would be a huge understatement, but it's what we can do at the moment. What he had hoped was that he would be able to "streamline" schoolwork in order to make time to do more things he cares about, specifically dancing/working at his dance studio. However, it's a small studio with a limited schedule and range of classes, and the owners have not responded to our attempts to open that conversation. We can't afford to finance a full schedule of dance classes, even if it were available at his current studio. He doesn't want to move to a different studio, and after a few years of floundering to find this place, I'm content to leave that as is. He would love to do more theatre, but I opted not to take him to audition for the couple most recent community theatre productions, because the locations and schedule simply don't mesh with things to which my daughter is already committed. (I haven't yet figured out how to make it possible for me or my vehicle to be in two places at once.) And he turned down a chance to audition for a youth production -- for which he had been offered a scholarship -- because it wasn't a musical and he didn't want to learn the necessary accent. So, instead, he does the bare minimum required of him for school and around the house, dances three or so times per week, rehearses with his choir once a week, volunteers a few shifts at the local science museum and then hangs around, making things with duct tape and cardboard, watching TV, texting with friends, playing computer games . . . It's driving me batty. This morning, I suggested to my husband that we sit down with the kid and tell him he must find something meaningful and, preferably for a vareity of reasons, outside the house to occupy the time and attention he is not devoting to school. One thing my son has mentioned a few times is wanting to get a job. I've discouraged it in the past, prefering that he keep his options open for performance opportunities, since that is, in theory, what he wants to do with his life. However, if we can't find an appropriate internship/training situation, I'm thinking a job might be a good option. I know one of our local grocery chains hires for some positions beginning at age 14. They don't list those openings online. He'll have to go into the store to apply. I'm wondering if anyone has any other suggestions of the kinds of jobs that might be open to a boy his age? I'd prefer it not be a self-starting, make-work thing (not babysitting or yard work or anything like that), since those have a tendency to fizzle around here. I'd prefer a more formalize situation. What do your under-16 year olds do, if they work? How did they find those opportunities? It was not easy, but my daughter got a job at 15 at an ice cream shop. I don't know if they would also hire responsible 14 year olds. I think Chic-Fil-A hires 14 year olds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deannajo Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 He sounds like my 13yo daughter, except she has even more free time. We moved, and she hasn't wanted to resume dance or theater classes :crying: - just joined a once a week choir though, and participates in homeschool classes a bit during the week, but other than that, she is on the computer - drawing mostly - she's an amazing artist, but also spends way more time facebook/texting/instragramming/pinteresting than I'd like. I feel your frustration and concern. I wish I had more words to offer.. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Well, for those following this compelling story: My husband and I talked when he got home from work, and we eventually decided that we're both bothered by a feeling that we're letting down this kid by not requiring more from him. Also, the spirit of the original agreement is not being honored. The plan was that we would allow him to cut back on schoolwork in order to allow him to do more of things that are more meaningful to him. Since neither of the original ideas for the second half panned out, the equation is not balanced. So, we sat down with our son and explained our thinking and told him that we thought the spirit of the original compromise had been lost, that we don't think the path he's on will serve him in the long run and that he needs to bring the equation back into balance. He actually agreed rather promptly, admitting he's been very bored. We gave him a short list of possibilties: 1. Get a part-time job. We emphasized that, given his dance schedule and my committments to his sister, his availability to work would probably be limited to a couple of weekday afternoons and weekends. We also reminded him that unemployment is still pretty high, and there is a good chance he won't find anyone willing to hire a 14 year old right at the moment. We also stressed that, if he takes a job and then finds out about an audition for something that conflicts with his work hours, he will have to skip the audition. 2. Find or work with someone to create some kind of structured volunteer situation/internship. I've told him I will help him draft a proprosal for the owners of his dance school, if he wants to approach them. Or, if he can think of any other possibilities, I will help him find contact information and brainstorm. However, he needs to do the research and legwork. 3. Significantly increase his volunteer hours, either by adding more with the current organizations or by signing on somewhere else. If he can arrange to be volunteering somewhere at least two days per week, consistently, in addition to keeping up with dance and choir, that would be a big step in the right direction. Ideally, he would sign up for this program or one like it: http://www.presidentialserviceawards.gov/ We would set a specific goal for him to accomplish by the end of the summer. 4. If he's not going to commit to more outside-the-house stuff, we'll need to add back more school responsibilities. He may choose between adding another FLVS course or picking up the pace of his current courses so as to finish earlier. (Because he did not start them until November, he will otherwise have to keep doing school through most or all of the summer.) He enthusiastically chose to try #1 first, which I knew would be the case. He really wants to go apply at the local grocery store(s) tomorrow. I've told him he needs to do some prep work first, making sure he has dates and job titles and responsibilities and such from each of his volunteer activities written down and practicing filling out applications. I may even insist he research the format and write a resume. We've made it clear that, if he can't find a job within a reasonable amount of time or isn't working visibly on trying to get one, our default will be to go with option #4, since it's the easiest and quickest to implement and is entirely within our control. We were all a lot more cheerful at bedtime. We'll see how long that lasts. I do want to sincerely thank everyone for their input. Even though I know I sounded cranky, responding to each comment really helped me clarify my thinking and got me closer to understanding what, exactly, was bothering me about the situation. Thus far, none of us have come up with any other likely places at which he can submit an application. So, if anyone has any more suggestions on that front, I'd still be very grateful to hear them. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 And one more update (in case anyone is still reading): One evening last week, I had to park my son waiting for me at the dance school between the end of his rehearsal and the time I could get back to collect him after dropping his sister elsewhere. By the time I got back, the owner/director had pulled him into the lower-level class she was teaching as an assistant. I figured it was a one-time, keep-him-busy thing, but he told me she asked if he could come every week to help out. Still a little skeptical, I e-mailed to check with her, and she said right away that it would be great if he could come assist in the class. I said he'd be happy to do so, and he went back to gathering information to fill out job applications. Today, I got another message from her wanting to know if he was available to assist with two classes today and, if all goes well, to be trained to begin teaching eventually. Needless to say, he's thrilled, since this is exactly the kind of thing he was thinking of when he said he wanted to get more involved at the dance school. In the meantime, we had agreed to add a 30-minute strength and conditioning class each week, because it fits neatly into the schedule following the tap competition team's rehearsal. This means he is now taking four classes and one team rehearsal each week and assisting in two more. They have an additional weekend rehearsal once a month and are preparing for three competitions and one convention coming up in this semester. The owner has also decided to go ahead and choreograph the tap duet for him and another student that we thought had been dropped, which will mean a little additional rehearsal time over the next few weeks and another chance to compete. With all of this and a slight increase in his volunteer hours at the science museum (because of a couple of special events this semester), I think he may now be officially too busy to consider a part-time job and busy enough to keep out of trouble. So, assuming it all sticks, we have success. Thanks again for the discussion and suggestions. You gave me much to think about, and back-up ideas if anything changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Jenny, that's great... it sounds like these opportunities are right up his alley!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Jenny, I'm so glad to hear about your ds's new opportunities -- and at the perfect time, too! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Jenny, that's great... it sounds like these opportunities are right up his alley!! Jenny, I'm so glad to hear about your ds's new opportunities -- and at the perfect time, too! :hurray: Thanks, ladies! It is extremely cool how it fell in place for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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