Slipper Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 My youngest is currently in therapy for trauma related anxiety. (We do not know all the details yet - she is too scared to discuss it much). She started therapy about two months ago after some concerning behaviors. The same day she saw the therapist for the first time, she began having nightmares. She's afraid of the dark, must have either DH or myself in the same room with her after dark and cannot sleep alone. This isn't just fear, she wakes up in panic attacks. She has regressed in every way I could possibly imagine, including academic. We seem to do okay in many areas, but math has become very difficult. As soon as we try to move past a specific point, she panics and I have to back up and try again. She refuses to read anything past 'youngish' books. She's doing fine in history and science but started refusing to take tests two months ago. Her therapist has stated that this is common for what we are dealing with and for me to keep trying and remain patient. Our cover group requires students from second grade and up to take a standardized test at the end of the school year. Not only will she not do well on this, it's possible she will simply shut down and refuse to take it at all. (She's having some anger issues). I'm debating telling the cover school what is going on to see if we can get a pass on the test this year and try to catch up next year (third grade). Should I just give up and have her repeat the second grade? My middle daughter is doing well and she won't have any issue with the tests, so I don't think it's my style of teaching. I have thought about getting a tutor but medical bills are killing us since her therapy sessions aren't covered through insurance. She needs a psychiatrist for medication and I'm not sure if he will be covered either. I could handle a one-time visit, but repeated visits are murder on my budget. After we see the psychiatrist, I plan to call my insurance company and explain the situation and see if they can help me locate someone. I'm very discouraged and not sure what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 First :grouphug: . I would contact your cover group and let them know that something may prevent your dd from testing as usual. There should be alternate plans available, such as changing the testing criteria or timetable of the test. You may be able to walk her through the test, read it to her etc. Or skip it altogether (best possible option). You need to know what sort of documentation they are going to want. I'm sure your therapist can provide it. The last thing you or her needs is extra pressure from this test. Slow and steady, de-stress as much as possible. Do readers (even if a little below level) and read a louds that she'll enjoy , play some math games, reduce your school load for now. If she is enjoying science and history, then keep going and maybe even add more to them. Ds has ptsd. We have been where you are. You will be able to work back up to 'normal'. It may just take a little more time. :grouphug: My youngest is currently in therapy for trauma related anxiety. (We do not know all the details yet - she is too scared to discuss it much). She started therapy about two months ago after some concerning behaviors. The same day she saw the therapist for the first time, she began having nightmares. She's afraid of the dark, must have either DH or myself in the same room with her after dark and cannot sleep alone. This isn't just fear, she wakes up in panic attacks. She has regressed in every way I could possibly imagine, including academic. We seem to do okay in many areas, but math has become very difficult. As soon as we try to move past a specific point, she panics and I have to back up and try again. She refuses to read anything past 'youngish' books. She's doing fine in history and science but started refusing to take tests two months ago. Her therapist has stated that this is common for what we are dealing with and for me to keep trying and remain patient. Our cover group requires students from second grade and up to take a standardized test at the end of the school year. Not only will she not do well on this, it's possible she will simply shut down and refuse to take it at all. (She's having some anger issues). I'm debating telling the cover school what is going on to see if we can get a pass on the test this year and try to catch up next year (third grade). Should I just give up and have her repeat the second grade? My middle daughter is doing well and she won't have any issue with the tests, so I don't think it's my style of teaching. I have thought about getting a tutor but medical bills are killing us since her therapy sessions aren't covered through insurance. She needs a psychiatrist for medication and I'm not sure if he will be covered either. I could handle a one-time visit, but repeated visits are murder on my budget. After we see the psychiatrist, I plan to call my insurance company and explain the situation and see if they can help me locate someone. I'm very discouraged and not sure what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I would still do school with her but at the level she's comfortable doing things. She will still learn some and it will at least reinforce some things. My dd had a tough 3rd and 4th grade year but has now caught up to 5th grade work just naturally once she was ready for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 :grouphug: I agree with jewellsmommy, contact your cover group. Don't ask if your dd can skip the test, ask what is the policy for children who cannot take the test due to outside circumstances such as health issues. That's all the detail they need. Be gentle and firm: DD cannot take the test this year due to extenuating circumstances. What is the policy and how can we work together to accommodate her needs? In your shoes, I think I'd wait until the end of the school year to assess where she is academically and to decide about repeating second grade. You've got enough decisions to deal with right now. This one can wait, and if you've given yourself a deadline, you've got a concrete plan for making the decision so you're not in limbo about what to do next year. Each time it comes up, you can tell yourself (and others), "We'll decide that at the end of the school year," and let it go. Praying for your sweet girl. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I agree with the others - there should be a policy for children affected by illness etc. If there isn't then they need to write one now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 yep, contact the cover school. If they need some sort of documentation, get a note from the therapist. You shouldn't have an trouble having her exempted from taking the test. I would not hold her back a grade at this point. The lower grades are really good about repeating information over and over from year to year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 :grouphug: Don't test. And don't make her "repeat" third grade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I'm so sorry about your daughter having such a hard time. I have two kids who experienced trauma early on, and the road to healing can feel so very hard. I totally hear you on the regression thing, and it's ROUGH. It sounds like you're doing everything right: seeking outside help for your daughter (and yourself?), and meeting her where she's at. Our family therapist helps us to parent our kids according to whatever age they're acting in that moment, which can be 10 or 3 or anything in between. It's hard to switch gears like that, but definitely helps all of us when we manage. Also, does having a clear structure and expectations help your daughter? You can still lower your bar while continuing to make clear to her what's expected. Perhaps you plan to only do half as much math as usual, and play some games with her the rest of the time? I think that reading at a lower level is fine - call it fluency practice! Maybe do a more advanced read-aloud, or stick with picture books for reading aloud to her. And I agree with all the others about contacting the cover school now to ask about their policy. That way at least you'll know what you're dealing with, rather than being out in limbo about it. All the best to you, and way to go for seeking help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I agree with the others and (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 Thank you. I am sending an email today to explain the situation - not full details, just a general idea of what is going on with our family. The director of the cover school is the pastor at a church we hope to start attending and we see their family frequently at extra-curricular activities. I know he would understand, I just don't want to discuss it. I've been hoping that perhaps we were wrong, but our therapist yesterday gently explained some of the things that were coming out in therapy. We are doing all we can for her (I hope) and my family doctor prescribed me some anxiety/depression medication a couple of months ago. He recently upped the dosage so I do okay except on therapy days. We come home exhausted. She starts seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks (unless we can get a faster appointment). Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 :grouphug: your poor sweet girl. I agree that you are doing a fantastic job helping her! Just a thought, perhaps she'd be more receptive to school work if she felt more in control? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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