Do you discipline in school?

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

Do you discipline in school? Why or why not? Examples please...

[Joanne]

Do you discipline in school? Why or why not? Examples please...

 

I discipline constantly and in every setting with my minor aged children.

 

I punish rarely.

 

I am not sure what you are asking.

[Kaleidoscope]

I can't imagine not disciplining in school.

[Jennifer3141]

I discipline constantly and in every setting with my minor aged children.

 

I punish rarely.

 

I am not sure what you are asking.

 

Disciplining is part of everything we do all day long. Punishment is usually not necessary because we were there early on to make corrections and have discussions.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

At our house, "discipline" isn't really a verb, but I do have standards for my children's behavior. They know what is expected of them during school time. (It looks a lot like what is expected of them the rest of the time.)

 

What do you mean by, "do you discipline?"

[Parrothead]

Pretty much what Joanne said, except I only have one kiddo.

[justLisa]

At our house, "discipline" isn't really a verb, but I do have standards for my children's behavior. They know what is expected of them during school time. (It looks a lot like what is expected of them the rest of the time.)

 

What do you mean by, "do you discipline?"

 

Here too. I am not a punish/rewarder though. And I put up with quite a bit. Disrespectful speaking is pretty much the only thing I fix really quick.

 

My kids are pretty easy though

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

Edited October 8, 2012 by kerryfrank73

[Joanne]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

My course of action is contextual. I don't use formulaic discipline. So, I don't spank, use time out, give sentences, use hot sauce, etc.

 

Instead, I try to align my response to the following standards:

 

1. Related (to the misbehavior)

2. Reasonable (and if it does not hurt me or siblings, that would be great)

3. Respectful (which eliniminates physical discipline in most cases, although sometimes chores and more structure or more physical movement/exercise are related to a proactive plan towards behavior)

 

Therefore, I would deal with the academic issue, tantrum, and disrespect in each situation depending on child, history, etc.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I also am not quite understanding the question. Everyone disciplines (teaches/guides) if they are interacting with children. Discussion is probably the most common in schooling. Encouragement is pretty high up there. Throat clearing? LOL Modeling manners, having a routine, following the schedule, etc all are disciplining....

 

Punishing? Not really. Really, I can't see how that would be very helpful most of the time.

 

ETA: After seeing next post.... Mostly, it is going to be based on the individual situation. Children usually do better if they CAN do better. If they are struggling, there is a reason. That likely needs to be addressed. Redirection, natural/logical consequences, throat clearing (oh yeah, I think I mentioned that :) ) are usually just right responses that get what I'd like to see in result for things where kiddo just got distracted, make a /simple/ poor choice, aren't too dysregulated, etc.

Edited October 8, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[jenL]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

Not working to standards - I will show them what is expected of them (because sometimes they truly do not know) and then I will have them redo the assignment, or we will move on and I will remind them next time we do a similar assignment about the problems they had prior. Redirecting is very helpful for my boys.

 

Throwing tantrums - This is absolutely not allowed if they are doing it for negative attention or to be purposefully difficult. If that is the case, the child is sent to his room to calm down and then they lose privileges or have to do something to "redeem" their behavior (screen time, copying of Bible verses related to behavior, or extra chores). Once the child is calm, we discuss the behavior, how they should have handled themselves, and we discuss tips for when they are feeling the anger/frustration arise. If my child is having a meltdown as a result of something that is my fault (late in making lunch, forgot a snack, I'm rushing them because of my inability to plan properly), then I often approach them with love and grace after they have calmed down. We talk through the behavior and I apologize.

 

Disrespectful - Sent to room, required to write an apology letter (oldest son) or copying of Bible verses, loss of privileges. Depending upon the situation, we offer a "redo" where they can re-say what they were saying disrepectfully in the proper, kinder way.

 

We also use a lot of natural consequences at our house which are dependent upon the situation.

 

HTH!

Edited October 8, 2012 by jenL

[PeacefulChaos]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

:D Were you at my house a couple of hours ago? :lol:

Really, though, I actually did have a kid do that today - it's rare, but it happens. In my case, said child was: working veeerrryyyy slowly on math problems that he knew well, then he stopped all together, and when I told him we needed to move on he got mad.

So I told him he could spend the afternoon in bed if he preferred... we could come back to his school work this evening.

Then he did his work.

 

That's not my answer to everything, but it depends on the kid and the circumstance. I usually go for logical consequences as much as possible.

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

I also am not quite understanding the question. Everyone disciplines (teaches/guides) if they are interacting with children. Discussion is probably the most common in schooling. Encouragement is pretty high up there. Throat clearing? LOL Modeling manners, having a routine, following the schedule, etc all are disciplining....

 

Punishing? Not really. Really, I can't see how that would be very helpful most of the time.

 

So, if your child continues to be disrespectful in-spite of your discussions and encouragement you do nothing?

[Mrs Mungo]

It depends upon the situation and the child. I parent my kids all of the time. What question are you really asking? Because your phrasing is really odd.

 

Are you asking: hey, I'm having a problem with my 10 year old. She doesn't want to do her homework, she throws tantrums, what should I do? I've tried X and Y, but it's not working.

 

Or are you asking something else? I don't like to play guessing games.

[Nestof3]

My course of action is contextual. I don't use formulaic discipline. So, I don't spank, use time out, give sentences, use hot sauce, etc.

 

Instead, I try to align my response to the following standards:

 

1. Related (to the misbehavior)

2. Reasonable (and if it does not hurt me or siblings, that would be great)

3. Respectful (which eliniminates physical discipline in most cases, although sometimes chores and more structure or more physical movement/exercise are related to a proactive plan towards behavior)

 

Therefore, I would deal with the academic issue, tantrum, and disrespect in each situation depending on child, history, etc.

 

So, how would you handle constant blurting out related and unrelated comments when I'm teaching? I'm not sure what would be related to this.

 

Also, complaining about a workload you know is not unreasonable. Just complaining in general.

[In the Rain]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

My kids are generally pretty easy-going. In any of those scenarios I would try to figure out what the problem was. Hunger? Tiredness? Illness? Even my 11-year-old has never flat out refused to work. What age child are you having trouble with, and what kind of trouble is it?

[Soror]

Ds is nearly always compliant and I don't have a lot of structured time with dd. If ds is in a non-compliant or bad mood or what have you then I try switching things up. If it persists then we quit work and we can start again when the attitude is better. However, that also means he misses any things he might enjoy until work is done- ie computer, tv, etc. I've tried not to make it into a battle and thus far it has worked and is very rarely needed. When it doesn't I guess will look at doing something else. If there were consistent issues then I'd be looking harder at what we were doing. Sometimes it seems things need to be tweaked a bit. I also try to make sure he is getting plenty of sleep and eating well which both make a huge difference. My son (8) was forced to take a nap yesterday(which he never does) as he had been behind on sleep due to a busy week and his attitude was getting to be nasty, his mood is certainly improved today.

[Luanne]

Why would you not discipline? What is the reason you home-school in the first place? I would hope it is to turn out children who are better educated and more disciplined than they would be if they went to public school.

[Joanne]

So, how would you handle constant blurting out related and unrelated comments when I'm teaching? I'm not sure what would be related to this.

 

You mentioned constant. For a child in double digit age ( guessed from your sig), the easiest consequence is natural - a delayed and elongated school day and irritated mother.

 

If it is a matter of wanting interaction, or of temperment, I'd be proactive and encourage the child to keep a notebook where they can list the things they want to say; they jot it down, and you make a date each day to discuss the list.

 

For a more imposed approach, you could ask that they offer something *on topic, productive, and related* to school everytime they speak out of turn, especially unrelatedly.

 

I'd also be considering if I am teaching too lecturey, too traditionally, too long, or if I need to change my style to suit the termperments and personality I am dealing with.

 

Also, complaining about a workload you know is not unreasonable. Just complaining in general.

 

How frequent is the complaining? Is the work done in spite of the complaints? I don't *argue* about whether it is reasonable or not. I don't engage. For chronic complaints that begin to create a negative atmosphere, I might consider gratitude journals, removal from area so as to not allow everyone's attitude to tank, and not block the reality that they make the school day longer with complaining.

 

For a momentary complaint or a person prone to negative first response, I let it go as long as the work gets done and the 'tude isn't contagious or prolonged.

 

I *may* expect greater compliance with details and offer less freedom until basic compliance is achieved.

 

And I'd watch:

 

1. Carb over-indulgence and make sure protein is adequate.

2. Sleep - quality and quantity.

3. What they are watching on TV, and use of other screens in general.

4. My own attitude. :001_huh:

[Pamela H in Texas]

If you are teaching and kiddo is talking out of turn, I agree that needs to stop. Of course, I'm assuming you've already looked at your teaching to make sure it is appropriate for her age, level, needs. You probably aren't droning on and on in a boring manner. You are probably including her in the discussion, asking questions, making it interactive, etc as possible, reasonable, etc. And of course, I'm sure you've told her not to interrupt and why. Have you asked her, not in the moment, why this continues to be an issue? Have y'all worked together to find a solution? Kids usually have great ideas for such things.

 

As for consequences? Well, naturally, if she is rude, you'll probably be put off by it. So, you may not be interested in working with her right then. And logically, the time you must work with her later, after she apologizes for being rude, may cut into her personal time (reading, computer usage, playing outside with friends).

 

But I wouldn't FOCUS on those things (and btw, if you use them, I would also be careful not to spell out that those are the things that are happening. Kids are plenty smart enough to realize they are doing math homework instead of playing with their friends in the park). The goal really should be, imo, finding ways to fix it. And ideally, she'll be doing the work on figuring that out (though she may need your guidance).

 

BTW, when I said "discussion," I was really meaning about history or math or whatever. :)

 

Oh, as for the complaining? Once or twice is one thing. But after that, it is no longer new, necessary, helpful, etc. One thing I really focused on teaching my kids, especially in those preteen years, was that they were going to do X or Y, but that they had a choice regarding how to view it. They could be happy or sad or mad or bored or whatever. That really is a CHOICE though. Another thing I taught them was that they could choose for themselves, but they didn't have the right to project that onto the people who were around. So X wasn't exactly fun but they could choose a good attitude or a bad one. But if they chose the bad, they needed to keep it to themselves.

 

AGAIN though, that is after you're taking in consideration their thoughts and feelings about things, making adjustments as reasonable, helping them find solutions to the issue, etc. When you frame it AFTER all that, it isn't so harsh. It just is a life skill. Seriously, I absolutely HATE certain chores. They still have to get done and my family doesn't want to hear about it every day. So I work through anything I need to and come up with solutions to try and then keep the rest of the crud to myself.

Edited October 8, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Parrothead]

not working to your standards - find out why. Is the work too difficult? Too boring? Is she sick? Is there some other problem? If none of those apply she does it again until I'm happy with the level of output.

 

throw a tantrum- those are not allowed in public areas of the house. This has been the rule since she was old enough to begin fit throwing. That was nipped pretty early. Although there was the one time she saw a friend do it then attempted it about age 9. Yeah, it still had to be done in her room. Then she had to apologize for upsetting the peace of the household.

 

are disrespectful- That works both ways. If one wants respect one must be respectful. Being disrespectful also falls into tantrum territory. It must be done outside of the public areas and an apology needs to be given to the person who was disrespected.

 

simply choose not to work-I simply refuse to take her anywhere she wants to go until the work is finished.

[Parrothead]

So, how would you handle constant blurting out related and unrelated comments when I'm teaching? I'm not sure what would be related to this.

 

Also, complaining about a workload you know is not unreasonable. Just complaining in general.

Have you tried not recognizing the comments? How about insisting complaints be lodged in writing?

[redsquirrel]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

Well, it depends on the child. I have a 7 year old and a 12 year old. If the 7 year old isn't working to my standards I might have him redo at least part of the assignment. I would give him more personal oversight, because I find when my younger child gets sloppy it is usually because I was inattentive.

 

If the 7 year old had a tantrum etc then he gets told to go to his room until he can be cooperative.

 

If the 12 year old isn't working to my standards, then I am going to double check to make sure he understands what my standards are. Usually I find there was a misunderstanding and part of the problem lies with me. He is very 12 these days so I might make him redo the assignment, but I would wait until the next day.

 

If the 12 year old had a tantrum, refused to work etc, I would be very surprised. I would want to find out what the problem was. He is generally an agreeable person, so maybe he is very tired or something isn't working for him. I would try to talk to him to figure out a solution. He is old enough and reasonable enough that we can work together.

 

I am not above sending the 12 year old to his room to cool off. But, it really isn't the same as the 7 year old. Some time he really does need some space to just be angry or frustrated, and then he can get his act together.

[swellmomma]

Perhaps I should have worded it this way:

 

When your children are not working to your standards, throw a tantrum, are disrespectful, or simply choose not to work what is your course of action?

 

Each of those things results in a different outcome. Not working to my standards, first I think about whether my standards are reasonable. If they are and the child is just being lazy, half-a**ing it I start with a reminder, once they are 3rd grade or older if they continue to be lazy I rip it up and they start again. I usually end up doing this only once at the start of a new school year and from that point on a reminder is enough.

 

Simply choose not to work, means I simply choose not to drive to extracurrics, or I simply choose not to have the tv on at the end of the day etc. Do your work or don't get the extras.

 

Tantrums are timed out in their bedrooms. I will not sit and listen to them, they are disruptive to the whole family.

 

Disrespect they have about 10 seconds following me saying "excuse me?" or "try again" to correct the way they are speaking, if they do not they lose privledges for the rest of the day. I am extremely strict about this one because having kids with ODD/CD means I could be facing a great deal of it if I let it slide even once.

 

The consequences during school are the same as out of school. Don't do your chores same result as don't do your schoolwork. Disrespect/tantrums etc faces same consequences no matter the time or place.

 

My kids are extremely difficult so I am more hardnosed about things than another parent would need to be.

[The Girls' Mom]

With our family, it really depends on the reasons for the undesirable behavior. Our girls are generally compliant and well-behaved, so if they are balking at doing their work or being a pain, there is usually a reason. If the reason is "I'm being a hormonal mess" it turns in to alone time. If they are struggling with the content, we take the time to go over it again. A temper tantrum of any sort would result in grounding.

[swellmomma]

So, how would you handle constant blurting out related and unrelated comments when I'm teaching? I'm not sure what would be related to this.

 

Also, complaining about a workload you know is not unreasonable. Just complaining in general.

 

I know I am not who you asked but I thought I would put what I do. for the first, Generally it is my adhd 9 yr old that does that. When he starts to talk I say "think about your words...are they about what I am saying, or are they about something else? If they are about what I am saying, wait one moment and then you can tell me, if about something else save it for later"

 

It is a constant irritating interruption BUT it is working. He needs to learn to control his impulses and this is helping.

 

For the complaining, I tell them to zip it. I am not willing to listen to non-stop complaints. When not complaining we have talked about how rude it is, that somethings are no fun but have to be done, etc, but that doesn't matter it is what it is. The work will still get done, but is easier with the right attitude.

 

Again a constant annoying interruption here, but slowly they are improving. My 9 yr old is my eeyore. He complains about everything and when I find that is all he is doing I start calling him Eeyore instead of his name and that seems to make him focus on it more. I want my kids to learn that sometimes things are boring etc but having the right attitude makes a huge difference. For him is a personality issue, he has been my eeyore since he was an infant.

 

With my older 2 generally it is tied to hormonal irritability, more than personality that have them complaining. In which case I usually make a joke about it and bring their focus back to things that are good, proper attitude etc. One I say to my dd often is "you don't get paid to pms" This is due to a comment I made once during a conversation about moodiness vs a good attitude and how it impacts your life especially in the workplace. Since then saying that line to her reminds her to stop complaining/being moody. I also say often "fake it till you make it" in otherwords shut up and plaster a smile on even if over gritted teeth until you can actually feel better/agreeable about it.

[justLisa]

I know I am not who you asked but I thought I would put what I do. for the first, Generally it is my adhd 9 yr old that does that. When he starts to talk I say "think about your words...are they about what I am saying, or are they about something else? If they are about what I am saying, wait one moment and then you can tell me, if about something else save it for later"

 

It is a constant irritating interruption BUT it is working. He needs to learn to control his impulses and this is helping.

 

For the complaining, I tell them to zip it. I am not willing to listen to non-stop complaints. When not complaining we have talked about how rude it is, that somethings are no fun but have to be done, etc, but that doesn't matter it is what it is. The work will still get done, but is easier with the right attitude.

 

Again a constant annoying interruption here, but slowly they are improving. My 9 yr old is my eeyore. He complains about everything and when I find that is all he is doing I start calling him Eeyore instead of his name and that seems to make him focus on it more. I want my kids to learn that sometimes things are boring etc but having the right attitude makes a huge difference. For him is a personality issue, he has been my eeyore since he was an infant.

 

With my older 2 generally it is tied to hormonal irritability, more than personality that have them complaining. In which case I usually make a joke about it and bring their focus back to things that are good, proper attitude etc. One I say to my dd often is "you don't get paid to pms" This is due to a comment I made once during a conversation about moodiness vs a good attitude and how it impacts your life especially in the workplace. Since then saying that line to her reminds her to stop complaining/being moody. I also say often "fake it till you make it" in otherwords shut up and plaster a smile on even if over gritted teeth until you can actually feel better/agreeable about it.

 

Very good words!

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

It depends upon the situation and the child. I parent my kids all of the time. What question are you really asking? Because your phrasing is really odd.

 

Are you asking: hey, I'm having a problem with my 10 year old. She doesn't want to do her homework, she throws tantrums, what should I do? I've tried X and Y, but it's not working.

 

Or are you asking something else? I don't like to play guessing games.

 

Hmmm...I am not trying to create a guessing game. I simply chose to leave the question open because most often when a question is open, it allows the person answering to provide more information.

 

I am interested in hearing what is working for everyone; I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer..I truly am interested in everyone's thoughts. I find it really interesting.

 

:auto: off to get DD2

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

Have you tried not recognizing the comments? How about insisting complaints be lodged in writing?

 

LOVE THIS!!!! :o) Love complaints lodged in writing.

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

With our family, it really depends on the reasons for the undesirable behavior. Our girls are generally compliant and well-behaved, so if they are balking at doing their work or being a pain, there is usually a reason. If the reason is "I'm being a hormonal mess" it turns in to alone time. If they are struggling with the content, we take the time to go over it again. A temper tantrum of any sort would result in grounding.

 

Lots of hormones and hunger happening in our household right now... definitely two that I like to consider and need reminding of!