I spent some time with my dad yesterday.

[*********]

I'm gonna kinda copy and tweak what I wrote on fb to update my friends/family there, since I've had several ladies here tell me I should keep you all updated, too. I don't want to feel like I'm boring/annoying everyone with the saga about my dad; but I also know and love that I have some great sister friends here who are wanting to know how he, me, and the rest of my family are doing.

 

Unfortunately, dad was having a bad day emotionally yesterday. It's so hard to see him like that. From what his nurse was telling me however, it's very normal and to be expected that dad will have 'good' and 'bad' days, and that I should NEVER take it personally, I should remain patient and helpful with him, and pray for tomorrow to be a better day for him.

Dad has months and months of recovery ahead. A LOT of hard work. But praise Jesus, he's still here with us! I'm trying to focus on that, and I know dad is, too. I'm both holding out hope that he will recover, while also being realistic that any small infection, blood clot, another heart problem, etc could be really big, bad news for him; and those things happen to people in his situation frequently.

Dad is still on his trach, (short for tracheotomy; basically, a breathing tube that goes into his throat directly down into his lungs to help him breathe; Wikipedia has a very informative article on it if you look it up there) but he’s using different breathing therapies that are helping to strengthen his lungs; he still has the Acute Respitory Distress Syndrome, which means his lungs still don’t work on their own. He can’t talk, and he, ahem, REFUSES to write. Right now it’s hard and exhausting for him to do so. But at the same time, it’s VERY hard to lip read what he’s trying to say all the time, especially if he’s too tired to even move his lips very much. So understandably, he gets a bit frustrated when someone can’t quite figure out what he needs. I do my best, and I know he understands that. I can only imagine the frustration, and I tell him so. He HATES that stupid trach, but obviously without it, he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Some rather thoughtless respitory therapist told him yesterday about a different kind of trach where dad would be able to ‘cap’ it so that he can eat, drink, and talk. Dad was like “I want THAT!†Well then the therapist told dad that was likely a week, if not WEEKS, away. That made dad rather depressed, understandably. Dad’s nurse was NOT happy with the therapist for doing that to him; honestly, it’s a good thing I wasn’t there, else I may have said something less than kind to the man myself. Dad wants more than anything right now to be able to talk, eat, and drink. He told me yesterday, “I want ice water.†I said, “Dad, you know I can’t give you ice water.†He said “When I can, I WANT ICE WATER.†I love dad so much, lol. I told him “Dad, when you get on that other trach where you can eat and drink, I promise, I will bring you WHATEVER you want to eat or drink. I mean it!†He also has a very persistent cough, which is due to the irritation of the trach, as well as some infection in his lungs that they’re treating with antibiotics. It’s VERY annoying to him. He asked me yesterday to find out what they could do to get rid of the cough. Unfortunately, the nurse had to tell him that it’s not going to go away for good till he gets off the trach. The cough is a good thing; it means he’s clearing his lungs. But it’s persistent, uncomfortable, and keeps him from sleeping, which is making it all the harder for him to get his strength back and recover.

His kidneys do not work anymore, and it’s looking unlikely that they will recover. Which, thanks to dialysis, is not that big of a deal. He seems to be tolerating his dialysis fairly well.

Besides the trach, the thing causing dad the most discomfort right now is that he has a rather large bed sore on his, um, very lower back that makes it very painful for him to be in certain positions right now. But he’s so weak that it’s hard for him to reposition himself all the time, and he needs to move very often to be comfortable. So when I’m there, I help with that, and get the nurse if dad wants a position that I can’t get him into himself. He also has some more (relatively minor) personal discomforts that I won’t get into out of respect for his dignity; I’m sure you understand. He has a reclining chair he can sit in, and he likes that sometimes; but we have to get a strong male nurse in to help him from his bed to the chair, because dad is so weak that he can barely stand, let alone walk. And us girls (including one particular nurse, who is dad’s nurse a lot; she’s become like a member of the family now) are not strong enough for any of us to feel safe helping him.

 

Speaking of that one nurse, dad really likes her, as do us sisters and mom. It’s such a mercy of Jesus to have such kind people caring for dad. I make sure to tell them all how thankful I am. And I ask questions about how to do this and that for dad, so that when I’m there, I can do some of the ‘lesser’ things that dad needs without getting the nurse. Things like getting dad ice chips (he can suck on those, and then he has a suction thingy kinda like what the dentist uses to suck the extra moisture out of his mouth), how to move the suction thing from the hook up on one side of his bed to the other, where to get washcloths to wipe dad’s head down (he gets hot a lot from the exertion), stuff like that. And really, as hard as it is to see my dad so unable to care for himself, it’s also a blessing to be able to help him.

My dh is being very understanding and supportive; coming home from work to work here so he can keep the kids and I can go up to be with dad. And I’ve been spending Sundays up there, too. He’s at a hospital that is almost two hour round trip from my house. My older sister is up there a lot, too. She’s a computer programmer, and she’s sometimes able to work from her computer there with dad; but sometimes, she has to go into the office. My younger sister works a lot of hours at a fast food place and lives down here by me , but she goes up to see dad as much as she can, too. My other younger sister lives 4 hours away. She hasn’t come down to see dad yet at all in the five and a half weeks since dad had his heart attack and has been in the ICU. That’s a fairly complicated and ‘family drama’ sort of situation that I don’t care to get into right now; frankly, I’ve got enough going on, LOL.

Please continue to pray for my dad; his name is Ken, for those of you who would like to pray for him by name. He needs strength, encouragement, and comfort. Pray that this whole situation would draw him closer to the Lord. Pray for continued healing for his body.

In my last thread, some of you suggested that maybe my mom could sit with my kids so that I could be with dad. Um, let's just say that's not possible. She wouldn't want to, and I've never even left them alone with her before. She's not 'that' kind of grandma to my kids, iykwim.

[freeindeed]

:grouphug:

Continuing to pray.

[happi duck]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[southcarolinamom]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, Bethany.

[sunriseiz]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

Thanks for the update, Bethany. We understand that this is a long journey, and we do not find updates annoying, I promise. Please continue keeping us in the loop, as it reminds me to pray for all of you.

 

Continuing in prayer. :grouphug:

[Heatherwith4]

Thanks for updating us, Bethany. I will be praying for your dad (by name now) :) and praying for all the family drama as well. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Thanks for the update, Bethany. We understand that this is a long journey, and we do not find updates annoying, I promise. Please continue keeping us in the loop, as it reminds me to pray for all of you.

 

Continuing in prayer. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

I have been thinking of you and your dad every day, and I always look for updates.

[Random]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's so hard to watch a parent battle like this.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Random

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Thanks for taking the time to update us. I'll continue to pray here for your dad and family.

[besroma]

Thanks for the update, Bethany. We understand that this is a long journey, and we do not find updates annoying, I promise. Please continue keeping us in the loop, as it reminds me to pray for all of you.

 

Continuing in prayer. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :iagree:

[Desert Rat]

It sounds like he's making some improvements! How good to hear, Bethany! I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I hope you post more good news soon. ;)

[Kalypso]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[blakereese]

:grouphug::grouphug: Your updates are NOT annoying! In fact, I look for them, to see how you all are doing. Your dad is lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. Thinking of you. :grouphug::grouphug:

[mumto2]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Reflections]

:grouphug::grouphug: That is a lot to handle. I'm very sorry.

 

Regarding your dad not being able to communicate: maybe you could make a sheet with pictures on it that he could point to? You could even laminate it.