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Really sad for my DS


MeghanL
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So, last night my Asperger's child got asked not to come to gymnastics anymore. His inability to be aware of the situations around him has led to too many safety issues. It's just so heartbreaking because he was trying so hard. It's tough to see that his best isn't good enough for these classes. They repeatedly said it wasn't a "bad" behavior issue, but when he feels thirsty and runs across the gym to get a drink of water...it's dangerous for the gymnasts who are flipping across the floor to watch out for him.

 

I'm just sad.

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So, last night my Asperger's child got asked not to come to gymnastics anymore. His inability to be aware of the situations around him has led to too many safety issues. It's just so heartbreaking because he was trying so hard. It's tough to see that his best isn't good enough for these classes. They repeatedly said it wasn't a "bad" behavior issue, but when he feels thirsty and runs across the gym to get a drink of water...it's dangerous for the gymnasts who are flipping across the floor to watch out for him.

 

I'm just sad.

 

If he really enjoys gymnastics, are private lessons an option?

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Sorry to hear of your struggles.

 

Just wondering if he is very impulsive all around? We ended up started medication for my daughter after she bolted across a parking lot as "you don't have to watch for cars EVERY time". Her impulsivity could have led to serious injury for her.

 

That might not be an option/help for your son but it has made a huge difference here. She now has a "pause" button that allows her to think before she acts (at least most of the time)

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Thanks for all the hugs. I could really use them today.

 

Me being an aid isn't really an option since I also have to care for my 2-year-old. Impulsivity is a huge problem, and he is on medication for ADHD, it's just so severe that the medication just makes it slightly more manageable.

 

The gym was open to having a homeschool class during the day where we would be the only one's in the gym. So, that's an option.

 

The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

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Thanks for all the hugs. I could really use them today.

 

Me being an aid isn't really an option since I also have to care for my 2-year-old. Impulsivity is a huge problem, and he is on medication for ADHD, it's just so severe that the medication just makes it slightly more manageable.

 

The gym was open to having a homeschool class during the day where we would be the only one's in the gym. So, that's an option.

 

The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

I was afraid of that. Our gym starts at 2yo, so I wasn't sure. If they are willing to have your family in during the day, it might be easier. If they started the HS class, they may get more takers than they realize though, but in theory none will be advanced tumblers (or at least they aren't in our hs classes).

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:grouphug: What a sad situation to be in! I can see the reasoning behind it though. It is a safety issue for both your son and the other gymnasts. We also have some impulse issues but are trying to avoid adding more meds. Have you tried Social Stories with your son? I have had some success using these.

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Look for another gym maybe or see if any one of the workers will do private lessons. For DS- we did private lessons for last year. His coach actually worked with special needs for years. He took DS around the gym, explained the safety policies to him. He made sure DS knew them by heart before very slowly reintroducing him back to working with other kids. We started where we were the only ones in the gym to slowly building back up with the gym at full loudness. As of the new school year, DS is now in a regular class behaving and listening. Those private lessons made a world of difference. Before DS just could not listen.

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Thanks for all the hugs. I could really use them today.

 

Me being an aid isn't really an option since I also have to care for my 2-year-old. Impulsivity is a huge problem, and he is on medication for ADHD, it's just so severe that the medication just makes it slightly more manageable.

 

The gym was open to having a homeschool class during the day where we would be the only one's in the gym. So, that's an option.

 

The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

:grouphug:

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:grouphug: I am sorry. That just stinks.

 

Do you think you might be able to find a gym that would be willing to have an extra person there just to sort of be an aid for him ? I think the switch to martial arts might also be worth considering, especially if you can find a martial arts gym that caters to kids with ADHD and other issues. We have one here that has a special program to help integrate them into the general classes with assistance as needed.

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Thanks for all the hugs. I could really use them today.

 

Me being an aid isn't really an option since I also have to care for my 2-year-old. Impulsivity is a huge problem, and he is on medication for ADHD, it's just so severe that the medication just makes it slightly more manageable.

 

The gym was open to having a homeschool class during the day where we would be the only one's in the gym. So, that's an option.

 

The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

:grouphug: to help with the grieving. You're not alone in that. :grouphug:

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The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

:grouphug: I'm finding myself there too and it's such a heart hurting feeling. :grouphug:

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The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

:grouphug: Yes, I feel the same way. There's that part of me that thinks if I do everything just right then I'll rewire his brain completely and he'll be "normal" and not have to struggle. When he does struggle despite my efforts I feel like a failure in some way. It's hard.

 

 

Have you thought about putting him in Martial Arts? It has been great for my SPD kid and even has noticeably improved his focus. And if someone is going for water, it doesn't quite cause the same safety issue. ;)

 

My ds loves karate and it has been great for him.

 

Swimming and horse back riding are another options.

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:grouphug: So many hugs. :grouphug: Every once in a while, something comes up that reminds me that ds9 isn't "typical" and may never do what others can do. He is also an Aspie with severe ADHD. He is on two meds, one for ADHD and one for his inability to control his impulses. (His impulse control has led to some seriously dangerous situations. :crying: Given how public this board is, I won't detail here, but serious enough to need intervention more than once. :( )

 

I am sad for you. I am sad for your sweet ds. This is probably the hardest part of parenting a special kiddo. :grouphug:

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The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

First of all :grouphug: to you and your son. This is a very unfortunate situation! Second, and please don't take this the wrong way but, whose normal ;)? I gave up on the world's normal a long time ago, thankfully. I try to live by my own family's normal. Normal is what my boys are good at and I am proud of them for that :). Normal is my boys being who they are, not who the world expects them to be. I would try to find an activity that your boy can be successful in. I know it is hard taking blows like this! Just try to move on so that your son can move on also. Hoping for the best for both of you!

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:grouphug: It is a struggle. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job.

 

We had an OT tell us that our Aspie should do individual activities, like swimming or golf. My son really wanted to take karate, so I signed him up, but when we got there, he wouldn't leave my side for anything. He also has a lot of sensory issues, so the noise was too much for him.

 

I know exactly what you are going through, wondering how your son will fare in the grown up world when you can't be there to guide him through all those situations where he won't know what is appropriate to do. But, as another poster said, normal is relative. Everyone has issues. Everyone. Your son will be fine. :grouphug:

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The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him, he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

 

First, that's a big deal to say outloud. That's the beginning of your healing/grieving process. I remember well when my children were first diagnosed with autism...3 out of my 5 in a 3 month period. It was hard.

 

A few months later, a good friend of mine was tragically killed in a car accident leaving her 1 year old daughter without a mother. That really woke me up. Through my grief for her loss, I realized that the only thing that had changed with my children was my perspective about them. They were still here and I could still love them and be with them. It changed a lot for me after that.

 

It's been 16 years since the first diagnosis! Wow, where has the time gone? I can tell you these are awesome people (I know you know that). I have been blessed to learn so much from them. They certainly have gifts to offer the world! One of mine loves living with autism and wouldn't want to be a "normal head" as he refers to us NTs...haha!

 

Anyway, I blog and post about them at my two sites if you need inspiration as you learn to embrace what your son has to offer. Here's a post about expanding their interests: http://applestars.homeschooljournal.net/life-without-school-posts/an-interesting-twist/. And my oldest's accomplishments: http://www.therightsideofnormal.com/2012/02/28/a-strengths-based-choice-for-college/.'>http://www.therightsideofnormal.com/2012/02/28/a-strengths-based-choice-for-college/.'>http://www.therightsideofnormal.com/2012/02/28/a-strengths-based-choice-for-college/.'>http://www.therightsideofnormal.com/2012/02/28/a-strengths-based-choice-for-college/.

 

As others have said, I had my children take private, semi-private, and/or a quieter homeschooling gymnastics class once upon a time. It worked out really well.

 

Cindy

http://www.therightsideofnormal.com

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I really do appreciate all the replies. I was so disappointed on his behalf but truth be told, he is so oblivious to these things he won't even notice. His counselor suggested I just tell him the session ended and move on. He's made so much progress in the last year, so I am going to focus on that.

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[quote name=MeghanL;4322994

 

The bigger issue though is realizing that no matter how hard I try to "normalize" him' date=' he may never be "normal". And that's hard for me. I've been thinking that if only I do everything right in order to give him the best possible shot at life things will ultimately be fine. I'm realizing that may not be the case.

 

This really spoke to me. I found myself in this space today, realizing that the developmental gap between my dd and her peers keeps widening and despite all the therapies I am helpless to stop it. I don't have answers but I resonate with you in this painful place, those places that make you grieve all over again. :grouphug:

 

Wishing you moments of encouragement that will lift your spirits in the week ahead.

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  • 2 weeks later...
:grouphug:Don't give up ~ he will find HIS "Thing." Sometimes it just takes awhile. :grouphug:

 

This!! My 13.5 year old Aspie/ADHD struggled for a long time with those types of activities. He got into computer gaming a few years ago...Starcraft and now League of Legends, which led to becoming active on forums, which led to lots of writing and interaction(postings, he wrote articles that got "stickied", letters to game companies asking for things or commenting on things)which led to tournaments, which led to him becoming interested in computer building (he researched and built a $4000 computer for $1700), web design, web programming/coding, and now e-commerce. He also developed a genuine love of the Asian culture (because he games with so many Asians), which led to him wanting to learn Korean so he could communicate with them and on and on and on. He also developed a real love and interest for math, because well they are really good at math in Asian countries (so he tells me!). He has found his "thing" and lots of people who are "quirky" just like him.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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