:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Yeah, people just don't get how different special needs kids are. Our kids have their own timetable of readiness, just like every other kid, but usually way out of step with society's expectations. It's not helicopter parenting, it's structured support.

Please add me! My special needs is a high school freshman, and I can use all the help I can get! Also, happy to share our experiences for what it's worth.

First, just :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: . All my kids give me issues over school, but my oldest can be the most difficult, for certain. The desire to scream, hide, pull out your hair, and send them out of the house for school is a regular occurrence, so please don't feel alone. My first suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to get a second opinion on the ADHD if at all possible, from a pediatric specialist as suggested by OneStep - again, if at all possible. From what I've read, and a little personal experience, ADHD can often be misdiagnosed, or diagnosed correctly but masks other issues that might be causing her behavior. A dear friend had a son with diagnosed ADHD and tried medications and modified homeschooling with limited success. Then a second opinion by a pediatric neuropsychologist revealed that he really had severe dyslexia, with a little ADHD thrown in. His fights over school were due to all the letters and numbers looking like gibberish, but he didn't know how to tell his mom that! Like your daughter, he could focus incredibly well on things that interested him. I'm not suggesting that your dd has dyslexia, but offering an example of only a partial diagnosis. Knowing the real issue helped my friend figure out the best way to teach her son, including the use of special curriculum and assistive devices made for dyslexic learners. I'm also seconding OneStep's suggestion to look for support groups that are tailored towards your dd's issues. There is a lot to be gained from being able to vent and seek advice from those who are in the same trenches that you are. My third, very gently offered, suggestion is to not only take care of yourself in the usual ways, but to seek an evaluation of depression. I eventually figured out that I was struggling with homeschooling a special needs kid while drowning in moderate to severe depression. My children's behavior is the same, but now that I've had treatment (and am on medication) I can deal with it so much better. Before, it felt like I was in a dark tunnel with no end, that nothing I did would make any difference, that I'd never make it through even the best days without breaking down in tears at some point. Now, the tunnel is better lit, and I can take both good days and bad days in stride. Don't underestimate the difference that even a little help for yourself can make in your homeschooling. Personally, I wish I could be living right next door, so we could help each other in more tangible ways! Your dd is a great kid, and you are a great mother. You care with all your heart, and you are the best person to advocate for her and figure out just what she needs. And DO NOT think that you are even one iota a failure if after all the above (or other determinations you undertake), you decide that it's best that your dd receive school/therapy outside the home, whether for a season or permanently. What is best for each family is completely unique. I believe very strongly that it is OK to take a month or two off of structured school - or whatever you need - so that you can sort out the above suggestions, should any of them ring true to you. Keep in perspective that she is really young, and will still gain a lot from math-through-cooking, or history-through-videos, or science-through-store-bought-lab-kits. Put on audio books and classical music, and read, read, read aloud - especially about any of her special interests. There are dedicated classical homeschoolers who make literature-based learning a cornerstone of their homeschool. Don't know if any of the above helps, but truly, I'm thinking of you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Denise

I don't have any experience with this particular mix of strengths and challenges, but I was struck by how wonderfully you are supporting Miles. He sounds like an incredible and talented little boy, but one who would be completely misunderstood and potentially crushed by a "typical" school administration and learning environment. Personally, I am questioning the IQ results. He sounds plenty bright, but with an intelligence that might be very hard to measure. I wish I had good advice, but I wish you :grouphug: and good luck with the diagnosis journey.

I'm probably a little late, but FWIW for future readers... My husband has an iPad through work, and they provided the Lifeproof cover. Definitely very well made and seems to be truly waterproof, although I think one of the connections is awkward and requires and extra piece that you screw in, in order to preserve the waterproof feature. For our personal iPad, I recently bought the Otterbox Defender (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007IV7KRU/ref=oh_details_o03_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) and I've been very happy with this, too. It is a little more bulky than the Lifeproof cover, but a large part of that is a screen cover that doubles as a stand for the iPad in either orientation. All the ports are easily accessible via the dust covers, and it comes with a built-in screen protector, which actually does seem to be almost as transparent as the ad claims. The screen protector does collect fingerprints more quickly than the bare iPad screen. It is not waterproof, but the screen protector appears to have a durable and effective seal with the protective frame, and should keep any spilled liquids safely contained. All that said, we haven't dropped it and we haven't spilled anything on it yet. :)

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: I'd call those BIG triumphs! She is doing awesomely - and so are you, Mom. :)

{{{More hugs}}} Had those days. You bet we know what real accomplishment is. And congratulations! By your update, you and your family had already turned things around into a very successful day. Keep on, keepin' on. :)

Hugs! It can be very frustrating when you and your husband are not on the same page. Some (ahem, rather voluble) thoughts, for what they are worth: Yes, this. My younger son is 100% homeschooled, but currently has dual enrollment and gets excellent speech therapy services at the local elementary school. (My oldest qualifies for private therapy, and so far we've been too happy with that to look into public school services.) I understand that the public schools (at least where we are, in Alaska) are required to provide services to homeschooled kids, as well as partial enrollment. They tend to be very open and friendly about it here. Our local school district even offers two varieties of homeschooling "charter schools". It's definitely worth approaching your local school about and feeling out the various possibilities. A benefit of the above is that it offers a good compromise: meeting your husband's concerns, while providing at least part of the day investing in the benefits of homeschooling. The reasons you listed for wanting to try HS are very, very valid, and extremely important in their own right. You could also try only HS or part-HS your oldest at first, as it sounds like the full-immersion benefits of therapy at school are most deeply benefiting your second ds. You probably already know to be prepared for a "deschooling" period of time. If school has been mostly positive to date, it may not really manifest itself that strongly for your kids, but it WILL be a big adjustment regardless. I suggest that you and your husband agree on some reasonable time period (not sure how much, but at least three months? seek better advice for this!) where he will not downplay or criticize the HS effort. Adjustments are tough for many kids, but particularly for any kid with special needs. You will also need a little experimental time - sometimes you have your kids pegged for learning style, etc., but often they will come up with surprising strengths (and weaknesses!) when they are separated from the known structure of traditional school. I would also say that it is easier to try out HS the younger your children are. Elementary grades do SO MUCH repetition that even if you call your HS year a "failure" (which I don't see how any HS year could ever be a failure - just different than you originally envisioned!), it won't make much, if any, difference to their academic achievement. In my experience, special needs kids are the hardest for public schools to both accommodate, and challenge to meet their full potential. It's really only logical: think of the wide variety of needs, skills, and challenges that every SN kid brings into the classroom! Particularly when they are challenged by sensory and social skill issues that put them behind their classmates, but are also gifted in areas that put them far ahead. How can a school with many such kids to accommodate manage to meet all their needs well? In my experience, not as well as you can. In fact, over the years I have come to understand that while HS has been good and positive for all my kids, it's my two SN boys for whom I am really doing it. My daughter could do well anywhere, but the boys are getting the most benefit from an education tailored to their needs. I wish you the best of luck for you and your husband. It might help to remind him (and yourself) that NO schooling is ever perfect. I am hoping you can mesh the best of both worlds. For the record, in case it means anything to your hubby, I have a mechanical engineering degree and worked as a petroleum engineer for 10 years, before quitting to stay at home when our first child was born. My husband has been a public school teacher for 20 years, in middle school and high school, in science and history, for both "regular" and gifted programs, and he 100% supports our homeschooling our three kids. Not that anyone's internet opinion should carry much weight, but, you know. ;-)

I think they are free/reduced at different times all through the month of April. New apps to be added to the list along with their projected free/reduced price time intervals. Worth checking out! This website is new to me, but highly recommended - they also have lots of top-10 lists for many different ages/categories. Some all free! Thanks for highlighting, OhElizabeth!

:grouphug: My son also has significant anxieties, so I have some feeling for what you are going through. I'm no expert, but I think you are on the right track. He does have to gradually take control of his worries and fears. While it's easier to just do it for them (or in my ds's case to let him hide from his worries), it's not the long-term answer. It could even worsen them, I suppose, by validation. We are doing CBT with a therapist, and part of that is gradually ramping up exposure to the worries while working on changing the way he thinks about them. I know others have seen significant changes to anxiety levels with diet, supplements, or medicine, but I can't speak to those. Just :grouphug:. It is so stressful for both of you.

This is awesome. Thank you for sharing it here! Reminds me of Einstein's story, too. Life is harder for the kids who insist on doing things their own way, but the rewards can be huge.

An excellent thread, Merry Gardens! And thank you so much to everyone who has shared here. I don't have a lot to share about my journey, which has been much as others have described (particularly Kinsa). I did get stuck in an extra-long and extra-deep grieving stage this year and part of last - in part due to ds's diagnosis and struggles - which descended into depression. (It was also due to other struggles in our family, plus apparently my personality type is prone to it.) I can't recommend highly enough seeking help if needed. I hated the thought of medication, but it's taken the edge off and I am able to be a much better mom these days. :grouphug: It's invaluable to have the support, encouragement, and inspiration that this board provides. Thank you!

No advice right now, just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Just to chime in with a comment directed at the original post: In truth, think I'd rather see the psychologist be cautious and thoughtful about this, although it's really hard on your family while you wait for the final diagnosis; and it's all compounded by how hard it is to get in to see the psychologist again and/or even talk with her. You need the label for services, yes, but it also helps you learn more about your son and how he relates to the world. It empowers you, in a sense, to advocate for him in all areas of his life; and helps direct the specific services that will help him the most. At least, it worked that way for me. And with it giving you so much benefit, you really don't want the wrong label(s)! That makes everything so much more frustrating. All the literature I've read emphasizes how difficult it is to accurately diagnose (most) very young children. Fortunately this is recognized so that the diagnosis can be revisited as a child matures, but still: it's best to get the most accurate diagnosis possible. He is so much more than a label, but the correct label will help. I'm just sorry it's taking so long to get there for you. :grouphug:

I don't think they match exactly, but my youngest is similar to your ds. Mine can play alone for at least 30 minutes to an hour by himself, although he prefers interaction. He is very "movement oriented" and easily distractible with me and other teachers; yet if I am reading aloud while he plays/fidgets, he will hear and be able to repeat back and/or discuss a great deal of the content. I give all that to say: our helping habits may or may not match your ds's needs. But, just in case, here's some things that have helped us. We use fidgets: things that give his hands something to do while we work/read. Even building with Legos, Wiki Sticks, or some other busy-but-relatively-quiet work will at least keep him in the same room. The jury is still out on whether chewing gum helps him, but I've seen others recommend it. We use small to large exercise balls for seats, or sometimes a "fidget cushion". This year we are trying out a box of fidget toys that he can choose from. We change around where we do school; he can be upside down or rolling on the floor, and my only rule is that he has to be able to see anything that I'm showing him. Even with helps, he can only take 10-15 minute lessons on most days without some sort of break. Sometimes we do two "half lessons": one in the morning and then revisit the subject in the afternoon. Admittedly, that one is tough for me to do with two other kids to teach. Group lessons are also hard because he's very distracting for his brother and sister. At this point I don't even try group lessons with him - I'll give him videos for science/history and then go over it with him separately. You might try searching for some past posts by One L Michele, as she's discussed things she's done with her boys, particularly her youngest, that are along these lines. I have some of the recommendations on my personal list to try out (kid exercise first thing in the morning, calming teas). There are also posts I've seen with suggestions for types of vitamins, diets, etc., that have helped some kids. We did supplements in the spring, but I didn't really see results before dropping them over the summer; we'll be trying again this fall. I will also add that a friend's ds (also homeschooled) was diagnosed with ADD last year, and some of the symptoms indicating the diagnosis were a real surprise to me. Like your ds, he couldn't finish a single division problem without getting completely distracted several times; yet he could play alone very well and could focus through his violin lessons/recitals without a problem. For what it is worth, they have tried various meds but not found one they liked enough to keep him on it long term. I agree with other posters that it is a gift for your son to be home with you. It may not feel like a gift to YOU :lol: , but it's one of those things that will make you stronger in the end. Please, please, make sure you get some time to yourself to recharge: my busy son drains me just as fast as my special-needs kiddo does! And, frankly, I've changed my expectations. No, school doesn't look like my "ideal" (at which my dd would excel), but right now it's still better than any other academic option in our city for the boys. I had to reinforce to myself that NO SCHOOL WILL BE PERFECT. There are gaps everywhere, in any school. I agree with another poster that learning life skills and basic economics carry kids a long way, and are a perfectly legit inclusion in homeschooling. I know it's so hard to not get frustrated. You can't change who he is, so you have to work to change your outlook. I say that my expectations for my son haven't changed, but how we are going to get there is via a different road. I'm sorry for the long post; really what I'd like to give you most is :grouphug:.

I don't have any brilliant suggestions, mostly just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. 1. Make sure you take care of yourself somewhere in there. So many people depend on you! A little exercise or quality "alone time" can go a long way. I'm super guilty of ignoring this one and it's really obvious to me and my family when I don't get the down time. 2. You are handling a hugely full plate. Cut yourself slack and don't feel guilty about dropping all "extras" right now. Just the basics. It sounds like you are already moving the older girls to more independent studies. Any co-ops around? Is there money for farming out (for example) science or history to homeschool classes where someone else preps and teaches? 3. Possibly consider a brick and mortar school for the older ones, if it just gets too overwhelming. For a year, say. I'm sorry that it's so hard right now. The insurance companies never make it easy, do they? Ours just sent the third letter THIS YEAR saying that they are reviewing the "medical necessity" of our son's speech therapy. Yes, your son is "only" three and quite a bit can change with simple maturity, but the sooner you can arrange interventions the more effective they will be. Hang in there - this is a terrific place for advice and support.

:grouphug::grouphug: I don't have any wise words, I'm just really sorry you're going through this. These times are so hard.

The exercise balls do come in pretty small sizes. You also do not have to inflate them as fully as if you were using them for exercise. We have one that is perhaps 18-20" in diameter, not quite fully inflated, that my youngest uses. I have found a larger size that has a small sand bag inside the ball, so it won't roll around easily. Ours are just regular balls from Walmart/Target.

:iagree: You are NOT failing him. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when it doesn't "click" for our kids. He could not possibly have a more loving and motivated teacher than you. It's hard to look into the future and feel that you see only more struggles ahead. Try to stay focused on the small day-to-day, week-to-week progressions. He will learn. His path might look different than the kids represented on the regular K-8 board, but it is HIS path. Help him own it. Another good hands-on math program is Right Start math. Not that any program is some "magic" fix, but MUS and RS are good at approaching math from a different direction, and in assisting with a consistent visual of exactly what's happening.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry that it's all hard right now. And you are right - the folks here know what "hard" really looks like when it comes to working with and worrying over our kids. My prayers are with you. Please let us know how it turns out. Whether a passing thing or not, support and knowledge are always here.

With the caveat that I am no specialist, I think my starting place would be a pediatric neuropsychologist. When my son was evaluated they did testing on both short-term and long-term memory, among many other things. It was quite extensive. Like NJKelli suggests, though, a more roundabout way - with its own benefits - might be best. Why do we moms constantly get new things to worry about??? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: The only thing that comes to mind right now is to ask: is he truly not remembering, or only saying he isn't remembering so he has "permission" to ask again? My ds 11 does the latter very often. Part of his group social therapy is focused on his persistent repetition of (primarily) questions. I think there are various reasons he does this, but one of them seems to be that he is still processing something, and this is a comfortable way for him to bring up a subject again and again. If your ds is truly not remembering, then perhaps an evaluation? I'm not sure the best route there, though.

It's a big reason this forum is here. :) So glad that you are feeling better. I also agree with Barbara H's advice about gently cluing-in the OG therapist.

Thank you for all you have shared here, Michele. I am so sorry to see your expertise and experience leaving this forum, but understand you have only so much time in a day. I have so many of your posts catalogued for current and future reference. Your assistance is always concise and to the point, and your inspiration and encouragement boundless. Thanks again, and best wishes to you and your wonderful family! I hope you will have time to return to us one day.

Ain't no way I'm going to smack you! Hugs, yes. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Your feelings are so normal. You've poured blood, sweat, and tears into your child's education, and now, when YOU should be getting recognition for all your efforts, it's going to someone else. It stinks, this general and pervasive lack of appreciation for a parent's sacrifices. Worse, it makes you doubt yourself, when what you most need is the encouragement to keep on enduring. I can think of a few comments on the situation. Yes, it might be a developmental stage making it easier for your son to learn; yes, the tutor might have special skills and knowledge or a particular personality that is making things click for your son. But who laid the foundation that was in place, upon which this new tutor is building? Not just of basic subject knowledge, but of receptivity to learn, ability to listen, etc.? You did, while working with other special needs kids at the same time. Great job, mom! Second, I've been seeing a counselor for depression. She is having me think through all the hats I wear as a special-needs, homeschooling mom: wife, mother, principal, teacher, administrator, therapist, case-worker, etc. You carry all these hats 24/7, often wearing multiple ones at once. Your tutor, on the other hand, is wearing how many when she tutors your son? How many other kids is she dealing with at the same time? Even more important, according to my counsellor: she and your son separate when they are done! She leaves, rejuvenates, and returns. They work one-on-one with minimal interruptions. I don't know about you, but I seldom get those opportunities! And, more to the point, your son won't get that in a traditional school setting, either. Third, my kids are in the Suzuki music program. They have a teacher once a week, but then a parent is expected to be their "practice partner" each day to help coach them in the techniques, etc., that the teacher has set out to practice for that week. I read a book written about how to make those daily practice sessions easier - a whole book - because it is so common for kids to work great for their Suzuki teacher, and then melt down at the slightest bit of advice from their parent during the week. One of his many points is that this tension between kid and parent exists because they have a deep relationship, a much deeper and more complex relationship than the child has with the Suzuki teacher. It's that old deal of kids sometimes working better, tolerating more, reaching higher expectations for other people than they will for their parents. It's not you, particularly, but something that is very common between every kid and parent: sometimes with us all the "baggage" of our relationship gets in the way of them being completely receptive to learning from us. Sorry if this is a bit incoherent and rambling. I've been interrupted about 2,159 times in the time I've been trying to type out my thoughts. :) I'm so glad that you have found someone who is able to help your son so well. As annoying as it is, I guess I'd try to take any potentially critical comments with as much equanimity as I could muster: she'd doesn't know all the hats you wear. As my counsellor admits, she probably couldn't handle all the hats you wear! Let's see how great she'd do tutoring all your kids at once! But the bottom line is that noone is doing, can ever do, all the good for your son that you are doing. You are the champion of his life, whether anyone pauses long enough to notice or not. We know it, though. I'm not slamming traditional or charter schooling - sometimes there are situations where it truly is the best option due to special programs, etc. But not usually, from my reviews and experiences. You are doing the best you can under tough conditions. (I read somewhere that the stress levels of parents of special needs kids, particularly moms, can equal those of PTSD combat soldiers.) Keep on keepin' on. You are the best for your son, period. And, yeah, I need to spend more time following my own advice...:lol: