Teen Finally Diagnosed... I'm Overwhelmed

[Smurphygt]

Hello, I'm not a regular poster here, but I lurk quite a bit. I hope you all don't mind me jumping in. My almost 15 year old son was just diagnosed this past week with PDD-NOS. Prior to this diagnosis, we thought we were only dealing with ADHD-inattentive type. We're an Army family, and have recently moved to a new base with excellent child psychiatry services. Between the behavioral therapist, psychiatrist, and the psycho-educational testing, the new diagnosis is PDD-NOS and anxiety disorder.

 

Honestly, this has really thrown me for a loop. I sought help because my son is very bright, but struggles to focus long enough to complete his schoolwork every day. He didn't want to take meds until this year (his freshman year), and we are still in the process of finding the right dose. He's highly sensitive to the side effects of the Adderal (currently taking 10 mg in the am), and while it helps a little, it hasn't been enough to get him through the day.

 

Before we started with the current therapist, I didn't recognize that my son had social difficulties. I knew he was quirky, but I guess I didn't recognize just how different he was from other kids. He's always been very shy and sensitive, and he would struggle to keep his composure if his feelings got hurt. He would often cry out of frustration, which led to a lot of teasing in the past two years. The teasing has caused him to be withdrawn, which is the second reason I sought help.

 

The I.Q. testing results show that my son is bright, mostly in the high average range with a couple of superiors, but he has difficulties with his working memory and his processing speed, which was low average. The achievement test showed he's at or above grade level for reading, spelling, and writing, he excelled in the math portion, but all the fluency tests showed major difficulties, putting him at a 5th grade level. The recommendations are that he be accommodated on any timed tests, and that he receive occupational therapy to help with handwriting. He had OT previously, but tested out.

 

In addition to the academic accommodations and the occupational therapy, the behavioral therapist would like him to start ABA therapy, take 2 classes at the local high school, and visit the teen youth center several times a week for socializing. I am wondering just how we're going to fit this all into our regular days?! Even after dropping history and Spanish this year, my son takes the entire day, often 9-5, to compete his assignments for English, Literature, Geometry, and Chemistry. I feel at most it should take him 4-5 hours. His goals are to go to college and become an engineer, but I don't see how he can be competitive at this rate. I'm honestly not comfortable with sending him to the local high school to participate in classes, but the therapist feels he needs to be responsible to somebody besides myself. She also feels I've coddled him and let him get away with subpar performance. :sad:

 

I cannot solely focus on my teens difficulties. I have two other children; my daughter (13) seems fairly typical, but my youngest son (7) is most definitely ADHD, and he has speech, physical, and occupational therapy 4 days a week outside of the home. So many thoughts have been swirling through my head on how to best meet the needs of each of my children, and I'm currently feeling overwhelmed, sad, and pretty down about not recognizing some of this before. After 10 years of homeschooling, I'm second-guessing my decision to keep them at home, and wondering if I've done my older son a huge disservice. On the other hand, my kids are all well-adjusted, sweet, caring children who like to be with each other and their parents. The youngest is a bit wild sometimes, but isn't intentionally mean. I personally feel those qualities are lacking in so many families these days and I'm grateful ours in intact.

 

So if you've stuck with me this long, you can see my mind is all over the place. For that I apologize. Over the past couple of days I've tried to write a more coherent post, but gave up trying. I really needed to get it all off my chest. Mostly, I'm worried, overwhelmed, and at a loss on how to handle the next year of my son's education. I would so appreciate any advice, hugs, or even a slap in the face to "snap out of it."

 

Thanks,

Stacy

[Barbara H]

So if you've stuck with me this long, you can see my mind is all over the place. For that I apologize. Over the past couple of days I've tried to write a more coherent post, but gave up trying. I really needed to get it all off my chest. Mostly, I'm worried, overwhelmed, and at a loss on how to handle the next year of my son's education. I would so appreciate any advice, hugs, or even a slap in the face to "snap out of it."

 

 

 

I'm glad you posted. It is a lot to try to process all at once - the past, the present, and the future. That's just too much. It was a good step to post and allow yourself to receive support.

 

What I would suggest is to make a list of priorities. What needs to happen now, what can be let go a bit. Is it possibly an option to extend high school a year or two or to think about part time college locally as a place to start. I'm wondering if having a bit more time to work with might lower stress a bit.

 

As far as going to school for a couple of classes, I understand why you are hesitant. Often it seems doctors suggest that because they see it as at home or at school and they don't think of other options. I would accept the premise that your son needs to be accountable to somebody else and that he needs social time. I am wondering though, if there are other options to make that happen: mentors, co-op, community groups, internship, tutors, community college classes, etc. Are there any options that can work?

 

On the other hand, my kids are all well-adjusted, sweet, caring children who like to be with each other and their parents. The youngest is a bit wild sometimes, but isn't intentionally mean. I personally feel those qualities are lacking in so many families these days and I'm grateful ours in intact.

 

That is a huge, huge, huge thing. Please don't waste time trying to figure out a different decision you could have made in the past. The thing that's appealing about that behavior is that it gives you an illusion of control over stuff you really don't have control over. PDD-NOS isn't something you did and it isn't something you have changed by a different school choice. We see plenty of homeschoolers on the spectrum who were PULLED out of school after years of negative attitudes and discouraging experiences.

 

Finally, not to push you too far into the future, but just in terms of college there are some supportive college programs that are designed specifically for students on the spectrum. Right now it is probably too early to say if he needs that but there are options out there. Feel free to PM me if you want more info.

[Dandelion]

Welcome to the boards! :)

 

You've got a lot to deal with between your oldest and youngest. No wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. :grouphug:

 

Sounds like your main question is how to start preparing your oldest for college while juggling the needs of the other two?

 

What do you feel the priorities should be for your oldest son at this point? It sounds like a number of different therapies have been recommended - probably too many to accommodate, when you factor in the 4 days a week of therapies for your youngest.

 

My thoughts:

 

 

• For focus, have you tried any of the natural alternatives to meds (like Omega-3 fish oil, etc.)? Since you're still adjusting his meds (and they're not taking him through the day at this point), supplements may provide the additional focus support he needs.
  
• Your son has made it to age 15 with his handwriting - OT for handwriting at this age may not provide the return on investment to make it worthwhile. Kids are increasingly typing in high school, and definitely in college. Can he type? I would focus on helping him improve his typing speed/accuracy (which can be done at home through various free online programs) rather than going to OT.
  
• Re: ABA therapy, can you provide more details on what they would be doing in the therapy sessions, and what the behavioral therapist hopes to accomplish with that? I would pursue this only if there are very clear goals and benefits that directly support what you've deemed to be most important for your son at this point.
  
• Re: taking the two classes at the local high school, it sounds like the therapist is recommending this mostly because she feels your son needs to be responsible/accountable to someone besides you? I would go with your gut on this one. If you don't feel comfortable sending him to the high school, don't. Find a different opportunity to "make him responsible to someone else" that's a better fit for his current needs and abilities (like a co-op class, etc.). High school is tough even for kids who are "typical" - it's especially tough for those who are different.
  
• Re: visiting the teen youth center several times a week, how does your son feel about this? How do you feel about it? Is it a good environment for him, and does he enjoy it? If it's a good fit, then I'd try to squeeze it in. If not, again, there are other ways to help your son fine-tune his social skills. As the parent of a child with Asperger's, I've found that "forced" social skills opportunities really don't do any good. The best way to help our kids develop socially, is to find opportunities for them to be with other kids that share their interests. Just plopping them into a "social skills group" provides limited benefits IMO.
  

 

 

After 10 years of homeschooling, I'm second-guessing my decision to keep them at home, and wondering if I've done my older son a huge disservice. On the other hand, my kids are all well-adjusted, sweet, caring children who like to be with each other and their parents.

 

 

From what you've described, I doubt you've done your older son a disservice. It sounds like you've created a wonderful environment for your kids - and for your son to develop at his own pace.

 

Focus on what your son needs the most to best prepare for college and career (which is likely not "every therapy available"), and create a schedule that meets your family's needs (and keeps your stress manageable!).

Edited July 15, 2012 by Dandelion

[Smurphygt]

Thank you both for your responses. Having people to chat with that understand special needs AND homeschooling is a huge help!

 

Is it possibly an option to extend high school a year or two or to think about part time college locally as a place to start. I'm wondering if having a bit more time to work with might lower stress a bit.

I was attempting to follow the traditional schedule of high school classes, but feel I need to reexamine our short-term goals. I am not opposed to extending high school out a little longer, or even taking a couple of years in a CC. When I recently mentioned to our therapist that I didn't mind my teen living at home after 18 and attending a CC, she looked at me like I had two heads and advised that I was short-changing him by not expecting him to leave home and go straight into a 4 year university.

 

I am wondering though, if there are other options to make that happen: mentors, co-op, community groups, internship, tutors, community college classes, etc. Are there any options that can work?

Yes, my husband and I are considering other options to help him be accountable. I've been researching online classes and the local co-ops. My teen is too young for the dual-enrollment option at our local CC, so we will attempt those when he's old enough. I'm considering inviting 1-2 families to join us in our home for our science lab days. That one is tough as I don't actually know many of the local families and my schedule is already packed as it is. Inviting other families to participate would help us stick to our lab schedule though. :glare: My son also wants to participate in the base Hired! program. The teens "interview" with the program director, who in turn places the teen in a recreation facilities on base that best fits their interest. The teen works for so many hours a week, and earns job skills, experience, and a minimal amount of money.

 

 

PDD-NOS isn't something you did and it isn't something you have changed by a different school choice. We see plenty of homeschoolers on the spectrum who were PULLED out of school after years of negative attitudes and discouraging experiences.

 

Finally, not to push you too far into the future, but just in terms of college there are some supportive college programs that are designed specifically for students on the spectrum. Right now it is probably too early to say if he needs that but there are options out there. Feel free to PM me if you want more info.

 

Thank you! I have seen so many kids through the years that had been damaged by their public school experiences. My oldest actually did attend an all-day public preK at age 4, and it was our experiences that year that led us to homeschooling.

[EKS]

You son's profile in terms of strengths and weaknesses sounds similar to my son's (he is 16yo).

 

My son is also sensitive to the effects of Adderall and, for him, achieving a therapeutic dose means dealing with difficult side effects (lack of appetite, irritability, sleep problems). My son also was taking from 8-5 every week day and several hours on the weekend to do his school work. His working memory tests as average, but depending on the test, his processing speed is anywhere from the 1st to the 16th percentile, which practically speaking, means that he takes 1.5-2 times longer to do things than the average person.

 

Some things that have helped here:

 

ADHD meds: The side effects are difficult, but they truly do help. My son just started on a trial of Strattera in an effort to get away from the side effects. (I thought stimulant meds were contraindicated for kids with anxiety. My son also had an anxiety diagnosis when he was 10yo and he took Celexa for a while for it. His doctor said that the idea is to get rid of the anxiety first and then treat the ADHD so that they don't have an anxiety reaction from the stimulants.)

 

Protein breakfast: My son thinks this helps him so much that he'll get up early and make himself eggs on school days (and that's saying something!).

 

Putting him in school: Having someone other than his mother to be accountable to has really helped. Another thing about school that I was surprised about--the actual amount of work expected is far less than I was expecting from him--probably a fifth or less--and the expectations are lower too. And this is a "rigorous" private school! But aside from the accountability thing, I can see now that my son was depressed being chained to a desk all day with only his mother and his brother for company. Being there all day was his own doing, but the effect was the same. Interacting with more people on a daily basis and having a more varied day have made him a much happier person.

 

It wasn't clear to me from your post how they arrived at the PDD-NOS diagnosis. My son's primary diagnosis is dyslexia and ADHD is secondary. He has also been diagnosed with CAPD as well as vision issues that were treated with VT. When he was 9yo, he was diagnosed with Asperger's, but was undiagnosed a year later.

 

I realize that this is rambling. I hope something in here helps. I completely understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. Homeschooling high school is overwhelming enough without special needs to consider.

[Smurphygt]

Welcome to the boards! :)

 

You've got a lot to deal with between your oldest and youngest. No wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. :grouphug:

Thank you. I had typed up a long response to your post, but before I could finish, my munchkin navigated away from the page. :glare:

 

Sounds like your main question is how to start preparing your oldest for college while juggling the needs of the other two?

I tried to clarify in my mind just what I was asking before I typed, but I couldn't pin it down. My main concern is how do I balance my teen's social and academic needs to best prepare him for adulthood, and still give the other two everything they need as well? Having a clearer picture of his academic capabilities and limitations has helped a lot, but the professionals thinking he has severe social deficits has taken me by surprise. I never anticipated that he would need as much therapy as the therapist is recommending.

 

What do you feel the priorities should be for your oldest son at this point? It sounds like a number of different therapies have been recommended - probably too many to accommodate, when you factor in the 4 days a week of therapies for your youngest.

 

My thoughts:

 

 

• For focus, have you tried any of the natural alternatives to meds (like Omega-3 fish oil, etc.)? Since you're still adjusting his meds (and they're not taking him through the day at this point), supplements may provide the additional focus support he needs.

Thanks for the reminder! We have a bottle of Nordic Naturals we've been meaning to try, but it got shoved to the back of the shelf.

Your son has made it to age 15 with his handwriting - OT for handwriting at this age may not provide the return on investment to make it worthwhile. Kids are increasingly typing in high school, and definitely in college. Can he type? I would focus on helping him improve his typing speed/accuracy (which can be done at home through various free online programs) rather than going to OT.[/Quote]

This is one therapy I think might be helpful for my oldest, but only because the center we use offers neurofeedback as part of the therapy session. He actually did regular OT for a while about 2 years ago, but tested out of it. The results did not carry over into his daily work, and handwriting is still his least favorite activity. He is currently working through a typing program to become more proficient and accurate with keyboarding.

 

Re: ABA therapy, can you provide more details on what they would be doing in the therapy sessions, and what the behavioral therapist hopes to accomplish with that? I would pursue this only if there are very clear goals and benefits that directly support what you've deemed to be most important for your son at this point.

I honestly don't know what the goals would be at this point. Until last week, I thought ABA was reserved for younger children.

 

Re: taking the two classes at the local high school, it sounds like the therapist is recommending this mostly because she feels your son needs to be responsible/accountable to someone besides you? I would go with your gut on this one. If you don't feel comfortable sending him to the high school, don't. Find a different opportunity to "make him responsible to someone else" that's a better fit for his current needs and abilities (like a co-op class, etc.). High school is tough even for kids who are "typical" - it's especially tough for those who are different.

I think we will seek out other opportunities beside the high school. I have avoided co-ops in the past, but will reconsider for this year.

 

Re: visiting the teen youth center several times a week, how does your son feel about this? How do you feel about it? Is it a good environment for him, and does he enjoy it? As the parent of a child with Asperger's, I've found that "forced" social skills opportunities really don't do any good. The best way to help our kids develop socially, is to find opportunities for them to be with other kids that share their interests. Just plopping them into a "social skills group" provides limited benefits IMO.

 

 

Right now I drop my two oldest off at the teen center 2-3 times a week. It did take my son a bit of adjusting, but now that he knows a few of the other kids he looks forward to going. The environment is very nurturing, and the director, though a little eccentric, is skilled at drawing the kids out of their shells and encouraging them to participate. She even wants to set up a tech club so that my son can be help out in a leadership role. Being involved at the teen center has been the most helpful for him thus far.

 

You mentioned the "social skills group," that's one of the recommended therapies I forgot to mention in my initial post. Do you have experience with these sorts of groups? I wonder if it would be more beneficial than the ABA? It would certainly fit our schedule better.

 

From what you've described, I doubt you've done your older son a disservice. It sounds like you've created a wonderful environment for your kids - and for your son to develop at his own pace.

 

Focus on what your son needs the most to best prepare for college and career (which is likely not "every therapy available"), and create a schedule that meets your family's needs (and keeps your stress manageable!).

 

Thanks again for taking the time to share your insights and experiences. I have a lot to think about, but I feel like I have narrowed the focus a bit. :)

[PeterPan]

Well I'll read the rest of the replies, but I mainly just wanted to say to give yourself some time to get used to it. It's a slap, a jolt, and it takes time for things to settle down again.

 

Do you have the option of *another* therapist? I wouldn't have a problem outsourcing and taking advantage of the therapy options there, but that doesn't mean she has to demean your efforts and tear you up in the process. If he's sweet, then what you've done is GOOD, honey.

 

On the academics, well just let that work out. It might help to think in terms of a gap year or something that gives him some flex to catch up if needed.

[heart'sjoy]

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=401796&highlight=employability&page=2

 

This helped me to focus on the social vs academic questions.

 

I picked some priorities for now and am using RDI therapy at home to work that way.

[Smurphygt]

You son's profile in terms of strengths and weaknesses sounds similar to my son's (he is 16yo).

 

My son is also sensitive to the effects of Adderall and, for him, achieving a therapeutic dose means dealing with difficult side effects (lack of appetite, irritability, sleep problems). My son also was taking from 8-5 every week day and several hours on the weekend to do his school work. His working memory tests as average, but depending on the test, his processing speed is anywhere from the 1st to the 16th percentile, which practically speaking, means that he takes 1.5-2 times longer to do things than the average person.

Yes, the results sound very similar. My son's working memory was listed as average and in the 27th percentile, while his processing speed was listed at the 13th percentile. The doctor spent about 30 minutes going over all of the results with us, but I'd like to know more about how to use the results to alter our school day and my expectations.

 

Some things that have helped here:

 

ADHD meds: The side effects are difficult, but they truly do help. My son just started on a trial of Strattera in an effort to get away from the side effects. (I thought stimulant meds were contraindicated for kids with anxiety. My son also had an anxiety diagnosis when he was 10yo and he took Celexa for a while for it. His doctor said that the idea is to get rid of the anxiety first and then treat the ADHD so that they don't have an anxiety reaction from the stimulants.)

My son feels "shaky" and nervous when he takes the Adderal and insists he can feel the effects throughout the day and into the evening. In addition to the side effects, the current dose doesn't seem to be helping him to focus much at all. We also have the sleep issues, so my son has started taking melatonin at night. That one does seem to help. Our doctor recently mentioned Straterra to us because he says it will address the anxiety, but he had told me the side effects were generally more serious so he wasn't ready to consider it just yet. I will discuss it with him more at our next appointment.

 

Protein breakfast: My son thinks this helps him so much that he'll get up early and make himself eggs on school days (and that's saying something!).

 

That is fantastic! We do try to have a protein breakfast with limited sugar every morning. My son loves his eggs, but he's not quite motivated enough to cook his own yet. That might be our next goal. ;)

 

Putting him in school: Having someone other than his mother to be accountable to has really helped.

I guess my main concern with a typical school environment is that he will fall behind, especially with the writing expectations. It is an everyday struggle to get my son to write out his equations, complete sentences, heck even complete words! He's very inventive when it comes to abbreviating. I'm honestly not sure that he can keep up with the other kids.

 

 

It wasn't clear to me from your post how they arrived at the PDD-NOS diagnosis. My son's primary diagnosis is dyslexia and ADHD is secondary. He has also been diagnosed with CAPD as well as vision issues that were treated with VT. When he was 9yo, he was diagnosed with Asperger's, but was undiagnosed a year later.

We started out with borderline CAPD, but I was unsuccessful at getting that retested. He was diagnosed at 12 with ADHD-Inattentive. Our new behavior therapist that we started seeing in Jan was the first to suggest my son was on the spectrum. She actually feels he's Aspergers, but he doesn't have any of the repetitive behaviors. Our regular therapist works closely with our psychiatrist, and I feel she must have said something to him because he also initially suggested Aspergers, but then was leaning toward the PDD-NOS diagnosis. It was a separate doctor in the same office who administered the psycho-educational testing last month, and put into writing last week that the diagnosis was PDD-NOS. Until then I was skeptical about the idea of him being on the spectrum. I know every child is different, but my son does not act the same as the kids I've met with autism or Aspergers. However, he is very rigid in his thinking, likes rules, has difficulty interpreting how a person is feeling, will talk excessively about his own interests, is shy and reserved, and generally uncomfortable in social settings. This is what I question though...is every child who has difficulty with social interactions automatically on the spectrum?

 

I realize that this is rambling. I hope something in here helps. I completely understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. Homeschooling high school is overwhelming enough without special needs to consider.

 

Yes, your advice was very helpful! Thank you!

[Beans27]

We started out with borderline CAPD, but I was unsuccessful at getting that retested.

 

I know every child is different, but my son does not act the same as the kids I've met with autism or Aspergers. However, he is very rigid in his thinking, likes rules, has difficulty interpreting how a person is feeling, will talk excessively about his own interests, is shy and reserved, and generally uncomfortable in social settings. This is what I question though...is every child who has difficulty with social interactions automatically on the spectrum?

 

Not sure if I'm quoting correctly.

 

But I want to say this describes my 12 yr old ds!

He was dx with capd at 7. He acts like pdd nos, but the neurosych eval he also had at 7 said no. We had him eval'd by a ped psychologist this year who said he has chracteristics of the spectrum, but not enough. He thinks it is the capd that is the problem.

[Geo]

ETA:

Originally Posted by Smurphygt

We started out with borderline CAPD, but I was unsuccessful at getting that retested.

 

I know every child is different, but my son does not act the same as the kids I've met with autism or Aspergers. However, he is very rigid in his thinking, likes rules, has difficulty interpreting how a person is feeling, will talk excessively about his own interests, is shy and reserved, and generally uncomfortable in social settings. This is what I question though...is every child who has difficulty with social interactions automatically on the spectrum?

 

Well, generally, PDD-NOS is milder than Asperger's. There are probably other PDD-NOS kids that are milder/more severe than your son.

 

No, not every kid with social deficits would be considered on the spectrum.

Take my son, for example, he sounds just like your son. Only mine was diagnosed (by Ed-Psych) with Nonverbal Learning Disorder, which has many similarities to Asperger's (socially), but NLD is not on the spectrum. It also includes specific learning disabilities that are not related to autism...eg: dysgraphia,(a writing disability), dyscalculia (math), and visual/spatial (visual perception). Wide discrepancies between verbal skills and non-verbal skill test scores would be seen on the WISC-IV. ADHD is also a common co-morbid, as is anxiety disorder, which ds also has. The DSM changes...it doesn't really pin him down. Who is considered 'on the spectrum" currently, may not be in the future. OR...in my case, ds may qualify for PDD-NOS as well, if he were to go to the neuro-psych.

Edited July 16, 2012 by Geo

[hsmomma]

You have gotten so many good responses and this may be somewhat repetitive, however: I dont think your therapist is supportive of homeschooling and that is clouding her/his assessment. Going off to a four year college is not the answer for many many children, diagnosis or not. You can find other ways to have your son be accountable. When boys get a certain age I think it is important that they answer to their dad or another man you trust.

[Smurphygt]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and helpful advice! I am still processing everything that's been shared and trying to determine our most immediate goals.

 

I may have unintentionally given a wrong impression of our therapist though. She is very gentle in her approach, but also firm. She is quite supportive of homeschooling, much more so than our previous therapists, and was the first to say that placing my son in a regular school environment would be the worst thing for him at this point in time. I was, however, taken aback by her response when I told her I was fine with my kids sticking around for a bit after they turn 18. I do not think one disagreement should cause us to seek out another therapist.

[Guest srobertsmegan]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get my family to understand that i am not coddling my teen! She has NLD and at home and away she does really well but when in front of family that my daughter feels they are constantly watching her every move. She does not want to do many things in front of them cause they are always staring at her waiting for me to help her and then they say in front of her.....there goes your mom, can't let you do anything. She has to even talk for you. And yes sometimes I do but only when my daughter is so nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing I step in. They even say things like if you don't let her try she will never be able to do anything....I constantly tell them that she does try all these things how do they think i know what she has trouble with...y suggestions or anyones eThey r just not with us 24/7 so they do not know. She is a beautiful person my daugter and so smart. And I know she has a brilliant future ahead of her But at her pace....NOT THEIR'S

[Heathermomster]

NM...

[EndOfOrdinary]

The response you received could have something to do with being on base. There is a significant culture within the military to boot boys out at eighteen and have them sink or swim. My husband is so heavily this way it frustrates me. Military life is very much not snuggly with its boys and boot strapping is seen as the only appropriate approach.

 

My brother is heavily autistic. Though my parents have not handled it well, and there has been some major entitlement stuff due to that, he would have difficulty living anywhere but home. He has never left home and is currently in his thirties. Dh still feels that kicking him out, removing all assistance, and forcing him to "learn to deal with life" is more perfectly reasonable; it is the ONLY thing that will work. He has often commented that my brother isn't stupid, he would "figure it out." Much of this is peppered with, " when I grew up" or "the way to handle thing like men" and such from growing up on base. This sort of "manly" attitude has been very pervasive in many of my students who have shifted their views after boot camp or military careers.

 

Though the view point is not necessarily wrong, it is frustrating that it is seen as the only correct option. As I am sure you are aware choices and accommodations don't really fit the military culture too well.

[Heathermomster]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get my family to understand that i am not coddling my teen! She has NLD and at home and away she does really well but when in front of family that my daughter feels they are constantly watching her every move. She does not want to do many things in front of them cause they are always staring at her waiting for me to help her and then they say in front of her.....there goes your mom, can't let you do anything. She has to even talk for you. And yes sometimes I do but only when my daughter is so nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing I step in. They even say things like if you don't let her try she will never be able to do anything....I constantly tell them that she does try all these things how do they think i know what she has trouble with...y suggestions or anyones eThey r just not with us 24/7 so they do not know. She is a beautiful person my daugter and so smart. And I know she has a brilliant future ahead of her But at her pace....NOT THEIR'S

As a rule, we avoid and don't associate with family or people that undermine our parenting in front of our children.  When we must be with extended family, we stay at hotels and limit visits to a couple of hours.  If the remarks start, we leave because we lead busy, fruitful lives, and I simply don't have time for that nonsense.

[Snow]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get my family to understand that i am not coddling my teen! She has NLD and at home and away she does really well but when in front of family that my daughter feels they are constantly watching her every move. She does not want to do many things in front of them cause they are always staring at her waiting for me to help her and then they say in front of her.....there goes your mom, can't let you do anything. She has to even talk for you. And yes sometimes I do but only when my daughter is so nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing I step in. They even say things like if you don't let her try she will never be able to do anything....I constantly tell them that she does try all these things how do they think i know what she has trouble with...y suggestions or anyones eThey r just not with us 24/7 so they do not know. She is a beautiful person my daugter and so smart. And I know she has a brilliant future ahead of her But at her pace....NOT THEIR'S

Hi there, you rekindled an old thread so when I read it, I thought it was from mom the original poster instead of you. You might want to start your own so that you get more replies and ones specific to just you.

 

Welcome to the boards.

[Tokyomarie]

Just a note for those just joining in: the original post is 2 years old and a new poster has added a different topic to this thread. Please scroll all the way down before replying.

 

srobertsmegan: It's a hard balance to try to spend time with extended family when they don't understand a child or teen's needs. When children have times and skills where they seem to be on target with their peers, and other areas where they are lagging, it's harder for family who don't work with them every day to understand the struggle. I agree with Heathermomster on the approach to handling it- especially for family you don't see often.

[OneStepAtATime]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get my family to understand that i am not coddling my teen! She has NLD and at home and away she does really well but when in front of family that my daughter feels they are constantly watching her every move. She does not want to do many things in front of them cause they are always staring at her waiting for me to help her and then they say in front of her.....there goes your mom, can't let you do anything. She has to even talk for you. And yes sometimes I do but only when my daughter is so nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing I step in. They even say things like if you don't let her try she will never be able to do anything....I constantly tell them that she does try all these things how do they think i know what she has trouble with...y suggestions or anyones eThey r just not with us 24/7 so they do not know. She is a beautiful person my daugter and so smart. And I know she has a brilliant future ahead of her But at her pace....NOT THEIR'S

I agree with others you might want to copy your post and start a new thread.  The thread you posted on is pretty old and may confuse people.  

[Smurphygt]

I am the original poster of this thread, and thought I should post an update. Aidan, my teen son, will be starting his 4th year of high school next week. We just moved from TX to TN last month, so we are getting to know the new community and local homeschooling groups. With this move, we have opted not to restart therapies for either of my boys. Having made significant gains, Aidan actually graduated from his OT program before we left TX. He still had issues with processing speed, but there was at least some improvement. He has also decided the medication route was not for him, though I am not opposed to trying it again. We encouraged Aidan to visit the teen center often over the past two years, and overall, he spent much of his time there. Of course any time there were changes, he wouldn't return for a while unless we pressured him. Before we left, he was elected the president of the tech club. We are looking forward to the social and enrichment activities our new area offers.

 

As for outsourced classes, Aidan has taken a couple of writing courses online. Writing is still his biggest struggle, but I am seeing improvement in that area. It will continue to be our main focus this year. Last year, we spent a lot of time prepping for the ACT. The ACT being a time-pressure test was a huge obstacle, but Aidan overcame his difficulty and ended up with a composite score of 26. Not bad for a kid with processing and memory difficulties! Our current plan is for Aidan to stay home with us, and to ease into higher level courses with the local university. At this point, he is undecided whether he should pursue computer programming or some sort of engineer degree, but I'm happy he is still considering college.

 

Oh, our biggest news is that Aidan is driving! I don't know about you all, but it is frightening when your kid gets behind the wheel! He does get a bit anxious, but he is a very conscientious driver. I am more concerned about my fifteen year old daughter getting her permit. She already thinks she knows how to drive better than everyone else!

 

All in all, I have adjusted my expectations of what my children should be doing and I am in a much happier place because of it. I am sure everything will work out, even if its not necessarily how I pictured it years ago. Happy homeschooling!

[Heathermomster]

Awesome!  Thank-you for the update.

[Lecka]

Thanks for the update :)

[maize]

OP, I'm glad to hear things have been moving forward positively for you and your son. I hope this year and the eventual transition to college go smoothly, it sounds like you both have been working hard.