Amethyst Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 someone i know will be stopping by tonite to pick up something. She is a real talker. She will end up talking for 2 hours if i let her. how do i get her to leave? my kids are old enough that bedtimes are no longer a good excuse. She'll probably be here around 7:30 or later. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Tell her you are busy and that you'll leave it on the porch. Then go to the back of the house or upstairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Watch for her car, meet her at the door with whatever she's picking up and don't invite her in. If she starts *visiting* you can just say "Oh, I hate that I'm in the middle of something and we can't visit tonight! We will have to plan lunch SOON!" I DO realize that is easier said than done... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 we have someone like that in our lives too....I usually try to have some sort of line in my head for when she comes...an example might be, "oh, you got here at the perfect time...in about 5 minutes we are planning x...(to go run an errand, call grandma and grandpa on the phone, etc)...and that usually gives her the message that we are busy. Then there are times, I try to not be "busy" so she doesn't think we don't like her...because we really do...it's just that sometimes she over stays her welcome. Does that help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Extra sneaky: Have your cell phone with you, and have DH call you. Or interrupt her and say "I'm sorry, but I can't stay and talk. See you soon!" then Walk Away and Close the Door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 BTW, you have to get over the impression that you need her permission to end the conversation. You don't. Because she won't give it. For whatever reason, the lack of company drives her to extremes. You do not have to ask or receive her permission to end the talk! Recognize that you're not being rude, when she really doesn't care about you and your needs, she's completely focused on meeting her own. So you have to set your own boundaries and Not Do What She Wants You To Do. You have to do what you need to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Extra sneaky: Have your cell phone with you, and have DH call you. Or interrupt her and say "I'm sorry, but I can't stay and talk. See you soon!" then Walk Away and Close the Door. This, or actually be on the phone when she arrives. Then pause your phone conversation just long enough to thank her and get back to your call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 This, or actually be on the phone when she arrives. Then pause your phone conversation just long enough to thank her and get back to your call. And it is not necessary that there actually be someone on the other end of the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 And it is not necessary that there actually be someone on the other end of the line. But it would be helpful if there is. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Tell her you are busy and that you'll leave it on the porch. Then go to the back of the house or upstairs. This is totally what I do! Works very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm a chatty cathy totally! I just get carried away and don't pick up the cues very well, so I'm telling you from the other side, I highly amazingly totally LOVE when others give me firm "time to go" cues in a way that's *very* direct. Like Drill Sargent Direct. I don't take any type of offensive, but actually feel relived! Don't hesitate to give her the news you can't visit, trust me, she'll appreciate it and won't take it the wrong way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 You have all been very very helpful. I will try to pull this off tonight. You do not have to ask or receive her permission to end the talk! Recognize that you're not being rude, when she really doesn't care about you and your needs, she's completely focused on meeting her own. So you have to set your own boundaries and Not Do What She Wants You To Do. You have to do what you need to do. Sharon, this is very true. And, like someone else said, it's not that i don't like her. i do. i'm just not feeling up to it tonight. i don't get to see her much any more since i moved so that makes me feel guiltier. So, i will invite her in. It's just that last time she "stopped by" she stayed for 1.5 hours. And it was quite late at night. Way past my bedtime when she arrived. I don't want that happening again. I'm a chatty cathy totally! I just get carried away and don't pick up the cues very well, so I'm telling you from the other side, I highly amazingly totally LOVE when others give me firm "time to go" cues in a way that's *very* direct. Like Drill Sargent Direct. I don't take any type of offensive, but actually feel relived! Don't hesitate to give her the news you can't visit, trust me, she'll appreciate it and won't take it the wrong way. Thank you for this perspective. i will keep it in mind. So, if i say: "it's been good seeing you. I'd love to talk more but I have to get to bed early since i work in the morning. Thanks for stopping by." Would that be direct enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 And it is not necessary that there actually be someone on the other end of the line. As long as the phone doesn't ring while you're pretending to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Oh ya, I'd think so. Because I'm like your talkative friend, I tend to gather other talkative friends..(can you see the train wreck here?) - one of my own habits is to say up front, "I can only visit till X time, then I have to go." It's the strangest thing, but those talkative types (like me) are pretty rigid about showing up on time to things generally speaking. If something else is scheduled to happen, you can bet we'll be early. (Because we get to visit longer if we are there earlier..lol) I don't see it as a huge personality defect personally, it's just great to be around interesting people with good stories to share with. Start times and end times work well for me. I can respect a clock like Cinderella. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Yes, that would be unfortunate. I was thinking of an landline phone that would give a busy signal when off the hook. What can I say, I'm old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) Is she ADD/ADHD? If so, I'm a Chatty Cathy. I know it, too. I am ADHD...not offered as an excuse, but a medical fact. I've been the offender in so many situations, I cringe to think of it. I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm just "in the moment" and hyper-focused on the visit. Common sense, and nonverbal social skills often elude us, especially when we're "focused"...which is another medical fact. We do NOT respect clocks for the most part...you will have to do it, because it matters to you. Please, take control and cut off the visit at an acceptable time for you, especially if you expect to become trapped or inconvenienced, OR resentful. She'll have to bear it if she wants to be your friend because she'll eventually lose you if you don't...or worse, be avoided...which is akin to rejection. :crying: I think it's more important that you protect your time so that you two can remain friends. After a couple of times (or possibly more ;)), she'll eventually make the connection and become easier to get rid of. You may even become able to joke about it together someday. Edited June 18, 2012 by Geo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 "The Arnolds feign death until the Wagners, sensing the sudden awkwardness, are compelled to leave." Best Far Side cartoon ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Oh ya, I'd think so. Because I'm like your talkative friend, I tend to gather other talkative friends..(can you see the train wreck here?) - one of my own habits is to say up front, "I can only visit till X time, then I have to go." It's the strangest thing, but those talkative types (like me) are pretty rigid about showing up on time to things generally speaking. If something else is scheduled to happen, you can bet we'll be early. (Because we get to visit longer if we are there earlier..lol) I don't see it as a huge personality defect personally, it's just great to be around interesting people with good stories to share with. Start times and end times work well for me. I can respect a clock like Cinderella. ...That would make you an organized extrovert. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmos Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Please, take control and cut off the visit at an acceptable time for you, especially if you expect to become trapped or inconvenienced, OR resentful. She'll have to bear it if she wants to be your friend because she'll eventually lose you if you don't...or worse, be avoided...which is akin to rejection. :crying: How do you recommend "cutting off the visit"? I'm not the OP, but I've been in this situation and would love to hear specific phrases for ending the visit/phone conversation/etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDad Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 As long as the phone doesn't ring while you're pretending to talk. Unfortunately this has actually happened to me. Of course, at the time it was VERY embarrassing... but at least it's a decent story to tell at parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 someone i know will be stopping by tonite to pick up something. She is a real talker. She will end up talking for 2 hours if i let her. how do i get her to leave? my kids are old enough that bedtimes are no longer a good excuse. She'll probably be here around 7:30 or later. Any ideas? Don't let her in the house! Open the door. "Thank you SO much for coming by. Here is the ______________. I wish you could stay and chat, but I'm right in the middle of something and tonight is just not a good night. Let's catch up soon, okay? Thank you again for picking this up! Good night!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) . Edited September 11, 2014 by Stacia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Have someone else in the house do the hand off at the door and "be in the shower." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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