Teens sleeping in...

[michaeljenn]

Just curious... How late do/would you allow your teen (16 in Aug) to sleep in the mornings? I have a dd that would possibly sleep until noon-2 if I let her. My husband thinksit is crazy to sleep that long and thinks that she should be up by 9:30 or 10 at the latest. I have 6 children and she is the only one who likes to stay up late and sleep in. My 17yo is up by 9 everyday! I feel like she is wasting valuable time. She could be up reading, going to the gym with me or my 17yo who goes every morning. Am I being unreasonable?? Also, she does go to public school now, as we give them a choice when they reach high school... Both my older ones are in public, so she may view summer as down time... But still I feel like she is sleeping away her summer. Then when she gets up, she always has several invitations to go do something!! Sigh.. She is my very social child.

 

Please give me your opinion:glare:

[Rebel Yell]

If she doesn't have to be up and out the door at a specific time, Diamond (17) may sleep as late as she wishes. As long as she gets her work done (summer school subjects, house work, any outside commitments) then I'm OK with it.

 

She often stays up late reading, and gets plenty of exercise. She has a crazy schedule during the school year, and she is very unlikely to have a typical 9-5 office job. Her career path will almost certainly include after-school/evening hours for employment. I figure she's preparing for that. :lol: (it always makes me giggle when people make their kids get up at 5:30 am to prepare them for life after school.)

 

When Diamond does have to be up early for something, she has no (OK, very little :glare:) trouble getting up... just sometimes needs a little reminder the night before about getting enough sleep and not staying up until 5am reading.

[Night Elf]

I would say to leave her alone. It doesn't matter what she *could* be up doing. I mean really, you might as well say she should be up at 8:30am or 6:30am so she can do even that much more. I think it's more important to make sure she gets enough sleep.

 

Are the other kids bothered by her schedule? Is there jealousy happening?

 

Fwiw, my ds15 and I do not sleep on an early morning wake schedule. We go to bed about 1:30am. I wake about 10:30am and he wakes about 12:30pm. This is our norm for all year round. We aren't wasting time sleeping. Our days extend later and we're doing things until bedtime. Ds sleeps 10 - 11 hours. The exact time frame for when he gets those hours doesn't matter. He's still up and productive the other 13 - 14 hours. Our schedules don't interfere with anyone else in the house, and that's important. A family must live and work together so there has to be some kind of harmony.

[Amy in NH]

I just had my 14yo at the pediatrician yesterday for sleep issues. If he tries to go to bed at a "normal" time - say around 10 or 11pm, he will lay awake for hours. If he does manage to fall asleep before midnight, he wakes at 4am and can't get back to sleep for hours. If he goes to bed around 2am he can sleep through the night, but then he doesn't want to get up until noon.

 

The pediatrician told me that this is normal. Studies have shown that most adolescents have a later sleep cycle in their body clocks. Average teens have natural sleep times between midnight and 10am, with a little variation which would put my son in the normal range. Apparently, Harvard (which did a large study on this) has changed their course scheduling because of it. Because of the disparity between their natural sleep cycles and what the rest of the world considers "normal", most teens are walking around exhausted all the time.

 

After the visit, ds and I agreed that he can go to bed at 2 am and get up at noon as long as he gets his schoolwork done. Of course, there will be exceptions when we have to be somewhere early, but he's always been pretty good about that anyway.

 

HTH!

[T'smom]

Mine aren't teens yet, but if I had a teen in this situation I would tell them that they could sleep as late as they want AS LONG AS everything they need to get done is done. I certainly don't think it's worth fighting over.

[Ottakee]

I would be OK with it IF and only IF she got her chores done and other responsibilities done before any socializing........and it wasn't a bother to the rest of the family. After 8am or so I would not tip toe around the house to keep it quiet for her, make the other kids wait on things because you can't do something until she is up, etc.

 

Today my 16dd was up at 8am and by 9am had her chore list done and could have computer/free time. 15dd didn't wake up until 10am and even slept through the plumber starting work at 8am here---even cutting through the concrete to put in a bath in the basement. That said, she has a riding lesson at 3:30 that we have to leave for at 2:45. If her chores aren't done by then, *I* get to to ride for the lesson and she stays home.

 

I would just also want to know that what she is doing after the rest of the family goes to bed is acceptable for your family. Otherwise, I am more of a let them sleep type of person.

[curlylocks]

Sleeping in is not an option here...

 

We have farm animals that have to be fed/taken care of. Everyone is "on deck" early. Breakfast is at 7 AM -- after chores.

[Dory]

When I was a teenager we were allowed to sleep in to whenever we wanted so long as we managed to get our chores and school work done that day. I really, really, really wish my mom had not allowed me to do that. It made it very hard to learn to run by a schedule that someone else set for me, and really the real world won't let me sleep for however long I want. My friends mom required them to be up by 8 am at the latest and out doing chores. All of them had absolutely no trouble adjusting to the world away from home (schedule wise). My kids will be required to be up at a normal hour until they have hit adulthood. If they need extra sleep they can grab a nap in the afternoon or go to bed earlier.

[Plucky]

Out of all the teen parenting issues this is one of the hardest for us. I can understand sleeping in as a teen, but I get everyone up by 12. Dh & I do better getting up at a reasonable time and going to bed at a reasonable time and things need to get done & sometimes the kids need to help. Plus, I do much better on a schedule. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have 5 teens in the house right now. LOL Although the quiet is nice.

 

I am one that tends to let them sleep in, but I think the younger 3 will have to decided on a time to get up everyday so we can get work done. Surely, 10 a.m. is long enough to sleep.

[lionfamily1999]

I would say to leave her alone. It doesn't matter what she *could* be up doing. I mean really, you might as well say she should be up at 8:30am or 6:30am so she can do even that much more. I think it's more important to make sure she gets enough sleep.

 

Are the other kids bothered by her schedule? Is there jealousy happening?

 

Fwiw, my ds15 and I do not sleep on an early morning wake schedule. We go to bed about 1:30am. I wake about 10:30am and he wakes about 12:30pm. This is our norm for all year round. We aren't wasting time sleeping. Our days extend later and we're doing things until bedtime. Ds sleeps 10 - 11 hours. The exact time frame for when he gets those hours doesn't matter. He's still up and productive the other 13 - 14 hours. Our schedules don't interfere with anyone else in the house, and that's important. A family must live and work together so there has to be some kind of harmony.

:iagree: Dd does not sleep that late and I have a completely different sleep cycle, but as long as everything gets done and there is harmony we are all good.

[Ottakee]

I can certainly see your point but I am thankful that there are some people on different schedules that LIKE working 2nd or even 3rd shift.

 

Maybe these late morning sleepers will be the doctors and nurses, etc. that work the 2nd and 3rd shifts.

 

I would not want though a child "sleeping the day away" and avoiding chores, interaction with family, etc.

[mo2]

Did you say you have 6 kids? Could she be staying up later than everyone else to get some quiet/alone time? (I'm only thinking this because we are a large family in a small house; your situation may be different.)

 

In any case, as long as she is still taking care of her responsibilities and isn't doing anything objectionable after you go to bed at night (sneaking out, questionable internet activity, whatever), I would let her sleep when she wanted to.

 

 

When I was a teenager we were allowed to sleep in to whenever we wanted so long as we managed to get our chores and school work done that day. I really, really, really wish my mom had not allowed me to do that. It made it very hard to learn to run by a schedule that someone else set for me, and really the real world won't let me sleep for however long I want. My friends mom required them to be up by 8 am at the latest and out doing chores. All of them had absolutely no trouble adjusting to the world away from home (schedule wise). My kids will be required to be up at a normal hour until they have hit adulthood. If they need extra sleep they can grab a nap in the afternoon or go to bed earlier.

 

 

Not the "real world" excuse. :rolleyes: Do you know how many jobs I have worked that required me to start work at 8 AM? None. (And yes, I have been working steadily since before I graduated high school, with only a couple of years off when my eldest was born.) And my husband has always worked 3rd shift, so you better believe he doesn't wake up at 7:00 every morning. Do we not live in the "real world?"

 

If a person doesn't like waking up early in the morning, chances are, they will find a job that doesn't require that of them. And if the only job they can find requires them to start work at 8 AM, well, money is a huge motivator. :)

[kubiac]

No opinion on sleeping late, but if her total amount of sleep is really long (like 15, 16 hours), keep an eye out for possible depression. Teenagers do sleep a lot, but excessive sleeping can also speak to other disturbances.

 

Ahem. Not like I'm talking about missed warning signs from my own youth or anything. :P

[TKDmom]

I had a summer when I was about 14 where I was staying up till 4am and waking up after noon. I was so miserable during that time. One day I woke up just as my mom was coming back from the mall, and I remember being so disappointed that she hadn't waken me up to go with her. She felt like she was letting me get the sleep I needed. I felt like she didn't care about me enough to wake me up and do stuff with me.

 

I'd sit down with her and try to get down to the root of why her sleep schedule is off. She's old enough that she should be able to have some say about when she gets up, but I think if one of my little night owls gets that far off "normal" for our family, I would try to work out a compromise and help them get up earlier.

 

Our family generally stays up later and sleeps in later than any of my other friends with small children, and I like being able to have that flexibility. But this week several of my kids have been at summer camps by 8am and everyone has been so much happier as a result of waking up earlier and going to bed earlier than usual.

[Ellesmere]

.

[higginszoo]

I'll send my youngers (generally early risers, though sometimes my 11 year old is starting to sleep late) into the bedrooms to dress/get ready for the day/do morning chores at 10 if the teens aren't up yet. That usually gets them going.

 

I like how our local schools start the little kids first, then the older ones (middle school actually starts after high school, but they're both over an hour after elementary), as it seems to fit adolescent sleep patterns a bit better. I offered the older ones the chance to room together and put the littler ones together, but they chose to stay with same-gender roommates instead, so with that comes a need to accommodate earlier, more 'normal' sleep patterns and compromise a bit on what they'd rather do. Between the mess factor and the late hours, I was a little surprised that they didn't go for the room switch, but it's not a decision I felt like imposing on them, either.

Edited June 8, 2012 by higginszoo

[Impish]

Diva has to be up to walk the dog, so we insist no later than 830 am.

[Dory]

Not the "real world" excuse. :rolleyes: Do you know how many jobs I have worked that required me to start work at 8 AM? None. (And yes, I have been working steadily since before I graduated high school, with only a couple of years off when my eldest was born.) And my husband has always worked 3rd shift, so you better believe he doesn't wake up at 7:00 every morning. Do we not live in the "real world?"

 

If a person doesn't like waking up early in the morning, chances are, they will find a job that doesn't require that of them. And if the only job they can find requires them to start work at 8 AM, well, money is a huge motivator. :)

 

I worded that badly. It's not just the time of day that makes it hard, it's the being forced into someone else's schedule. If you've been allowed to always have your own schedule, it's not always easy. Even jobs that are shift jobs like nurses don't always stay on the same shift either. Perhaps my view is just because I live in an area where if a person isn't up early and working like an insane person all day long, than they are looked upon badly here and thought of as lazy. It's a harsh view, but it's the usual around here.

Edited June 8, 2012 by Dory

[AdventureMoms]

I worded that badly. It's not just the time of day that makes it hard, it's the being forced into someone else's schedule. If you've been allowed to always have your own schedule, it's not always easy. Even jobs that are shift jobs like nurses don't always stay on the same shift either. Perhaps my view is just because I live in an area where if a person isn't up early and working like an insane person all day long, than they are looked upon badly here and thought of as lazy. It's a harsh view, but it's the usual around here.

 

Except the teen in question is attending public school, so she's forced to work on the school's schedule most of the year. She's just sleeping late in the summer, when she does not appear to have any morning responsibilities.

 

My DW is a night owl. She does better staying up late and sleeping in, and prefers jobs with that schedule. She has worked nights and enjoys it. Currently she has a job where she has to be up at 4:30am. She hates it, but does it, because that's what needs to be done!