A neighborhood kid is driving me nuts.

[suppleasthewind]

My boys have a friend who is nice enough. He is 7 or 8 years old. We have had many playdates but now he is really getting on my nerves.

 

He is kind of sneaky. I found him holding my checkbook and going through a basket of stuff on my dresser. So I made a rule that no kids go in my room. He likes to mess up my twins bedroom and one twin gets upset. So I made a rule that no one goes in the bedrooms ever. He will repeatedly try to sneak in. I have to follow him to the rear of the house and say don't go in there. I decided to solve the problem by saying why doesn't everyone just play outside. He repeatedly tries to sneak in the house. I have to lock the doors. If dh opens the door, the kid goes in and I have to follow him and tell him we are playing outside.

 

I really don't know his parents. I have talked on the phone with the mom. But I feel like the boys watch whatever they want. My boys told me about some really scary stuff they watched there. Now I don't want my boys to go over there. Also, we received a call from his mom's phone at 3 in the morning. A long message was left on the voice mail of static, and then female voices exclaiming, " have you been passed out here in your car the whole time? we were looking for you!"

 

So, discuss. Give me any thoughts at all. Am I too overprotective? Am I too judgemental? Should I relax and not jump up every time he sneaks around?

 

Did I mention that he punched another kid on my lawn a few weeks ago and I sent him home?

[Chris in VA]

Well, I'll be blunt.

 

Are you serious? What is wrong with you? Why are you even thinking about having this child interact with yours? :confused:

 

Told ya I'd was blunt.

 

I'm having that kind of a day, sorry.

[Murphy101]

Well, I'll be blunt.

 

Are you serious? What is wrong with you? Why are you even thinking about having this child interact with yours? :confused:

 

Told ya I'd was blunt.

 

I'm having that kind of a day, sorry.

 

I'll second all of that.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Third.

[edelweiss]

I agree with the others.

[melissad2]

:iagree:

[Rebel Yell]

:iagree:

 

And NEVER EVER let that woman take your children anywhere in a car- passed out in a car sounds to me like drunk driving. :glare:

 

That child would never again set foot in my home, and my kids would not go even in his yard.

 

If they really want to play, outside in your yard. And tell your DH to lock the door and not let the kid in. Does your DH know what you've told us?

[laundrycrisis]

:iagree: Me too.

 

If you are going to allow this kid around, you are not over-reacting or overprotective. Pay attention to your mama radar. Keep eyes on him the entire time he is there and send him home for unacceptable behavior. Keep him out of your house. Your kids do not go to his house, ever. If your childrens' behavior starts to show signs of being influenced by him, point out the differences between okay and not okay and teach that they are not allowed to imitate these behaviors. If they can't handle that restriction, they are not allowed to play with him anymore. Oh, also, I would not allow your kids to take important/small items outside to play with when he is around - they may disappear. I have unfortunately been through all of this with neighbor kids.

[suppleasthewind]

Is there a polite way to do this? I have been dropping major hints that I don't really like him to be here. My boys keep asking why he can't come in the house and why they can't sleep over at his house.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Children play outside here only. No one is allowed in anyone's house, including ours. Depending on what children are over, I may be outside supervising the entire time. This sounds like one of those children who I would be supervising.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is there a polite way to do this? I have been dropping major hints that I don't really like him to be here. My boys keep asking why he can't come in the house and why they can't sleep over at his house.

 

The polite way is to say firmly, "We play outside only."

[MomatHWTK]

I told my children that neighbor child "X" was no longer allowed in the house because he didn't stay out of the rooms I told him not to enter. He also has a lengthy list of things he's not allowed to do outside as he is the "King of Bad Ideas." If he pushes the limits too much, then the next time he comes over and asks if the kids can play I just say "not today." When I'm ready to deal with the behavior again, I say "yes, backyard only". :glare:

[LaxMom]

Also in agreement. I'm also of the opinion that it's not possible for us to "over"protect our kids. Every experience they have leaves a mark. I prefer those marks be overwhelmingly positive.

[laundrycrisis]

Is there a polite way to do this? I have been dropping major hints that I don't really like him to be here. My boys keep asking why he can't come in the house and why they can't sleep over at his house.

 

I would not worry at all about being polite. I would honestly say I don't like his behavior in my house so he's not allowed in. I would say I have heard of them watching TV over there that is unacceptable to me so my kids are not going to his house anymore. All done.

 

I tried polite and put up with several years of endless carp over it and made myself ill from the stress of dealing with it. Since I cleared the air, everything has been much better and I can enjoy our home. I did have a couple people mad at me for a while, but it was sooooooo worth it !!! Now I don't even try for polite, ever. If there is a problem with a neighbor kid, I mark the boundaries, hard, and enforce them with no apologies to anyone.

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, I'll be blunt.

 

Are you serious? What is wrong with you? Why are you even thinking about having this child interact with yours? :confused:

 

Told ya I'd was blunt.

 

I'm having that kind of a day, sorry.

 

 

I agree too.

[misidawnrn]

That kid wouldn't be allowed to play over and my kids wouldn't be allowed to his house, plain and simple. Just be blunt and honest with your kids. That kid and his parents aren't good examples and you don't want them with him...period. My DD has two little friends that she can stay with besides my sister's house. Period...I know both set of parents, they know me, I know their kids, their parenting, what is at their house, etc. I wouldn't send them to someone who would let them watch whatever on TV. Just be blunt to your kids. They are your kids to watch and protect afterall.

[Harriet Vane]

Your fears are valid. I would allow this child over only if you are willing to actually supervise the playing. You can do this by decreeing outside play only, and then you bring a book or some knitting in the yard and stay there with them.

 

With what you describe, my heart goes out to this kid in what may be an unhappy home. That's why I would advocate showing kindness. However, you do need to protect your own kids.

 

If you have him over, supervise him as you would a toddler. He hasn't been trained.

 

Do this smilingly and sweetly.

 

If he tries to sneak somewhere, give a direct order, "Don't go in there" but also smile. It's okay to be direct, even blunt, without being nasty about it.

 

I have done this before with more than one child. You will never, ever regret showing kindness to a kid who is in a rough spot. Just show that kindness while still protecting your own kids.