Alicia64 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Somehow I made it through this awful day. One son loves hanging out w/ them -- he's the "chosen child" and the other one wants nothing to do w/ them. My dad acts great on the first day and the very last day -- and creepy in between. But because they're so nice on the last day, I go into terrible guilt after they leave. Cognitively I know this is part of the problem, but I feel so sad that it is so bad. :( Thank you, everyone, for getting me through this day. Alley ps. I can hardly believe it's over. I can't wait for dh to get home so we both can sigh w/ relief! (He just came home; I should have said cried w/ relief because that's what really happened.) Edited April 23, 2012 by Alicia64 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: Alley :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishmommy Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I hate it when parents/grandparents have favorites! Why do they do that? As a parent, I can't even imagine! :grouphug:I have some of these parents too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: Here's to a much happier rest of the week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: Here's to a much happier rest of the week! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 narcissistic injury is part of the game. If you don't do what a narcissist wants, they are "hurt" and "wounded" and you owe them. Btdt. It's hard to shake off. :grouphug:to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 narcissistic injury is part of the game. If you don't do what a narcissist wants, they are "hurt" and "wounded" and you owe them. Btdt. It's hard to shake off. :grouphug:to you! Yes, this is exactly how they act. It creates so much confusion and sadness in me. Thanks for understanding. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: I think it always takes a bit of time after they leave for things to get better, but time and space both help a lot of wounds heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: for you and your family. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: Yes, the guilt part is hard. As an old time boardie used to say, it's not unusual to swirl your toe in it for a bit, but don't go swimming in it. Recognize too that you are in mourning, mourning the relationship as you dream it could be. So your sad feelings are understandable. But don't wallow in them. Do your best to shake it off. You have taken steps to protect your kids, and that is what matters most. From here on out, make every contact on YOUR terms, yours alone. You need some more of these :grouphug: and a good night's sleep. Tomorrow when you wake up, guess what? Freedom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in NC Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: Yes, the guilt part is hard. As an old time boardie used to say, it's not unusual to swirl your toe in it for a bit, but don't go swimming in it. Recognize too that you are in mourning, mourning the relationship as you dream it could be. So your sad feelings are understandable. But don't wallow in them. Do your best to shake it off. You have taken steps to protect your kids, and that is what matters most. From here on out, make every contact on YOUR terms, yours alone. You need some more of these :grouphug: and a good night's sleep. Tomorrow when you wake up, guess what? Freedom! Everything she said time two. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You poor dear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) Somehow I made it through this awful day. One son loves hanging out w/ them -- he's the "chosen child" ) Be glad they're gone. :grouphug: Keep BOTH of your children away from them. Your son is a child and has NO clue how much damage lies in store for him from your parents just because he's "chosen". Your other son is freer to see them for what they are. Get over your guilt - you're in the very early stages of acknowledging this is wrong, so it's understandable, but you need to get over the guilt so you can more effectively put your children's wellbeing ahead of pleasing your parents. note: you can NEVER please a narcissist. nothing is ever good enough, there will always be something more you should do. if you do everything they demand, they will change the demands. Decide on your boundaries you can live with - and stick to them. if they get upset, ces't la vie. don't budge. Edited April 24, 2012 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: As an old time boardie used to say, it's not unusual to swirl your toe in it for a bit, but don't go swimming in it. ! oooh, I like it.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Be glad they're gone. :grouphug: Keep BOTH of your children away from them. Your son is a child and has NO clue how much damage lies in store for him from your parents just because he's "chosen". Your other son is freer to see them for what they are. Get over your guilt - you're in the very early stages of acknowledging this is wrong, so it's understandable, but you need to get over the guilt so you can more effectively put your children's wellbeing ahead of pleasing your parents. note: you can NEVER please a narcissist. nothing is ever good enough, there will always be something more you should do. if you do everything they demand, they will change the demands. Decide on your boundaries you can live with - and stick to them. if they get upset, ces't la vie. don't budge. Kristen -- I'm with you 100 percent. I just don't get why I didn't understand sooner that they would turn on my boys. I've seen them do it to my brother's daughter, but just somehow thought my boys were immune because my parents seemed to love them so much. I never saw it coming and I feel like an idiot. I did tell my brother all of the awful things they were saying about my niece behind his and her back. I told him, "don't leave them alone with her. They're dangerous to her." But I didn't get that they'd do it to my boy. Ugh. Everybody has problems, but ugh. This is so yucky. Thanks for listening. Thanks for understanding. And thanks for writing. It really has helped me. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I had typed out a lengthy reply, but apparently quest or whatever their name is now is being undependable:glare: with my internet service. :grouphug: I need to say goodnight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :grouphug: Yes, the guilt part is hard. As an old time boardie used to say, it's not unusual to swirl your toe in it for a bit, but don't go swimming in it. Recognize too that you are in mourning, mourning the relationship as you dream it could be. So your sad feelings are understandable. But don't wallow in them. Do your best to shake it off. You have taken steps to protect your kids, and that is what matters most. From here on out, make every contact on YOUR terms, yours alone. You need some more of these :grouphug: and a good night's sleep. Tomorrow when you wake up, guess what? Freedom! :iagree: And if you do want to continue a relationship with them, and you try to impose your own terms on the arrangements, they will make it very, very difficult for you to do that. I'm saying this from experience. I think you should read some books about boundaries and being the child of a narcissist. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :iagree: And if you do want to continue a relationship with them, and you try to impose your own terms on the arrangements, they will make it very, very difficult for you to do that. I'm saying this from experience. I think you should read some books about boundaries and being the child of a narcissist. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I agree. The guilt train from a narcissist not getting their way is quite amazing, and much better if you can detach and watch it go past. (and I PMed you) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Kristen -- I'm with you 100 percent. I just don't get why I didn't understand sooner that they would turn on my boys. I've seen them do it to my brother's daughter, but just somehow thought my boys were immune because my parents seemed to love them so much. I never saw it coming and I feel like an idiot. I did tell my brother all of the awful things they were saying about my niece behind his and her back. I told him, "don't leave them alone with her. They're dangerous to her." But I didn't get that they'd do it to my boy. Ugh. Everybody has problems, but ugh. This is so yucky. Thanks for listening. Thanks for understanding. And thanks for writing. It really has helped me. Alley Everyone does have problems, but this one is so weird. People who haven't been through it don't understand. They will think your parents are just "difficult". That you are being oversensitive and should turn the other cheek. And from my own experience, denial was the only way to cope with it. I felt like an idiot too when I saw the light, but in order to get along with people like this you have to ignore a lot of things for a long time. Definitely read some books. The Boundaries one is very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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