5kidsforME Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I am in the middle of a huge discussion about this on another board. What are your opinions on this? For me my ds have always gone with me if dh is not with us. I have just recently started letting ds 9 go by himself if I feel it is safe and am comfortable with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parabola Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My son is 7, he goes alone now, I stand right outside the door though. And we've talked about how to act in there, and what cautions to take, etc. The other two, ages 5 and 3, go with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I started letting my ds go alone when he was 18 months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My boys not until 9yo or so alone, but my sons use the buddy system now. I'm almost always with 2 or more boys at a time. My dd always goes with me. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 I started letting my ds go alone when he was 18 months. Really?? Even if the bathroom is busy? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I live in a large metropolitan area with some restrooms that I wouldn't want DH going into alone, and others that I don't even think about. Frankly I try to avoid the question by planning our stops since my DS would be going in alone. We try to go to "singles" or places where I know that there's a family restroom or where there's limited traffic. It's a rare event that we're talking about though, so I don't let it make me afraid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Like deciding when to let them stay at home alone, a lot depends on the child. For me, the issue is one of when the child would be able to react swiftly to an attempt at molestation. As a former children's mental health social worker, I'm aware that people do hang in restrooms with the intent to seize an opportunity for a quick sexual interaction with a child. People typically overestimate the extent to which either they themselves, or their child, would be able to react appropriately. A lot of people freeze in assault type situations. So for me, while they were young, I would look first for a one-seater. About age 9 if I am able to stand right outside the door. I will send them in first to see if anyone else is in there and let them go. Once there is a brother-buddy, I think it's safer to send them in on a buddy system. I would still wait until one is at least 9. With a men's locker room situation, not alone until they are as big as a man. As a social worker, my experiences made me much more aware of the reality and probability of what is out there. I also had a male friend at college who was approached while on the pot. It was very upsetting even for a full grown man. I'm not interested in creating those types of situations for my sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie in Oh Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Before that I don't think it was too awkward for him to come into the ladies room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I have started letting my 12 yo and 10 yo dd go together. My 5 yo ds goes with me or with dh only. I don't see that changing for many years. There was an incident in our city at an arcade, and it will be a long time before I can get that out of my mind enough to let ds go alone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Around age 5 I would let them go alone, but I stood outside the door with it open a bit so that I could hear them call for help. They never did, of course, but they knew what to do if there was trouble. I never would have done this in--say---a bus station for example, but at Walmart and other places that size I think 5 is old enough. A deciding factor was the look of shock on women's faces when I walked into the ladies restrooms with the boys as they got bigger. At first it bothered me, but a few years ago I was in the bathroom when a mother walked in with her son who was around 6 or 7. It felt very weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My dh frequently takes the girls out by himself. They are 5 and 2 (3 in September.) He doesn't like to take them into a men's restroom. I don't blame him. The urinals are often exposed and getting them both in with eyes covered would be interesting. Plus, he says they are usually way too nasty to sit on. So.... Depending on the situation, he usually just stands very near the door while they go in. If he has them both, he sends them together. He often just has one girl, so he does the best he can. There are more and more family bathrooms, but they certainly aren't the norm. My girls are so young that they often don't give much advance notice. It's a matter of finding the closest bathroom and then being glad they made it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Really?? Even if the bathroom is busy? :confused: :biggrinjester: Ok, I'm just goofing around. The truth is he is 8 and I now let him go alone most places. I don't think he would go in a women's bathroom with me at this point, although he did go in the family one at the mall the other day. I even let him go alone at Silver Dollar City when we were there this week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 My dh frequently takes the girls out by himself. They are 5 and 2 (3 in September.) He doesn't like to take them into a men's restroom. I don't blame him. The urinals are often exposed and getting them both in with eyes covered would be interesting. Plus, he says they are usually way too nasty to sit on. So.... Depending on the situation, he usually just stands very near the door while they go in. If he has them both, he sends them together. He often just has one girl, so he does the best he can. There are more and more family bathrooms, but they certainly aren't the norm. My girls are so young that they often don't give much advance notice. It's a matter of finding the closest bathroom and then being glad they made it. I absolutely would understand if a dad needed to take his daughter into a restroom. I have stood outside a bathroom and talked to my ds who was int he mens bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 :biggrinjester: Ok, I'm just goofing around. The truth is he is 8 and I now let him go alone most places. I don't think he would go in a women's bathroom with me at this point, although he did go in the family one at the mall the other day. I even let him go alone at Silver Dollar City when we were there this week. Shwew! I was thinking if he was anything like my guys he would be in there playing in the toilet, rolling around on the floor.....etc. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Shwew! I was thinking if he was anything like my guys he would be in there playing in the toilet, rolling around on the floor.....etc. :lol: Ummm....yeah and besides that he wasn't pt'd until he was over 3!! I can't believe no one else even challenged me on my silliness today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I would think sometime between 8 and 10 for most kids. My son was 10 but was a little developmentally behind still at 8. We never had an issue with other patrons and had we, oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandpsmommy Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 :biggrinjester: Ok, I'm just goofing around. The truth is he is 8 and I now let him go alone most places. I don't think he would go in a women's bathroom with me at this point, although he did go in the family one at the mall the other day. I even let him go alone at Silver Dollar City when we were there this week. :001_smile:I had a suspicion that you might be joking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 For my boys. When they were uncomfortable coming in the womens bathroom usually around 7. I'd stand right outside the door of the mens room waiting for them. I was a bit paranoid but heard to many stories so I'd call to them every 90seconds or so..... if they didn't answer I'd say "Mom's coming in" then they'd answer. Now for dd when she's 15 maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 :biggrinjester: Ok, I'm just goofing around. The truth is he is 8 and I now let him go alone most places. I don't think he would go in a women's bathroom with me at this point, although he did go in the family one at the mall the other day. I even let him go alone at Silver Dollar City when we were there this week. :smilielol5: You got me, Scarlett! I was observing my ds2.5 as I read that and was thinking "no way!". Then I discovered he had attempted to flush a minimum of 5 bathtoys (I found 4 in the bottom of the toilet, 1 that is stuck in the bottom of the toilet, and who knows how many he got down) and it made me wonder what he'd do in a public bathroom alone :001_huh:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Ummm....yeah and besides that he wasn't pt'd until he was over 3!! I can't believe no one else even challenged me on my silliness today. No actually I was thinking you were the dil of my mil's dreams! Seeing as she was potty trained at 9 months (yes you read that right) well that is what they SAY anyway, and she had her first ds trained by 16 months. Whatever. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 As a fomer children's mental health social worker, I'm aware that people do hang in restrooms with the intent to seize an opportunity for a quick sexual interaction with a child. People typically overestimate the extent to which either they themselves, or their child, would be table to react appropriately. A lot of people freeze in assault type situations...I also had a male friend at college who was approached while on the pot. It was very upsetting even for a full grown man. I'm not interested in creating those types of situations for my sons. Yup, I worked in law enforcement for three summers with the National Park Service, and then two years in student housing in college including being the head dormitory assistant for over a year. It truly can happen in an instant whether there are people around or not, and whether you have a "buddy" or not. My poor almost-11-year old DS went into the ladies room with me and DD at an urban sporting event because I didn't like the look of some of the characters hanging around the men's room. I told him to avert his eyes, and stand away from the stalls when he was done. I felt sorry for him, but my gut told me that sending him in alone was not a good idea there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LND1218 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 For us it depends, on where we are. It hasn't been too hard so far. But as ds gets older it does worry me to send him in alone. I am glad to see more and more places with family bathrooms or single bathrooms. Certain places I will never let them go alone. Back home about 10 yrs ago a women sent her 9 yr old nephew into the mens restrooms at the beach. She was standing at the door. Her nephew was killed. It was horrific. And it all happened so fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 School aged, in most kids, with most kids and in most settings. I believe that most reports of molestation (injury or death as well) in public restrooms are exaggerated to an extreme. Many anecdotal evidence turns out to be urban legend. Statistically, kids are most at risk with family members, friends, Coaches, Youth Leaders, Scout Leaders, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I must be way overprotective, b/c dd was 5th grade at least! She still (13) doesnt like to go by herself, and if she cant see the bathroom from where we are, she wont go at all! My dh frequently takes the girls out by himself. They are 5 and 2 (3 in September.) He doesn't like to take them into a men's restroom. I don't blame him. The urinals are often exposed and getting them both in with eyes covered would be interesting. Plus, he says they are usually way too nasty to sit on. So.... Depending on the situation, he usually just stands very near the door while they go in. If he has them both, he sends them together. He often just has one girl, so he does the best he can. There are more and more family bathrooms, but they certainly aren't the norm. My girls are so young that they often don't give much advance notice. It's a matter of finding the closest bathroom and then being glad they made it. Just for the record, I would never object to a man with a small girl accompanying her into the girl's bathroom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I wouldn't worry as much about girls going into a women's room. Statistically, women are just a whole lot safer than men for prepubescent kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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