EmilyK Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I need a reality check about whether to be upset about this and how best to handle it. I'm not super upset but I need to think about this more objectively. My 13 year old goes to a private school downtown. It is in a somewhat scruffy area of town though it isn't far from my office and I don't ever feel personally unsafe there (though I'm not someone who is prone to feeling that way). Most of the people in the area are homeless or living in subsidized housing for the elderly or mentally ill or similar programs. I've been told that a lot of registered sex offenders live in the nearby SROs -- again, not upset about that but wanted to give a flavor for the neighborhood. The school is an excellent fledgling school and my son is getting a wonderful education. They also do a lot to teach the kids how to navigate downtown, and many of the students take public transit to school (my son does too on occasion, but usually with others). The school is on spring break, but we're in town. My son takes an afterschool class (theater tech) and that teacher asked those who were in town to work on building sets over break. Because the class is all high school kids other than my son, teacher communicates this kind of thing directly to the kids, and doesn't communicate to the parents about timing and logistics. All fine. Today based on an email from about a week ago, I dropped off my son at the time given. Another mom was there with her son (she's volunteering in the class). She said "teacher's running late; car trouble; I'll wait with the boys". Well, the teacher never showed and they waited 4 hours. Outside sitting on the sidewalk, at times in the rain. Thank goodness the other mom stayed. I hope if she hadn't my son would have called me, or walked to my office. He did text the teacher but said he got no response. Apparently before we got there teacher called one of the other kids and said he was running late, but that was before the other mom and I got there. So if you have waded through all that:), should I: -- not be upset; my 13 year old was a doof to wait that long -- email the teacher politely and ask to confirm that we're on for tomorrow, letting him know 2 boys waited 4 hours for him today -- other? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I need a reality check about whether to be upset about this and how best to handle it. I'm not super upset but I need to think about this more objectively. My 13 year old goes to a private school downtown. It is in a somewhat scruffy area of town though it isn't far from my office and I don't ever feel personally unsafe there (though I'm not someone who is prone to feeling that way). Most of the people in the area are homeless or living in subsidized housing for the elderly or mentally ill or similar programs. I've been told that a lot of registered sex offenders live in the nearby SROs -- again, not upset about that but wanted to give a flavor for the neighborhood. The school is an excellent fledgling school and my son is getting a wonderful education. They also do a lot to teach the kids how to navigate downtown, and many of the students take public transit to school (my son does too on occasion, but usually with others). The school is on spring break, but we're in town. My son takes an afterschool class (theater tech) and that teacher asked those who were in town to work on building sets over break. Because the class is all high school kids other than my son, teacher communicates this kind of thing directly to the kids, and doesn't communicate to the parents about timing and logistics. All fine. Today based on an email from about a week ago, I dropped off my son at the time given. Another mom was there with her son (she's volunteering in the class). She said "teacher's running late; car trouble; I'll wait with the boys". Well, the teacher never showed and they waited 4 hours. Outside sitting on the sidewalk, at times in the rain. Thank goodness the other mom stayed. I hope if she hadn't my son would have called me, or walked to my office. He did text the teacher but said he got no response. Apparently before we got there teacher called one of the other kids and said he was running late, but that was before the other mom and I got there. So if you have waded through all that:), should I: -- not be upset; my 13 year old was a doof to wait that long -- email the teacher politely and ask to confirm that we're on for tomorrow, letting him know 2 boys waited 4 hours for him today -- other? I vote option B but would probably include a word about the necessity of collecting email and/or phone numbers to better communicate. Even older kids rely on parents and caregivers for transportation and their borrowed wheels may not be available on a moment's notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Option B with a CC to the Principal? No emotions, but politely stating the facts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks for the advice. Had my husband do that. Teacher was regretful in a reply but this is all a little chaotic for my taste. I think I'll try to talk to him tomorrow about having a more organized exchange of emails etc. (Truthfully, he has a school directory with everyone's info at his house, but I'll assume he was at the mechanic or something.) I think there just has to be more of a plan B if he doesn't show up on time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenbrdsly Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Yes, I'd be upset. Option B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, after sleeping on it, I think I need to reach out to the teacher to set up a bit better phone tree situation. He isn't very good about communicating changes in plans via email, even more routine ones than what happened yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie of KY Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Option B - You need to find out what really happened, and if it could have been avoided. There are emergencies that can't be communicated, but that's not the norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I would talk to your son and come up with some basic scenarios and what he should do in each case. I think waiting 4 hours was too much, I would be disappointed if one of my son waited that long without contacting me. (I'd also email the teacher but I see you already did that) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcelmer Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Highly upset, and upset enough that if a much better plan for communication wasn't put in place, that I would get pretty vocal. There should be a person who can be called for backup. The teacher KNEW they were going to be late at some point, but did not ask someone to fill in for them, or notify ALL parents of the cancellation. Pretty irresponsible. Even if the class is all highschoolers except your son, the teacher or event organizer was responsible for keeping you informed. What would your reaction be if a friend had left you standing in the rain for 4 hours? In this day of facebook, & email, it is still a organizers responsibility to MAKE SURE people know. A sign would've been fine, but it sounds to me like they are just not very responsible in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks so much for all the advice. I’m still wondering whether/how to do additional follow up so in case anyone is still reading: We sent a message to the teacher. Didn’t want to escalate things by copying the head of school, and I still don’t want to get the teacher in trouble if I can help it. Normally the school is ultra-conscientious about not having kids alone outside at the school so this really surprised me. There is no one there (no custodian) so this teacher is the only one letting kids in and out. I’m wondering about sending a follow up since he was more cavalier than I would have been in a response. He said he was sorry, but said the work was due to start at 9:30 and since we and the other family showed up at 10:15, we didn’t get the message. He said he called the kids whose numbers he had right before 10:15 and said he didn’t know when he could get there so they should go home. This doesn’t really square with the story we know. Teacher sent out an email the week before saying the work party on the day in question started at 10. Last week he changed the times once and didn’t send out a correcting email. My son didn’t hear of the changed times. I assume teacher is doing these time changes by word of mouth but that doesn’t seem like a great way to make schedule changes, especially since my son didn’t get either word of mouth schedule change. And this is a class of 4 people (with some extra volunteers this week), so not that hard to make sure all kids and parents know, and the school has a directory with all numbers and emails. So we thought the party started at 10. Admittedly, we and the other family got there at 10:15, but this has been a group that straggles in – teacher was late one time by 15 minutes, other kids get there when they can – so this isn’t like school where you can count on everyone to be there by the bell. Every other day we’ve been the first ones there. It also doesn’t jibe with what the other family heard. They were there when the call came in from teacher to one kid, and they heard from that kid that teacher would be an hour late. So that mom who was volunteering, her son and my son stayed the whole time. Sounds like teacher's car was repaired by 11:30 but he didn’t swing by to make sure no one was there waiting, or go pick up his phone directory and make sure everyone got the message. Overall, as suggested, we are using this as a learning experience. Son had his phone and could have called me or his dad or walked to either of our offices – or even taken the bus home, and now he knows to call us when something like this happens. I do feel like the teacher should have a better plan to reach people when things happen and that’s the main change I’d like out of this. I plan to email him to that effect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I need a reality check about whether to be upset about this and how best to handle it. I'm not super upset but I need to think about this more objectively. My 13 year old goes to a private school downtown. It is in a somewhat scruffy area of town though it isn't far from my office and I don't ever feel personally unsafe there (though I'm not someone who is prone to feeling that way). Most of the people in the area are homeless or living in subsidized housing for the elderly or mentally ill or similar programs. I've been told that a lot of registered sex offenders live in the nearby SROs -- again, not upset about that but wanted to give a flavor for the neighborhood. The school is an excellent fledgling school and my son is getting a wonderful education. They also do a lot to teach the kids how to navigate downtown, and many of the students take public transit to school (my son does too on occasion, but usually with others). The school is on spring break, but we're in town. My son takes an afterschool class (theater tech) and that teacher asked those who were in town to work on building sets over break. Because the class is all high school kids other than my son, teacher communicates this kind of thing directly to the kids, and doesn't communicate to the parents about timing and logistics. All fine. Today based on an email from about a week ago, I dropped off my son at the time given. Another mom was there with her son (she's volunteering in the class). She said "teacher's running late; car trouble; I'll wait with the boys". Well, the teacher never showed and they waited 4 hours. Outside sitting on the sidewalk, at times in the rain. Thank goodness the other mom stayed. I hope if she hadn't my son would have called me, or walked to my office. He did text the teacher but said he got no response. Apparently before we got there teacher called one of the other kids and said he was running late, but that was before the other mom and I got there. So if you have waded through all that:), should I: -- not be upset; my 13 year old was a doof to wait that long -- email the teacher politely and ask to confirm that we're on for tomorrow, letting him know 2 boys waited 4 hours for him today -- other? I'd totally let the teacher know, remind him that your kid is 13 and it is a bit unnerving to have him waiting in the area unable to get into the school, and ask him to let you know if he is unable to keep future commitments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 He said he called the kids whose numbers he had right before 10:15 and said he didn’t know when he could get there so they should go home. . In my opinion, letting the kids now is good, but at this age the PARENTS need to know. These types of situations lead to the possibility of parents thinking there child is one place, involved in a wholesome activity, when the kids could easily take off and go somewhere else without the parents' knowledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcelmer Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 See, if I were the head of school, I would want to know. It won't "get the teacher in trouble" if it isn't that big of a deal. BUT, The teachers actions have reflected poorly on the school, and the head may able to suggest a solution to the issue. Maybe the school has policy in place that cover this sort of thing, even out of school hours. Perhaps there are supposed to be 2 adults on scene at all times, and maybe there is a protocol that he teacher ignored, or just plain old forgot about. It's a big enough issue to make you have to think about it, and post here, maybe you should (if the teacher didn't address how there actions would change in future) go to the next authority up the line, not in a tattletale way, but in terms of "help us figure out how to make sure that this doesn't happen again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Teacher should have the kids' phone numbers on him and call each one in a case like that. I do not think 13 is too young to deal with it if the teacher contacted him. I do think that your son should have texted the teacher that if he didn't hear back from him by x time, he would leave. Or if he was close to your office, he could have texted requesting a revised gathering time and saying he'd return to the school at that time. I would also suggest leaving a voice mail, as not everyone receives texts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nansk Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) nm Edited March 29, 2012 by nansk Sorry, didn't read your second post before I replied with suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Option B, with copy to principal, and with a clear reminder that I expect better communication. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks so much for all the replies. I really get what you are all saying. I feel in an awkward bind here. I am a trustee of the school which makes me nervous about the liability and safety issues here. As my husband pointed out, if anything happens again, I need to escalate it as high as necessary for those reasons. But because I am a trustee, I have been having my husband handle emails to teachers. We have an informal policy that the trustees who are also parents shouldn't be putting pressure on teachers. While my husband agrees with all of my points, many of which I got from all the excellent posts here, he feels we should use this as an opportunity to get my son handling these things better, and he isn't up for writing the teacher again. This isn't the crux of what went wrong the other day, but I think a reasonable request is that the teacher email all kids and parents about the schedule for activities like this,and any schedule changes. Even high schoolers need parents to know when the kids need to be someplace. This tends to be an extremely diligent and academically focused student body, but I think even in high school I will want to know my son's schedule. A lot of mischief can happen when kids are unattended. My compromise is that when break's over, I'm going to talk to the head, face-to-face. The school's policy is normally to be so ultra-careful, I think as a trustee (and not a disgruntled parent) we need to figure out a way to prevent safety protocols from going out the window just because school's not in session. The liability issues are still there when it is a school activity, at school, with a teacher. I think if I talk to her in person we can frame it more around developing a consistent policy, and not making it all about this teacher, who in other ways is wonderful. Good point about having just one teacher there. I think we need to consider that. The teacher was very apologetic to my son in person, and the other mother who waited with the 2 boys outside. He called the 2 boys whose numbers he had, and they dropped the ball about relaying the message to the other kids. Still, there's no reason in the future not to know how to reach all the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 As a former schoolteacher myself, I know if I did this with one of my students, my butt would be in the principal's or superintendent's office toot suite getting a "talk" over what occurred. And a copy of the parent's letter would go in my personnel file for end of the year reviews. You would bet I would NEVER make that mistake again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) Here is the thing, though. The teacher hadn't made it to school and the parent dropped the kid off into...NOT the teacher's custody....... on a school holiday. Yes, the teacher needs to communicate with parents. But, honestly, I wouldn't leave my child there until teacher was physically there. OR... I understand leaving them with the mom, who was fine to wait....BUT..... waiting 4 hours? Really? What was the other mom thinking? After 30 minutes, I'm either talking to the teacher to find out if arrival is imminent or leaving. I blame this one equally on the teacher and the mom who let the kids wait 4 hours in the rain. ETA---I'm not saying not to contact the principal, but I would make it clear to the teacher that YOU are doing the transporting and YOU need to be contacted in the future. Then, give him any and all contact information you have (home phone, cell phone, texting, email, etc.....) ETA. #2. No, I would not have left your son. But I think it's odd that she didn't call you to tell you what was going on. Edited March 29, 2012 by snickelfritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I'd totally let the teacher know, remind him that your kid is 13 and it is a bit unnerving to have him waiting in the area unable to get into the school, and ask him to let you know if he is unable to keep future commitments. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I'd totally let the teacher know, remind him that your kid is 13 and it is a bit unnerving to have him waiting in the area unable to get into the school, and ask him to let you know if he is unable to keep future commitments. Personally I would not want to dwell on the fact that this particular child is younger than the others. It sounds like his being in the group is a favor or special arrangement and it would be reasonable to expect the kid to keep up with the others in all ways. I could see asking for an exception to the communication policy as a special favor given his age. It depends on the tone. Sounds like the issue really isn't your son's age, though. If your son were 16, it would still have been wrong for him to not get the message that the class was canceled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlosewers2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I would say go with option B but would probably include a word about the necessity of collecting email and/or phone numbers to better communicate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 The teacher definitely needs a better plan, but I think it's pretty weird that the other mom would wait around for 4 hours, especially when no one else was there and the teacher did not respond to texts. It sounds like your son has a phone, so I'd just clarify with him when he needs to touch base with you. It's maddening, but some people are just not very organized or thoughtful, so a backup plan is always needed. He needs to get as many cell numbers as possible, b/c they could have found out by texting someone other than the teacher for news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I choose option C: I would be mad. This is completely unacceptable. It's a safety issue. I would go to the principal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cfn10 Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I am uncomfortable reading this--an unknown number of students meeting with one adult in an otherwise empty building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't know if this is better or worse, but they were sitting outside of the locked building for hours, in a pretty seedy neighborhood. Update on what happened -- though still in process: I have talked to a couple of people in administration. I think the problem is that there are strict protocols for the teachers who teach during the main school day. Any deviations from schedule or extra supplies or activities that the parents need to be aware of are clearly communicated in writing. The problem seems to be the afterschool teachers and classes -- many of these teachers are part-time and may only teach afterschool, maybe not even in the main building. They seem pretty disconnected from the protocols, and so I'm approaching it as a "I'm over being upset about this, but we need to fix this so that it doesn't happen again, either with bad consequences or with parents who gets more upset than we did." So far the school seems receptive. I think you have to have clear protocols about communicating these schedule issues or what's reasonable in different teachers' minds will differ. Thanks for everyone's advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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