I feel like I was kicked in the gut today.

[Shellers]

:grouphug::grouphug: I don't know what to make of what's happened.

 

For some reason my dad and his wife stopped talking to my two step sisters, my brother, and me a few years ago. I think they both became extremely paranoid and feed off of each other. I had to ask my step sister (she lives near them) if they were still alive because they won't take my calls or reply to my texts. We never had a falling out. I haven't asked my father for a single thing since I was 17 (I'm 42), so I really have no idea what happened.

 

I think sometimes people just change. I still text him a few times a year even though I know he's going to ignore me. I don't let it get to me. It is what it is.

[RanchGirl]

I agree with a previous poster... You have nothing to lose by calling her and speaking to her directly. Maybe she is sitting there thinking how sad and hurt she is that you haven't called. Maybe your sister told her some whoppers. Or maybe she just suddenly became a jerk after 40+ years of a loving relationship, but you don't know without talking to her directly about it.

 

Maybe she sent the quilt to get some kind of conversation started?

[Denisemomof4]

Oh my - reading the first paragraphs I though I posted two years ago and forgot!

Your sister sounds like mine, and sadly - my really close relationship with my aunt (she didn't have any kids and my sis and I were like her kids) was sabotaged.

Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then google sociopath. It may explain a lot that has gone on throughout your whole life.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

this is my scenario! She did marry for a time, but has been divorced for decades. She never had children. She always said me and my siblings were her children. I was her godchild.

 

I never could have foreseen that all the jealousy my sister held, which caused rifts between my parents and I until I cut her out of my life, would return with a vengeance after my parents died.

 

Even more shocking to dh and I is that my aunt turned on me. She would never let a few days go without calling. I did most of the calling, she would call me if I got busy. Never more than a week went by without calling, and after dad died, I called her even more.

 

Painful stuff.

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:Denise:grouphug:

[besroma]

I agree with a previous poster... You have nothing to lose by calling her and speaking to her directly. Maybe she is sitting there thinking how sad and hurt she is that you haven't called. Maybe your sister told her some whoppers. Or maybe she just suddenly became a jerk after 40+ years of a loving relationship, but you don't know without talking to her directly about it.

 

Maybe she sent the quilt to get some kind of conversation started?

 

:iagree: It might help to have closure one way or the other.:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

 

I question the aunts stability if she can turn on the op like this without a word. I was dealing with that too. I had to face tough realities that made me re-evaluate what I thought my relationship with that person really was if they could be influenced without talking to me.

 

this. I questioned and questioned, and dh is just as disgusted as I was. He knows how special she was to me, and he knows all I've done for her. I truly realized through this that our relationship really WASN'T what I thought it was, and I don't want any other type of relationship with her.

 

I remember someone in the family, years ago, telling me she was two faced. I just ignored the comment because I didn't believe it myself. Only my sister and brother are left, so I will probably never know who told me. My brother couldn't possibly remember with all the medication he's on from his illness. It was years ago, but it's something I've thought of a lot since this happened.

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug::grouphug: I don't know what to make of what's happened.

 

For some reason my dad and his wife stopped talking to my two step sisters, my brother, and me a few years ago. I think they both became extremely paranoid and feed off of each other. I had to ask my step sister (she lives near them) if they were still alive because they won't take my calls or reply to my texts. We never had a falling out. I haven't asked my father for a single thing since I was 17 (I'm 42), so I really have no idea what happened.

 

I think sometimes people just change. I still text him a few times a year even though I know he's going to ignore me. I don't let it get to me. It is what it is.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I do know that my aunt didn't just change until I cut my sister out of my life. I also have tons of experience with dementia and know that this isn't what changed her when our relationship was strained before we lost contact.

[HeidiKC]

I have no advice but I'm so sorry. You wonder what could make someone so mean as to return a thoughtful, handmade, personal gift.

 

:grouphug:

[Hannah]

She's in her 80's. If it were me, I'd entertain the idea that perhaps she is becoming demented.

 

I know you said you don't believe she has dementia, but it can be very subtle. Her ability to think logically (which would be required to distinguish your sister's lies from reality) could be impaired.

[Melissa in Australia]

If she is in her 80's than I think it puts a whole different spin on everything. she might be trying to downsize on her belongings and wanted to make sure you got the quilt that you had worked so hard to make.

I know my grandmother in her early 80's has started giving away all her things. she doesn't want to leave a large amount of belongings for someone to toss,and would rather give them to the people she wants to receive them.

[Tap]

Can I just pray that March wraps up really soon for you!. What a horrible month you have had.

 

 

COME ON APRIL!!!!!! :auto::auto: Bring on the sunshine and happiness.

[Gisel_le]

:grouphug: I have no words of advice. I am so sorry you are hurting. :grouphug:

[ma23peas]

Even more shocking to dh and I is that my aunt turned on me. She would never let a few days go without calling. I did most of the calling, she would call me if I got busy. Never more than a week went by without calling, and after dad died, I called her even more.

 

Painful stuff.

 

I can only comment because I have dealt with similar issues. I know my own mother has love for her children, but honestly, if I stopped calling her once a week or once every two weeks I would not hear from her for about 6-8 months. I could be paranoid and believe she does not love me or I could just accept that this is how it is...and love her regardless.

 

The same thing you said above, I could easily see your aunt saying the exact same thing...just put your name in place of 'she'...I guarantee you if I confronted my mother (awkward) and told her that she never called me and that I am hurt by it..she would say I was crazy, that she calls me at least once a week. I could go to the extent and show on my caller id where she never has...but it's all about one's perceptions.

 

What I see happening often in situations like these is a skewed pride/selfishness going on with all parties. If one of the three of you began to act without expecting something in return, ever, then the relationship could be different. But, if you're not willing to let go of past wrongs and 'expect' a two-faced response..it never will.

 

I have an aunt like yours who never had children..her husband was an angel. He passed two years ago, from the first day he passed, my aunt changed...she completely wiped his memory/45+ years off the books. They would both go on vacations with my family..he was the first to come see my first born (my dad works a lot), I took him to the Superbowl for one of the best memories of my life...but my aunt refused to talk about him...refused to mourn, just became angry, bitter, and wildly provocative in her romantic life. Not at all the woman we knew for all that time. She is now living with a man (says she'll get married) she met online..we must all go on as if her husband never happened (when we're around her)...is it right? No, but it is what is 'normal' right now...I don't love who she's become, but I love her and will never forget every kindness and loving gesture she gave through it...I think she is in a 2 year mourning period of denial and it pains us all to see her go throug it like this...but, she is a grown woman and will make her decisions...is it fair we can not celebrate the life of her angelic husband with her? No. I may call her less often, but I call her. I do not expect anything in return, I just want her to know that we love her regardless.

[Rebecca VA]

I haven't read all the responses, but...I would not let this relationship go without a fight. You need to find out why this is happening and let your aunt know that you have ALWAYS loved her.

 

If you don't fight to right this wrong, and your aunt dies without the two of you reconciling, you will always regret it.

[sparrow]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I know you said you don't believe she has dementia, but it can be very subtle. Her ability to think logically (which would be required to distinguish your sister's lies from reality) could be impaired.

 

I know that, and I agree. The difference here, as I stated before, is that her change of attitude towards me was immediate, not subtle, and at the EXACT time I sent a send off letter to my sister telling her I could not be in relationship with her anymore.

 

It is not dementia. At least it wasn't when it started.

[Denisemomof4]

If she is in her 80's than I think it puts a whole different spin on everything. she might be trying to downsize on her belongings and wanted to make sure you got the quilt that you had worked so hard to make.

I know my grandmother in her early 80's has started giving away all her things. she doesn't want to leave a large amount of belongings for someone to toss,and would rather give them to the people she wants to receive them.

 

 

I did think of this. It is a possibility. But knowing my aunt well, no note, no card spoke volumes.

Can I just pray that March wraps up really soon for you!. What a horrible month you have had.

 

 

COME ON APRIL!!!!!! :auto::auto: Bring on the sunshine and happiness.

 

I agree!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I can only comment because I have dealt with similar issues. I know my own mother has love for her children, but honestly, if I stopped calling her once a week or once every two weeks I would not hear from her for about 6-8 months. I could be paranoid and believe she does not love me or I could just accept that this is how it is...and love her regardless.

 

The same thing you said above, I could easily see your aunt saying the exact same thing...just put your name in place of 'she'...I guarantee you if I confronted my mother (awkward) and told her that she never called me and that I am hurt by it..she would say I was crazy, that she calls me at least once a week. I could go to the extent and show on my caller id where she never has...but it's all about one's perceptions.

 

What I see happening often in situations like these is a skewed pride/selfishness going on with all parties. If one of the three of you began to act without expecting something in return, ever, then the relationship could be different. But, if you're not willing to let go of past wrongs and 'expect' a two-faced response..it never will.

 

I have an aunt like yours who never had children..her husband was an angel. He passed two years ago, from the first day he passed, my aunt changed...she completely wiped his memory/45+ years off the books. They would both go on vacations with my family..he was the first to come see my first born (my dad works a lot), I took him to the Superbowl for one of the best memories of my life...but my aunt refused to talk about him...refused to mourn, just became angry, bitter, and wildly provocative in her romantic life. Not at all the woman we knew for all that time. She is now living with a man (says she'll get married) she met online..we must all go on as if her husband never happened (when we're around her)...is it right? No, but it is what is 'normal' right now...I don't love who she's become, but I love her and will never forget every kindness and loving gesture she gave through it...I think she is in a 2 year mourning period of denial and it pains us all to see her go throug it like this...but, she is a grown woman and will make her decisions...is it fair we can not celebrate the life of her angelic husband with her? No. I may call her less often, but I call her. I do not expect anything in return, I just want her to know that we love her regardless.

 

Thank you for sharing again. I have to say, though, it was just not that way with my aunt. Neither of us had "expectations" on each other, but we never, ever let a week go by without talking before my dad's death, and we talked more often after. It just is not a battle of the wills, pride, nobody will give in. I noticed the change in her demeanor and tone after my sister got her letter, she didn't call me once, but when I called her, she was definitely off. She talked to me to be polite, I believe, but she didn't want to.

 

It's not that I didn't call her on Easter so she's not going to call me. It is not that at all. The fact that I missed that one day and she didn't call me speaks volumes.

 

I guess it's just hard to describe our relationship. Dh has lived through it all with me and he knows what is going on. He knows her not calling was intentional, and letting things go longer than a week was intentional. There is no question about that, and there was no question she had no emotional stuff going on, even medical. Her changed was immedate, and it happened when my sister got her letter.

[Denisemomof4]

I haven't read all the responses, but...I would not let this relationship go without a fight. You need to find out why this is happening and let your aunt know that you have ALWAYS loved her.

 

If you don't fight to right this wrong, and your aunt dies without the two of you reconciling, you will always regret it.

 

This would be true for every relationship separated by death to date, but this is different. The space has really helped me to see that our relationship was never what I thought it would be. I wish I could explain it but I can't. I will think about it more.

 

She never accepted my mom, her sister, or her parents. She was vocal about how she felt about them and it caused my mom a lot of pain. I still loved her and thought we had a good relationship but I just think I didn't see things as they truly were.

 

Off to obedience class with my obnoxious puppy.:001_smile: