What to charge the ex

[A.Balaban]

My DS's father is not in the picture - but he has agreed to help pay the cost of homeschooling. I think this should be in addition to his regular payments (which he never sends anyway :lol:) He doesn't really have an opinion and won't talk numbers with me. :glare:

 

So, I'm going to use an example here assuming I buy ALL levels of All-About Spelling for use with with my DC. (This is just what I had on my computer at the time... :lol:)

 

Total cost for one student is $279.65 :ack2:

 

My daughter, who will use the program a year or so after my son, will see the total cost rise to $409.25 for the both of my kids to use the program entirely.

 

He has agreed to pay for 50% of the cost of the materials for my son. If I buy everything for one student, do I charge him 50% of the $279.65 which is $139.86... OR do I take the bigger number, divide it by 2 (for two students), and then divide it in 2 for his portion. That turns to be $102.31.

 

Yes, I'm squabbling over $40. I just want to make sure I am fair, and consistent throughout the process.

 

This is all assuming I buy everything new, not used, and at full retail price, which of course is not likely. :lol:

 

But which amount would you "charge"? Which one is "more fair"? Oh, and would you "charge" for EVERYTHING school related or just certain things? (like curriculum). Or would you not charge at all? :/

[AHASRADA]

Since he "never sends his regular payments anyways", I don't know if I'd be that worried about the exact cost for hsing materials to submit for his "non-payment".

 

Nice gesture on his part, though :tongue_smilie:.

[myfatherslily]

Maybe you could make an Excel spreadsheet to record actual costs, then tell him his 50% at an agreed-upon time? Like once a year, twice a year, every month, whatever. Or if you need to money before you purchase, have the spreadsheet list expected costs, he pays half of that, then you record actual costs and and adjust his portion during the next go-round (if he paid $50 more than the actual total, you deduct that the next time).

 

Maybe? I'm sure there are plenty of better ideas, though!:)

[StephanieZ]

I would charge each year for everything you buy for your son to use THAT year. If you use it for both kids that year, then split the cost down the middle. But, don't discount it assuming you'll use it later for a younger child. Believe me, you might change your mind!!

 

If you pass things down from your son to your daughter, I wouldn't worry about discounting/sharing the cost. If you use something for both kids at the same year/time, then share the cost. If you pass something from your daughter to your son, then it would be "free" for your son.

 

If you are feeling very generous and want to be super fair, then NEXT year, when your daughter uses something passed down, OR if you SELL something your x-h helped pay for, then you can pass that savings back to your x-h when you bill him for next year's expenses.

 

As in, this year, you spend $600 on curriculum for your son that he will use this year. $100 of it was for a program both kids will use THIS year (and in the future, too), so for that one program, the son's share is $50. The remaining $500 is all for ds. So, this year, bill x-h half of $550, so $275.

 

Then, next year, you pass on a $100 curriculum from ds to dd. Give it a $50 value (half of new cost, fair on resale market). Take the $50 off of the amount of other new curricula you buy for ds. So, if you spend another $600 next year, subtract $50 from that when you bill x-h, so bill him $550/2 = $275 again.

 

If you sell stuff, you could likewise subtract it.

 

But, really, if x-h is not great about paying what he owes already, I wouldn't bother to do the subtractions for re-sale or for passing down to dd. I'd just bill him 50% of everything and hope for the best.

[SweetandSimple]

I would charge each year for everything you buy for your son to use THAT year. If you use it for both kids that year, then split the cost down the middle. But, don't discount it assuming you'll use it later for a younger child. Believe me, you might change your mind!!

 

Yes! Kids have such different learning styles sometimes.

[LucyStoner]

Since he "never sends his regular payments anyways", I don't know if I'd be that worried about the exact cost for hsing materials to submit for his "non-payment".

 

:iagree:

 

You need to get the state to take the child support from his wages. Don't let him out of paying his child support by not reporting the non-payment.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would just keep the receipts, and each month send him a copy of the receipts with his half listed on each one and a sticky note with the grand total. That way you have 'proof' that you spent that amount, and if he later wants to squabble, then you have everything spelled out. It is great that he wants to help out, but I have seen that backfire before too, so keep good records.

[PentecostalMom]

Since he "never sends his regular payments anyways", I don't know if I'd be that worried about the exact cost for hsing materials to submit for his "non-payment".

 

Nice gesture on his part, though :tongue_smilie:.

 

:iagree:

[IsabelC]

List whatever you can think of and include half of everything. He will tell you if he doesn't feel something is reasonable, but chances are he won't approach you to tell you about the things you should have charged for and didn't!

 

Keep records in whatever way is least inconvenient for you while still giving a decent level of accountability. It's not worth you spending valuable time agonizing over this when you're not even sure whether he'll end up being able/willing to pay.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

Since he "never sends his regular payments anyways", I don't know if I'd be that worried about the exact cost for hsing materials to submit for his "non-payment".

 

Nice gesture on his part, though :tongue_smilie:.

:iagree: if he doesn't pay his regular payments I wouldn't expect he would pay for anything else....

[DawnM]

Well, first of all, don't count on one cent from him, so don't spend more than you normally would, since you probably won't see the money anyway.

 

I would just take an average of what you normally spend and ask him for half of that....if you normally spend $700 per year on this child's curriculum, ask for $350.

 

I wouldn't nit pick each year about more or less, or selling or not selling, I would just come up with a number and ask for it.

 

Dawn

[Annie G]

You're much nicer than I would be. If he's not paying regular support, why is he even dangling the carrot of paying you what he essentially sees as a bonus? You sure don't want him to use this against you.

 

"Your honor, she needed money for school materials and I paid it even though it wasn't court ordered. She never asked for the child support, and said that she knew I was having a tough time financially- so she said I didn't have to pay it."

 

Are you sure he's not going to want to have more input on what you buy and how you use it? Because that can lead to wanting to put the child in a public school, which is usually cheaper.

[Parrothead]

He should only pay for half of the actual cost of what it takes to educate his child. If that is the lower number then so be it.

[A.Balaban]

Wow! Thanks for all the responses. :001_smile:

 

His non-payment is currently due to his work situation. He was working for a family business, and a relative spent all the money instead of paying him. :glare:

 

And yeah, it is a can of worms- but when he visits (or I visit visit) I typically give him updates. I also send him emails with curriculum I am considering. Since I live in PA, when I told him when DS is older there would be a portfolio aspect required, he offered to come down and help. He even offered to come down and go through curriculum with me. While, I am certainly not EXPECTING him to help, it's his choice whether or not he wants to be involved in his son's education, and I will respect it either way.

 

We don't count on his money now, so I don't see this being an issue. I think I just have to use the "simplest" method and charge him 50% of what I buy and intend to use for the next year. I guess I will just have to figure out later what to do if I reuse curriculum or switch and buy something else. :lol:

[Catwoman]

So, I'm going to use an example here assuming I buy ALL levels of All-About Spelling for use with with my DC. (This is just what I had on my computer at the time... :lol:)

 

Total cost for one student is $279.65 :ack2:

 

My daughter, who will use the program a year or so after my son, will see the total cost rise to $409.25 for the both of my kids to use the program entirely.

 

He has agreed to pay for 50% of the cost of the materials for my son. If I buy everything for one student, do I charge him 50% of the $279.65 which is $139.86... OR do I take the bigger number, divide it by 2 (for two students), and then divide it in 2 for his portion. That turns to be $102.31.

 

I'm not trying to be snarky here, but are we talking about your 3 year-old? (And does your 2 year old have a different father?)

 

I read your post and was thinking you'd need quite a lot of curriculum and ancillary materials to homeschool two children... and then I saw that your children are 2 and 3 years old. I don't understand the concept that you should be charging your ex hundreds of dollars for pre-k curriculum for a 3 year old, when he doesn't even have the money to pay his regular child support. And realistically, if he's not the father of your 2yo, he absolutely should not be paying for any curriculum for that child. (And at this point, you don't need any, anyway.)

 

Is there an older child that's not mentioned in your signature, or is this really about curriculum for a 3 year-old?

 

If money is an issue, I would think you'd be better off getting books from the library and maybe a few little inexpensive workbooks for your ds, and not spending hundreds of dollars on "curriculum." He's so little, and it really isn't necessary to spend a lot of money to educate a child of that age. (You could get the Five in a Row or Sonlight Pre-K reading lists and get the books at the library or at yard sales or used book sales if you want to use a "packaged" preschool curriculum without spending too much money.)

Edited February 20, 2012 by Catwoman

[A.Balaban]

I'm not trying to be snarky here, but are we talking about your 3 year-old? (And does your 2 year old have a different father?)

 

I read your post and was thinking you'd need quite a lot of curriculum and ancillary materials to homeschool two children... and then I saw that your children are 2 and 3 years old. I don't understand the concept that you should be charging your ex hundreds of dollars for pre-k curriculum for a 3 year old, when he doesn't even have the money to pay his regular child support. And realistically, if he's not the father of your 2yo, he absolutely should not be paying for any curriculum for that child. (And at this point, you don't need any, anyway.)

 

Is there an older child that's not mentioned in your signature, or is this really about curriculum for a 3 year-old?

 

If money is an issue, I would think you'd be better off getting books from the library and maybe a few little inexpensive workbooks for your ds, and not spending hundreds of dollars on "curriculum." He's so little, and it really isn't necessary to spend a lot of money to educate a child of that age. (You could get the Five in a Row or Sonlight Pre-K reading lists and get the books at the library or at yard sales or used book sales if you want to use a "packaged" preschool curriculum without spending too much money.)

 

I'm not buying the curriculum for the three year old. This is just an example. I am thinking about using AAS with my DC when they are older (1st grade) so that's why I picked it for this example. Don't worry, I plan to teach them more than just spelling. Though, AAS is a pretty kick @$$ program I wonder if I could get away with it? :lol:

 

Yes, my 2 y/o has a different father- my DH. That is why I want to be "fair" and split the curriculum they will be sharing- to be fair and equal. Another reason I brought this up now (as opposed to years later) is because if I take him to court for nonpayment for child support, it is my intention to build into the agreement a clause about home education costs.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm not buying the curriculum for the three year old. This is just an example. I am thinking about using AAS with my DC when they are older (1st grade) so that's why I picked it for this example. Don't worry, I plan to teach them more than just spelling. Though, AAS is a pretty kick @$$ program I wonder if I could get away with it? :lol:

 

Yes, my 2 y/o has a different father- my DH. That is why I want to be "fair" and split the curriculum they will be sharing- to be fair and equal. Another reason I brought this up now (as opposed to years later) is because if I take him to court for nonpayment for child support, it is my intention to build into the agreement a clause about home education costs.

 

If I am reading this correctly, you ARE buying curriculum for your 3yo--you are buying it for him for a couple years down the road in first grade, right?

 

I am in my tenth year of homeschooling. In addition to homeschooling my own two children, I have tutored a lot of kids over the years, and I have run a lot of co-op classes and church classes.

 

Please, please do NOT buy curriculum this many years in advance. Things change. Your perspective as the teacher changes; your child's needs change; different curricula become available over time.

 

It is fair to think ahead towards what a realistic homeschool budget will be, but at this point that is theoretical.Right now, your 3yo doesn't need anything expensive or elaborate. At the most, I would recommend buying curriculum the year before it's used, no sooner.

[A.Balaban]

I'm not buying the curriculum for the three year old. This is just an example. I am thinking about using AAS with my DC when they are older (1st grade) so that's why I picked it for this example. Don't worry, I plan to teach them more than just spelling. Though, AAS is a pretty kick @$$ program I wonder if I could get away with it? :lol:

 

Please see the bolded text.

[gardening momma]

He should only pay for half of the actual cost of what it takes to educate his child. If that is the lower number then so be it.

The actual amount to educate his child is the higher amount. If you weren't homeschooling your daughter then it would still cost the same to educate your son.

[jplain]

It all seems a moot point to me.

Get a court order for child support first.

[Catwoman]

I'm not buying the curriculum for the three year old. This is just an example. I am thinking about using AAS with my DC when they are older (1st grade) so that's why I picked it for this example. Don't worry, I plan to teach them more than just spelling. Though, AAS is a pretty kick @$$ program I wonder if I could get away with it? :lol:

 

Yes, my 2 y/o has a different father- my DH. That is why I want to be "fair" and split the curriculum they will be sharing- to be fair and equal. Another reason I brought this up now (as opposed to years later) is because if I take him to court for nonpayment for child support, it is my intention to build into the agreement a clause about home education costs.

 

I'm sorry if I misunderstood you, but your original post did not mention that you are planning for the future; it sounded like you were planning on purchasing curriculum soon, and your ex had agreed to pay for half of it, so you were trying to figure out how much to charge him. I think at least a few of us assumed that this was an immediate issue, as you were asking such specific questions about how much to charge your ex and how it would all relate to your younger child using the materials, and you also spoke about how you've emailed back and forth with your ex about your curriculum ideas.

 

Quite honestly, that doesn't sound like a person who is planning to buy curriculum years in the future. Your ex isn't paying his court-mandated child support, yet you're sending friendly emails back and forth about homeschool curriculum choices and he's agreeing to pay for 50% of the cost... YEARS in advance? :confused: I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make sense. I'm sure you knew what you meant when you posted, but I got an entirely different impression of your situation, and I don't think I was alone in that.

 

Again, I apologize for not understanding what you meant.

Edited February 21, 2012 by Catwoman

[A.Balaban]

I've decided to take this discussion to my ex. Thanks for everyone's input. I will let him decide which method is more fair, since as far as I can tell, the difference between the two math's is negligible.

 

FWIW, I'm planning on buying the first level in about a year-well over a year before I would need to use it. I have an extremely tight budget, so yes, I will plan something important (like education costs) over a year in advance to help spread the payments about.

[SonshineLearner]

I'd charge the full price, for your son. He's oldest, and it may never work for your second child. Seriously?? He owes you more.... so much more!!!

[jplain]

I will let him decide which method is more fair, since as far as I can tell, the difference between the two math's is negligible.

Mathematically speaking, the difference between $100 and $140 is actually quite large. ;)

[LucyStoner]

His non-payment is currently due to his work situation. He was working for a family business, and a relative spent all the money instead of paying him. :glare:

 

 

 

Then he has and is accumulated a debt to you and your child. You MUST report him for non-payment. And regardless of his work situation, he needs to do anything in his power to cover his child support be that a 2nd job with a paycheck he can count on or quitting the place that is not paying him and getting a real job. He is living somehow. Some of what he is earning now belongs to his child, not to him.

 

When your child is 3 it is easy to take his word for it and let it slip. You need to make sure he gets in the habit each and every month of paying. You may not count on the money now but in that case, it should be available to save up for your child's needs and emergencies in the future. In the future, you may need to count on those funds for whatever reason and it will be that much harder to start collecting later if he is not paying now.

[A.Balaban]

Mathematically speaking, the difference between $100 and $140 is actually quite large. ;)

 

So, I figured out a "simple" way to do the math.

 

He would pay 50% for materials that I plan to use solely with DS, and 25% of the materials that I plan to reuse.

 

I guess, I could charge him 50% for everything and then if I reuse it give him a 25% credit, but that seems like my head would be falling off after the first couple things. I am only going to "nitpick" about the larger purchases- like in my example, All About Spelling.

 

And regardless of his work situation, he needs to do anything in his power to cover his child support be that a 2nd job with a paycheck he can count on or quitting the place that is not paying him and getting a real job. He is living somehow. Some of what he is earning now belongs to his child, not to him.

 

And about his non-payment:

 

He does have a second job. He's also working on starting up his own business. He recently had a job interview for a different position with the same company that his second job is at, and he would have made a lot more money, but the company (for whatever reasons) is not sure they want to create the position. :glare:

 

I totally understand that he owes us the money, and everything. Trust me, I fight him for this a lot. But I know what his rent costs are, and everything, and I know on the income he earns, he doesn't have much to send. In fact, sometimes, I know he has sent me the last little bit from his checking account and prays he doesn't run out of gas. Yes, it's his responsibility to help pay for his child, but I will not run him into the ground. Of course, he also pays for my cell phone (we still share a line together) so we make it work.

[Catwoman]

So, I figured out a "simple" way to do the math.

 

He would pay 50% for materials that I plan to use solely with DS, and 25% of the materials that I plan to reuse.

 

.....

 

I totally understand that he owes us the money, and everything. Trust me, I fight him for this a lot. But I know what his rent costs are, and everything, and I know on the income he earns, he doesn't have much to send. In fact, sometimes, I know he has sent me the last little bit from his checking account and prays he doesn't run out of gas. Yes, it's his responsibility to help pay for his child, but I will not run him into the ground. Of course, he also pays for my cell phone (we still share a line together) so we make it work.

 

Now that you have described him better, it sounds like he's a responsible guy who is going through a rough patch, so you're trying to be understanding and patient. I think that's very nice of you.

 

In terms of the "50% or 25% thing, I think it's honorable that you want to do that, but I think you might be better off just charging him the full 50%, assuming that everything you buy will only be used for your older child, and if you re-use it a year or two later with your other child, you can always credit some of the money back to him at that time. I'm not saying this so you make him pay extra -- I'm just concerned that even though you think you'll re-use some of your materials, you may very well find that what works like a dream with one child will be an absolute nightmare for the other one, and you have to buy a different curriculum anyway. Additionally, you may start out loving a certain curriculum, and midway through the year with your older child, you may lose the love for it, and never want to use it again with another kid for as long as you live. I don't like the idea of you losing money, so that's why I'm suggesting that you get the full 50% upfront and worry about the re-use issue when you actually re-use the materials.