Liz CA Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I evidently have not processed much grief because I am finding out I am not very good at it. We had three funerals in 2011 - all individuals we loved and knew well, 2 family members. Another family member has just passed the end of January. I wake up in the middle of the night with weird dreams, weird thoughts. I run the gamut from almost hopeless to hopeful again. I find myself thinking, I should call Aunt... and tell her...only to remember just in time that she cannot answer anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I think we all process grief in our own way - and much of it is just as you describe. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I would find that a very normal part of the process. I am sorry for your losses. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry you're in pain. Edited February 5, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I evidently have not processed much grief because I am finding out I am not very good at it.We had three funerals in 2011 - all individuals we loved and knew well, 2 family members. Another family member has just passed the end of January. My husband's best friend was killed several years ago. Just recently his widow (they had been high school sweethearts) posted that her shrink told her that her grief was not normal. I told her that losing your husband that young is not normal. Grief isn't a normal process. It's hard. It's especially hard when you deal with a lot of it at once. Nobody is good at it; we just all process it differently. I wake up in the middle of the night with weird dreams, weird thoughts. I run the gamut from almost hopeless to hopeful again.I find myself thinking, I should call Aunt... and tell her...only to remember just in time that she cannot answer anymore. I think this happens to most people with close friends or family members. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I wake up in the middle of the night with weird dreams, weird thoughts. I run the gamut from almost hopeless to hopeful again. I find myself thinking, I should call Aunt... and tell her...only to remember just in time that she cannot answer anymore. What would you tell her? Go into a room alone and "tell her," if that helps. "Talk" to her until you reach the point in the conversation where she would reply to you, then imagine what she might say. "Talk" to her until you laugh, or cry, or both, or... nothing. If you feel anger at your loss, let yourself feel and express it. If you feel sadness or emptiness or acceptance, let these come, too. If you want to tell her something important -- "I loved you so" -- or something trivial -- "I bought new curtains for the back bedroom" -- then tell her. Don't worry that you will lose touch with reality. Of course you know she is gone. In your imagination, I believe it can be helpful to remember the rapport and sometimes to have brief moments of sharing your on-going life with someone departed, if you realize you are truly only talking to yourself. If you keep this firmly in mind, "talking it over" with your departed loved ones can allow you the opportunity to still share what you find yourself wanting to say from time to time. The caring, living, flesh-and-blood people around you will stand out in contrast to your now imaginary aunt. Practice telling someone living what you would have said to your aunt. See what happens. In time, you will find that you don't want or need to direct the sharing of your on-going life with people who are not actually living it with you. But you are sorting through the memories at this point, and the dreams are part of the process. :grouphug: I will never forget the day many years ago when my parents, as we all drove along, decided to stop by and visit a dear, lifelong friend. We pulled up into her driveway... and all burst into tears. She had died a few weeks earlier, but it was so automatic to pull into her street when we passed by, that we did so out of habit. We literally "forgot" that she was gone. I don't know how long my parents went past that street, forcing themselves to remember not to turn in and pay a visit, but it was probably years. They still think of it as her street. It takes time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: My dad and brother died almost 12 years ago in an accident and I still have those weird things. Sometimes I still get excited because I think I see them...only to remember. I've picked up the phone to call...only to remember. I've had dreams I don't want to wake up from and others that I never want to have again. Sometimes I feel my grief is abnormal but then someone reminds me it's not normal to lose two so young so suddenly and they remind me how close we were. I've had to give myself time and realise that it's ok to miss them so much. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry for your losses. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 I will never forget the day many years ago when my parents, as we all drove along, decided to stop by and visit a dear, lifelong friend. We pulled up into her driveway... and all burst into tears. She had died a few weeks earlier, but it was so automatic to pull into her street when we passed by, that we did so out of habit. We literally "forgot" that she was gone. I don't know how long my parents went past that street, forcing themselves to remember not to turn in and pay a visit, but it was probably years. They still think of it as her street. It takes time. I went to the phone to call her three days after she had passed. It was such an automatic thing. Just before I dialed, I realized what I was about to do. We have lost people before, of course, but never this many in such a short span of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: You sound like you're handling things perfectly normally. It is a process, with up days and down days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: One of my biggest lessons of last year, which is spilling over into this year, is that grief seems to have no rules and no set time span. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I still occasionally have dreams about family that passed away years ago that were so real and I am so disappointed when I wake up. It isn't real often, but it does still happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I think we all process grief in our own way - and much of it is just as you describe. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 One year really isn't very long at all. I am experiencing a different kind of grief, and it is an ongoing process. Sometimes it hits me out of the blue when I'm not even thinking about it -- some other emotional thing (even a happy emotion) will just set it off, and I'll burst out crying. There's no right or wrong with grief. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristin in Hawaii Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 They usually have bereavement counselors and grief support groups available to all who need it -- not just Hospice families. I'm so sorry for your losses. Finding ways to balance grieving with getting on with normal life can be challenging. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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