HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 struggling with midlife? I'll be 50 in a very few months. The 40s were a decade of perimenopause problems. It was almost 10 years of terrible awful horrible cycle troubles that disrupted my activities of daily living and weight fluctuations, insomnia, migraines, fatigue, and other health issues of aging. Some things have gotten better now that I'm on hrt (long story), but it has been a struggle with lots of changes that seem to be happening rather quickly and unexpectantly. And it is not over yet, I'm still cycling and could for an unknown number of years. And then what? Will life get better or worse? It has been a long road and a difficult one. I wasn't anticipating having *this* many health problems midlife. It hit me suddenly, not even on my radar, so I was totally unprepared and had no clue where to start looking for solutions. I was still thinking about having another baby and suddenly my ovaries were thinking about how cranky they were. So, I'm trying to start a "support group" for ladies entering this phase of life. Nothing formal, just sort of chatting and asking things like: "what are you going through, what has helped you, what books have you read?" I want to get ladies together to talk and share information, help one another out. Pass on information to ladies just starting this phase and hearing from ladies who are on the "other side" and coping. But, I'm not finding much interest. I keep hearing that I'm the only one talking about it. I've been told that I"m the only one struggling. :confused: Physical problems aside, is no one else struggling with a changing body, getting older, being sandwiched between aging parents and young children, planning for the next phase of life (retirement, life after homeschool, etc). I remember being a younger woman gathering with women helping each other when we were pregnant, nursing, mothering toddlers, potty training. It was good to be around others and learn from them and help when and where we could. LaLeche meetings and Bradley classes and the play groups/lunch dates that grew out of those were a big part of that journey for me. So, why, now that I'm an "older woman" is that same concept not working as I'm approaching 50? So, am I "the only one" struggling and wanting some "bonding time" with other women so we can learn and support each other? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torikei Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 At 48 I can definitely relate. I felt so awful most of the time that I went gluten free and that helped a lot. Staying away from sugar helps too. I still have 5 days out of every month where it is difficult to cope. I can see it in several friends but most don't want to talk about it. I think it's denial. :tongue_smilie: You definitely aren't alone. Tori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 At 48 I can definitely relate. I felt so awful most of the time that I went gluten free and that helped a lot. Staying away from sugar helps too. I still have 5 days out of every month where it is difficult to cope. I can see it in several friends but most don't want to talk about it. I think it's denial. :tongue_smilie: You definitely aren't alone. Tori Thanks Tori!!! I'm finding a reluctance to talk about midlife. Even if it is not hormonally related, so much is going on in that 45-55 range, it just seems natural to me to want to pass info and camaraderie along Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 :grouphug: I'm 48. I'm not struggling particularly, but if I lived near you and you invited me to a support group, I'd go. Even though I have no problems just now, I can sense the passage from the young woman I was to the old woman I will become, and it's sad, confusing and scary. Like Tori said, I try to remain in denial for most of the time; if I keep running, then maybe it'll never catch up with me :tongue_smilie:. But it will, and it's good to talk. Don't give up, persevere. I hope you find lots of strong, supportive, fun women to accompany you on this latest stage of the journey of womanhood. Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm almost 45, I feel like I should buy a convertible or something. I don't like feeling older. I did go gluten free in January and feel better. My hair is still graying at a phenomenal rate, my wrinkled hands are more wrinkly, yada, yada, yada... I'm bored with many aspects of my life, things that won't change for a few years. I don't even feel grown up yet, how can it be that I feel old? :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 yes! All of this is exactly what I'm trying to express. Midlife is just *more*. More complicated, more "stuff" to manage, more stress, more confusion. It is not *just* hot flashes. Some of us, like myself, have had many physical problems. Some of us might not have any or just a few minor "things". But, all of us are getting older. If that is not a problem for you, then please, share your attitude and outlook with us and guide us along. If that is a problem for you then please, come along side us and lets help one another find solutions. For me anyway, it is sometimes easier if I know I'm not alone. Remember when labor was such a big deal? It helped knowing other women who went through it (and survived:)) and had wisdom to share. Maybe I won't do things the way you did, but it helped knowing more and sharing. Information is power. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneddmanybooks Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm almost 45, ...My hair is still graying at a phenomenal rate, my wrinkled hands are more wrinkly, yada, yada, yada... I'm bored with many aspects of my life, things that won't change for a few years. I don't even feel grown up yet, how can it be that I feel old? :auto: So true!!! OP, I am really struggling with the health aspects. Maybe I should try glutenfree.....:eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm 45 and have some physical symptoms. Valerian helps me to sleep through the night. Progesterone cream helps with the hot flashes. I have found that walking about 6 miles a day helps to dispel most of my dark mood. I'm not bored, because I have a lot of projects I'm interested in. I'm still happy in my marriage, but I feel an urgency I did not feel when we were younger. I focus on being fully present, and enjoying every moment I have with my husband because I know life can change in an instant. I acutely feel the short time I have left with my teenagers, and how quickly my preschoolers are growing and changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can certainly relate. I will soon be 49. Thankfully, going through menopause was pretty easy for me, except for the hot flashes. My parents have both gone downhill fairly rapidly with their health over the past 2 years or so, which is hard to watch and also sometimes hard to know how to handle. My mom lives alone and has been having issues with maintaining her sodium levels and also with frequent falls. I am in charge of handling her finances, along with the finances of my older brother who has struggled with mental issues for his entire adult life. Thankfully my husband is awesome and he handles our personal finances, although he is working towards starting his own cash-only medical practice so that has it's own stress associated with it. On the other side, we have two little guys who are 6 years old and we just started first grade work in January so I have my hands full with that, along with the normal cooking and cleaning and all that good stuff. It is a busy time but, overall, I feel good about where I am right now, with my health and with my life. I am so very thankful I have a sister who is one year older and we are very close so I have someone with whom to share all of my concerns and she understands. It is odd to see your body growing older and not really feel it matches up to where/how you see yourself. I don't know if that makes sense but I don't feel this old.;) I will add that my health recently improved greatly because of some wonderful ladies on this board. There was a post regarding gerd and acid reflux and the advice was to make sure to determine whether the problem was too little HCl VS too much HCl before jumping on the meds that ALL of the docs/specialists prescribe, which is for too much HCl, as the symptoms are the same. After researching it further, I bought some HCl and tried it and, amazingly, I am 98% better. It is absolutely amazing and I am so very thankful. I suffered from this for probably 15 years and took all kinds of meds that were reducing my level of HCl even further, which caused all kinds of other problems for me. What a difference now! So thanks to whoever it was that provided this valuable advice.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 So true!!! OP, I am really struggling with the health aspects. Maybe I should try glutenfree.....:eek: I did try glutenfree, and dairy free for 6 months. I saw no improvement unfortunately. Going glutenfree has helped MANY women feel better and I was hoping for a similar report. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 I often wish I had that frame of reference, even if it might not be exactly how I end up. But I'll survive. I know I will. It would just be nice to know what I'm headed for in the very near future. :tongue_smilie: similar story here. I do not live near my relatives. Also, ALL of my gfs are 10-15 years YOUNGER than me. I think that happened because of the age/stage of my children (had my youngest at 37). 2 of my gfs are currently pregnant:D and 3 have babies under age 2 (still in diapers and nursing). They just don't get this midlife stuff. I can relate to their pregnancy stuff and their birth stories and the toddler years. But, they cannot relate to my "stuff" at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 It is odd to see your body growing older and not really feel it matches up to where/how you see yourself. I don't know if that makes sense but I don't feel this old.;):001_smile: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtnTeaching Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I am right there with you. 49 and I just do not know where the time went. I have had some issues in the last few years - surgery for fibroid, scare with a funky mammogram, trouble sleeping, old injuries coming back to haunt (like shoulder rotator cuff from softball, knee from skiing, back problem from clear air injury as flight attendent.) Still, I can honestly sit here and tell you that most of this would probably not bother me so much if I would do all of the things that seemed to come easier when I was younger. Things like regular exercise, getting outdoors, eating more of the things I like that are good for me and less of the things that I can get Dh to eat. Reducing stress would probably help, too. I have a ds who is homeschooling for 9th and a Dd who is homeschooling 7th and dyslexic. We have WAY too much scheduled. I have lost touch of all my friends because I have no time for them. Therefore, I have no time to find friends to discuss these things with. My life is awesome. There is nothing that I can complain about. I could make the things that are bugging me much better if I would put a bit of effort into it. However, I do think I know how you feel. This stage of my life is very busy, but a bit lonely. I see my time with my kids flying by and it makes me a bit sad. Wish we could sit down for a cup of tea (and maybe some lemon or banana bread). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm there too. I haven't had some of the classic signs like hot flashes but my emotional equilibrium has been terribly upset. I know my husband wonders "who is this woman!?" And I'm not sure myself. I do have a good friend who has done a lot of research so I go to her for advice. She's pushing me to go to the specialist who really helped her. I've been putting it off simply because life is so busy... sandwich generation is right! I'm the last one to be taken care of because there's just no time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vmsurbat Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I've taken to calling it "Perimenopausal Hell" (PH). It's about the only thing that captures it..... I was one of those fortunate ladies who pretty much had a very easy time with all things "womanly" and I fully expected the transition from childbearing to menopausal would be just as smooth and uneventful. But in fact, the PH roller coaster started in my early forties. I thought to myself, "Ok, I'm strong, I'll ride it out." thinking I'd have just a few months of it all (my only good friend who had been through the change ended up menopausal at 43 years...). Well, it has been 12 years, 8 of which I was in denial. Four years ago I got a full check-up. I've never gone on HRT but did find out that my thyroid was problematic. Thyroid medicine helped me feel better most days, but my cycles, not at all. The worst for me was "flooding", not pain. I'd have days of changing my clothes 3 or 4 times. Argh... Definitely no one talks about THAT. However, THIS month is the first time I've missed (52 years now) and I'm NOT pregnant (took a test just to make sure). My husband doesn't understand my rejoicing at all. Now, I'm trying not to be too gleeful....MAYBE I'm all done....it takes 12 months of no cycles to be truly menopausal but even this small break is a bit of heaven..... :grouphug:, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm 47. These issues do worry me. Not just the physical side, because that seems mercifully mild compared to others. My mother also had very few physical symptoms. My skin is drying out and getting spots, my hair is lightening and greying, I have to watch what I eat, my cycles are different- but not unmanageable. I've had only one hot flash. It scared me to death because I was asleep and dreamed the house was on fire. It's the emotional, psychological stuff that worries me. My greatgrandmother went psychotic at that time, it is still talked about in the family. She went after my grandfather with a baseball bat. My grandmother went into a depression. My mother left my father. I find myself understanding all of them. :-) I think it helps that I still have two children at home. They keep me anchored in reality. If they were grown, I could see myself having some kind of major crisis. My attitude towards life has changed significantly in the last few years. Part of that is because my theology has changed. It makes me realize that my life is truly half over and I feel the desire to get some things done while I can. The funny thing is that they not are from my "bucket list." They are things that leave something behind for my children and the next generation. I find myself wanting to get our house in tip top condition, in case one of the children might want it. I find myself considering what to do with money, so that it is spent in a way that blesses the future. I find myself thinking about my possessions and who I would like to give each one, or whether something is worth keeping. I think about a living will, cremation, etc. My problem is I really want to talk all this over with dh and I don't think he will be thrilled. He avoids talk of death, dying, the future. I'm thinking of bringing it up on our 30th anniversary when we go out together. (In March) How's that for psychotic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm there too. I haven't had some of the classic signs like hot flashes but my emotional equilibrium has been terribly upset. I know my husband wonders "who is this woman!?" And I'm not sure myself. I do have a good friend who has done a lot of research so I go to her for advice. She's pushing me to go to the specialist who really helped her. I've been putting it off simply because life is so busy... sandwich generation is right! I'm the last one to be taken care of because there's just no time Debbie, Do we know eachother? Seems like we have met, but I have a brain freeze.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm almost 45, I feel like I should buy a convertible or something. I don't like feeling older. I did go gluten free in January and feel better. My hair is still graying at a phenomenal rate, my wrinkled hands are more wrinkly, yada, yada, yada... I'm bored with many aspects of my life, things that won't change for a few years. I don't even feel grown up yet, how can it be that I feel old? I so want a sports car! I am constantly spotting them, "Lime green camaro coming up behind us on the right. Silver challenger at the stop light to the left." I hope if I drive my DH batty enough he will buy me a (real!) sports car. He bought me a toy camaro for my 44th birthday, but I just broke out in tears. :tongue_smilie: I realized last year that my (older!) sister and I are starting to look more and more alike, which is frightening because my (older!) sister looks just like my mom. :001_huh: I don't know what that says about me, because I don't think I'm that old. My hands... My skin is really thinning, especially on my hands. I remember having a professor in college talk once about how her skin turned into "crepe paper" as she aged and now I think the same thing when I look at my hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 yup. i think we do need to talk about it. i watched close family grow old. they didn't talk about anything until they were in their seventies. it turns out that is just because they didn't talk about it, not because they weren't experiencing it. this is what 52 looks like.... sigh.... i just lost a ton of weight to try to help things, and it pretty much didn't.... which seems slightly unfair, don't you think?! :auto::auto::auto::auto: see, here we all are driving to meet for tea ;) ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessAriel Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 It is just a weird time right now. I still feel, in my mind at least, that I'm not a "grown up". I still think I'm younger than I physically am. But, my body feels "older" with the aches and pains and fatigue from almost 10 years of PH (as another poster described it. And the reality that some dreams and desires can just never happen now at almost 50 is quite surprising to me. HRt has helped, but it is 3 prescriptions to keep up with on a daily (twice a day for one) basis and brain fog doesn't make that overly easy some days :glare: If I can't find the IRL ladies to chat with locally, it makes me appreciate this group all the more! Books have helped some (I'm talking about printed reading material ;)) and if anyone has any titles to recommend, I'd appreciate it. I've got quite a few titles on the physical aspects. I guess now, I'd like to find some about the emotional side of growing older. THe changing priorities and perspectives makes looking at life a little different Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I've only found my mom willing to talk about the changes. She loves her life without aunt Flo. I'm muddling through the changes, aches, wrinkles, different dietary needs and grey hairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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