Girls with Asperger's?

[funnygirl]

Does anyone here have a daughter who has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome? I have been doing some reading lately and am convinced that underneath all of my dd's other issues (Bipolar, ADHD, GAD) she is probably Asperger's. I don't know that there's any good reason to get the label, except that it might help her identify with others like her (we know NONE) and it might help our family understand her better (Autism Spectrum Disorders seem more culturally acceptable than mental illness).

 

Thoughts??

[frugalmama]

We're in the process of getting my DD officially diagnosed with ASD, but she has a presumptive diagnosis of Mild ASD.

[Ibbygirl]

My dd 14 is diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and OCD. I don't have any thoughts really on your situation though without knowing you personally. I can tell you about my dd though if you want to know. :)

[Crimson Wife]

There is a Yahoo group dedicated to females with ASD called Autism_in_Girls_and_Women. That might be a good place to ask your questions about Asperger's.

 

My youngest DD has been diagnosed with high-functioning autism but the developmental pediatrician thinks that once she outgrows her speech delay, she will be very similar to an Aspie. I have read Tony Attwood's book on Asperger's to get a sense of some of the challenges she will likely face as she gets older. I would highly recommend you read it as it is excellent.

[funnygirl]

I have read Tony Attwood's book on Asperger's to get a sense of some of the challenges she will likely face as she gets older. I would highly recommend you read it as it is excellent.

 

That's one of the ones I read, along with http://www.amazon.com/Aspergirls-Empowering-Females-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849058261/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327259974&sr=1-1 and http://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Girls-Tony-Attwood/dp/193256540X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327260030&sr=1-1

 

Here are the things that are sticking out to me:

 

She gets stuck on a topic/activity and stays there until she has exhausted it. This has included book series (she read the entire Nancy Drew series three times), legos, tinker toys, and most recently, ALEKS math LOL. She is literally obsessed and is VERY resistant to stopping, regardless of warnings, timers, etc.

 

She will spend HOURS getting everything organized to play, and then never actually play.

 

She is 13 and still playing with AG dolls, tinkertoys, stuffed animals, Barbieworld.com, etc.

 

She has literally ONE friend.

 

She tends to be blunt (your breath smells like coffee; I don't like your haircut) to people other than our family. She also tends to be too familiar with people; hitting them on the bum, etc.

 

She has LOTS of sensory issues, the worst of which is that she HATES to bathe. (Loves to swim, though. Explain that please!) Always hot, doesn't like to be touched, clothes issues, etc.

 

She is very androgynous, which is something I had certainly noticed but never read about as being common with Asperger's girls. (from the book Aspergirls)

 

There's more, but I don't want to bore y'all. Certainly there are descriptions that she doesn't fit: She does not seem to have a "savant" skill or special talent, she is bright but didn't show herself to be brilliant as a young child, she does not self-stim except to pick her nails, she has never experienced mutism, in fact, she is an excellent communicator.

[Ibbygirl]

She sounds like an Aspie. My dd is very similar and similarly gets fixated on things and just will. not. stop. ever. until the obsession moves on to something else.

[funnygirl]

My dd is very similar and similarly gets fixated on things and just will. not. stop. ever. until the obsession moves on to something else.

 

What do you do when this happens during the school day?? Last week she literally did not want to do ANYTHING but math. I managed to get in one SOTW read-aloud session and one grammar lesson. The whole week. But she did master 22 new math topics!! :-)

 

I don't know how to balance her *need* for structure with her natural inclination toward staying with one thing for long periods of time. :confused:

[Ibbygirl]

What do you do when this happens during the school day?? Last week she literally did not want to do ANYTHING but math. I managed to get in one SOTW read-aloud session and one grammar lesson. The whole week. But she did master 22 new math topics!! :-)

 

I don't know how to balance her *need* for structure with her natural inclination toward staying with one thing for long periods of time. :confused:

 

I just tell my dd that she has to do her work first and then she can have a break and do what she wants on her break. The breaks are short (usually 20-30 minutes) and pretty frequent (usually after maybe an hour of continuous schooling on another subject). That works for me. She just has to be able to know it's coming up and that usually can placate her enough to work on her other subjects. HTH. :)

[rafiki]

.

[PeterPan]

What do you do when this happens during the school day?? Last week she literally did not want to do ANYTHING but math. I managed to get in one SOTW read-aloud session and one grammar lesson. The whole week. But she did master 22 new math topics!! :-)

 

I don't know how to balance her *need* for structure with her natural inclination toward staying with one thing for long periods of time. :confused:

 

Since KarenAnne READS on the boards but WON'T POST ( :) ), I'll tell you what she would say...

 

She'd say (only more eloquently than I) that you use a two-pronged approach. 1) you go with them. Run with their interests, chill out, and let it all pan out in the wash. 2) you work on and model flexibility.

 

You want to read "Bright Not Broken" because the line really is fine on these things. Someone also mentioned the book "Unstuck and On Target" which I haven't gotten yet but which looks like it would be helpful to you.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

a friend on facebook has a daughter about the same age as my ds that has it....

[Murmer]

 

She is very androgynous, which is something I had certainly noticed but never read about as being common with Asperger's girls. (from the book Aspergirls)

 

 

 

My HFA dd is also very androgynous...actually leaning to wanting to be a boy...she wears boy clothes, plays with boys at school ect. I talked to another mom of a teenage HFA dd who also said her daughter dressed like a boy too.

 

For my dd I think it is easier to be a boy because she can behave like she does (rough and tumble play, very active) and boys are ok with that...girls want more pretend and interaction which is very very difficult for dd. Its sad my 4 year old already knows she is different :(

[Dino]

Curious to hear more of the differences between girls and boys with ASD.

 

I recently took my son for a formal evaluation and during the entire visit while answering questions and filling out forms, I thought to myself, wow, my daughter does all these things more often then my son. But for some reason my daughter seems more average and struggling less then he does. Would she be identified as different if we didn't homeschool or would she fly under the radar?

 

Curious to hear more of this thread about girls and ASD. Very Interesting. :bigear:

[funnygirl]

Flying under the radar seems to be the hallmark of girls with AS. I highly recommend the book "Aspergirls" (link above) for explaining the differences.

[Critterfixer]

I've not been formally diagnosed as Asperger's, but the first I heard of the term at all was when I had to seek professional help for severe depression some years ago. I was on multiple medications, including Depakote for manic-depression, in spite of never having had any place I could point to in my life of a manic episode. (Or even an episode of actual happiness--I had years and years of journals to prove it. And brought them in for analysis on my own initiative.) When I spoke to my psychologist about it she actually told me to go get Atwood's book and read it, because she actually went through those journals and saw the tendencies.

 

You can PM me if you like. I won't go into personal details here, but your daughter sounds very, very like myself at that age.

Even to the not liking to bathe, while loving the water.:tongue_smilie:

[Twilight Woods]

the bathing issue could be several things-due to sensory. Mine does not like the feel of soap or how her skin feels after a shower.

[Dino]

Flying under the radar seems to be the hallmark of girls with AS. I highly recommend the book "Aspergirls" (link above) for explaining the differences.

 

Thank you. I will. :)

[Upward Journey]

She has LOTS of sensory issues, the worst of which is that she HATES to bathe. (Loves to swim, though. Explain that please!) Always hot, doesn't like to be touched, clothes issues, etc.

 

I'm not an Aspie as far as I know, but I am quirky ;) and I do have sensory issues. This is a hard one to explain to people, but I'm this way as well. I hate bathing/showering, but not while I'm actually in the bath or shower. It's the feel of my skin being damp mostly, and the cold air hitting me afterwards. I hate it enough, that if I had a choice I'd avoid it. But I care about those around me so I do it anyway ;) You won't find me swimming on a cold day even though I love to swim because I absolutely dread getting out. And now that I live in a hot/damp place instead of a hot/dry place I don't even enjoy swimming that much. I just always feel like I can't.get.dry. afterwards. I hate that feeling. I also don't like to be splashed because I don't like getting my face wet. I'm pretty anal about keeping my face dry unless I'm actively swimming/showering. I don't know why. I really don't mind being submerged or swimming laps. {shrug} Maybe that's because of the water pressure? idk. Reading through this, it so does not make sense, but there you have it.

[Critterfixer]

It's the feel of my skin being damp mostly, and the cold air hitting me afterwards.

And now that I live in a hot/damp place instead of a hot/dry place I don't even enjoy swimming that much. I just always feel like I can't.get.dry.

I'm pretty anal about keeping my face dry unless I'm actively swimming/showering. I don't know why. I really don't mind being submerged or swimming laps. {shrug} Maybe that's because of the water pressure? idk.

 

That's mostly my problem with the whole bath/shower thing as well. I can stand a shower, as long as the pressure is set at car-wash mode. The little light, tickling setting chases me out in double time. I don't tend to mind the cold as much, though.

I don't do baths unless I've got a real medical reason for one. Then I can talk myself into it.

 

I hate anything on my face. I don't like water in my face (even in the shower and in the pool). I don't want make-up on my face and won't wear it unless I really must (and that's not often in my book.) I can't even stand the feel of my own hair on my face, and barely tolerate it on my neck, so I wear it long so that I can pull it back and pull it up. Short styles are a no-go because they touch my face as they grow out, and I personally don't look very nice with a burr. (Ask me how I know!:D)

[funnygirl]

I'm sorry to shout, but THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

 

You have both just explained exactly what she goes through in words that make sense to me.

 

Blessings on your heads, chocolate on your plates, and wine in your glasses!! (Did that make any sense?? I'm just so thrilled to get answers! Three weeks on this board have truly been life-changing at our house!)

 

Okay, clearly I need to go calm down. The excitement is just TOO MUCH!! :tongue_smilie:

[Critterfixer]

chocolate on your plates

Chocolate always makes sense! (Unless it's chocolate cake, chocolate ice-cream or chocolate pudding ... just plain nasty.:001_smile:)

[Upward Journey]

That's mostly my problem with the whole bath/shower thing as well. I can stand a shower, as long as the pressure is set at car-wash mode. The little light, tickling setting chases me out in double time. I don't tend to mind the cold as much, though.

I don't do baths unless I've got a real medical reason for one. Then I can talk myself into it.

 

I hate anything on my face. I don't like water in my face (even in the shower and in the pool). I don't want make-up on my face and won't wear it unless I really must (and that's not often in my book.) I can't even stand the feel of my own hair on my face, and barely tolerate it on my neck, so I wear it long so that I can pull it back and pull it up. Short styles are a no-go because they touch my face as they grow out, and I personally don't look very nice with a burr. (Ask me how I know!:D)

 

Were we seperated at birth? :)

[Upward Journey]

I'm sorry to shout, but THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

 

You have both just explained exactly what she goes through in words that make sense to me.

 

Blessings on your heads, chocolate on your plates, and wine in your glasses!! (Did that make any sense?? I'm just so thrilled to get answers! Three weeks on this board have truly been life-changing at our house!)

 

Okay, clearly I need to go calm down. The excitement is just TOO MUCH!! :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm so glad :) I'm never sure if jumping and sharing about some of my own "issues" is helpful. Thank-you :)

[Critterfixer]

Were we seperated at birth? :)

 

I've been told they took the mold outside and incinerated it. But I'll be honest that I was actually liberated to find out that many of my little (and big) quirks might have their roots in something other than the pig-headed stubbornness that my family had diagnosed me with. (I am still quite stubborn--that is not in dispute. The fact that I literally threw up milk in the sink because it would not go down was not. As was the dislike I had of itchy Oxford shirts, the seams in socks and sweater hats. I was not just trying to be difficult.)

 

And that sensitivity makes perfect sense from an anatomical perspective, BTW. Itching is nothing more than an imperfectly tickled pain receptor. Which explains a couple of other things that frustrated my mother to no end.

[Upward Journey]

I've been told they took the mold outside and incinerated it. But I'll be honest that I was actually liberated to find out that many of my little (and big) quirks might have their roots in something other than the pig-headed stubbornness that my family had diagnosed me with. (I am still quite stubborn--that is not in dispute. The fact that I literally threw up milk in the sink because it would not go down was not. As was the dislike I had of itchy Oxford shirts, the seams in socks and sweater hats. I was not just trying to be difficult.)

 

And that sensitivity makes perfect sense from an anatomical perspective, BTW. Itching is nothing more than an imperfectly tickled pain receptor. Which explains a couple of other things that frustrated my mother to no end.

 

Yes. Me too. Took 40 years to find out, but so glad that I did. To this day my mother swears that I was just being stubborn about those seams. :lol:

[Critterfixer]

I don't think my mother will ever believe that I may have had some spectrum issues, not even now that her grandson has an hFA diagnosis and some very Aspie obsessions with fans, pipes, windmills and leopards. Even my neurotypical son has some sensory things that make me wonder combined with a real resistance to leaving his home to go anywhere unless he has an idea of how long we will be gone, for what purpose and whether we will get back in time to be with his animals.

But, in a way, dealing with and fighting through some of those issues as a child gave me a window to helping my boys with them. The Engineer has some texture issues with food that I've been able to help him get around a little bit. Mushy, chewy food he just hates, and I've showed him some of the tricks I learned to get around them a bit. (Put boiled spinach between two tortilla chips and the crunch is a helpful distraction. In today's food lesson it was a lunch meat slice eaten in concert with some highly flavored, very crunchy potato chips.)

For my other son I am perfectly happy to have him turn the socks inside out, and if the seam is a problem with the shoe I understand that and we get rid of the socks and find ones with less prominent seams.

My sons have had to cry a lot less because of what I went through as a child. Mom gets it.

[Dino]

hearing all these 'issues' are helpful. my children, myself, my husband we all have our own 'ways we like things' and who knows maybe we all are a touch more then 'quirky'? :confused:

 

I am a very laided back mama, so my kids can wear the clothes they like. I'm not a big bath pusher, I bathe the kids every few days (or let them take a shower if they would prefer) I TRY to expose the kids to different foods, but as long as the ones they are choosing are healthy & fairly balanced, I'm ok with what they choose to eat. I just don't see a point to some of the obessive parental 'requirements' so maybe my kids would be MORE quirky if they lived in a home with a MORE insistant mother?

 

I work on social skills with them as part of the work we do (aside from math, reading, etc) We practice whole body listening Larry, Superflex villians (curriculum you can buy on amazon) etc. And I can see there are things they don't get. but because I don't find them all that 'off' (I can see their justifications) I'm not forcing it upon them.

 

Then I wonder, if I'm off, then I'm not doing them a service by not making them, or am I doing them a service by allowing them to be who they are most of the time? :001_huh::confused: :001_huh:

 

Long story short, it's nice to hear your stories so I can be aware of them in our own lives and know that maybe my daughter HATES wearing pants of any kind because she doesn't like things on her legs? Maybe my son refuses underwear because he doesn't like the feel? I know there are plenty of texture appearance things with food that twist up my son's mind and freaks him out. I know he suffers from 'bad thoughts' (possible OCD) I know there are quirks. Just not sure if they cross the line into ASP. Thanks for sharing your stories.

 

I just started Aspergirl (the book) last night, so far I totally like it. Thanks for the suggestion! However, it brings up my other quirk, it's BRAND NEW and the library has their hard covering plastic stuff on the cover, which makes opening the pages harder then a nice soft book that has been worn in. I prefer (enjoy more) a book that has easily bendable pages with a soft touch to them. :D Quirky? Probably.

[funnygirl]

I just started Aspergirl (the book) last night, so far I totally like it. Thanks for the suggestion! However, it brings up my other quirk, it's BRAND NEW and the library has their hard covering plastic stuff on the cover, which makes opening the pages harder then a nice soft book that has been worn in. I prefer (enjoy more) a book that has easily bendable pages with a soft touch to them. Quirky? Probably.

 

Glad you're enjoying it. And for the record, my DD won't use composition books because they won't lay flat. Drives her NUTS.

 

UPDATE: I emailed DD's therapist (PhD psychologist) with my thoughts on AS. She 100% agreed that DD likely has AS. You can't imagine the weight this has taken off my shoulders. For YEARS I have tried to figure out how her developmental issues stem from her mental illness and I haven't been able to make sense of it. I finally feel like there's a reason for her delays, and that there's hope in dealing with them. (In my experience, people know how to handle AS; they DON'T know how to handle mental illness.)

 

I realize this isn't a "cure" and I may be the first person in history to feel GOOD about an AS diagnosis, but I feel hopeful, and that's something I haven't felt in a long while.

 

THANKS TO EVERYONE for sharing your stories!! You girls ROCK!!

[Lovedtodeath]

Glad you're enjoying it. And for the record, my DD won't use composition books because they won't lay flat. Drives her NUTS.

 

UPDATE: I emailed DD's therapist (PhD psychologist) with my thoughts on AS. She 100% agreed that DD likely has AS. You can't imagine the weight this has taken off my shoulders. For YEARS I have tried to figure out how her developmental issues stem from her mental illness and I haven't been able to make sense of it. I finally feel like there's a reason for her delays, and that there's hope in dealing with them. (In my experience, people know how to handle AS; they DON'T know how to handle mental illness.)

 

I realize this isn't a "cure" and I may be the first person in history to feel GOOD about an AS diagnosis, but I feel hopeful, and that's something I haven't felt in a long while.

 

THANKS TO EVERYONE for sharing your stories!! You girls ROCK!!

:grouphug: My friend gave me a workbook. Aspergers What does it Mean to Me? by Catherine Faherty. I am hoping it helps.

 

DH is very against using dx as an excuse for anything, and because DD tends to be a hypochondriac even more so. And how does anything help with sensory issues that make her scream for hours from sore feet at the end of the day? Or just simply feel pain so much more when barely being hurt? Or refusing to wear anything but leggings? sigh. We'll see I guess.

[Upward Journey]

I don't think my mother will ever believe that I may have had some spectrum issues, not even now that her grandson has an hFA diagnosis and some very Aspie obsessions with fans, pipes, windmills and leopards. Even my neurotypical son has some sensory things that make me wonder combined with a real resistance to leaving his home to go anywhere unless he has an idea of how long we will be gone, for what purpose and whether we will get back in time to be with his animals.

But, in a way, dealing with and fighting through some of those issues as a child gave me a window to helping my boys with them. The Engineer has some texture issues with food that I've been able to help him get around a little bit. Mushy, chewy food he just hates, and I've showed him some of the tricks I learned to get around them a bit. (Put boiled spinach between two tortilla chips and the crunch is a helpful distraction. In today's food lesson it was a lunch meat slice eaten in concert with some highly flavored, very crunchy potato chips.)

For my other son I am perfectly happy to have him turn the socks inside out, and if the seam is a problem with the shoe I understand that and we get rid of the socks and find ones with less prominent seams.

My sons have had to cry a lot less because of what I went through as a child. Mom gets it.

 

Yes. I'm much more tolerant of these things in my children & in my nephews, understanding that they're not just trying to be difficult. It has been an eye opener to see the same traits show up in some of my children as well as my siblings' kids, even though they didn't give my parents the fits that I did ;)

[Lovedtodeath]

I don't think my mother will ever believe that I may have had some spectrum issues, not even now that her grandson has an hFA diagnosis and some very Aspie obsessions with fans, pipes, windmills and leopards. Even my neurotypical son has some sensory things that make me wonder combined with a real resistance to leaving his home to go anywhere unless he has an idea of how long we will be gone, for what purpose and whether we will get back in time to be with his animals.

But, in a way, dealing with and fighting through some of those issues as a child gave me a window to helping my boys with them. The Engineer has some texture issues with food that I've been able to help him get around a little bit. Mushy, chewy food he just hates, and I've showed him some of the tricks I learned to get around them a bit. (Put boiled spinach between two tortilla chips and the crunch is a helpful distraction. In today's food lesson it was a lunch meat slice eaten in concert with some highly flavored, very crunchy potato chips.)

For my other son I am perfectly happy to have him turn the socks inside out, and if the seam is a problem with the shoe I understand that and we get rid of the socks and find ones with less prominent seams.

My sons have had to cry a lot less because of what I went through as a child. Mom gets it.

See, I feel this way, but then I have nagging doubts that my sensitivity and understanding has made it worse and she hasn't learned to control anything. I cry silently, she screams. I went to bed and laid awake alone for hours, she keeps the rest of us awake. I played by myself, she insists on always being in the same room with me. She very literally sounds like Veruca Salt sometimes. I am trying to think of an example, but can't. Sigh.

 

I have a friend with an aspie and her aspie goes to school... she doesn't make her mom crazy 24/7.

[butterflymommy]

My daughter has a pdd-nos diagnosis, but my understanding is that this diagnosis is being removed from the dsm. :confused: It's very common for women/ girls with mild autism to be diagnosed with a bunch of different mental illnesses since there is still an assumption by clinicians that only/ mostly boys are autistic. Also girls are (arguably) better at "faking it" / mimicking social behavior to fit in, so they might give the appearance of being less impaired when in fact they are just better at parroting behavior.

[Dino]

Glad you're enjoying it. And for the record, my DD won't use composition books because they won't lay flat. Drives her NUTS.

 

UPDATE: I emailed DD's therapist (PhD psychologist) with my thoughts on AS. She 100% agreed that DD likely has AS. You can't imagine the weight this has taken off my shoulders. For YEARS I have tried to figure out how her developmental issues stem from her mental illness and I haven't been able to make sense of it. I finally feel like there's a reason for her delays, and that there's hope in dealing with them. (In my experience, people know how to handle AS; they DON'T know how to handle mental illness.)

 

I realize this isn't a "cure" and I may be the first person in history to feel GOOD about an AS diagnosis, but I feel hopeful, and that's something I haven't felt in a long while.

 

THANKS TO EVERYONE for sharing your stories!! You girls ROCK!!

 

I would feel good about it too, because when I was told they saw SOME, but not enough in my son a few years ago, I cried with joy. I felt a hugh relief that I wasn't crazy, that I did see quirks there and I wasn't the only one that saw them. Recently he's had a FULL evaluation and I don't know the results, but in talking they said they saw some things. His speech therapist said she sees some differences. So those things make me feel like my fight is for a purpose. And gives me the strength to keep fighting for him to get what he needs. (Now I am observing my daughter too and noticing a few things that are different, but she seems to be more 'average' then him. So she would fly under the radar, I'm sure. Life is a journey and it's always better when others can relate. :)

 

See, I feel this way, but then I have nagging doubts that my sensitivity and understanding has made it worse and she hasn't learned to control anything. I cry silently, she screams. I went to bed and laid awake alone for hours, she keeps the rest of us awake. I played by myself, she insists on always being in the same room with me. She very literally sounds like Veruca Salt sometimes. I am trying to think of an example, but can't. Sigh.

 

I have a friend with an aspie and her aspie goes to school... she doesn't make her mom crazy 24/7.

 

My son has been pulled out because he drove his teacher nuts (and her him) but he seems amazing and sweet to me. So giving and kind. So smart and curious. It's a parent/child match up. Yes he drives me insane at times, but all kids drive their parents insane at some point in time here and there. We all have different 'quirks' (regardless of Dx) and sometimes those quirks match up and other times they don't match up with a good parent/child fit. My daughter is just like me when I was a kid and just like my husband as an adult. My son is just like him when he was a kid and just like me as an adult. It's an odd thing, but I wouldn't be suprised if we all brushed a little on the spectrum somewhere. ;)

[Gingerbread Mama]

She will spend HOURS getting everything organized to play, and then never actually play.

 

My BFF and I did that as kids. We spent, honestly, all day setting up our Barbie houses and then would WAIL when it was time for the other to go home because we hadn't actually played yet. For us, the "setting up" was as much fun as the playing... I wouldn't worry much over that one, just seems detail oriented to me.

 

She is 13 and still playing with AG dolls, tinkertoys, stuffed animals, Barbieworld.com, etc.

 

Again, I think this is fine. I'm encouraging my 12 year old DS to enjoy toys. You are a kid for such a very short time. I know many of his "mainstream, public school" peers wouldn't touch a toy with a ten foot pole. I think that's a little sad. They are all into texting, dating, Facebooking......exactly where do you go from there? And they are only 12! I explained to him that many times "play" changes. He uses his toys to make stop motions and such..... just because he is using a toy doesn't make him a baby. I pointed out that one of his virtual friends from XBOX makes stopmotions with toys and he is 15. He posts them on youtube so he isn't embarassed. I'd much rather have my 12 year old playing with toys than be worrying about him "going too far" with some little girl that I've dropped him off to hang out with in the name of learning to date (and yes, it goes on around here. People here start pushing kids to drop toys and become mini-high schoolers about age 6. Sad.)

 

She has literally ONE friend.

 

Once again, wouldn't worry. I had ONE friend growing up. It wasn't always the same person. In elementary it was one girl, and then as we grew up our lives took different paths and I became tight with another girl. IMO, I'd rather have ONE friend who accepts me for me and who I feel completely comfortable with than a long list of people I can chat with but none who want to hear me cry about a relationship problem or whatever.

I hope that didn't sound harsh, I didn't mean it to. It's just that not everyone is going to be thrilled with a big social scene, and some people like the organizing better than the utilizing....I just think that is a "different strokes kind of thing."

 

 

 

...I wouldn't be suprised if we all brushed a little on the spectrum somewhere. ;)

 

I think this is very true.

[funnygirl]

I hear what you're saying. In dd's case, these are just minor examples of MAJOR issues that have been going on for years. It's more than "quirks"; she becomes an absolute wreck when things don't work according to her mind's plan.

 

As far as her "friend", she is NT and wants to actually play. It drives her NUTS that dd can't stop "setting up" and start playing. I also wouldn't say that she is a "good" friend. She's just the ONLY person who is willing to come and deal with dd. (And that's mostly because her mom and I are friends, and sometimes she decides that playing with dd is better than nothing.)

 

Anyway, I feel good about finding a reason for these things. As I've said above, having a dx of AS would be WELCOME.

 

Peace and hugs!!

[Lovedtodeath]

I am looking for a reason for these quirks because these quirks are affecting our quality of life... really causing the whole family to be paralyzed... when something affects one's quality of life to such a degree it is more than the quirks that could put any average person on the spectrum. If we weren't to the point of despair, to the point of seeking medication, etc. and a friend didn't let me borrow her books for a reason, then I might not be talking about a possibility of Aspergers.

 

When things affect your quality of life in a very damaging way then it is time to stop saying, "maybe it is normal".

[funnygirl]

I am looking for a reason for these quirks because these quirks are affecting our quality of life... really causing the whole family to be paralyzed... when something affects one's quality of life to such a degree it is more than the quirks that could put any average person on the spectrum. If we weren't to the point of despair, to the point of seeking medication, etc. and a friend didn't let me borrow her books for a reason, then I might not be talking about a possibility of Aspergers.

 

When things affect your quality of life in a very damaging way then it is time to stop saying, "maybe it is normal".

 

:iagree:

 

EXACTLY.

[Lovedtodeath]

It's an odd thing, but I wouldn't be suprised if we all brushed a little on the spectrum somewhere. ;)

YES! I was reading about Aspergers because my friend loaned me the books (can't imagine what made her do that. lol), and I seem to fit the profile more than my daughter. In the book it even says that many kids don't get diagnosed because people will say, "oh I was like that as a kid, or Uncle Jim was that way, etc." Well, that is because it tends to run in families.

[Dino]

YES! I was reading about Aspergers because my friend loaned me the books (can't imagine what made her do that. lol), and I seem to fit the profile more than my daughter. In the book it even says that many kids don't get diagnosed because people will say, "oh I was like that as a kid, or Uncle Jim was that way, etc." Well, that is because it tends to run in families.

 

I'm reading aspergirl (thanks to this forum) and I sit there finding myself thinking back to my childhood and how this book is TOTALLY me! Then in there somewhere, someone said they did well in a Catholic school because of the structure. I went to Catholic school, maybe that is another reason I flew under the radar? I recall the first year I had in public school the teacher said I was full of 'zest' , whatever that was, I took it as a good thing, but looking back, I wonder what positive spin on a negative thing was being conveyed? I also was put in gifted classes, yet in delayed classes for other subjects. NO ONE seemed to ever think anything was "off" enough to tell me about it. My parents to this day say I was totally normal. They always said things about how perfect I was, how I could do no wrong, etc as a child. (to the fault of crushing my sister's self esteem, because she was different, but who knows maybe more normal?) My parents clearly had those parental blinders on that tell them their child is perfect. As I read Aspergirl, I totally fit that book, minus one major part. The social part. I thought I was social. I never realized I didn't fit in. It wasn't until I had children and had a hard time relating to other parents that my social life dwindled to nearly nothing. I enjoy the lifestyle of a hermit, but I was oblivious as a teen to being a little 'out' of the box. My parents always made sure I had the popular clothes, toys, things, etc. Our house was the FUN house that all the teens wanted to hang out at. (or at least I thought?) When I look back, I had best friend 'periods' I didn't have the same best friend all thru high school. I am still friends with a few childhood friends, but looking back, they are quirky too! ha ha.

 

Aspergirl has opened my eyes to ME being off as well as my hubby. (he's an engineer, enough said, right?) We're quirky.

 

PS I have lots of friends/family that I'd like to give Aspergirl to, but how does one give a book like that without implying that said person is spectrumish!?!?! LOL :001_huh:

[Lovedtodeath]

Yep

 

I did get punished for crying while in a crowd or for screaming when my brother would be too much for me to handle. But for the most part I was the perfect child because I was quiet and no trouble. Duh. I withdrew into myself. And I never needed punishment because my parents could look at me wrong and that was punishment enough. Oh! That is in the book too!

[mommymilkies]

I read Pretending to Be Normal last night and it really knocked me back. She describes me almost perfectly. I mentioned it to my dh and of course he felt threatened by it and insisted that I'm normal (but crazy) because his experience in school was great. :confused: I have no idea, but I shut down the conversation. :lurk5:

[Dino]

Yep

 

I did get punished for crying while in a crowd or for screaming when my brother would be too much for me to handle. But for the most part I was the perfect child because I was quiet and no trouble. Duh. I withdrew into myself. And I never needed punishment because my parents could look at me wrong and that was punishment enough. Oh! That is in the book too!

 

I worry SO MUCH about my oldest, because he is VERY MUCH like my older sister and the dynamics between him and his little sis are similar to my older sis and myself. My mother would look wrong at us, my sister would crumble and I would laugh. If I half way look wrong at my children, the oldest will melt and the youngest will protest. I try VERY HARD to not look cross at my children because of it. Which isn't easy when PMS comes along. :001_huh: I try very hard to have special time with my children one on one, but it seems one wrong look and poof my oldest is under the covers crying. Hard to be a hard shelled mama to a soft shelled child. BUT I KNOW it's the case, so I try VERY HARD to soften up as much as possible!

 

After reading the book 'Be Different' I sat at the table with my children and just smiled a big giant smile at each one to see their reaction. My oldest, was totally unphased, didn't really react, my youngest started to laugh and smile back at me. So I have a feeling that facial expressions get pulled and pushed out of context, proportion, etc with my oldest. I can't control the interpretation of my expressions, which makes it that much harder!

 

I read Pretending to Be Normal last night and it really knocked me back. She describes me almost perfectly. I mentioned it to my dh and of course he felt threatened by it and insisted that I'm normal (but crazy) because his experience in school was great. :confused: I have no idea, but I shut down the conversation. :lurk5:

 

I recall having a great time in school. I don't recall problems at all. HOWEVER, looking back on it and raising my children, I wonder how much of it did I ignore, push to the back hidden corners of my memories, block out completely? Because my oldest has confused memories. Everyone was his friend. He always had a good time. IN HIS MEMORY. HOWEVER, he was crying all the time, upset all the time, getting sick from it all the time, telling me he was being bullied, etc. I have watched him in a group of kids, if they don't want to play his game, he's in tears, angry, frustrated, melting down, etc. It's horrible, but that's life, not everyone wants everything to go your way all the time. SOMETIMES you have to do what THEY want. Anyhow, we would come home from a birthday party or something where this type of situation would happen. He cried, saying he was bullied, the kids were mean, etc. Then a couple days later he had the best time at that birthday party, it was so fun, he wishes we could do that every day! I never know what memories will stick with him. He can twist memories into good ones or horrible ones, but rarely does the actual event reflect what his memories of it were. (if that makes sense?)

 

So I recall school being fun and loving it. Yet when I read Aspergirl, I totally see myself. I have a hard time relating to people that hated school. I was crushed when I saw how horrible school was for my son. How could something so fun be so bad? I'm JUST NOW thru my children beginning to realize how two people can have the same experience and it be bad for one and great for another. I am learning a lot from my children on how to relate to other people's differences.

 

I'm sorry that your hubby shut you down when you were ready to express yourself and you had a light bulb of self brighten up. I hope that you are able to share your hurt feelings with him, so he can see how it affected you. (effected? I'm not a grammer wiz) :( I think telling him that you wanted to share with him and he shut you down and hurt your feelings might give him a second chance to do it right. :grouphug: He may be similar to me and not realize how others could have a different experience or feelings towards a similar event. He maybe Aspergers, ha ha! :tongue_smilie:

[Misty]

I have 3 Aspie girls.. All diagnosed.. And I would qualify for that diagnosis myself too if I bothered to go in and go through with all that.. :tongue_smilie: Now that I'm older, it doesn't weigh on me as much as long as I don't do too much socializing or try to hold a job or any of that other stuff normal people do.. :lol:

[Dino]

Misty - I'm curious because they say BOYS are more likely (which may or may not be the case?) but because you have three daughters that are aspie, and one son, do you see any of those aspie tendancies in your son? and if so, how do they differ from your girls in YOUR experience?

[Misty]

Misty - I'm curious because they say BOYS are more likely (which may or may not be the case?) but because you have three daughters that are aspie, and one son, do you see any of those aspie tendancies in your son? and if so, how do they differ from your girls in YOUR experience?

 

My son is still young so the verdict is definitely still out.. He is quirky for sure.. He's not especially social with other boys and he can get obsessive with video games at times.. But that's the only traits we see. No sensory issues or behavior problems or attention issues... No other Aspie traits like my girls have. We started biomedical interventions at a very young age with him. He definitely is not diagnosable on the spectrum today.. But 3 years ago, our psychologist diagnosed him on the spectrum. Today, he does not meet any of the criteria for any autism spectrum disorder. So we are really just waiting to see if those symptoms come out again later or if we really did "stop autism in its tracks" with those biomedical interventions (diet change, etc.).. He did stop lining things up and doing repetitive motor movements the very week we changed his diet. So it's interesting, for sure. It will be interesting to see how he turns out. But for now, he is a typical boy.. Just a tad quirky.

[Dino]

My son is still young so the verdict is definitely still out.. He is quirky for sure.. He's not especially social with other boys and he can get obsessive with video games at times.. But that's the only traits we see. No sensory issues or behavior problems or attention issues... No other Aspie traits like my girls have. We started biomedical interventions at a very young age with him. He definitely is not diagnosable on the spectrum today.. But 3 years ago, our psychologist diagnosed him on the spectrum. Today, he does not meet any of the criteria for any autism spectrum disorder. So we are really just waiting to see if those symptoms come out again later or if we really did "stop autism in its tracks" with those biomedical interventions (diet change, etc.).. He did stop lining things up and doing repetitive motor movements the very week we changed his diet. So it's interesting, for sure. It will be interesting to see how he turns out. But for now, he is a typical boy.. Just a tad quirky.

 

WOW, that's interesting! Have you made those same diet changes in your daughters? If so, with positive results?

 

Sorry for getting off topic a bit. This thread is so interesting to me.

 

My son has always been from day one "quirky" and I'm pretty sure he fits the Aspie code. But not sure if he's Aspie 'enough' we seem to have good times and not so fun times. He's odd enough to not be normal and normal enough to not be odd. If that makes sense? It's actually not a great place to be. Can't get help and can't fit in either. :( Anyhow, my daughter started showing some quirky behaviors around 4, maybe 3 but I was too focused on our son at that time to notice. :( She was a text book baby. Now that we are out of that crazy baby/toddler phase I am able to try and see both of them in their own light and it's hard to tell if our daughter is learning her quirky from our son or if she is quirky on her own?

Edited February 14, 2012 by Dino

[Misty]

WOW, that's interesting! Have you made those same diet changes in your daughters? If so, with positive results?

 

Yes, my girls all improved significantly as well, but they still are on the spectrum. Mostly their co-morbids (OCD, ADHD, Tourette's) have become almost non-existent. My 8yr old had severe, debilitating OCD before. She has none now as far as we can tell.. She no longer requires meds at all. She had a lot of severe issues before. Biomedical interventions is the best thing we ever did for our kids.

 

He's odd enough to not be normal and normal enough to not be odd. If that makes sense? It's actually not a great place to be. Can't get help and can't fit in either.

 

I think they call this "Shadow Syndrome Kids" if you really want to give a name to it.:)

[mommymilkies]

Yes, my girls all improved significantly as well, but they still are on the spectrum. Mostly their co-morbids (OCD, ADHD, Tourette's) have become almost non-existent. My 8yr old had severe, debilitating OCD before. She has none now as far as we can tell.. She no longer requires meds at all. She had a lot of severe issues before. Biomedical interventions is the best thing we ever did for our kids.

What do you mean by biomedical intervention?

[Dino]

thanks for the Shadow Syndrome Kids label. I'll read up on that.

 

I'd love to know in more detail the bio info too! :)

[DandelionMom]

I read Pretending to Be Normal last night and it really knocked me back. She describes me almost perfectly. I mentioned it to my dh and of course he felt threatened by it and insisted that I'm normal (but crazy) because his experience in school was great. :confused: I have no idea, but I shut down the conversation. :lurk5:

 

I am going to have to check this one out!