ciyates Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 We have a few people/couples that are in our church, Bible study, homeschool co-op or other activities, that we occasionally have over for dinner/go shopping/fill in the blank that we enjoy their company but really don't like who they are at a deeper level. A friend and I were discussing an upcoming event and she mentioned one of the couples. She talked about how they don't socialize with them because the wife is mean to the husband and has control issues. I agreed but pointed out they are a fun, creative couple and in the right setting those characteristics don't come out. She seemed to think it was strange that we enjoyed doing things with this couple (they like to hike like we do) but that we didn't truly like them as people and would not consider them real friends. Is that abnormal? I always thought it was normal to have a close circle and then a more extended circle that is purely for social reasons. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I think everyone has flaws. But, to answer your question? Yes. I think it is pretty normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I don't know. I do have "horse" friends that I socialize with on one level with horses, maybe meet for riding, etc. but they aren't nec. close friends. Same thing with dd's 4H group moms. I get along with them and we have fun at the fair, etc. but again, they aren't close friends. It isn't that I "dislike" them, just that we aren't close outside of that activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would be appalled to be on the receiving end of such an attitude, frankly. I'm ok to have fun with, but you really don't like me enough to be yourself and allow me to be myself around you--you can accept me just on the surface but underneath you think I'm yucky? Wow. I don't mean to sound harsh, and I truly do understand about close friends vs not as close. Some of my friends and I have differing views, that's for sure. But the way you phrased it sounds kinda mean to me. IDK--I'm probably reading more into it than there is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 It wasn't meant to be mean spirited. I can enjoy someone and socialize with them. However I would not tell them very personal details of my life or go to them for advice. I know my flaws (and there are many). I recognize theirs flaws. When you combine my faults with theirs the end results are not good. However they are a great couple to go out to a play with because we can discuss it or go on a hike with because we enjoy the same level of hiking. That being said I don't allow the conversations to turn deep and frankly they don't either. It isn't like they are sharing personal information with us and we are holding them at arms reach. On a strictly superficial level we enjoy their company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Nope. Life is too short and time is too precious for me to spend time with people I don't really like on the rare occasions we get to socialize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Nope. Life is too short and time is too precious for me to spend time with people I don't really like on the rare occasions we get to socialize. That. I situationally socialize with people I don't really care for, i.e. I will sit around with other HS moms and chat while our kids are in a class together, but these people are, for various reasons, not people I would want to spend time with outside of that. If I make time to socialize, it is with the people I love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It wasn't meant to be mean spirited. I can enjoy someone and socialize with them. However I would not tell them very personal details of my life or go to them for advice. I know my flaws (and there are many). I recognize theirs flaws. When you combine my faults with theirs the end results are not good. However they are a great couple to go out to a play with because we can discuss it or go on a hike with because we enjoy the same level of hiking. That being said I don't allow the conversations to turn deep and frankly they don't either. It isn't like they are sharing personal information with us and we are holding them at arms reach. On a strictly superficial level we enjoy their company. Yes to this. Just because someone enjoys a certain activity doesn't mean you are going to match up with that person at all levels. I think it is wise to realize that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 We used to hang out with a couple like that- and then as our kids got older we realized how we'd feel if they had friends 'just for fun' but who had wildly different values, or who treated their friends poorly. Yeah, we ended that 'friendship'. But we do have different levels of friends- some we tell everything to, some we are more guarded with. Some we just click with and some we hope to get more comfortable with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 No it is very hard for me to be around people I don't like. I'm not going to my dear friend's house for thanksgiving because her neighbor might be there, and I find her abrasive. I'm not going to a party this afternoon, because I don't like how negative the hostess is. I know that someday I may not have a choice-one of my children may marry someone I don't enjoy, or my husband may get a boss I have to socialize with but for today, I get to choose how I spend my time. I don't choose to voluntarily spend one moment around people that I don't respect and find enjoyable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Yes. My family. :tongue_smilie: I love my relatives on one level--they are family after all, and we are the type of family that will come to the aid of another family member, no matter what. AND most of them are really funny and a good time is had when we get together for, say, a holiday gathering or something. But...they are very, very different people from me, and unfortunately, a major character flaw running through most of my family members is that they are horrible bigots and often outright racist. :( I love them, but I can't like them. I don't have any very close relationships with any of my relatives because of this. I enjoy hanging out with them sometimes, and I'd do anything to help them if they needed it, but I'm just not gonna be best friends with any of them. We differ in ways that are very important to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I have done it before, but I usually don't now. I'm too heavily scheduled to even spend as much time with the people I love and treasure as I wish, so I'm not wasting my life on people I don't respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would say yes we do. Although we don't always agree with the decisions and choices being made in our friends life, we can find some common ground and have fun together. We only have one situation like this and we have to make sure that we don't buy into the choices that they make and change what we are comfortable doing just to get together with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Finding a compatible hiking partner is as hard as finding a good friend, so I'd stick with them. You don't have to be best friends to enjoy doing an activity together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I'm too heavily scheduled to even spend as much time with the people I love and treasure as I wish, so I'm not wasting my life on people I don't respect. I agree with this, esp. at this season in my life. However, there was a time I was in a book club with some women -- I liked about half of them (on that deeper, I respect you level). But I enjoyed conversing about books with them all. So maybe that's akin to your hiking friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I can certainly have fun with people who are different than me, who I don't agree with on all levels, whose interests and priorities don't exactly match mine. But can I have fun with someone who I really disrespect -- no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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