Child acting weird more than a week after surgery. Normal?

[Jennifer in MI]

So, you may or may not have read. My ds and our family had to disembark our Mexican cruise for ds13 to have emergency surgery in CAbo, Mexico. All went well, and we are home.

 

DS, who has been given the okay to leave the house and participate in most of his activities, has not wanted to leave. He's becoming a hermit. He very nearly started crying when I made him leave the house with me yesterday for a walk. The walk was around our neighborhood. This child has been IN.THE.HOUSE 24/7 for over a week now (minus the quick walk).

 

Is this normal after a surgery? Could this be something else going on? Ideas?

[Denisemomof4]

was he really nervous about having surgery out of the country? So now he just wants to feel safe in his home? Maybe anxiety from the trauma of it all? Does he have any pain?

 

:grouphug: sorry! Not much help!

[Jean in Newcastle]

was he really nervous about having surgery out of the country? So now he just wants to feel safe in his home? Maybe anxiety from the trauma of it all? Does he have any pain?

 

:grouphug: sorry! Not much help!

 

I had the same questions.

[Jennifer in MI]

was he really nervous about having surgery out of the country? So now he just wants to feel safe in his home? Maybe anxiety from the trauma of it all? Does he have any pain?

 

:grouphug: sorry! Not much help!

 

Maybe? But, he and I have talked a lot. He seemed so calm throughout. He was just so relieved that he wasn't going to be in pain anymore. And, honestly, the medical care we received there was better than the care we receive in the US. The surgeon and the medical director and a pediatrician were THERE at the hospital 24/7. He was their only patient. But, I guess surgery at 13 (or any age, really) is traumatic.

 

Maybe you're right though. Comfort of home and all. When we walked into our house, he was the first one to tell us how good it smelled. Give him more time?

 

ETA: All the doctors spoke fluent english. They showed us pictures of their kids. The nurses didn't speak english, but ds had a translator on his phone and could type in his problems and show it to the nurse. (This was after the first 36 hours when the doctors went home!)

[abbeyej]

Has he been checked out since he got home? Has he had any fevers since the hospitalization?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Maybe? But, he and I have talked a lot. He seemed so calm throughout. He was just so relieved that he wasn't going to be in pain anymore. And, honestly, the medical care we received there was better than the care we receive in the US. The surgeon and the medical director and a pediatrician were THERE at the hospital 24/7. He was their only patient. But, I guess surgery at 13 (or any age, really) is traumatic.

 

Maybe you're right though. Comfort of home and all. When we walked into our house, he was the first one to tell us how good it smelled. Give him more time?

 

My dd just went through a traumatic time (our dog was hit by a car in front of her). She was initially upset but then seemed just fine once the dog was home. All of a sudden she's having nightmares and had a panic attack outside. Sometimes these feelings take a while to surface.

[Jennifer in MI]

Has he been checked out since he got home? Has he had any fevers since the hospitalization?

 

Yes. He was seen twice - by his doctor (well, actually, his doctor's partner. Our doctor just left the practice!) and by a surgeon. No fevers. He just finished his antibiotic yesterday though. The doctors here said all looked great. Stitches looked fine.

 

My dd just went through a traumatic time (our dog was hit by a car in front of her). She was initially upset but then seemed just fine once the dog was home. All of a sudden she's having nightmares and had a panic attack outside. Sometimes these feelings take a while to surface.

 

I remember that. (I'm so sorry BTW!) What are you doing for your dd? I wonder if there might be some of this going on. Through all of this, ds has been so strong. HE made me feel safe because he kept telling me how well he felt. Maybe he just needs more time.

[Denisemomof4]

Maybe? But, he and I have talked a lot. He seemed so calm throughout. He was just so relieved that he wasn't going to be in pain anymore. And, honestly, the medical care we received there was better than the care we receive in the US. The surgeon and the medical director and a pediatrician were THERE at the hospital 24/7. He was their only patient. But, I guess surgery at 13 (or any age, really) is traumatic.

 

Maybe you're right though. Comfort of home and all. When we walked into our house, he was the first one to tell us how good it smelled. Give him more time?

 

ETA: All the doctors spoke fluent english. They showed us pictures of their kids. The nurses didn't speak english, but ds had a translator on his phone and could type in his problems and show it to the nurse. (This was after the first 36 hours when the doctors went home!)

 

wow! That sounds like a FABULOUS hospital experience!

 

Still, for an adult I can only imagine how scary it was to be in that much pain while floating on a ship in the middle of the ocean. It had to have been difficult for him. He may not know how much it affected him (this does happen) and he's needing the comfort of his home now.

 

Does he have any pain?

 

If this went on long term I'd be concerned, but a week out? I wouldn't even think about it.

 

:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

My dd just went through a traumatic time (our dog was hit by a car in front of her). She was initially upset but then seemed just fine once the dog was home. All of a sudden she's having nightmares and had a panic attack outside. Sometimes these feelings take a while to surface.

 

:iagree: he really may not even realize how much it has affected him.

 

Jean, is your dd on supplements? Specifically B vitamins and magnesium? How do you feel about giving her a cup of Calm tea before bed? that stuff WORKS!

[Denisemomof4]

I remember that. (I'm so sorry BTW!) What are you doing for your dd? I wonder if there might be some of this going on. Through all of this, ds has been so strong. HE made me feel safe because he kept telling me how well he felt. Maybe he just needs more time.

 

I can see my older son doing this to comfort me, even if he may not be feeling that inside. He's such a great kid! Your son may be feeling strong or just showing that he's fine, but he may truly have fears inside. I may be completely wrong, too! So glad I could help.:tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

I remember that. (I'm so sorry BTW!) What are you doing for your dd? I wonder if there might be some of this going on. Through all of this, ds has been so strong. HE made me feel safe because he kept telling me how well he felt. Maybe he just needs more time.

 

Time is good. Being home and getting back into normal stuff is good too, I think. Talking as things come up is good. With dd, we have done more talking and more praying together to address her new fears. I think she was as surprised as I was that this suddenly came up.

 

Denise - I'll look at those supplements.

[ktgrok]

Some antibiotics can cause anxiety and strange behavior as well. Maybe now that he is off of them he will be more normal.

[Calendula]

I would think a bit of anxiety wouldn't be unlikely after all that. Maybe rescue remedy would help? It is a flower essence.

[jennsmile]

I remember being a teen and getting my wisdom teeth out. I felt horrible for a week at the site and from the antibiotics. Give him a few more days.

[Jennifer in MI]

I can see my older son doing this to comfort me, even if he may not be feeling that inside. He's such a great kid! Your son may be feeling strong or just showing that he's fine, but he may truly have fears inside. I may be completely wrong, too! So glad I could help.:tongue_smilie:

 

Hmmmm . . . I am a highly anxious person. Maybe this is what he was doing. Making me feel better? But, I was really calm that night. I think, anyway. Maybe I'll never know!? Thanks for your help!!! :001_smile: Actually, just talking is helping.

 

Time is good. Being home and getting back into normal stuff is good too, I think. Talking as things come up is good. With dd, we have done more talking and more praying together to address her new fears. I think she was as surprised as I was that this suddenly came up.

 

Denise - I'll look at those supplements.

 

We've done a lot of talking. He insists he's fine and just won't open up. I wish he'd talk.

 

I'm happy to hear that your dd is opening up! Maybe my ds will do the same sometime.

 

Some antibiotics can cause anxiety and strange behavior as well. Maybe now that he is off of them he will be more normal.

 

I'll look into that. Thank you!!!

 

I would think a bit of anxiety wouldn't be unlikely after all that. Maybe rescue remedy would help? It is a flower essence.

 

We've given him Calms Forte, a homeopathic remedy for stress/sleep. I had some Rescue Remedy at some point. I'll see if I have any left and give it to him. Thank you!!

 

I remember being a teen and getting my wisdom teeth out. I felt horrible for a week at the site and from the antibiotics. Give him a few more days.

 

His wounds are fine. They've all healed, basically. Some tenderness still, but not bad. Thanks for the perspective. I so desperately want him to feel normal again. (At the time I thought the experience was more traumatic for me than him, but now I'm wondering if the opposite were true. And, I'm secretly scared that my anxiety about it all made him worse.)

[Denisemomof4]

 

His wounds are fine. They've all healed, basically. Some tenderness still, but not bad. Thanks for the perspective. I so desperately want him to feel normal again. (At the time I thought the experience was more traumatic for me than him, but now I'm wondering if the opposite were true. And, I'm secretly scared that my anxiety about it all made him worse.)

 

moms always beat themselves up. Stop that.;):grouphug:

[Jennifer in MI]

moms always beat themselves up. Stop that.;):grouphug:

 

:tongue_smilie: thanks. But, really. My 15 yo was more stable than I was. I saw some pictures. Dh says I was good with ds 13 before surgery, but I was actually a mess. He will be okay. Right?

[Starr]

He will be okay. Give yourselves some time. :grouphug: The walk around the block was a good start. Sit or play in the yard. Have some good family time and slowly venture out. You're all in my prayers.

[Jennifer in MI]

He will be okay. Give yourselves some time. :grouphug: The walk around the block was a good start. Sit or play in the yard. Have some good family time and slowly venture out. You're all in my prayers.

 

Thanks Starr.

 

So. These issues are about the surgery in Mexico. These are not just normal, after-surgery issues?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks Starr.

 

So. These issues are about the surgery in Mexico. These are not just normal, after-surgery issues?

 

They could be normal after sudden surgery issues. I mean, this surgery was not in the plans, right?! Plus, I would assume there was some uncertainty at first on the ship as to where and how he would be operated on.

[specialmama]

Well, I was 13 when I had an emergency appendectomy. It was a full 2 weeks before I was back to being myself. I remember just feeling a bit off, a little uncomfortable inside but nothing I could pinpoint enough to verbalize. Just a very mild, fuzzy blech, if that makes any sense.

 

Having said that, I do think an unexpected cruise/vacation upheaval like that can seem a bit shocking to kids. But really, it hasn't been that long. If he still doesn't want to go out 3 weeks post-op, then I'd start to get concerned. For now, I'd just try to maintain a normal routine. If he is shaken up, the stability and reassurance of what is "normal" will be comforting. :grouphug:

[Starr]

I think the unexpected surgery away from home could cause him to be a little anxious. Adults who are in the hospital or sick for a long time can get so they don't want to leave the hospital or their house. Try to be matter of fact and reassuring and see if it doesn't get better in a few days.

[Pippen]

Having said that, I do think an unexpected cruise/vacation upheaval like that can seem a bit shocking to kids. But really, it hasn't been that long. If he still doesn't want to go out 3 weeks post-op, then I'd start to get concerned. For now, I'd just try to maintain a normal routine. If he is shaken up, the stability and reassurance of what is "normal" will be comforting. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: I have a teen boy who doesn't have anxiety issues, but does have homebody tendencies after he's been away on vacation and I could see him behaving like this. I'd probably tell him he had one more week to just chill at home and then we were going to ease back into normal life.

[TravelingChris]

My older dd developed severe insomnia after surgery. We went to her doctor and he gave her Lunesta which stopped this. I think sometimes the procedure or the anesthesia affects the brain. I would go to the doctor specifically about this.

[Jennifer in MI]

They could be normal after sudden surgery issues. I mean, this surgery was not in the plans, right?! Plus, I would assume there was some uncertainty at first on the ship as to where and how he would be operated on.

 

Definitely not planned. He was in severe pain for about 8 hours before the surgery. Once the decision was made to take him off the ship, everything happened very fast. Surgery was done 3 hours later.

 

Well, I was 13 when I had an emergency appendectomy. It was a full 2 weeks before I was back to being myself. I remember just feeling a bit off, a little uncomfortable inside but nothing I could pinpoint enough to verbalize. Just a very mild, fuzzy blech, if that makes any sense.

 

Having said that, I do think an unexpected cruise/vacation upheaval like that can seem a bit shocking to kids. But really, it hasn't been that long. If he still doesn't want to go out 3 weeks post-op, then I'd start to get concerned. For now, I'd just try to maintain a normal routine. If he is shaken up, the stability and reassurance of what is "normal" will be comforting. :grouphug:

That does make sense. Thank you. Sorry you had to go through that. I guess I assumed that when he healed on the outside (his incisions look great!), that he'd be better on the inside. Maybe not.

 

I think the unexpected surgery away from home could cause him to be a little anxious. Adults who are in the hospital or sick for a long time can get so they don't want to leave the hospital or their house. Try to be matter of fact and reassuring and see if it doesn't get better in a few days.

 

Thanks. He is actually up and ready to go to church. I was a little worried he'd not want to go.

 

:iagree: I have a teen boy who doesn't have anxiety issues, but does have homebody tendencies after he's been away on vacation and I could see him behaving like this. I'd probably tell him he had one more week to just chill at home and then we were going to ease back into normal life.

 

Thanks. Never thought about his homebody tendencies. He does prefer to be at home.

 

My older dd developed severe insomnia after surgery. We went to her doctor and he gave her Lunesta which stopped this. I think sometimes the procedure or the anesthesia affects the brain. I would go to the doctor specifically about this.

 

Interesting. He hasn't been able to sleep!!!! He sees the doctor again tomorrow. We'll ask then.

[jjins]

Along with healing on the inside, which does take considerable time. your DS may have feelings of regret and remorse. Not only did his pain and surgery away from home have serious effects on his ability to have a good time, it also stopped the vacation for others. I am not sure how many are in your family or if the full family stayed with him, but I imagine it that way.

 

I know that either of my children, but especially by boy would harbor a great sense of responsibility for messing up other people's plans.

 

My DH had emergency surgery in Feb and still brings up how he could not even help me finish painting the bedroom for our daughter. Not only were we almost done, but I told him, "you are hurting too much, you have already helped me a lot. go take a break. I will finish this up." He feels like he should have helped me finish. There are rooms in our house that I have painted completely on my own from picking the paint to completion. He does not like to paint, I do. He helped me paint her room because of the furniture. Yet, still kicks himself. Also, as a man, he was (maybe still is) angry at himself for being "sick". It was hard on him to have all of these people taking care of him, including his seven year old daughter. He actually voiced, "I should be taking care of you and the kids, not you guys taking care of me."

 

If your son, has been exercising some adolescent independence and then felt very much like he needed help, especially from his "mommy", he may be feeling like his was not acting like a man, or taking care of things as he should. Unfortunately, this ideas seem to come from inside our children, regardless of what they see around them.

 

Best of luck and you and your family heal from this event. Glad to hear you had such GREAT medical care. What could have been a terrifying experiences, sounds like it was really primarily raised the bar for your future medical care!

[Krista in LA]

As an adult who just had surgery 2 weeks ago at our local hospital, I would say to give him more time. Surgery is traumatic no matter how simple or routine it might be. Anesthesia takes time to fully get out of your body, same with pain meds. I was in a lot of pain before my surgery as well and that is definitely adding to my recovery - I am afraid of having that pain again. If he hasn't been eating well, that will wear him down too. I would try to get him to go for walks outside though as that can help with the healing and the sunshine is good for you.

:grouphug:

[swellmomma]

Poor guy. Sounds like there is some underlieing anxiety about getting sick or hurt away from home again and therefore wanting to be only at home. Just follow his lead. If he wants to stay home let him (though I would not let him mope around) if he wants to go let him. I say I would not let him mope around while thinking of my kids. MY ds13 can get so wrapped up in his own head that it can bring on signs of depression etc because he doesn't let outside sources in kwim. SO in that sense I would say sure hang out at home all the time, but use the time to talk, and hang out and be a family unit. The thoughts of what ifs, the thoughts about the surgery itself, the thoughts about a ruined vacation etc could have any 13 yr old shutting down a bit.

 

Maybe you 2 can plan a family mini vacation to take in a few weeks. A weekend away somewhere or something. Maybe with plans on the horizon for a vacation he is making happen instead of one he may feel he ruined, along with the success of a vacation away from home with illness or injury he would feel better and see that carp happens sometimes but you just keep truckin' along.

 

ANd to answer your own anxiety. HE is just fine and normal and really really okay. We all process traumatic events differently and it sounds like this is how he is processing his.

[Teachin'Mine]

I would give him time. It's a good sign that he's going to church today. He's been through an ordeal for sure.

 

Something which might help all of you, is to load up any pictures you took on your vacation - before all the chaos. It might be healing to remember all the fun you had earlier in the vacation and to bring everyone back to that time a bit.

 

Along those same lines, maybe you could have a Mexico night at home. Get some music out from the library and prepare a fun night of tacos or burritos, play some games ... In other words, give the mind some good associations with Mexico and let all the trauma take a back seat in the brain.

 

I think that with time all of you will get back to normal anyway, but it might not hurt to try to fit in some fun, at home, activities for a while. There was a boy from church who had an emergency appendectomy a couple of years ago, and he seemed to be very quiet and not quite himself for a few weeks. Healing takes time. :grouphug: