I need the hive mind's thoughts on their sons hunting

[Mommyof4ks]

I did not grow up around guns, but My dh has started hunting in the last few years, has several guns, and all that goes with it. My dd was 9 when she started shooting, but she does not like guns. My sons will likely start in a couple of years around 9 as well depending on their maturity level at that time.

 

Hunting is big around here as are guns in general, our state loves it's guns lol. We joke that every other person walking around walmart probably has one on them, and that is actually not too far off. Honestly, guns are not the problem, it is the people that are the problem. The safety course should teach him that guns should be unloaded unless he is actually shooting something as in he is in a deer stand ready to aim at a deer or whatever. Hunting is safer than football around here. Our area may have one hunting accident in 3-4 years (most not deadly), but once a year a football player is severly injured (brain damage that will not heal) or dies from heat exhaustion or some other ailment.

 

Can you attend the safety course with your son? If after that and his maturity level you are still concerned, then make your family understand that this is not the time for this sport for your son. You have every right to keep him from doing this just as with other sports such as baseball, so be sure dh gets that. :grouphug: Raising boys is hard!

[tomandlorih]

Taking a gun safety/hunter safety class is good for everyone.. even if you do not plan to hunt. I grew up with a dad and brother who hunted. My sister went a few times too. I married into a family of hunters and my dd7 has already been out with my dh(not carrying a gun.. just to go along). I suspect as soon as my children are of legal age to get a permit, they will be out there in earnest=D

 

PS I agree with the poster who suggested an orange hat for your ds.

[Janie Grace]

I can understand your feelings based on your post. The red flags I see:

1. cost

2. safety (given YOUR dh)

3. influences (the emotionally unstable family, the yucky jokes)

 

You don't seem at ease with this. I don't think you're ill at ease because you are ignorant, you don't want your dh to bond with your son, or you're overprotective. I think it's wise, Mommy instinct talking and I'd listen to it.

 

No, my sons do not hunt. My dh took the safety course with a friend but has never hunted. I think he would find it boring (just his personality) and now that we live in a place where we see deer up close all the time (there's an 8-point buck who regularly visits our yard), he feels they are too beautiful to kill. He would not enjoy it.

 

We eat meat; we don't have a conviction about that. In fact, we help our extended family on their farm with slaughtering sometimes, but we do not enjoy it as an activity (neither do they).

 

I don't ever want guns in my home. I have read way too many stories of kids being killed/harmed accidentally.

 

I'd talk to your dh, and appeal. Maybe there's another activity they can enjoy together.

[elegantlion]

In our area people own guns for hunting more than for personal protection, but we don't hunt. Dh would like to learn bow hunting, but I think he'd be upset if he killed anything.

 

Ds will not hunt, he won't even pick up a dead bug outside.

 

They are both enjoying the deer meat a neighbor gave us. I can't bring myself to eat it.

 

I will eat the bass dh brings home.

 

Ds has been taught about guns, he owns BB guns.

 

 

When I was much younger I had an acquaintance lose their 15 year old son, he was playing Russian roulette with a friend. :glare:

[Janie Grace]

When I was much younger I had an acquaintance lose their 15 year old son, he was playing Russian roulette with a friend. :glare:

 

:( So sad.

[Peela]

It sounds like hunting is part of the culture in your area, and your husband's culture. I think in that case, I would not stand in the way. It may be an important way for your dh to bond with his son.

HOWEVER you don't have to like it and you don't have to be the one to take him, etc etc. And you don't have to let the crass jokes pass without comment. Be yourself, and be a role model to your son of compassion and care and being true to yourself and YOUR values which are as valid as anyone else's.

You can express how you feel, even that you would prefer it not happen, without trying to control the situation beyond what is healthy (and maybe setting boundaries around locking up guns 100% of the time is a necessary step), considering the other parent has equally strong opinions about it all. It may be a rite of passage for your son, and for you to let go of your son in a certain way, as he steps more into a man's world. But you can still hold the female values of care and nurturing, of not killing mindlessly or wastefully, and of protectiveness.

[pqr]

Beyond the universal rules of gun ownership I mentioned, the first thing we taught our children was "If you kill something, you eat it."

 

We do not kill animals for fun. We kill for food or for protection. Period.

 

I generally agree but might add that it is fine to kill animals that are pests. If you have a farm and there are wild dogs in the area that attack livestock, I have no issue with shooting them. I also will shoot if an animal is injured or in pain. Starving deer need to be put down, as a kindness.

 

Shooting for the skin is also acceptable. Taking gators for their skin is little different than taking a deer for food as the end result is that if one sells the gator the end result is still food on the table.

[Jamauk]

I really really really like this website, written by a woman. It has a whole section of articles about guns and kids. I think you should read all of them, read the section on gun safety, then take the gun safety class with your son. Then YOU can be the voice of reason. http://corneredcat.com/Contents/

 

 

 

I've met this woman (she taught the first gun course I took and we're in a women's gun club together) and she is fabulous! (She also homeschooled her whole brood of boys) :001_smile:

[HS Mom in NC]

I have girls.

 

My brother has been teaching my 13 year old gun safety and target practice this year. She also takes archery classes but it will be a while before she's strong enough to switch from a recurve bow for target shooting to a compound bow for hunting. My brother gave her the one our uncle gave him. She will be allowed to hunt with him if he's drawn for elk if she wants to.

 

My dad, brother, uncles, cousins, and Grandfathers all hunted starting around age 10 or 12. We learned to fire a .22 at age 9.

[ktgrok]

I've met this woman (she taught the first gun course I took and we're in a women's gun club together) and she is fabulous! (She also homeschooled her whole brood of boys) :001_smile:

 

Does she really??? I had no idea she homeschooled! I love her site. I've read almost every article on there and really appreciate her huge standard of safety.

[Sherri in MI]

My dh does not hunt, so my boys never had the opportunity. Had we had hunters in the family I would have had no problem with the boys hunting.

 

Shoot. It sure beats the heck out of what my son is hunting right now....Taliban. :(

 

:grouphug:

[Sherri in MI]

Neither my DH nor I grew up around guns, but we both now are lifetime members of the NRA and both have our CC permits.

 

My DH is a commercial airline pilot and takes part in the armed pilot program. I knew if he was going to have a gun in the house, I was going to have to get comfortable with it. I had him take me shooting at the range and then I took some basic hand gun courses so I could understand how the gun works and begin to feel comfortable with it. Once the gun lost it's mystery to me I began to see it as a tool and I wasn't so uncomfortable with it.

 

Last year was my DHs first year hunting and he's going again this year with some friends. We live very close to the hunting area (within an hour) so we have discussed my husband going back out in the afternoons with our oldest DS (8.5 yo), but it would only be the two of them. I wouldn't be comfortable with DS going with "the guys" just yet.

 

My son has his own .22 rifle and that's what he'll take. My husband's hunting rifle would be way to powerful and would knock DS on his bum (me too. I refuse to shoot it).

 

In your situation, I'm not sure I would let my DS go. In a big group, and with a family you don't particularly trust just seems to raise red flags for his first time out.

 

If your DS does end up hunting, there are universal gun rules that he must know and always follow:

 

1. Every gun is always loaded. It doesn't matter if you just unloaded it and answered the phone. When you walk back, it is loaded. Period. Treat every firearm as such and you shouldn't have any problems.

 

2. Never, ever, ever point the barrel of a gun at something you do not wish to destroy. Even if you think its unloaded, its not (see rule 1).

 

3. As a child, never ever handle a gun without a responsible adult present. Period.

 

Children and guns can be a fun experience, but they have to respect the firearm and understand how it works.

 

Also, if your son does go hunting, make sure he wears plenty of orange. Especially a hat. His head will be lower than where other hunters will be looking for fellow hunters.

 

Thanks for the tips.

[Sherri in MI]

Yes, this is a concern. It sounds like dad just wants something special to do with his boy. He's a guy, it's fall, and hunting comes to mind.

 

And as an ADD'ish person myself, I am trying not to take offense at the idea that it might cause me to daydream while my child injures him/herself. I am hyper-alert about safety related things though. Maybe that's not always the case with ADD'ish men. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm sorry if using the term "ADD" was inappropriate. I probably shouldn't have used it since I don't mean he literally has ADD & would not want to imply anything about anyone who does have ADD. It's more accurate to say that he is very distractable and I fear he might not be vigilent enough. I could be wrong - I've never seen him in a situation with firearms. Maybe once.

[YLVD]

Do your son's hunt. If no, why not? If yes, at what age did they start? What are your thoughts or concerns about your boys hunting?

 

I did not grow up around men that hunted or around men that owned guns although my uncles & dad were in the military.

 

My dh is pressing for my son to hunt this year. He is 12 & will be 13 in November. He wants him to take a gun safety class this week. Is this the same as a hunting safety class?

 

I am VERY nervous about it. I am mostly concerned about my son getting injured or shot accidentally or accidentally shooting or hurting someone else. Or feeling too comfortable with guns & fooling around with them outside of hunting. My husband has a CCW, which I am not comfortable with & he sometimes leaves his handgun in his top drawer instead of the safe.

 

My husband thinks I am silly & foolish for having these concerns and that this gun safety class will take care of my concerns. I do not wish to hinder my son's fun or my husband's fun, nor hinder my son's initiation into manhood, etc. but I don't want to lose him to a stupid accident either. My husband is a bit of a flake, kind of ADDish & forgetful & doesn't play by the rules. I don't trust him to be fully attentive. My son is a play by the rules kinds of person but also a daydreamer & a gabber, so I'm not sure he'll pay full attention.

 

Plus the family that dh wants to do this with have emotional problems & has boundary issues. My dh is free to be friends with whoever he wants but I'm not comfortable w/ ds being around them too much. This friend is very generous to dh & is paying for the gun safety class. But what about the hunting license & hunting expenses??

 

Does ds need a smaller gun or would he use a grown up one?

 

To top it off we are under a lot of stress, husband has been unemployed & I can't even pay the bills or buy groceries. But he wants to make this a priority? He really wants to make an issue of this now? Is it really essential that ds starts hunting this year? How can he even afford it.

 

Additionally, ds is a compassionate boy who is serious about being a veterinarian one day. He loves animals. I don't want his love for animals to be damaged or his compassion. (My husband is not exactly sensitive, though he is very emotional). I just feel uncomfortable about him killing animals for sport. Do vets hunt? Do they perceive it as part of animal stewardship or control? I have discussed this issue with ds & he said he'd like to at least try hunting, even though he loves animals.

 

Hunting is big in our area, The people I do know now who hunt make rude jokes about it & the animals that I find offensive. I'm not against hunters & I'm not a vegetarian or anything, but I don't like crass jokes about killing things or entrails, etc. I like respectful, responsible hunters.

 

To make it worse, a 16 year old who does hunt & enjoys it said

 

I'd appreciate your thoughts and concerns about hunting from the perspective of a mother.

 

Please don't shoot me down! Pun intended:001_smile:. My dh already makes me feel bad enough about it. But any comments or information, on the pro or con side would be helpful.

 

Never in one billion years would I allow a child to hunt. never ever ever. I would not want a child to enjoy anything involved with killing an animal. If it was necessary for food, sure but if he enjoyed it, I would feel sickened.

 

I'm also anti gun so that is another component.

Edited September 20, 2011 by YLVD

[YLVD]

I do not intend to hijack this thread, but I'm very passionate about guns and there is something I have to ask:

 

To those that are very anti gun and claim their children will never be around one (and I respect this decision, I do not wish to change your mind), have you at least spoken to your children and do they know what to do if/when they are not with you and they are confronted with a firearm?

 

For instance, they are at little Jimmy's house and little Jimmy says "Hey, I know where my dad keeps his gun, wanna see it?" Do your children know what to say/do?

 

I only ask because I have a lot of anti gun friends and this scenario seems to not even be on their radar. They believe that because they don't have guns, they can simply ignore the issue with their children. And that, I belive, is tragic.

 

Off my soap box. :D

 

I am anti gun and yes, I have. My dd's uncle is a police officer and she has had a full lesson and is horrified.

 

As an aside, I had a friend growing up that was fully trained etc. She was so well trained that she broke into her father's safe and shot a boy to death on a school bus.

[YLVD]

On further thought I'd be ok with hunting if it were for food. If it were for any other reason, no. It's not different than fishing. But if it is just for the sake of shooting at animals then I don't get it.

 

:iagree:

 

These are my exact thoughts on it.

[Jamauk]

She was so well trained that she broke into her father's safe and shot a boy to death on a school bus.

 

This is not an issue with the gun, but an issue with an emotionally disturbed young woman.

[YLVD]

This is not an issue with the gun, but an issue with an emotionally disturbed young woman.

 

yes it is...who had access to a gun, even though it was locked up, and was trained well to use them. Both are factors.

[KathyBC]

Additionally, ds is a compassionate boy who is serious about being a veterinarian one day. He loves animals. I don't want his love for animals to be damaged or his compassion. (My husband is not exactly sensitive, though he is very emotional). I just feel uncomfortable about him killing animals for sport. Do vets hunt? Do they perceive it as part of animal stewardship or control? I have discussed this issue with ds & he said he'd like to at least try hunting, even though he loves animals.

 

 

 

This portion of your post is a common way of thinking that I wanted to address:

A veterinarian will put down more animals than a hunter ever will. This does not make them less compassionate.

 

I wish parents in general would put more thought or research into what veterinarians actually *do* every day. Would parents encourage their children, because they love people so much, to become surgeons? A future veterinarian will need to develop some dispassion to deal with their job.

[ondreeuh]

We're in a similar situation. I've never been around hunting, but we've moved to a place where everyone hunts. My kids have no interest in hunting (it's a foreign concept) but dh thinks it would be good for them to go. I have the same concerns about over-familiarity with guns leading to carelessness.

 

Dh just got a pistol to take on walks because there are bears here. Honestly, it would be smart for me to take one if I go for a walk to the runway. I am sooo not interested in handling guns, though. Dh has a gun lock that goes through the gun (preventing it from being loaded) plus his gun case is padlocked. The rifles are locked up as well.

 

I think we will leave it open for discussion and wait until a child expresses his/her OWN interest in hunting, and then go through all the training. Dh is in the military so he can teach all the protocols. I'm just fine with bringing my meat in on a plane and catching fish, though. I've never had game and I don't think I'm missing anything.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't really know anyone who hunts. I'm not very comfortable around guns. DH had his dad's old gun when we got married. It was wrapped up and on a high shelf in the garage, but I asked him to get rid of it when we had kids, so he gave it to his brother. And I have spoken to my kids on several occasions that they need to stay away from guns and that if shown a gun or talked to about a gun by another kid, they need to tell a grown up immediately.

 

I'm not a vegetarian, but I might be one if I had to kill animals myself. I'm not opposed to hunting as long as the animals will be used for food, I just know I couldn't do it.

 

I don't understand hunting for sport. I don't understand fishing for sport, either, which dh does and ds1 seems to like. So, I would have some of the same issues that you are having. Is it possible your dh is making a big deal of the hunting right now as an escape from thinking about all the other troubles that are going on? I know my dh doesn't like to admit to financial difficulties, and seems to carry on as if nothing is wrong. It could be a coping mechanism. I know some men aren't that big on sitting down and having a heart to heart talk, but it sounds like you need to express your concerns about the hunting, the finances and other things. And maybe he does, too.

[SeekingHim77]

I married into a big time hunting family. It's a major part of their lives. My son started hunting when he was about 12 or so. He hunts with his grandpa most of the time and he is so careful that I don't worry much. Our rule is that you have to eat anything you kill. They don't kill just for sport-we actually eat the deer, dove, duck, etc. that they bring home. Killing for pure sport is wrong in my opinion.

 

I think hunting and fishing are great hobbies for our sons (and daughters who are so inclined.). It gets them out in nature and exercising. My son is always coming home with stories of the great horned owl that perched right next to his tree stand or the spotted fawn he saw. He's learned great self discipline and to respect nature. I'm also thrilled that he's spending his time doing something productive at 16 and that one of his best friends is his grandpa. :001_smile:

 

It's also a great way to fill up the freezer.

[elegantlion]

This portion of your post is a common way of thinking that I wanted to address:

A veterinarian will put down more animals than a hunter ever will. This does not make them less compassionate.

 

I wish parents in general would put more thought or research into what veterinarians actually *do* every day. Would parents encourage their children, because they love people so much, to become surgeons? A future veterinarian will need to develop some dispassion to deal with their job.

 

:iagree: As a young adult, I worked for a vet for five years. Great, compassionate man, went overboard to do the best for animals. However, I saw a lot of heartache in those years. I saw some things I won't discuss with anyone because of the images burned in my head (not things the vet did, but what happened to some animals).

 

I've held pets while the owners made the decision to euthanize an animal. I've heard the vet yell at people who wanted their pet euthanized because they bought a leather sofa and the cat poked holes in it.

 

I've been bitten more times than I can imagine because even the best animals can act differently in a hospital environment. I've seen people have to make the decision about treating an animal because they didn't have the money. The doctor had a section of files that were "charity" patients. He only charged them a nominal fee.

 

Being a vet requires a certain level of detachment. I quit working there in the early 90s. I still have dreams about the place. Loving animals is a good place to start, but it's just the beginning.

 

I'd recommend anyone who wants to be a vet to shadow one for a day, or better yet, volunteer or get a job to clean kennels. I used to watch ER(the TV show) and relate my day to it, only with animals, not people.

[DarlaS]

It's fun to look at people's locations as they post on any hunting/gun/animal rights related thread. Very telling. It really is a different world out here.

 

In 2010, 11 people died in car crashes involving deer in Michigan. There were over 1300 car-deer accidents in my county alone.

 

In the same year, there were 14 hunting accidents in the state, 3 of which were fatalities.

 

I'm all for hunters getting out there and fill our freezers. Safely. I'd prefer not to do it with my car. :tongue_smilie:

 

I can totally see why city or urban dwellers would not get hunting. It's unlikely that you nearly miss hitting two-three deer every time you go somewhere at dusk. Last Thursday evening alone, I hit my brakes hard twice on one particular dangerous stretch of road. (I would not drive at that time of day or on that road at all if there were any choice, but needed to pick up my son from his CAP meeting.)

[DarlaS]

I married into a big time hunting family. It's a major part of their lives. My son started hunting when he was about 12 or so. He hunts with his grandpa most of the time and he is so careful that I don't worry much. Our rule is that you have to eat anything you kill. They don't kill just for sport-we actually eat the deer, dove, duck, etc. that they bring home. Killing for pure sport is wrong in my opinion.

 

I think hunting and fishing are great hobbies for our sons (and daughters who are so inclined.). It gets them out in nature and exercising. My son is always coming home with stories of the great horned owl that perched right next to his tree stand or the spotted fawn he saw. He's learned great self discipline and to respect nature. I'm also thrilled that he's spending his time doing something productive at 16 and that one of his best friends is his grandpa. :001_smile:

 

It's also a great way to fill up the freezer.

 

This is what it's all about for every single hunter I've met. Spending time in nature engaged in an activity that forces you to be quiet and observant.

 

Too many people focus on the guns and the killing. Death happens every day. This, at least, had a purpose. I have never met even ONE hunter who would shoot an animal and leave it. I'm told they exist, but what would be the point? I don't get that. Who are these people?

 

DS didn't get his buck last year despite going out twice with his dad and once with his uncle. He's very much looking forward to doing it again. They saw lots (and lots!) of turkeys. :lol: His enthusiasm is not dampened. It's not about the deer (though I do so enjoy cooking some good venison).

[hsmom23]

I'm preparing myself for this discussion myself in a few years. Thankfully we had girls first.;)

 

This struck me as funny, not to offend you, just to say, I first went hunting with my dad when I was around 5. Just sat in the stand with him and just the two of us. I would never allow a child to party hunt with people I didnt trust. We only ever hunted with close family. If my girls wanted to hunt at the legal hunting age, I would let them. I would worry the whole time probably, but I would let them. This won't happen probably because while I came from a hunting family, my husband did not. And even though he enjoys it some, we rarely take the time to go anymore. I actually miss it and look forward to a time when my girls are older and I can go again!

 

Disclaimer: We ALWAYS eat what we shoot, and from that point of view its no different to me than a vetrinarian buying meat at the store. So I don't really understand that point of the OP.

[KungFuPanda]

I would encourage your son. Why would you NOT want him to acquire a life skill? You don't know what his future holds and he may be in a situation where knowing how to kill and dress a deer could be a great relief to his family budget. Certainly it would help your grocery bill if your husband and son got some meat in the freezer because of this. The classes would pay for themselves.

 

Where I grew up, hunter safety was taught in public schools over a series of weeks. It's useful information. I'd encourage you to participate if you want to shadow your son to be sure he does everything by the book. This way he'll have all the supervision you want him to have and you'll feel better.

 

Also, I'd research the real risks of hunting, not just the perceived risk or emotional reactions. You may learn that your son is taking a bigger life risk when he showers or gets in a car.