How would you feel if a co op teacher/friend said...

[DianeW88]

I am reading this thread and I just am dumbfounded!!! I do not understand why you would want to teach your son to confront a teacher on such a petty issue. :confused:

 

Right now, my dh is in the very difficult position possibly leading to the termination of a single mother who works in his dept. She is being fired because she makes mountains out of everything! She takes offense to the slightest thing and has to confront those who offend her. It is so bad the no one will work with her. As a result she cannot get her work done. No one took the time to explain to her that not everything is worth confronting over. No one explained the concept of Boundaries; you can control yourself, but not others.

 

In the work world you do not get to confront your boss, because he used a tone you do not like or used words you deem as rude.

 

This was a great oppurtunity for your son to learn that there are consequences to his actions, others patience is limited, and even if you are spoken to harshly you show respect for those in authority over you.

 

I am in NO WAY saying adults or children should put up with abuse or unhealthy situations, but that is not what was going on. I am saying that kids should be taught to stand up for TRUE INJUSTICE, and to cope with, "I was embarressed and possibly treated a bit unfair, but I will move on with life."

 

The truth is, if your son had been behaving himself he would never have been confronted. He had complete control over being confronted or not, all he had to do was behave himself in class.

 

It sounds like you both are way to familiar with this teacher, and feel some sort of freedom to confront her. There is much truth in the old adage, "Familiarity breeds contempt."

 

:iagree:Amen! If I had been the teacher and your son had called me and complained about how I'd spoken to him in class, my response would have been, "Then I guess if you didn't like it, you'll know to be quiet the first time I ask from now on, won't you? How you were spoken to was a natural consequence of your behavior." Or...as we frequently say in my family...."Suck it up, Buttercup!" :D

[Whereneverever]

:iagree:Amen! If I had been the teacher and your son had called me and complained about how I'd spoken to him in class, my response would have been, "Then I guess if you didn't like it, you'll know to be quiet the first time I ask from now on, won't you? How you were spoken to was a natural consequence of your behavior." Or...as we frequently say in my family...."Suck it up, Buttercup!" :D

:iagree:

Edited September 18, 2011 by theretohere

[Carol in Cal.]

Just musing here, but I wonder how many threads will be spawned in the next couple months where parents are furious that their child was called up to the front of the room. Wouldn't that be embarrassing?

 

Ya think?

 

I guess I figure that it's less embarrassing than being reprimanded publicly. And, frankly, in a circumstance like that, a public reprimand would not be uncalled for. My view is that doing the little private but very clear chat would be a kindness that I would extend out of grace, and if challenged I would be pretty clear that there would be no acceptable alternative that would not be either more embarrassing (public) or involve suspension or expulsion.

[Alicia64]

Well, it seems a bit harsh but I think it would depend on how it was said. I can see saying that in a joking manner to try and get the point across lightly but firmly.

 

:iagree:If she said it seriously, it would have been way too harsh based on how I talk to my boys. But if she was saying it lightly and in fun, my boys would have smiled.

 

I think his reaction says it all.

 

Alley

[Harriet Vane]

I am reading this thread and I just am dumbfounded!!! I do not understand why you would want to teach your son to confront a teacher on such a petty issue. :confused:

 

Right now, my dh is in the very difficult position possibly leading to the termination of a single mother who works in his dept. She is being fired because she makes mountains out of everything! She takes offense to the slightest thing and has to confront those who offend her. It is so bad the no one will work with her. As a result she cannot get her work done. No one took the time to explain to her that not everything is worth confronting over. No one explained the concept of Boundaries; you can control yourself, but not others.

 

In the work world you do not get to confront your boss, because he used a tone you do not like or used words you deem as rude.

 

This was a great oppurtunity for your son to learn that there are consequences to his actions, others patience is limited, and even if you are spoken to harshly you show respect for those in authority over you.

 

I am in NO WAY saying adults or children should put up with abuse or unhealthy situations, but that is not what was going on. I am saying that kids should be taught to stand up for TRUE INJUSTICE, and to cope with, "I was embarressed and possibly treated a bit unfair, but I will move on with life."

 

The truth is, if your son had been behaving himself he would never have been confronted. He had complete control over being confronted or not, all he had to do was behave himself in class.

 

It sounds like you both are way to familiar with this teacher, and feel some sort of freedom to confront her. There is much truth in the old adage, "Familiarity breeds contempt."

 

:iagree: Well said.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I am reading this thread and I just am dumbfounded!!! I do not understand why you would want to teach your son to confront a teacher on such a petty issue. :confused:

 

Right now, my dh is in the very difficult position possibly leading to the termination of a single mother who works in his dept. She is being fired because she makes mountains out of everything! She takes offense to the slightest thing and has to confront those who offend her. It is so bad the no one will work with her. As a result she cannot get her work done. No one took the time to explain to her that not everything is worth confronting over. No one explained the concept of Boundaries; you can control yourself, but not others.

 

In the work world you do not get to confront your boss, because he used a tone you do not like or used words you deem as rude.

 

This was a great oppurtunity for your son to learn that there are consequences to his actions, others patience is limited, and even if you are spoken to harshly you show respect for those in authority over you.

 

I am in NO WAY saying adults or children should put up with abuse or unhealthy situations, but that is not what was going on. I am saying that kids should be taught to stand up for TRUE INJUSTICE, and to cope with, "I was embarressed and possibly treated a bit unfair, but I will move on with life."

 

The truth is, if your son had been behaving himself he would never have been confronted. He had complete control over being confronted or not, all he had to do was behave himself in class.

 

It sounds like you both are way to familiar with this teacher, and feel some sort of freedom to confront her. There is much truth in the old adage, "Familiarity breeds contempt."

 

:iagree: I would have probably said it in the same situation. I certainly would say that to my own kids. Actually I probably would have said "You need to shut your trap, mister. And if you can't do that, you need to leave the class."

[HS Mom in NC]

It wouldn't have been a big deal to me. I think we are so hypersensitive to feelings in this culture that we have a lot of people who can't handle any legitimate criticism. Misbehave and someone will warn you. Ignore the warning and you'll hear it straight out.

[Impish]

I've watched this quietly until now- but he felt strongly she shouldn't talk that way to anyone? REALLY? She didn't swear, name call, ect. She's an adult. I feel strongly that other people's kids shouldn't correct me when I'm not incorrect.

 

I'd hazard that most adults feel that way. I can't fathom letting a kid be disruptive and then heap insult to injury by correcting the teacher, as well.

 

Ouch.

:iagree:The focus should have been on your son's misbehaviour, instead, you've decided that the teacher's wording is the big issue.

I am reading this thread and I just am dumbfounded!!! I do not understand why you would want to teach your son to confront a teacher on such a petty issue. :confused:

 

Right now, my dh is in the very difficult position possibly leading to the termination of a single mother who works in his dept. She is being fired because she makes mountains out of everything! She takes offense to the slightest thing and has to confront those who offend her. It is so bad the no one will work with her. As a result she cannot get her work done. No one took the time to explain to her that not everything is worth confronting over. No one explained the concept of Boundaries; you can control yourself, but not others.

 

In the work world you do not get to confront your boss, because he used a tone you do not like or used words you deem as rude.

 

This was a great oppurtunity for your son to learn that there are consequences to his actions, others patience is limited, and even if you are spoken to harshly you show respect for those in authority over you.

 

I am in NO WAY saying adults or children should put up with abuse or unhealthy situations, but that is not what was going on. I am saying that kids should be taught to stand up for TRUE INJUSTICE, and to cope with, "I was embarressed and possibly treated a bit unfair, but I will move on with life."

 

The truth is, if your son had been behaving himself he would never have been confronted. He had complete control over being confronted or not, all he had to do was behave himself in class.

 

It sounds like you both are way to familiar with this teacher, and feel some sort of freedom to confront her. There is much truth in the old adage, "Familiarity breeds contempt."

:iagree:

[JulieH]

:iagree:The focus should have been on your son's misbehaviour, instead, you've decided that the teacher's wording is the big issue.

 

:iagree:

 

I TOTALLY agree!!

 

You know, this is one of the (many) reasons my kids don't go to public school: parents are *constantly* running to little Johnny's aide for every single little thing. Teachers can't even do their job because heaven forbid they blink at Suzie the wrong way or sneeze in Sally's direction. Everyone is "offended" over this or "offended" over that. It's ridiculous.

 

I've been shaking my head for the past few days over these coop issues.

I definitely don't think I'll be too quick to volunteer to teach one if I have to walk on egg shells so much that I can't even enforce rules in my classroom.

[Whereneverever]

I TOTALLY agree!!

 

You know, this is one of the (many) reasons my kids don't go to public school: parents are *constantly* running to little Johnny's aide for every single little thing. Teachers can't even do their job because heaven forbid they blink at Suzie the wrong way or sneeze in Sally's direction. Everyone is "offended" over this or "offended" over that. It's ridiculous.

 

I've been shaking my head for the past few days over these coop issues.

I definitely don't think I'll be too quick to volunteer to teach one if I have to walk on egg shells so much that I can't even enforce rules in my classroom.

 

Ultimately, that's the worst part of this. Tiptoeing around parents makes even great, pillars of the group teachers not want to monkey with the responsibility anymore.

[mandymom]

Honestly, the verse that came to mind when I read this was Matthew 7:5 that says to take the plank out of our own eye so that you can clearly see to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

 

My goal is to teach my children to examine their own actions first before they examine others actions. And I don't mean a cursory glance at their own actions. I mean to really look at how they have behaved and concentrate on what they are going to do to fix their own behavior. Apologizing is the first step, but an apology doesn't mean much if it only goes that far, and especially if it is a repeat behavior. After they've done some soul-searching and taken actions to fix the problem they have with themselves, then they may look at the other person's action. Many times, they are not nearly as offended by the other person when they realize that they are the one who was truly the offender in the situation (or at least the first offender). It also allows them have more grace for the other person when they realize that what they've done is just as wrong. It really helps them see the other person in the light that Christ sees us when we offend Him (which is often in my case).

 

My oldest dh is very ADHD and gets offended easily because he doesn't see his own offenses easily most of the time. My role as his mom is to help him focus on his OWN behavior before he focuses on others. It's a hard lesson for all of us to learn, but especially for my oldest. But it is a necessity if our goal is to nurture mature adult behavior and for Christians, to help our children on the path of becoming more like Christ.

[JulieH]

Honestly, the verse that came to mind when I read this was Matthew 7:5 that says to take the plank out of our own eye so that you can clearly see to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

 

My goal is to teach my children to examine their own actions first before they examine others actions. And I don't mean a cursory glance at their own actions. I mean to really look at how they have behaved and concentrate on what they are going to do to fix their own behavior. Apologizing is the first step, but an apology doesn't mean much if it only goes that far, and especially if it is a repeat behavior. After they've done some soul-searching and taken actions to fix the problem they have with themselves, then they may look at the other person's action. Many times, they are not nearly as offended by the other person when they realize that they are the one who was truly the offender in the situation (or at least the first offender). It also allows them have more grace for the other person when they realize that what they've done is just as wrong. It really helps them see the other person in the light that Christ sees us when we offend Him (which is often in my case).

 

My oldest dh is very ADHD and gets offended easily because he doesn't see his own offenses easily most of the time. My role as his mom is to help him focus on his OWN behavior before he focuses on others. It's a hard lesson for all of us to learn, but especially for my oldest. But it is a necessity if our goal is to nurture mature adult behavior and for Christians, to help our children on the path of becoming more like Christ.

 

wow..very well put! Can I consult with you next time I need to know how to counsel one of my kids!!

 

My adhd /aspergers son has a very short fuse and I think I'm going to really focus on this verse with him. Thanks!

[74Heaven]

Honestly, the verse that came to mind when I read this was Matthew 7:5 that says to take the plank out of our own eye so that you can clearly see to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

 

My goal is to teach my children to examine their own actions first before they examine others actions. And I don't mean a cursory glance at their own actions. I mean to really look at how they have behaved and concentrate on what they are going to do to fix their own behavior. Apologizing is the first step, but an apology doesn't mean much if it only goes that far, and especially if it is a repeat behavior. After they've done some soul-searching and taken actions to fix the problem they have with themselves, then they may look at the other person's action. Many times, they are not nearly as offended by the other person when they realize that they are the one who was truly the offender in the situation (or at least the first offender). It also allows them have more grace for the other person when they realize that what they've done is just as wrong. It really helps them see the other person in the light that Christ sees us when we offend Him (which is often in my case).

 

My oldest dh is very ADHD and gets offended easily because he doesn't see his own offenses easily most of the time. My role as his mom is to help him focus on his OWN behavior before he focuses on others. It's a hard lesson for all of us to learn, but especially for my oldest. But it is a necessity if our goal is to nurture mature adult behavior and for Christians, to help our children on the path of becoming more like Christ.

 

My ds and I have not talked about this situation since Friday morning when we called the teacher. I asked him today (Sunday) after lunch when we were working on a painting the exterior of the house together. Family fun, lol. Anyway, he was talking nonstop about 11yob stuff while I was thinking about the phone call, etc. and not listening! I asked him if he remembered what happened at co op last week in his science class? Without missing a beat, he said, "Yeah. I was talking too much and got in trouble in science." I said, "Anything else". He gave me a puzzled look and a very long 30-secondish pause & said, "Well I had to call and say sorry for interfering in Mrs. L's class." (direct quote) I dropped the subject as did he.

 

As we say around here, "awesomeness".

lisa

 

Lisaj

[twoforjoy]

I think "shut your trap" is the same as "shut up." I personally wouldn't want my kids using it, and it's not something that would be okay to say to another person in our house.

 

That said, I can completely see how my son could drive a person to tell him to "shut up," and I couldn't blame them for it.

[mamakimberly]

Even though I'm a Christian... things like this with the OP are the reason I won't have ANYTHING to do with any Christian homeschool groups. I don't want to be judged for the way that I parent my kids or deal with other people's kids. I have a lighthearted, extremely sarcastic sense of humor and (probably because of that sense of humor) I have great rapport with many many of my former high school students.

 

I think kids need to learn to suck.it.up. Your future boss is NOT going to care about if your feelings are being respected.

 

We do a disservice to everyone when we make our kids into little flowers that easily wilt. I don't know about you, but I want to raise strong kids that can stand up under pressure... I can't control the actions of others, but I can control my reaction.

[HeidiKC]

Wow - I'm very impressed with your son, first of all. That must have been a HARD call to make. And I am impressed that you suggested he let her know it seemed out of line to him. Great lesson for him, great guidance, great way to teach him to stand up for himself (respectfully) in a situation like that.

 

I think it is totally inappropriate. As someone else said, what if it had been a public school teacher. I think if you had related the story differently - if this happened at school, you'd have way fewer people thinking it wasn't a big deal. And a lot more people fired up about that comment. I don't think anyone should speak to another person that way, especially not an adult to a child.

 

Good job, mom!

[74Heaven]

Wow - I'm very impressed with your son, first of all. That must have been a HARD call to make. And I am impressed that you suggested he let her know it seemed out of line to him. Great lesson for him, great guidance, great way to teach him to stand up for himself (respectfully) in a situation like that.

 

I think it is totally inappropriate. As someone else said, what if it had been a public school teacher. I think if you had related the story differently - if this happened at school, you'd have way fewer people thinking it wasn't a big deal. And a lot more people fired up about that comment. I don't think anyone should speak to another person that way, especially not an adult to a child.

 

Good job, mom!

 

Thanks, Heidi! That was so kind of you to chime in at the end of this sometimes contentious thread. I think you are right about the story context!

 

I think that learning to talk something over with someone with whom you disagree with is such a great life lesson. Definitely a hard call for him.

 

I appreciate your post and those who saw the life lesson for my son.

 

Lisaj

[Guest Blubel49]

Very inappropriate. I worked as a teacher & I can tell you I wouldn't have been allowed to say something like this (nor would I). She could have asked him politely to please be quiet or follow through on whatever consequences exist for the behavior. She obviously lost her cool.