Ottakee Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 That likely isn't right but just wondering if anyone else that has struggled with infertility (our 3 are adopted) got to a point where they lost the desire to have a biological baby. I am now 41 and my best friend is 51 and we both adopted after infertility and can honestly say that we lost the desire for a bio baby at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Does secondary infertility count? I have had bio kids and get pregnant. Just can't keep it. Now at almost 43 I have pretty much given up ever having another baby. Each month, I border more on the "oh dear, am I pregnant" rather than "Oh I hope I am pregnant." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I struggled with infertility, but I was able to conceive with help. So I have not been where you are. I know it must be hard, but I think it is a blessing that you are content where you are. And what an amazing family you have!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyh Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 We only went through infertility for a couple years. I never got to that point, but hugs to you anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I had unexplained secondary infertility after DS. We tried and tried to get pregnant and I eventually would, but would miscarry. After a few times of this happening, we decided we were done trying. We'd come to terms with stopping at 2 and I realized one day (literally, I remember where I was when it hit me) last winter that I was actually happy with our family size and didn't want more anymore. 3 months later, I found out I was pregnant. It took me a while to come back around to the idea of 3...apparently when I talked myself into giving up the idea of 3, I did a GREAT job of it. LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I am now 41 and my best friend is 51 and we both adopted after infertility and can honestly say that we lost the desire for a bio baby at some point. My boys were adopted 6 years ago and I am exactly where you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 We still wanted children, but had given up the thought that we would ever have any. We were moving forward with plans that really wouldn't work with young kids (ready to do what we did within a month). That month I found out I was pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 That likely isn't right but just wondering if anyone else that has struggled with infertility (our 3 are adopted) got to a point where they lost the desire to have a biological baby. I am now 41 and my best friend is 51 and we both adopted after infertility and can honestly say that we lost the desire for a bio baby at some point. I've been infertile since I was 17 years old so I don't ever remember wanting a baby that's biologically mine. I have wanted to have a baby and still do. DH and I are in the process of adopting but I don't care who it's biological parents are as long as I can raise it. :001_smile: I do get jealous when I see people who are pregnant but not because I want one that's biologically mine, I just wish it was that easy to get one. It's such a strange concept to me that you could just have s*x and get pregnant and then have a baby. It seems foreign because that's not the way it would work for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Pretty much as soon as I became an adoptive mom, I stopped yearning for a biological child. I haven't been in a relationship since then, but if I were, I would be more careful than ever to avoid pregnancy, because I wouldn't want to have to explain that to my daughters. I used to think I wanted lots of kids, but now I'm quite comfortable with "two and through." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I have one 12-year-old son, who is the light of my life. After having ds, I had multiple miscarriages and then secondary infertility. I never lost the desire to have another child. However, I am now 45 years old, and my health isn't good, so I know it wouldn't be wise to get pregnant. Regardless, I use no birth control and would (perhaps stupidly) welcome a pregnancy if it somehow happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Yes. I can honestly say that. DH and I were married in our mid-30's and didn't have a long time (or really the inclination) to pursue infertility treatments. We just wanted to be parents and it didn't really matter how. I know for some people it is very important to pass on their DNA, but for us it wasn't. So, we adopted 3 and now have 2 more that we're on the road toward adoption. After we made decision to adopt I stopped wanting to have a baby. I had my kids. The whole idea of pregnancy and childbirth didn't really appeal to me. I know that sounds strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 After 18 years of marriage, adopting both of my kids (now 10 & 11 yrs. old), and a miscarriage, I'm happy to say that I can go to baby showers without pain and genuinely feel happy when I hear of someone getting pregnant. I no longer cry while buying baby cards & presents and finally gave away the kids' crib & changing table. I think I can finally say, at 40 yrs. old, that the longing for a bio child has finally, mercifully, faded away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks to all who shared. I do have a WONDERFUL friend. We are so much alike--even in some looks--that we could be sisters. We both have firefighter husbands (well mine is retired from that life now), adopted Native kids, did foster care, had infertility, homeschooled, attend the same church, and love horses. She is really the only one I am close to that has the infertility issues. It seems like in our circles babies just come and come and come---many families with 4-8+ kids. We have both had "scares" at one point that we might be pregnant and at those points (more later 30s/early 40s) we weren't really so sure on the idea. We are possibly looking at adopting a little boy in the 7-10 year old range as at times it seems like our table might have an empty spot at it but the way our life is right now, we really don't have a strong desire for a little one for more than a few days at a time. I do though want to be sensitive to those that still long for a bio child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 after 4 infertitity surgeries and then having the daily injections in my butt which dh had to give to me and no success the minute I held my first adopted child (my dd now age 16) I lost all desire to become pregnant. Two years later we adopted our son and the 2 of them have completed our family. What I hated was all the people that after we adopted would say "Now that you adopted of course you will get pregnant, I know "someone" that that happened to" I hated hearing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 DH is sterile...no chance of bio babies...most of the time I am content with adoption...but every now and then...mostly when the thought of waiting to adopt gets a hold of me I think how nice it would be to get pregnant and know more than likely 9 months from then I would have a baby as opposed to the nebulous maybe someday we will be selected by a birthmother and have another baby. So most of the time it is fine, its just that God's timing thing that makes it really hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamatohaleybug Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) I'm 37, never been able to get pregnant (almost 17 years of marriage and wanting a child all that time). I adopted my daughter at birth almost 9 years ago. Not having a bio child was hard for me but I gave up on that a long time ago. I still feel painful twinges with pregnant people and how easily some have babies sometimes. Much harder for me is not having been able to adopt again. We very much wanted to adopt again. Edited September 16, 2011 by mamatohaleybug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 My first two are biological children born after 3 miscarriages. My second child and I were not expected to survive her delivery, but God intervened. Pregnancy was no longer medically advisable. While we were in the adoption process with our youngest child, I went to a fertility clinic to jump start lactation with meds in addition to pumping for our adopted daughter. The fertility doctor confirmed the advice not to attempt pregnancy again, but asked if the adoption was a "done deal." He explained surrogacy as an option for a biological child, but I had absolutely no desire at all. It's nice to know that having done both, there's no difference in the relationship dynamics between my biological children and me and my adopted child and me. Of course I can only speak about my experience. Getting the children are completely different experiences, but the result is eventually the same. My youngest is an international adoptee (arriving in the US at 7 months old) with trauma issues that made bonding a different and longer process, but after a while it's the same thing. We did not have RAD issues, so I can't comment on RAD experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 We tried for many years for our first. We desperately wanted a baby. We went the usual testing routes to no avail. 6 months after we decided to stop I found out I was pg. Somehow we got pg first try next time but I miscarried at 3 months. We tried again but decided not to pursue any additional testing, procedures this time. We went back and forth about having a baby. Dh was fine if we didn't have another. I really wanted a house full of children. Finally, almost 13 years later the week of Christmas I decided I was ok if we didn't have anymore. We were at an easy point of our lives, etc. The next week I found out I was pg. After a year of sleep deprivation, I no longer have that desire to have another baby. I'm also 40 and am really feeling my age right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 4 years of trying and I feel like it isn't going to happen but I still want it to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrystal Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 After my 13th miscarriage and 3rd ectopic. I lost both of my fallopian tubes to the 3 ectopics and after the last one I was at ease. I no longer have that monthly, "maybe I'm pregnant and if I am, will I lose it again" feeling. My husband wants another child, but I just can't go through the heartbreak of losing another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Pretty much as soon as I became an adoptive mom, I stopped yearning for a biological child." :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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