Pros/Cons of a parsonage

[forty-two]

Dh is a pastor, and right now we rent a house about 5min from the church that we like. However, the church owns two houses, one of which used to be the parsonage, and they've asked us if we'd be interested in living there if they converted it back to a parsonage. It would save the church money, as they are paying on it anyway (which is the impetus for the request).

 

Dh and I looked at the house, and it looks like it would do well enough. About the same size as what we have now, but one more bedroom, which would be nice as we are 2br right now, which would at some point be dicey with our 3 dc, 2 dds and 1 ds. And the commute would be pretty easy ;), so save on gas. And if our 11 yo car dies and we were down to one vehicle, it wouldn't be too bad to deal with. And it would be easier for dh to come home for lunch and b/w meetings and such.

 

So we are inclined to do it, but I've heard horror stories about parsonage life.

 

Another factor that I'm not sure how it would play into things is that we are still paying on our house in another state, for 2 years now. Way underwater, trying for a short sale, but only one offer that fell through b/c of financing on their end. We are seriously considering defaulting, which would of course kill our credit for years. Which, so far as I understand, could make even renting, should we have to find a new place, very problematic. Our place now is leased on a yearly basis, but the landlords have repeatedly stated they would love us to stay for years (they actually asked if we'd like to buy it, but aside from the fact we couldn't afford it, all the appliances are getting old and would need to be replaced soon, plus the aforementioned 2br thing). So both it and the parsonage would probably be stable unless we left, which would be an issue in either case, unless having a current good reference wrt renting would help us get a place easier.

 

Ok, that got rambling. Thoughts, experiences?

[Carol in Cal.]

How does the living allowance work for you is something I would consider. I think that pastors get their housing money income tax free or something like that (I know there is something special, but I don't know all the details). So if you're no longer paying for housing, wouldn't more of your income be taxable? It's important to run those numbers; I'm not asking you to tell us about them!

 

I have heard that setting appropriate boundaries is really hard with a parsonage. People can assume that they can just knock on your door anytime. If you're very social and that doesn't bother you, it's really nice for the church. Personally I would find it hard to take.

 

The other thing to consider is that if you live in a parsonage for very long, those are years that you don't spend building up equity in your own home. Where, then, will you live when you retire? Around here that is a serious issue because houses are so expensive.

[forty-two]

Housing allowance is a big consideration b/c a good third is excess (don't need it for housing expenses), and so it is effectively part of our income (and so we pay taxes on it, even though my mom is sure we are the only pastor's family ever to declare excess housing on our taxes, though you are supposed to). So if they cut our entire housing allowance, we'd be way worse off. So we're proposing they just cut the amt we're paying in rent and sign over all the utilities - then we're the same, and they're saving the cost of our rent and the utilities, a not inconsiderable amt. Otherwise, tax-wise a parsonage and housing allowance work the same way.

 

The social boundaries is a concern - we're all *very* introverted. And I'm not that great a housekeeper, though I'm improving. But overall the church seems to have healthy boundaries, so I'm cautiously optimistic there. Will have to talk to retired pastor (who lived there 20-odd years) about their experience.

 

WRT equity, we aren't in a position to buy for a *long* time, any which way. I do know that some churches w/ parsonages include an equity adjustment amt to offset that - something to bring up.

[FO4UR]

The biggest CON is that if anything were to happen at the church (which is ALWAYS possible) then you are out both a home and a job. BAD BAD BAD position to be in. I would not choose to be put into that situation. Renting a home apart from the church, if something happened at the church it would be hard and tough but your dh could find other work and you guys could stay put until he found another church.

 

The other cons:

 

Lack of privacy. The church people own the house. They often assume that they have the right to look/criticize/advise about things that is none of their business. They will pop in uninvited. They will be offended when you put a nice little sign on your door saying that your babies are napping or your big kids are schooling. Offended.

 

Safety. I can't tell you how many times I've had danger literally knocking on my door b/c evidently pastor's wife = naive enabler of bad things. Churches are targets for certain crimes...parsonages are even worse...and a large group of people (some strangers) know exactly where you live, exactly when your dh is gone, and could probably find a key somewhere in the church office if they want it. Call me paranoid...but I'm paranoid.:tongue_smilie:

 

Your church would then be the landlord. THIS DESERVES A BOLD-LETTER WARNING AS WELL. You have to balance when to bring up the issue with the plumbing with the timing of ministry issues. YUCK!!! (I've actually sat through a meeting where a woman asked every.single.detail about replacing a toilet in the parsonage. Humiliating as a person...and abusive as both employee and lessee imho...) If you want that plumbing issue fixed, you have to appease the trustees...

 

I've lived in a couple parsonages, and both were very bad experiences.

 

You need that rental reference. You need your privacy. You need a bit of independence from the church. Stay put. jmnsho

[FO4UR]

 

The social boundaries is a concern - we're all *very* introverted. And I'm not that great a housekeeper, though I'm improving. But overall the church seems to have healthy boundaries, so I'm cautiously optimistic there. Will have to talk to retired pastor (who lived there 20-odd years) about their experience.

 

 

 

 

How long have you been there? Most churches have healthy boundaries for the first year...it's called a Honeymoon. The honeymoon ends, and the real work begins...you can't please everybody all the time, and that parsonage easily becomes a pawn in church matters. It shouldn't, but it does.

 

The retired pastor is not going to be real with you...partly b/c he himself probably has some rose colored glasses about the church that was his baby for 20 years.

 

 

ETA: Plus, the church learns that they can fix their budget woes by short-changing the pastor's family. Bad idea all around...obviously I am trying to talk you out of the parsonage. LOL

 

 

Why doesn't the church sell the unused house?

[forty-two]

Very true wrt to the out of home & job thing - dh was pressured to resign at our previous church :glare:, and not having a place to live would have just capped off that wonderful experience.

[bairnmama]

I grew up in a parsonage and my parents lived in 2 separate parsonages for a total of 25 years. There were some really nice things and some things that were just insane.

 

Pros-

 

 

• We lived in a much bigger house than we could otherwise afford simply because the house had been given to the church in a will.
  
• Repairs did not have to come out of my parent's pocket.
  

 

Cons-

 

 

• Any changes to the interior/exterior (like paint, adding a/c units, fencing) had to go through committee.
  
• Any repair requests had to go through committee.
  
• At least 4 other people had keys to the house for emergency situations.
  

 

 

Honestly, there will always be people who believe they can knock on your door at any time, day or night, when you are a pastor. My parents had a little trouble trying to buy a house for the first time when my father left that position. He had excellent credit but had not rented or owned any house/apt for 25 years! They bought their first house when he was over 50 yrs old.

 

My parents were told what color the outside of the house could and could not be painted. When the house was enlarged, they had input but the building & grounds committee ultimately decided what kind of carpet would be laid and what kind of ceiling (popcorn, ugh), etc.

 

For the longest time, I remember a key to the house hanging right beside the door. We locked the door, but anyone could just take the key and get in. I did live in a small town.... but really? The chairman of the building & grounds committee was a bit off sometimes, lol.

[FO4UR]

Very true wrt to the out of home & job thing - dh was pressured to resign at our previous church :glare:, and not having a place to live would have just capped off that wonderful experience.

 

 

Exactly. btdt:grouphug:

 

I could continue...if your dh needs convincing LOL...

[forty-two]

We've been here two years, and yeah, honeymoon still in effect I think. But they do seem to respect the boundaries of the senior pastor. And generally people don't tend to violate my boundaries - I think I intimidate people some.

 

Safety-wise, the house is part of a nice neighborhood, so not obviously a parsonage/owned by the church except to those in the neighborhood. Key-wise, the locks *would* be changed - already agreed upon.

[forty-two]

WRT decorating and such, I just don't care - I can get used to anything. I'd be just as happy if they left the random curtains so I didn't have to bother. Everything's pretty neutral atm, anyway. And very little could be so bad that it would be worth the effort to change, even if we owned it.

 

Would have to really confirm the access to keys thing. Seriously, hanging by the door :confused: - insane.

[FO4UR]

We've been here two years, and yeah, honeymoon still in effect I think. But they do seem to respect the boundaries of the senior pastor. And generally people don't tend to violate my boundaries - I think I intimidate people some.

 

Safety-wise, the house is part of a nice neighborhood, so not obviously a parsonage/owned by the church except to those in the neighborhood. Key-wise, the locks *would* be changed - already agreed upon.

 

 

Nice neighborhood makes no difference, unfortunately.

 

Do you trust the church leadership with your life? Would you trust them alone with your babies? These people are going to have access to your house key, even if you change the locks. It is completely possible that I'm paranoid on this...but...I am highly uncomfortable with this aspect.

 

Admittedly, I am quite jaded at this point in my life, but many nice church people are good at manipulating (seemingly nice and respectful when they need to be). Give them a good power struggle and your sweet family is the 1st target. Living in a parsonage makes you 100x more vulnerable.

 

If you get the sense that NOT taking the parsonage = not serving Jesus, then you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are being spiritually manipulated. (aka abused)

[FO4UR]

WRT decorating and such, I just don't care - I can get used to anything. I'd be just as happy if they left the random curtains so I didn't have to bother. Everything's pretty neutral atm, anyway. And very little could be so bad that it would be worth the effort to change, even if we owned it.

 

Would have to really confirm the access to keys thing. Seriously, hanging by the door :confused: - insane.

 

 

The point is NOT your ability to adapt. It's their "right" to say.

 

Of course you can adapt. You are the supermom to 3 dc.:D

[bairnmama]

WRT decorating and such, I just don't care - I can get used to anything. I'd be just as happy if they left the random curtains so I didn't have to bother. Everything's pretty neutral atm, anyway. And very little could be so bad that it would be worth the effort to change, even if we owned it.

 

Would have to really confirm the access to keys thing. Seriously, hanging by the door :confused: - insane.

 

 

Seriously, it was hanging there for at least 3 years. Eventually, the key was moved to hanging under a shelf in the garage... that was really a carport since it didn't have a garage door, just an opening. But really, every.single.thing had to go through committee. It was an old house that didn't have central heat & air. We added 4 window a/c units, and each of those had to have approval. We used sticks to hold up the windows because the rope pulleys had broken and the church didn't want to repair that when the glass in the old wood framed windows was not broken. We had to get approval for getting a portable storage building, to add a portable dishwasher, etc.

 

The same committee chairman that wanted the key hanging by the front door gave my mom the key to the side door of the garage with great fanfare after the addition was complete. He wanted to make sure she didn't lose that key or the door wouldn't be able to be unlocked and a copy wasn't being made. But, like I said above.... the garage didn't even have a garage door for the opening where cars drive in! It was just one big gaping opening! If you lost the key, just walk around and open the stupid door!

 

My father did leave that church quite suddenly and not on good terms. The church graciously allowed them to live in the parsonage for almost a year after his resignation while he looked for another job and place to live. It could have been much, much worse.

[mrsrevmeg]

The biggest CON is that if anything were to happen at the church (which is ALWAYS possible) then you are out both a home and a job. BAD BAD BAD position to be in. I would not choose to be put into that situation. Renting a home apart from the church, if something happened at the church it would be hard and tough but your dh could find other work and you guys could stay put until he found another church.

 

The other cons:

 

Lack of privacy. The church people own the house. They often assume that they have the right to look/criticize/advise about things that is none of their business. They will pop in uninvited. They will be offended when you put a nice little sign on your door saying that your babies are napping or your big kids are schooling. Offended.

 

Safety. I can't tell you how many times I've had danger literally knocking on my door b/c evidently pastor's wife = naive enabler of bad things. Churches are targets for certain crimes...parsonages are even worse...and a large group of people (some strangers) know exactly where you live, exactly when your dh is gone, and could probably find a key somewhere in the church office if they want it. Call me paranoid...but I'm paranoid.:tongue_smilie:

 

Your church would then be the landlord. THIS DESERVES A BOLD-LETTER WARNING AS WELL. You have to balance when to bring up the issue with the plumbing with the timing of ministry issues. YUCK!!! (I've actually sat through a meeting where a woman asked every.single.detail about replacing a toilet in the parsonage. Humiliating as a person...and abusive as both employee and lessee imho...) If you want that plumbing issue fixed, you have to appease the trustees...

 

I've lived in a couple parsonages, and both were very bad experiences.

 

You need that rental reference. You need your privacy. You need a bit of independence from the church. Stay put. jmnsho

 

We just recently moved out of one. Very bad experience. I will not do it again. Toilets- we had a two bathroom parsonage. Only one worked. It was brought up repeatedly. Occasionally some men from the church would come look at it. I was told more than once, "If you don't let us know what is wrong we can't fix it for you." :banghead: It had been brought up verbally (more than once) and in writing (more than once).

 

We constantly had people knocking on our door asking for assistance. Sometimes legitimate needs, sometimes not. Sometimes decent, down on their people, sometimes crackheads. We were told by the church not to give out money, to tell them to come back another time when they could talk to the deacons. Easier said than done when they were out of gas/groceries whatever.

 

People of the church constantly calling and asking favors (could you run over to the church and see if my ______ is there. Would you unlock the church at ______o'clock for me? Would let in the repairman who is coming between sometime between 8 and 5 tomorrow?) since "you're always home and don't even have to leave to get the kids from school since you homeschool".

 

The advise I give to anyone is NOT to move into a parsonage.

[Carol in Cal.]

dh was pressured to resign at our previous church

 

This is getting so common. Some churches seem to have forgotten the theology of Office of Holy Ministry. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

[Whereneverever]

Our previous parish had a parsonage, this one let us buy our own home.

 

I will not be going back to a parsonage- it's too vulnerable. There's less privacy, and it's much better on taxes this way.

 

My vote is a no on the parsonage. If they want to save the money- couldn't they sell it or use it for another purpose?

[MindyD]

Just to give you a more positive side. My parents live in a parsonage and have for about 7 years. The people at the church respect their boundaries and don't show up too often. Every now and then someone will show up asking for help but that doesn't bother them. They know how to tell the genuine need from the not genuine. They're allowed to paint and decorate the way they want although the church would handle bigger things. For instance, the floor in the kitchen is OLD linoleum, but my parents live with it, not a big deal in the big scheme of things. Overall, it's been a good experience for them. Oh, and I don't believe there are a bunch of keys floating around,they keep that under control. It's not always horrible.

I will add that my parents actually have a house that they built. They don't have a mortgage so if something bad were to happen, they have somewhere to go. Overall, it's worked well for them.

[Chris in VA]

Wow, what horror stories!

 

I think it's up to YOU (you and your husband as a unit-type YOU, that is) to put boundaries into place. NO ONE shows up at our house from the church--even the sexton, who is a dear friend, calls us if someone is coming to check on the furnace (they handle yearly maintenance) and even if he's going to be in the yard (we are on 40 acres, so "yard" is relative). He calls first if we asked him to change the flourescent lights in the basement, or whatever, to see if it's a convenient time. He usually comes over WITH any repair men we have.

 

I DO NOT feel vulnerable here. I know there are men in the church who would be over here in 10 minutes with their shot guns if I wanted! LOL I am completely protected, valued, and loved in this place.

 

They maintain the home beautifully, give us money every year for decorative things and for maintenance painting (we can get one room painted every year; thisyear we had shutters painted and outside windows painted instead).

 

Our church has EXCELLENT boundaries, mostly because WE have excellent boundaries.

 

And, they give us $3000 a year as an equity helper-thingy (I don't know what it's called). We bought our own home about 2.5 hours from here and will have it paid off by the time dh retires.

 

We love our rectory!

[Harriet Vane]

It's entirely dependent upon the church. I have had two very dear friends live in a parsonage, and both of them disliked it intensely.

 

The church MUST be willing to act like a normal landlord and fulfill its obligations as such. That means they will repair things and will do so in a timely fashion. This was a real problem for my two friends.

 

The church MUST respect your privacy as tenants. This is a very, very difficult issue. People tend to see the church property as a free-for-all. You will have people in your yard or expecting you to watch their kid "for five minutes." Will the church expect to store things in your basement or garage? Will people park in your driveway? These were all issues for my friends.

 

Another issue was the fact that when the church employee was home, his work and his coworkers often followed him there. His time was never his own--it was all too easy to continue interacting with him on work issues because he was so close.

 

Another issue was the fact that many members of the congregation felt free to comment on my friends' lifestyle or care of the house. That fishbowl experience can be absolutely paralyzing.

 

Having watched my two friends and their families' struggles, I would personally NEVER live in a parsonage. It seemed a constant fight to maintain simple boundaries, and the church was NOT honorable as a landlord at all.

[Harriet Vane]

Housing allowance is a big consideration b/c a good third is excess (don't need it for housing expenses), and so it is effectively part of our income (and so we pay taxes on it, even though my mom is sure we are the only pastor's family ever to declare excess housing on our taxes, though you are supposed to). So if they cut our entire housing allowance, we'd be way worse off. So we're proposing they just cut the amt we're paying in rent and sign over all the utilities - then we're the same, and they're saving the cost of our rent and the utilities, a not inconsiderable amt. Otherwise, tax-wise a parsonage and housing allowance work the same way.

 

The social boundaries is a concern - we're all *very* introverted. And I'm not that great a housekeeper, though I'm improving. But overall the church seems to have healthy boundaries, so I'm cautiously optimistic there. Will have to talk to retired pastor (who lived there 20-odd years) about their experience.

 

WRT equity, we aren't in a position to buy for a *long* time, any which way. I do know that some churches w/ parsonages include an equity adjustment amt to offset that - something to bring up.

 

The highlighted are major, major red flags. Based on these two items alone I would say to run screaming from any parsonage situation.

[JennyD]

I have no experience living in a parsonage, but we lived for years in an apartment that was owned by DH's employer. It was an okay experience, all told, but I can't say I'd recommend it. As one of the prior posters said, you have to think about what happens if disaster strikes. I have no doubt that if, say, my DH had gotten hit by a bus, the kids and I would been politely told that we had 30 days to get out. Or if he lost his job -- it would be all our income, health insurance, AND housing, all gone overnight.

 

It was also stressful dealing with his employer for related housing issues. Responsiveness about repairs correlated strongly with how pleased the boss was with DH's current work. And when a neighbor complained about my crying baby? DH got called on the carpet.

 

Like I said, it wasn't all bad, and we couldn't have afforded to live there otherwise, but neither one of us quite realized how much we disliked the enmeshment until we moved into our own place.

[Little Nyssa]

Also, you need to make sure all repairs are done safely and "up to code". Sometimes work is done by volunteers who are not well-trained, although kind and willing, and for example wiring might not be safely done, and the house might not be earthquake-proofed etc.

But the key thing, to me, is: what are your own boundaries as far as your needs vs the church's financial situation? Will you be able to request, directly but politely, for what you need, or will you never ask for anything because you realize it's people's pennies in the collection plate? What are your real needs vs wants? Will you live in a dilapidated house happily or will you have a martyr complex and be resentful?

One thing I would ask for is one dedicated person on the parish council who will be on-call in case of emergency, and a list of pre-approved repairmen such as plumber.

[Chris in VA]

People tend to see the church property as a free-for-all. You will have people in your yard or expecting you to watch their kid "for five minutes." Will the church expect to store things in your basement or garage? Will people park in your driveway? These were all issues for my friends.

 

Another issue was the fact that when the church employee was home, his work and his coworkers often followed him there. His time was never his own--it was all too easy to continue interacting with him on work issues because he was so close.

 

Another issue was the fact that many members of the congregation felt free to comment on my friends' lifestyle or care of the house. That fishbowl experience can be absolutely paralyzing.

 

I would NEVER put up with such crap. This is unbelievable.

 

will you never ask for anything because you realize it's people's pennies in the collection plate? What are your real needs vs wants? Will you live in a dilapidated house happily or will you have a martyr complex and be resentful?

 

"The worker deserves his wage." A healthy pastor/priest realizes he earns his pay, and makes sure his congregation gets that message, too. Compensation should be spelled out very clearly when you are hired. It's the fault of the minister if it isn't.

 

Do you trust the church leadership with your life? Would you trust them alone with your babies?

 

If they aren't trustworthy, they shouldn't be in leadership. Seems to me it's the minister's job to remove them.

 

The experiences on this thread just are so foreign to my experience--sorry if my tone is combatitive.

[T'smom]

I grew up in a parsonage....my parents still live there and have for 25 years. It's a very nice, well-maintained home. Yes, things have to go through a committee- but they've never turned anything down. It TOTALLY depends on the individual church.....but there are LOTS of good experiences too.

[Harriet Vane]

 

The experiences on this thread just are so foreign to my experience--sorry if my tone is combatitive.

 

I think it just goes back to the individual congregation and leadership, and who specifically controls the parish house. There are kind, responsible people out there who would never dream of the abuses my friends (two different families) experienced. Then again, there are stingy, irresponsible, intrusive people who do not wield power well. Both realities exist, which is why the OP has to give this very, very careful thought.

 

A different example would be my time in religious publishing. I worked for five years for a local Christian bookstore, and have nothing but praise for the kind couple who owned that store. Working for them was a clear illustration of how a Christian business should be run. Also one of the publishing companies I worked for was a similarly great experience--good boundaries, a clear sense of calling, and a supportive work environment. Part of the reason for that was the strong leadership of the founder. Unfortunately I had other experiences, with other Christian publishing houses, that were really bad. Those experiences were made twice as difficult because the dishonesty and immorality and even illegal behavior was happening (and supported by!) a company that claimed a specifically Christian mission. Often abuses and bad behavior were justified and cloaked in a specifically Christian vocabulary--it was quite sickening. The point is that some Christian groups behaved in a Christlike manner; others didn't.

 

I am glad, though, for your sake, that your experience with parish living has been more positive.

[PinkInTheBlue]

For ME the parsonage route was just one more wall on the glass house. Only you really know what's best for you but it always made me very uncomfortable to know that with being an employee (that's what a minister is, after all) of the church both my income and my home were all in their basket. IF you were to feel forced to go the route of giving up the house you are mortgaged on, getting another rental if you were to lose the parsonage might be tricky. Trust me to tell you good landlords are not always easy to find. :)

 

Only my opinion and my experience. :)

[Starr]

Our experiences were fine but I know many people personally that have not had good ones. You would need a real feel for how the church budgets, and a big overview of your income. Maybe talk with someone well versed in clergy taxes.

[elfgivas]

Dh is a pastor, and right now we rent a house about 5min from the church that we like. However, the church owns two houses, one of which used to be the parsonage, and they've asked us if we'd be interested in living there if they converted it back to a parsonage. It would save the church money, as they are paying on it anyway (which is the impetus for the request).

 

Dh and I looked at the house, and it looks like it would do well enough. About the same size as what we have now, but one more bedroom, which would be nice as we are 2br right now, which would at some point be dicey with our 3 dc, 2 dds and 1 ds. And the commute would be pretty easy ;), so save on gas. And if our 11 yo car dies and we were down to one vehicle, it wouldn't be too bad to deal with. And it would be easier for dh to come home for lunch and b/w meetings and such.

 

So we are inclined to do it, but I've heard horror stories about parsonage life.

 

Another factor that I'm not sure how it would play into things is that we are still paying on our house in another state, for 2 years now. Way underwater, trying for a short sale, but only one offer that fell through b/c of financing on their end. We are seriously considering defaulting, which would of course kill our credit for years. Which, so far as I understand, could make even renting, should we have to find a new place, very problematic. Our place now is leased on a yearly basis, but the landlords have repeatedly stated they would love us to stay for years (they actually asked if we'd like to buy it, but aside from the fact we couldn't afford it, all the appliances are getting old and would need to be replaced soon, plus the aforementioned 2br thing). So both it and the parsonage would probably be stable unless we left, which would be an issue in either case, unless having a current good reference wrt renting would help us get a place easier.

 

Ok, that got rambling. Thoughts, experiences?

 

i've done it both ways. the last two times, the parsonage was four blocks from the church. that was just about ideal; close enough, but far enough. one thing is that we had a parishioner who lived nearer the church hold an extra key, so that if someone forgot their key, they went to her, not to us. she loved it, and so did we : ).

 

we installed an alarm system, because its not rocket science to figure out that no one will be home on sunday mornings.

 

flip side: our dog knew the moment someone was coming on business rather than for a friendly business. i dealt with that by walking the dog and talking to the person. ie. no one came in the house unless by previous arrangement. i'm an extrovert, so that helped. i didn't put curtains on the living room window, because everyone knew who was there, anyway..... we had a sunroom in the back where we spent most of our time as a result.

 

only you can choose. there seem to be enough pros for you that i can see why you are considering it....

 

:grouphug: no way is easy.

ann

[Parker Martin]

I would not want my employer to be my landlord.

[FO4UR]

 

"The worker deserves his wage." A healthy pastor/priest realizes he earns his pay, and makes sure his congregation gets that message, too. Compensation should be spelled out very clearly when you are hired. It's the fault of the minister if it isn't.

 

 

We have fallen for a "bait and switch"...I can't say more than that. Unfortunately, it happens and often the only reasonable recourse is to leave....which leaves you in a heap of carp if you were living in a parsonage too.

 

 

If they aren't trustworthy, they shouldn't be in leadership. Seems to me it's the minister's job to remove them.

 

There is trust, and there is trust. I trust a lot of people who aren't given the trust of having my house key.

 

 

The experiences on this thread just are so foreign to my experience--sorry if my tone is combatitive.

 

 

I am glad for you that this seems like a foreign concept. It's completely possible that I'm a bit too jaded too. ;)

[smillard00]

Haven't read them all, but wanted to relate our experience.

 

We live in a parsonage and are quite happy with it for the most part. They did significant renovations before we moved in, but have been receptive to some additional needs we've had, such as the dishwasher not working from the start and the stove began failing a few months later. The previous resident wasn't willing for anyone to come into the house, so many repair issues weren't addressed until they left. Our philosophy is that if something needs to be fixed, we will get right on that and make sure regular maintenance is done to the house. I'm doing my best to keep it clean and tidy, although that is hard with three homeschooled kids and no school room. They pay all utilities and there is no rent, so we have very few expenses that are house-related. We just negotiated the stipend to a number that would cover the rest of our budget. Boundaries haven't been an issue so far. Usually, if someone knocks on the door, we ignore it if dh isn't home unless we are expecting someone.

 

The great things about it are that we have a nice playground for recess time, if I have a kid who needs to get away, I can send one to the church. I can go visit dh when I have a teaching break or need a book from his bookshelf. he can be home for breakfast and lunch and dinner every day unless there is an emergency. I feel like we get to see him a lot more than we would otherwise.

[Cheryl in NM]

Dh is a pastor, and right now we rent a house about 5min from the church that we like. However, the church owns two houses, one of which used to be the parsonage, and they've asked us if we'd be interested in living there if they converted it back to a parsonage. It would save the church money, as they are paying on it anyway (which is the impetus for the request).

 

Dh and I looked at the house, and it looks like it would do well enough. About the same size as what we have now, but one more bedroom, which would be nice as we are 2br right now, which would at some point be dicey with our 3 dc, 2 dds and 1 ds. And the commute would be pretty easy ;), so save on gas. And if our 11 yo car dies and we were down to one vehicle, it wouldn't be too bad to deal with. And it would be easier for dh to come home for lunch and b/w meetings and such.

 

So we are inclined to do it, but I've heard horror stories about parsonage life.

 

Another factor that I'm not sure how it would play into things is that we are still paying on our house in another state, for 2 years now. Way underwater, trying for a short sale, but only one offer that fell through b/c of financing on their end. We are seriously considering defaulting, which would of course kill our credit for years. Which, so far as I understand, could make even renting, should we have to find a new place, very problematic. Our place now is leased on a yearly basis, but the landlords have repeatedly stated they would love us to stay for years (they actually asked if we'd like to buy it, but aside from the fact we couldn't afford it, all the appliances are getting old and would need to be replaced soon, plus the aforementioned 2br thing). So both it and the parsonage would probably be stable unless we left, which would be an issue in either case, unless having a current good reference wrt renting would help us get a place easier.

 

Ok, that got rambling. Thoughts, experiences?

 

No advice, but you need to consider the tax implications as well.

[mom2abcd]

It depends...

 

I have lived in five different parsonage situations. Some have been great, others just OK.

 

For your personal finance benefits, it is better to own and use the housing allowance, build up equity, etc. than to live in a parsonage and receive lower income. This is a benefit to clergy that helps balance out the negative aspect of having to pay your own social security.

 

When a ministry is in a rural location it can be a blessing to live near your place of work.

 

We had many, many people drop by with gifts of garden produce, etc.

 

When the air conditioning goes out, with your own house you need to find the $ to fix it. With a rental you're covered. With a parsonage you hope they have $ to fix it and in a timely manner.

 

We often spent some of our tithe money on the house for things that needed done because we didn't want to hassle with committees or it wouldn't have been done in a timely manner. Sometimes you don't have the freedom to make changes like that, but in our situations we could.

 

But it is SO nice to separate home life from work life by having your own space. (Space physically, but also emotionally).

 

It's great to build up equity for the future.

 

It's great to have more privacy.

 

It's great to have choices.

 

We much prefer choosing our own place.

 

If your house sells, you may enjoy choosing a larger house in your new town. I wouldn't want to be tied down.

 

Maybe they can rent one of the houses or make a "youth house" or something with their houses. Since a parsonage wasn't offered as part of the call, you aren't obligated to use it. Unless they offer a VERY good financial package (like same $ but free housing and utilities;o), I would just enjoy the rental and wait for my house to sell before buying one in this town.

 

I think even if your credit would go bad, you should be able to rent without problem. If not, then you could inquire about a parsonage situation if absolutely necessary.

 

Now if one of the parsonages was on 40 acres like Chris in VA's... it would be something to consider! And if they paid you enough to buy another house while living in the parsonage-- yes, definitely something to consider. But I have a feeling Chris' experience is pretty rare:o) (You are blessed, Chris!)

[Chris in VA]

Now if one of the parsonages was on 40 acres like Chris in VA's... it would be something to consider! And if they paid you enough to buy another house while living in the parsonage-- yes, definitely something to consider. But I have a feeling Chris' experience is pretty rare) (You are blessed, Chris!)

 

Yes, yes I am. :D

 

Of course, my husband has his doctorate. We belong to a denomination that requires a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree before you can be ordained to the priesthood. So, the pay scale starts a little higher. And we belong to a church that has some well-to-do members and a bigger budget than many. AND my hubby has some top-notch negotiating skills and educated himself on finances, so he was able to secure a great financial package.

 

And they love us. :D

 

Oh, just wanted to add that it IS nice to have dh home for lunch (when he's able), close by for emergencies, and so on. But, he does need to leave the property/campus/grounds for vacation. No one tracks him down, but he needs space to relax--even tho we are near one end of the property and the church is on the other.

[mom2abcd]

 

Oh, just wanted to add that it IS nice to have dh home for lunch (when he's able), close by for emergencies, and so on. But, he does need to leave the property/campus/grounds for vacation. No one tracks him down, but he needs space to relax--even tho we are near one end of the property and the church is on the other.

 

I forgot to put that on the Plus Side... being able to come home for lunch is really nice. (Though the OP lives just five minutes from the church so not as much an issue for her.) Truly, the last parsonage we had was wonderful... decent house with great floor plan and lots of space... they let us fix it up as needed and paid for the major repairs... It was far enough away that location wasn't as demanding as other places I've lived... I think the building equity thing is big. I know it is for my parents, who have lived in parsonage situations most of their lives.

 

We have a denomination with similar set-up. And they love us. Unfortunately, dh is too Philippians 2:5ish to be a good negotiator on finances. We are $13K under the minimum suggested. Oh, well. Maybe the next time... I know there are a lot of church workers who get paid poverty-level so we're not alone at least.

[MamaJo]

Our church has a parsonage (though we call it a manse) and for many years we rented it to a family so it paid for itself. Would that be an option?

[lotsofpumpkins]

We've lived in a parsonage for almost 4 years now, and we've been so blessed to be here. The church members respect our privacy, but also frequently stop by with garden produce in the spring and early summer. Although we ask if they want to come in, almost all say no because they are busy.

 

The church budgets money for repairs to the house. When something needs to be done, dh makes a quick call to a deacon or the treasurer, and it gets done. We are working on updating the bathrooms, and since dh is handy he just tells the deacons what he is doing, and they tell him to buy what he needs at the hardware store where the church has an account. (Or we can buy stuff at other places and get reimbursed.)

 

As for keys, we re-keyed the house when we moved here because no one really knew just how many keys were out there. The three deacons each have a key, which they've only used to check on the house when we are on vacation. They mainly check to make sure the deep freezer is still running.

 

We LOVE being able to walk to church. We also love having a huge yard to play in. Someone else mentioned being able to send one of the dc over to the church to hang out with dh; we do that sometimes too.

 

After reading this thread, I feel incredibly blessed, because our experience in a parsonage has been wonderful so far.