what am I supposed to tell her??

[EthiopianFood]

Dd has always been very, very friendly. She would just go up to anyone and try to play with them. She has never had actual friends before though, and hasn't had many opportunities to interact with other kids. We have been attending homeschool play group, and she was recently rejected by a little girl she had started playing with who was also at the park, and another little boy who is a regular at the group. She was very hurt by this (they had been playing with her, then told her they didn't want to play with her anymore, just with each other). The next week, the same little boy was having a bad day, and ignored her. She was so upset, she went off by herself and just sat there, alone. She is now very hesitant to approach other kids (not that it worked anyway, kids apparently don't know what to do with friendly children they don't already know???). She is much more shy, and I have to encourage her to talk to them. When she did find someone who was willing to play, she was somewhat bossy, which is not how she used to be.

 

All this to say, I don't know what I"m supposed to tell her. Being friendly has resulted in her just being ignored, for the most part. She HAS been rejected by the closest thing she had to a friend. I tried having her tell him how she felt (since it was a friend), and he wasn't at all interested in talking about it. She just said today that kids don't like her. What am I supposed to tell her?? :( How do you help your child have good self esteem when they have bad luck finding friends? Her self esteem should come from within, but how could she NOT care if she is rejected, especially as a child? I've told her kids don't always want to play, and that it's not her fault, but she still feels really badly.

[Whereneverever]

How old is your DD?

[simka2]

How old is your dd?

[Aelwydd]

I feel bad for your dd. She sounds like my ds; he is extremely outgoing and friendly. He sees another kid and he goes to make friends immediately.

 

Are there any other groups you could join to give her more opportunities to socialize? How old is she?

[EthiopianFood]

Kindergarten-age. If she hadn't had such a huge, consistent shift in behavior and hadn't explicitly said that some kids don't like her, and that she didn't know why she felt "scared" when attempting to interact with a new child in a store today, I would assume this would pass with time.

[EthiopianFood]

I feel bad for your dd. She sounds like my ds; he is extremely outgoing and friendly. He sees another kid and he goes to make friends immediately.

 

Are there any other groups you could join to give her more opportunities to socialize? How old is she?

 

Our homeschool group has kids that are either too old (and don't want to play with her) or too young (she can't relate to them), other than the 2-3 kids who just aren't interested in playing. I don't want to do mommy and me classes because I want kids she will stay friends with, not kids who will go off to public school soon. :( I'm also really scared of trying a second group, only to have the same experience (especially since everything else about the group is just perfect). I'm not really sure what to do.

[LittleIzumi]

Can you try to set up regular playtimes with kids in the homeschool group or a local moms' group, so she has a couple of friends that she plays with to boost her confidence? Dd's had a couple of negative encounters but she also sees her regular friends at least once a week and she's still quite happy & willing to look for new friends (and most kids are happy to play with her).

[EthiopianFood]

Can you try to set up regular playtimes with kids in the homeschool group or a local moms' group, so she has a couple of friends that she plays with to boost her confidence? Dd's had a couple of negative encounters but she also sees her regular friends at least once a week and she's still quite happy & willing to look for new friends (and most kids are happy to play with her).

 

I think we cross-posted. There really isn't anyone else in the group, short answer. And the thing is, most kids she has come across have NOT been happy to play with her. :confused: I'm telling you the truth, she isn't weird, creepy, smelly, or anything else. She just walks up (well, she USED to...) to kids and smiles at them, and they ignore her. :confused: She has attempted to follow them to get involved, and they still ignore her. She doesn't know how to lead a group, I guess, but not all kids who have friends do. :confused:

[trailofsparks]

Can you bring up times in her past when her friendliness resulted in reciprocation?

 

My dd7 (at the time), in the course of conversation, said she was shy. Huh?? I looked at her and said, "You are not shy. When you were younger, you would walk up to other kids at the park and begin playing", etc. Soon after that conversation, she just resumed her natural behaviors.

 

I think things can happen, like in your dd's case, where they will allow that situation to redefine them. They need us to gently guide them back to who they are, if that makes sense.

[EthiopianFood]

Can you bring up times in her past when her friendliness resulted in reciprocation?

 

It almost never does. Never. I figured it would work out in time. Sigh.

 

The one time it really started an interaction was with the girl who then rejected her after her other friend joined them in play. :(

[Julie in CA]

Attempting to break into friendships by facing them in a group situation can be difficult no matter what the age is. I still find it hard sometimes. ;)

 

A nice intermediate step would be to foster some one-on-one friendships. As much as homeschoolers as a group seem to associate the idea of "socializing" kids as a negative, in my opinion it's sometimes necessary to teach kids how to get by in groups if they haven't had much experience with group dynamics.

 

Start small, with one friend, then move that firm friendship to the group. :001_smile:

 

ETA: As for what to tell her, I probably wouldn't mention it beyond saying, "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry it didn't work out well for you today...friends are very precious, and sometimes it takes a lot of looking around, and a lot of getting to know people before you find the right ones."

Edited May 29, 2011 by Julie in CA

[trailofsparks]

It almost never does. Never. I figured it would work out in time. Sigh.

 

The one time it really started an interaction was with the girl who then rejected her after her other friend joined them in play. :(

 

With regards to proximity, where are you when she is trying to interact with other kids? Can you give us some examples of her efforts? There have been times when I have "helped" one of my dc's efforts along. Have you tried this at all?

[trailofsparks]

Attempting to break into friendships by facing them in a group situation can be difficult no matter what the age is. I still find it hard sometimes. ;)

 

A nice intermediate step would be to foster some one-on-one friendships. As much as homeschoolers as a group seem to associate the idea of "socializing" kids as a negative, in my opinion it's sometimes necessary to teach kids how to get by in groups if they haven't had much experience with group dynamics.

 

Start small, with one friend, then move that firm friendship to the group. :001_smile:

 

Oh, yes! Very good idea.

[LittleIzumi]

I think we cross-posted. There really isn't anyone else in the group, short answer. And the thing is, most kids she has come across have NOT been happy to play with her. :confused: I'm telling you the truth, she isn't weird, creepy, smelly, or anything else. She just walks up (well, she USED to...) to kids and smiles at them, and they ignore her. :confused: She has attempted to follow them to get involved, and they still ignore her. She doesn't know how to lead a group, I guess, but not all kids who have friends do. :confused:

Does she talk to them, or smile & hope they invite her? Mine tend to run up yelling, "HI!!!!!!!" or "Hey friends!!" and that usually works.

[specialmama]

My dd used to be that way at that age. I just hugged her and told her "we are still commanded to love others, so try again;" or "don't give up;" and "they need your help to know what being friendly looks like. Who knows? Maybe that other child will watch you being so nice and will learn from you!" The fact is, there are always going to be people who are grouchy and miserable or mean. Our job as parents is to equip our kids and help them be the best they can be. I've also told my dd that if I were her age, I'd LOVE to be her friend because she's kind and shares, etc. She would look at me in wide-eyed wonder and ask, "really?" and I'd just nod and say "absolutely!" It did wonders for her.

[bbmom]

When she goes up to the kids, does she ask them to play or just smile and follow them around? Kids that age are not so good with non-verbal cues-she needs to ask if they want to play with her. My older son is the same age and he would come ask me why this little girl was following him around-not realize she was trying to play with him.

 

Does she have any interests? A dance, gymnastics, soccer, or art class (or any activity really) would be a place where she might be able to make a friend or two. Also, FWIW, ODS has many friends who go to all different schools, so if you can join a group to help her make friends, and then would be willing to continue to help her maintain those relationships through playdates or other get-togethers it might be a more viable option than you think right now.

[Whereneverever]

With regards to proximity, where are you when she is trying to interact with other kids? Can you give us some examples of her efforts? There have been times when I have "helped" one of my dc's efforts along. Have you tried this at all?

:iagree:

My DD1 is socially awkward ;) so I tend to be close when she's meeting someone new. It helps the interaction be positive which makes her more likely to make friends.

[simka2]

I wouldn't give this situation very much power of you or her ;). My dd10 now is very outgoing and always has been. We have used these moments as learning moments. There are numerous ways I would take this. Option A: "Hey sweetie, it's going to be ok. This does hurt and it is not fun. One thing we can remember in the future is not to treat others like this." Or, "Precious, do you ever have a bad day? I know I do. I think (friend) may be having a bad day. Let's give them some space and time." Lastly, although I keep this for when they are a bit more mature. "Honey, you did nothing wrong. Different kids have different things going on and we can't control that. This doesn't mean you did anything wrong. the right friend is out there we just haven't found them yet."

 

Then at the next playdate I will have bubbles, squirt guns, twirly ribbons you name it. I will sit in an open space and have dd get out one of the items. Kids will want to share, or she can ask if they want to play, but I am nearby to keep a pulse on attitudes and atmosphere. This is how friendships start. Once there is a bit of establishment I will break away and try to get to know dd's friend's mom. From there comes private playdates.;)

[LittleIzumi]

I wouldn't give this situation very much power of you or her ;). My dd10 now is very outgoing and always has been. We have used these moments as learning moments. There are numerous ways I would take this. Option A: "Hey sweetie, it's going to be ok. This does hurt and it is not fun. One thing we can remember in the future is not to treat others like this." Or, "Precious, do you ever have a bad day? I know I do. I think (friend) may be having a bad day. Let's give them some space and time." Lastly, although I keep this for when they are a bit more mature. "Honey, you did nothing wrong. Different kids have different things going on and we can't control that. This doesn't mean you did anything wrong. the right friend is out there we just haven't found them yet."

 

Then at the next playdate I will have bubbles, squirt guns, twirly ribbons you name it. I will sit in an open space and have dd get out one of the items. Kids will want to share, or she can ask if they want to play, but I am nearby to keep a pulse on attitudes and atmosphere. This is how friendships start. Once there is a bit of establishment I will break away and try to get to know dd's friend's mom. From there comes private playdates.;)

 

That is the part that I cannot even fathom handling. I am SO introverted with people I don't know that this frankly terrifies me. Luckily I am in local mom groups with an online presence so I "knew" them before I met them.

[EthiopianFood]

I wouldn't give this situation very much power of you or her ;).

 

The intial incident happened over a month ago. She specifically mentioned it today, on her own. If it didn't seem like it was still bothering her, and if she hadn't been acting like a completely different child around other kids ever since, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. It's great if your kids just get over things like this. Mine obviously doesn't. That is why I want to figure out how to help her not be affected by it anymore. This is why I didn't mention her age. ;)

 

My dd10 now is very outgoing and always has been. We have used these moments as learning moments. There are numerous ways I would take this. Option A: "Hey sweetie, it's going to be ok. This does hurt and it is not fun. One thing we can remember in the future is not to treat others like this." Or, "Precious, do you ever have a bad day? I know I do. I think (friend) may be having a bad day. Let's give them some space and time." Lastly, although I keep this for when they are a bit more mature. "Honey, you did nothing wrong. Different kids have different things going on and we can't control that. This doesn't mean you did anything wrong. the right friend is out there we just haven't found them yet."

 

Yes, I told her these types of things after the first and second incidents. Like I said, it's over a month later and she's still fully aware that kids can turn against her at a moment's notice.

 

Then at the next playdate I will have bubbles, squirt guns, twirly ribbons you name it. I will sit in an open space and have dd get out one of the items. Kids will want to share, or she can ask if they want to play, but I am nearby to keep a pulse on attitudes and atmosphere. This is how friendships start. Once there is a bit of establishment I will break away and try to get to know dd's friend's mom. From there comes private playdates.;)

 

She's actually had those with two kids in the group. This is why the situation was so hurtful to her. She thought she was with friends. They didn't act like friends.

 

In response to those asking how she interacts initially, I would say that she doesn't really say much to the other child. I will try to encourage her to ask them if they want to play, and see how that goes. I definitely think there are mixed messages going on. Hopefully having more successful interactions will build her confidence again. I'm still trying to figure out how to help her not be so crushed when she is rejected though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

She's actually had those with two kids in the group. This is why the situation was so hurtful to her. She thought she was with friends. They didn't act like friends.

 

In response to those asking how she interacts initially, I would say that she doesn't really say much to the other child. I will try to encourage her to ask them if they want to play, and see how that goes. I definitely think there are mixed messages going on. Hopefully having more successful interactions will build her confidence again. I'm still trying to figure out how to help her not be so crushed when she is rejected though.

 

What people are trying to tell you is that most kids don't know how to be good friends at that age. If they play nicely one time, that's great, but often kids are capricious and will have spats or times when they just aren't interested in one person for awhile. At that age what I emphasized was finding someone to play nicely with for that time period.

[EthiopianFood]

What people are trying to tell you is that most kids don't know how to be good friends at that age. If they play nicely one time, that's great, but often kids are capricious and will have spats or times when they just aren't interested in one person for awhile. At that age what I emphasized was finding someone to play nicely with for that time period.

 

Okay, but my dd is deeply hurt that her friends, one old and one new, decided they didn't like her anymore. I told her to just find someone else to play with, that the main friend was just in a bad mood (his mom even told her this, that he was having an off day, whatever) and it obviously didn't help her get over it. I get that it's not anyone else's job to accomodate my child. I'm asking for advice on how to help her not feel so awful about this. There must be SOMEONE who has a child who was like this.

 

I feel like I'm repeating myself ad naseum here. :001_huh: I didn't coddle her. I didn't cry about it and say how sorry she should feel for herself, or how mean those kids were. She's an autonomous person who feels how she feels, and now, as her mom, I'm trying to help her. Is this really such an unusual situation? Again, this is why I didn't mention her age. :glare:

[LibraryLover]

When people are being silly or ignorant, I tell my kids. I have no issue with saying, "Sometimes people are ignorant/silly/mean no harm/have challenged social skills. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them."

Edited May 29, 2011 by LibraryLover

[EthiopianFood]

Does she talk to them, or smile & hope they invite her? Mine tend to run up yelling, "HI!!!!!!!" or "Hey friends!!" and that usually works.

 

I am going to encourage her to try something like this. Thank you. :)

 

I've also told my dd that if I were her age, I'd LOVE to be her friend because she's kind and shares, etc. She would look at me in wide-eyed wonder and ask, "really?" and I'd just nod and say "absolutely!" It did wonders for her.

 

I'm going to try this. I know how much it built me up to have an adult believe in me when I was a child. Maybe that will be enough for her in this situation, until I can help her with her approaching skills, and until we can find a group of kids who have more similar temperments to her for some extra play time. Thanks.

[EthiopianFood]

When people are being silly or ignorant, I tell my kids. I have no issue with saying, "Sometimes people are ignorant. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them."

 

It's the truth. I am not currently experincing this particular thing with any of my kids, but I am the parent of a non-white child. People can be **stupid** and I just say so.

 

My dn is biracial. Yes, stupid indeed. :glare: You are so right. I prefer to be direct, so I appreciate this a lot. Putting all of this together, I'm wondering if my best bet is to be very direct like this, and then tell her we just need to find the right friend for HER, and have a plan of things to try to help her meet more kids. Maybe having a plan, some hope, will help her not feel so crushed by her feelings. Since she is so young, she doesn't have a way to work through this herself. She just knows she doesn't really have friends, and when she tries to make friends, it doesn't work. It is amazing how much her personality is like mine so far. Based on that, I think a plan is just what she needs....

 

I think you would be such an interesting person IRL. Just saying. :)

[LibraryLover]

My dn is biracial. Yes, stupid indeed. :glare: You are so right. I prefer to be direct, so I appreciate this a lot. Putting all of this together, I'm wondering if my best bet is to be very direct like this, and then tell her we just need to find the right friend for HER, and have a plan of things to try to help her meet more kids. Maybe having a plan, some hope, will help her not feel so crushed by her feelings. Since she is so young, she doesn't have a way to work through this herself. She just knows she doesn't really have friends, and when she tries to make friends, it doesn't work. It is amazing how much her personality is like mine so far. Based on that, I think a plan is just what she needs....

 

I think you would be such an interesting person IRL. Just saying. :)

 

 

Little kids are a different animal, but still...it's OK to tell your kids that other children are sometimes unkind. Maybe they do not mean to be and maybe another time they will not be...but right here, right now? They were unkind and it's not your fault etc.

[EthiopianFood]

Little kids are a different animal, but still...it's OK to tell your kids that other children are sometimes unkind. Maybe they do not mean to be and maybe another time they will not be...but right here, right now? They were unkind and it's not your fault etc.

 

Don't worry, I wasn't going to go tell dd that all the other kids are just stupid so she should ignore them. :lol:

 

New thread in a week: "My dd can't find friends. I don't understand it. I keep pointing out the stupid kids to her so she can avoid them, but they ALL seem to be stupid. On an unrelated note, everyone is avoiding us at homeschool group, and I don't know why....." :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Okay, but my dd is deeply hurt that her friends, one old and one new, decided they didn't like her anymore. I told her to just find someone else to play with, that the main friend was just in a bad mood (his mom even told her this, that he was having an off day, whatever) and it obviously didn't help her get over it. I get that it's not anyone else's job to accomodate my child. I'm asking for advice on how to help her not feel so awful about this. There must be SOMEONE who has a child who was like this.

 

I feel like I'm repeating myself ad naseum here. :001_huh: I didn't coddle her. I didn't cry about it and say how sorry she should feel for herself, or how mean those kids were. She's an autonomous person who feels how she feels, and now, as her mom, I'm trying to help her. Is this really such an unusual situation? Again, this is why I didn't mention her age. :glare:

 

I can sense that perhaps I'm adding to your frustration here. . . Age is important if you are looking at the developmental realities for most children at younger ages. Your dd seems to be looking for a more mature definition of friendship than most kids her age can give. Perhaps she needs to look for friendships with children who are a bit older than her.

[EthiopianFood]

I can sense that perhaps I'm adding to your frustration here. . . Age is important if you are looking at the developmental realities for most children at younger ages. Your dd seems to be looking for a more mature definition of friendship than most kids her age can give. Perhaps she needs to look for friendships with children who are a bit older than her.

 

It's hard to read tone online, and I can see now that you really are trying to help. I feel like there are two issues here: how do I help her make friends more easily (I've gotten some very practical advice on that one), and how do I help her not be so crushed when she is rejected (because that really is life). I'm feeling a little blown off over the second issue, is all.

 

I guess I agree with your observation. It is difficult though because older kids look at her and just see a younger kid, not a playmate. Hopefully if I really work with her on being more assertive, rather than just friendly and approachable, that won't be such an issue. I do appeciate a reality check though, because if I shouldn't bother hoping that most children dd's age will want to be best friends at all times, I do want to know that so I can just try and figure something else out. She is an only child, so I honestly don't know what is typical for a lot of things. I didn't want this thread to be about how awful other kids are or anything, just what I should do to help dd successfully navigate amongst her peers.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's hard to read tone online, and I can see now that you really are trying to help. I feel like there are two issues here: how do I help her make friends more easily (I've gotten some very practical advice on that one), and how do I help her not be so crushed when she is rejected (because that really is life). I'm feeling a little blown off over the second issue, is all.

 

I guess I agree with your observation. It is difficult though because older kids look at her and just see a younger kid, not a playmate. Hopefully if I really work with her on being more assertive, rather than just friendly and approachable, that won't be such an issue. I do appeciate a reality check though, because if I shouldn't bother hoping that most children dd's age will want to be best friends at all times, I do want to know that so I can just try and figure something else out. She is an only child, so I honestly don't know what is typical for a lot of things. I didn't want this thread to be about how awful other kids are or anything, just what I should do to help dd successfully navigate amongst her peers.

 

I had to tell my dd " A doesn't understand yet that friends should be there for each other all the time. I know that it's hard for you when A wants to play with someone else, but I know that you are a good friend and that A will want to play with you again soon. How about we make a sand castle?"

[Tohru]

:grouphug:

 

It's hard.

 

At that age, all children are still learning to be friends.

 

We found that frequent (weekly) and smaller sized group playdates were best. One-on-one even better.

When we first met others, I made a special point to have the children shake hands and tell them that they will be friends. For some reason, that initial touching really breaks down a barrier.

Edited May 29, 2011 by jadedone80

[EthiopianFood]

I had to tell my dd " A doesn't understand yet that friends should be there for each other all the time. I know that it's hard for you when A wants to play with someone else, but I know that you are a good friend and that A will want to play with you again soon. How about we make a sand castle?"

 

I did say essentially what you just said, although I didn't then get her involved in something else. Could this be why she wasn't able to move on?? Like I said before, I told her that she could find someone else to play with, and sometimes people don't want to play, or are having a bad day. This was over a month ago! I'm just not getting why it didn't work, even though that is what everyone is telling me I should have told her. Is she just really, really sensitive, more so than most kids? :confused:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I did say essentially what you just said, although I didn't then get her involved in something else. Could this be why she wasn't able to move on?? Like I said before, I told her that she could find someone else to play with, and sometimes people don't want to play, or are having a bad day. This was over a month ago! I'm just not getting why it didn't work, even though that is what everyone is telling me I should have told her. Is she just really, really sensitive, more so than most kids? :confused:

 

I don't know how to answer that. She seems to be more sensitive or perhaps more fixated on what happened than my two kids were. But of course "most kids" covers a lot of ground! And of course, not knowing her, I don't know if she tends to be that way on other things as well.

[Tohru]

I did say essentially what you just said, although I didn't then get her involved in something else. Could this be why she wasn't able to move on?? Like I said before, I told her that she could find someone else to play with, and sometimes people don't want to play, or are having a bad day. This was over a month ago! I'm just not getting why it didn't work, even though that is what everyone is telling me I should have told her. Is she just really, really sensitive, more so than most kids? :confused:

 

If it was over a month ago and she's bringing it up again, then I'm assuming that she hasn't had any playdates since then to refocus on or perhaps it has happened again? Or maybe she thinks she needs to bring it up because you've unconsciously mentioned it or you're still hurt by it?

[EthiopianFood]

I don't know how to answer that. She seems to be more sensitive or perhaps more fixated on what happened than my two kids were. But of course "most kids" covers a lot of ground! And of course, not knowing her, I don't know if she tends to be that way on other things as well.

 

Fair enough. :)

 

If it was over a month ago and she's bringing it up again, then I'm assuming that she hasn't had any playdates since then to refocus on or perhaps it has happened again? Or maybe she thinks she needs to bring it up because you've unconsciously mentioned it or you're still hurt by it?

 

It happened the last two times we went to homeschool group, two weeks in a row. I think it was that second time that really nailed it for her. I know I haven't brought it up, and when she has been around other kids casually, I've encouraged her to talk to them. I didn't say, "Now don't worry, I"m sure THEY won't reject you like the last kids did!" :tongue_smilie:I guess you would have to see her. It's a weird, subconscious thing. She's guarding herself from rejection.

 

I just emailed a good friend whose children attend a good alternative school to ask if she knew of anyone who had kids dd's age who might want a new friend. I'm just going to see what I can do about making more positive interactions happen, and go from there. Thanks for helping me try to figure this out, everyone.

[Wheres Toto]

Little kids are often difficult when it comes to friendships. My ds is the type to run up to any kid, anywhere, say "Hi what to play with me" and start making suggestions. A LOT of kids find him a little off-putting, he's just a little too out there, in their face. At least for now though, he's completely oblivious and he was actually asked by a mother to play with her extremely shy little girl and it went very well.

 

I wouldn't stop the playdates because it's not uncommon for kids to hate each other one time and love each other the next. And that tends to continue to be a trend right up to the teen years. :tongue_smilie:

 

I would add some one-on-one playdates with some activities planned to ease into it. Bubbles, sidewalk chalk, hoola hoops are activities that can be done sort-of separate yet together. I would avoid very competitive activities to avoid hurt feelings, at least at first.

 

Structured activities can often make it easier for kids to make friends. Dance, gymnastics, etc. have enough structure that they don't need to come up with things to do but have brief down times or free play where they can get to know each other. My oldest made some of her best friends at dance. She is still friends with many of them 14 years later.

[Whereneverever]

At this age group situations are tough. Are most of these things happening when it's more then just your DD and one other child? I'd really focus on setting up some one on one time. It seems like there's a group some kids are excluded for at least part of the time, and with a sensitive kid that can wreck the whole experience.

[Whereneverever]

Also, a thought- you mentioned she's an only child. Is she more used to interacting with adults? Sometimes it's hard for kids to grasp that the reasonableness and constancy of adults is not mirrored in most <10 kids consistently. You generally know what you are going to get when you interact with a grown up but kids are finicky and variable at times.

[Sputterduck]

Poor thing. This is a life lesson moment. Not everyone we meet is nice. That is not a reflections of us. It is a reflection of them. It's a hard lesson to learn. :(

[kalanamak]

1) I'd try a different place to play. We saw very little of that when kiddo was little. Most kids just wanted to have fun.

 

2) When it did happen, I'd tell kiddo to remember that that person was just 5, and they would be more mature and polite when they were older.

 

3) When a child was very outrageous, I would try to make kiddo have some empathy. I would help him see how sad it would be to be so rude, and that possibly they even had negligent parents who were not teaching them correctly. This put his focus from his hurt, to feeling lucky. And I'd tell him we could play with someone else.