I love my average kid

[leeannpal]

I felt way less offended after reading where the OP was coming from. It puts an entirely different spin on it.

:iagree:

[JudoMom]

I agree. But now knowing that the OP has a gifted kid and an average kid I think I better understand where she is coming from. Don't you think that has a different meaning? It's like only women are allowed to call themselves bitc*es. :D Otherwise it's not funny. Ya know?

 

Absolutely--I'm glad the OP clarified :001_smile:.

[Plucky]

Yes, unfortunately it's true, and I know for a fact that this is fairly common in many schools, not just ours.

 

That's a shame. I guess though that ultimately it is the way parents react to their child's achievements that really matter. I expect certain things out of my gifted kid and he rises to the standards I set, in fact his are probably higher than mine. Of course, whenever my adhd kiddo does something we have a party in our hearts, because we worry. A lot of those achievements are hard won for some kids.

 

I know that my gifted gets awards, special ceremonies, and people do ooh and ahh over him (as do we). We make sure to encourage and build up adhd son when he gets over a learning hump that he has struggled with, but no one cares that he has progressed but us. That's life.

 

I don't want to argue about how hard gifted kids have it. My gifted kid has not struggled like my adhd son, but I love them both, and they are both a blessing.

[MBM]

My goal is for my children to become intrinsically motivated, so festivities, awards, etc. don't really matter much to me or my kids. The reward is studying and learning at a pace that is right for them.

 

I just think the school's reaction is absurd.

[Aggie]

Off on a tangent here, but at my son's junior high school, the kids who achieve academically are never acknowledged. No honor roll, no congrats for some kid who won an academic contest. The powers-that-be don't want to make the other kids feel bad. I'm surprised they bother to even grade things.

 

Athletics are a different story.

 

Just another way to celebrate mediocrity?:D

 

My goal is for my children to become intrinsically motivated, so festivities, awards, etc. don't really matter much to me or my kids. The reward is studying and learning at a pace that is right for them.

 

I just think the school's reaction is absurd.

:iagree:

 

 

I also think there is a huge difference between students to whom learning/making A's comes easily and those who must work for an A.

 

Unfortunately, it's hard to distinguish between the two in a school setting.

 

 

 

When school systems tell children that achieving at grade level is all that is expected, no matter what their ability or disability, they are sending a message that enforces the attitude that doing just enough to get by is a life goal for them. − Ruth C. Heitin (H/T Hoagies' Gifted)

 

IME, it also reinforces a habit of getting by for 12 years.

[deacongirl]

As a mom to 2 kids who are 2 standard deviations from the mean in opposite directions and one who I suspect is further out in the tail on the right, I can say that I love my kids who are not average, and just like my kid with Down syndrome my "gifted" kids have unique educational needs. I don't think gifted is a great term either, but we need something, so I use it.

 

I think it is very important to make a distinction between gifted and accelerated/high achieving. Accelerated is what you do, gifted is who you are. If someone had educated me about the following earlier in my life it would have made a profound difference.

"Giftedness has an emotional as well as intellectual component. Intellectual complexity goes hand in hand with emotional depth. Just as gifted children's thinking is more complex and has more depth than other children's, so too are their emotions more complex and more intense.

Complexity can be seen in the vast range of emotions that gifted children can experience at any one time and the intensity is evident in the "full-on-ness" about everything with which parents and teachers of the gifted children are so familiar."

 

 

From http://www.dirhody.com/discanner/highly.html

 

"To understand highly gifted children it is essential to realize that, although they are children with the same basic needs as other children, they are very different. Adults cannot ignore or gloss over their differences without doing serious damage to these children, for the differences will not go away or be outgrown. They affect almost every aspect of these children's intellectual and emotional lives...

Raising a highly gifted child may be ecstasy, agony and everything between. Adults must perform almost impossible feats of balance - supporting a child's gifts without pushing, valuing without overinvesting, championing without taking over. It is costly, physically and emotionally draining, and intellectually demanding. In the first flush of pride, few parents realize that their task is in many ways similar to the task faced by parents of a child with severe handicaps. Our world does not accommodate differences easily, and it matters little whether the difference is perceived to be a deficit or an overabundance."

 

 

Every child should be cherished and learn what it feels like to work hard and reach their goals, to be a productive member of society and fully use their skills and talents. We all recognize that a kid with Down syndrome or other developmental delay has special educational needs and I don't get the hostility towards identifying and helping the gifted, who also have special educational needs.

 

 

And, FTR, being gifted does not preclude having LDs, although it does sometimes make it more likely that a kid will be misdiagnosed and not receive appropriate interventions (ask me how I know!)

[Hedgehog]

More average kids here.. and I love them to bits. :001_wub: they work on grade level for almost everything.

 

But the part that stands out to me? They're just great little people - loving, kind, generous, inclusive, artless. I am so blessed to be their mum. :001_smile:

[wapiti]

And, FTR, being gifted does not preclude having LDs, although it does sometimes make it more likely that a kid will be misdiagnosed and not receive appropriate interventions (ask me how I know!)

I wanted to make this point earlier though my post may have gotten lost in the shuffle - in this particular case, I'd be wondering about 2E.

[Mynyel]

Because so-called gifted kids get most of the glory already, I'd like to state publicly that I LOVE MY AVERAGE, NON-ACCELERATED KID.

 

She's athletic, funny, creative and bright. And she works on grade level or, sometimes, slightly below. Whatever. She's awesome and is going to go places in this world. :D I'm so proud to be her mom.

 

 

I sooo agree! My kids work at different levels for most subjects. I don't want a "gifted" kids if I don't have to.

 

Not to knock those that are :001_smile: I just prefer average. At least I can keep up! :D

[CalicoKat]

Because so-called gifted kids get most of the glory already, I'd like to state publicly that I LOVE MY AVERAGE, NON-ACCELERATED KID.

 

She's athletic, funny, creative and bright. And she works on grade level or, sometimes, slightly below. Whatever. She's awesome and is going to go places in this world. :D I'm so proud to be her mom.

 

:iagree:

[DarlaS]

Every time the term gifted shows up in quotes, it has the potential to come across a "bit" snide. It's probably "unintentional".

[Mom0012]

It's different, though.

 

"Academically accelerated" is something you do, while "gifted" is something you are.

 

It's possible to be gifted and not accelerated, and it's equally possible to be accelerated and not gifted. The terms are not equivalent.

 

I just hate these threads. Those of us who have kids who are really different from the norm are, apparently, not allowed to talk about them for fear of making someone else feel badly. I don't get it. If your child won a baseball game, it would be fine to brag. If your daughter placed second in a beauty contest, it would be societally acceptable to tell the world about it.

 

But have a kid who's intellectually gifted and/or academically accelerated, and we're supposed to hide.

 

Sigh.

 

Actually, it seems like it's more of a problem for those of us with normal kids to talk about them. At least in this thread. It doesn't sound like anyone is asking you to hide your child's achievements. The OP is just trying to celebrate her child's as well.

 

Lisa

Edited May 25, 2011 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

Imagine if I started a thread about "so-called" autistic kids or "so-called" adhd kids or "so-called" dyslexic kids. Using the phrase "so-called" carries deeper meaning and is insulting to parents of those kids who are "so-called".

 

I really think the OP used that terminology because many of us see our kids as gifted even though they aren't classified that way academically. Gifted just seems such a poor choice for a label, and automatically compares and elevates a certain group of children above another. I don't think the OP was questioning whether the children were actually gifted or not, but rather showing her dislike for the label. That's how I took it anyway.

 

Lisa

 

ETA: And now that I have read all the posts, I see I am just repeating what has already been said.

Edited May 25, 2011 by LisaTheresa

[Mommy22alyns]

Actually, it seems like it's more of a problem for those of us with normal kids to talk about them. At least in this thread. It doesn't sound like anyone is asking you to hide your child's achievements. The OP is just trying to celebrate her child's as well.

 

Lisa

 

 

:iagree: Well said!

[mktkcb]

I'll be honest and say that I currently have one of those gifted kids who also happens to have spd, and there are days I'd give *anything* to have an average child. I'd *so* give up a little glory to not have the humiliation either :o). Trust me when I say that having gifted kids is not all it's cracked up to be. Truthfully, some days it just stinks. And I love my kid in spite of his giftedness and all the difficulties that accompany it :o). Enjoy your average child :o). All of you with average children -- be grateful.

[elizabeth]

The thread does make clear why there is an accelerated learner board. I do not feel at all comfortable EVER talking about what we are covering in school or her achievements in this community or in social settings. We literally pretend that all is normal. Frankly that speaks volumes as our social invites tend to be exclusively from the legal community, the medical community and one would think they would value or at least accept natural propensities for academics. No. Nope. Not ever. I have not been to a social event for 10 years because this momma is not willing to pimp dd as the face of the gifted community or for her to be a parlor trick. I am not willing to justify, explain or apologize for her efforts to achieve excellence far beyond that which is natural to her. Therefore I do not even go to events where this will undoubtedly come up as it is a bit difficult to tell the local judge to step off. And I will do so ,cold stone sober. Dealing with comments like the OP has made my marriage difficult, my social life nonexistent as I do not like to lie to make others comfortable and as for living with profound giftedness as a child, it is hell. I home educate to protect her from envy, loathing and insecurity. I am glad to see that my efforts were necessary.

Edited May 26, 2011 by elizabeth
clarity

[Plucky]

The thread does make clear why there is an accelerated learner board. I do not feel at all comfortable EVER talking about what we are covering in school or her achievements in this community or in social settings. We literally pretend that all is normal. Frankly that speaks volumes as our social invites tend to be exclusively from the legal community, the medical community and one would think they would value or at least accept natural propensities for academics. No. Nope. Not ever. I have not been to a social event for 10 years because this momma is not willing to pimp dd as the face of the gifted community or for her to be a parlor trick. I am not willing to justify, explain or apologize for her efforts to achieve excellence far beyond that which is natural to her. Therefore I do not even go to events where this will undoubtedly come up as it is a bit difficult to tell the local judge to step off. And I will do so ,cold stone sober. Dealing with comments like the OP has made my marriage difficult, my social life nonexistent as I do not like to lie to make others comfortable and as for living with profound giftedness as a child, it is hell. I home educate to protect her from envy, loathing and insecurity. I am glad to see that my efforts were necessary.

 

I don't know, elizabeth. I think you may be exaggerating. I have spent a lot of time crying and bewildered in the discovery of my son's adhd & lds. Even with the crap I've been told by experts (wrong!) and the fear I had in my heart about my son's future (also wrong), I don't think I'd ever say it was hell.

 

I've seen hell - my friend with the autistic child screaming hysterically in public, the other friend with a child that has diabetes on top of his cystic fibrosis, or even my friend with her child with cerebral palsy. And yet, they don't think they are in hell, although the range of emotions they feel are probably pretty hellish at times.

[Tree House Academy]

I love my average kids too! They are both very bright in their own rights and they both have strengths and weaknesses. Overall, they are great kids who work really hard and make this momma very proud!

[sewingmama]

Yep all my kids are average and I'm so glad they are. My kids are happy, normal kids with no health issues or learning problems. In a society where so many children seem to be struggling with ADD or Autism or such - I'm so lucky my kids are able to learn at developmentally appropriate levels :)

 

I just prefer average. At least I can keep up! :D

 

LOL - Isn't that the truth

Edited May 26, 2011 by sewingmama

[elizabeth]

I don't know, elizabeth. I think you may be exaggerating. I have spent a lot of time crying and bewildered in the discovery of my son's adhd & lds. Even with the crap I've been told by experts (wrong!) and the fear I had in my heart about my son's future (also wrong), I don't think I'd ever say it was hell.

 

I've seen hell - my friend with the autistic child screaming hysterically in public, the other friend with a child that has diabetes on top of his cystic fibrosis, or even my friend with her child with cerebral palsy. And yet, they don't think they are in hell, although the range of emotions they feel are probably pretty hellish at times.

 

I said it was hell for my child at times. It is. She has two friends that she sees once a month. Guitar lessons once a week, she has gone through 3 years of material in a year. With ease. I did not EVER say it was hell for me, just another challenge. I do practice some disability law with dh and believe me I have seen parents going through awful times watching their children struggle mightily with autism so extreme that it broke my heart. This thread is not about special needs or profound disabilities. It is about others assuming they have walked in the shoes of another when they have no clue.

[Plucky]

I said it was hell for my child at times. It is. She has two friends that she sees once a month. Guitar lessons once a week, she has gone through 3 years of material in a year. With ease. I did not EVER say it was hell for me, just another challenge. I do practice some disability law with dh and believe me I have seen parents going through awful times watching their children struggle mightily with autism so extreme that it broke my heart. This thread is not about special needs or profound disabilities. It is about others assuming they have walked in the shoes of another when they have no clue.

 

Actually, it's not about that at all. It is about parents being proud of and loving their normal, average children, and that is okay to do.

[deacongirl]

Actually, it's not about that at all. It is about parents being proud of and loving their normal, average children, and that is okay to do.

 

Yes, of course. However some of the comments on this thread have *not* been about that, but about putting down "so-called" gifted children or their parents. While the OP has clarified the reasons behind her choice of words, snarkiness towards parents of kids who are different and who merely want to teach their children to do their best and work to their potential has continued.

 

All children should be celebrated and have parents who are proud of their accomplishments--and as a mom who waited years and years to hear my son say "I love you" I do know what it is to be bursting with pride over something other parents take for granted. But you can be proud of your typically developing child without putting down parents of kids who are not typically developing.

[Plucky]

Yes, of course. However some of the comments on this thread have *not* been about that, but about putting down "so-called" gifted children or their parents. While the OP has clarified the reasons behind her choice of words, snarkiness towards parents of kids who are different and who merely want to teach their children to do their best and work to their potential has continued.

 

All children should be celebrated and have parents who are proud of their accomplishments--and as a mom who waited years and years to hear my son say "I love you" I do know what it is to be bursting with pride over something other parents take for granted. But you can be proud of your typically developing child without putting down parents of kids who are not typically developing.

 

I think the OP said something about that and she clarified what she meant. She has a gifted child, as do I. I don't think anyone is putting down gifted kids here.