Your experience: Being patient with Kers, 1st, 2nd

[Stellalarella]

I'm finding that I don't exhibit a great deal of patience with my youngest dc at times during our reading and math lessons. I would welcome your insight into the minds and hearts of the 5, 6, 7 yo crowd. I think often of SWB's insightful phrase, "Nibbled to Death By Ducks."

Perhaps if you can just even tell me why you LOVE the rambling attention span of the primer crowd, that would encourage me to go forth with a smile.

Scenario: Mom trying to show dc how to understand a concept with math manipulatives. DC responds in frustrated anger when his way is interrupted.

Scenario: Mom is about worn to shreds b/c dc knows math facts on Monday, but not on Friday. :) DC knows math facts at the top of the page, but not the same problem on the back of the page. :)

 

These are oversimplified situations. :001_smile:

 

:bigear:

[Critterfixer]

Perhaps if you can just even tell me why you LOVE the rambling attention span of the primer crowd, that would encourage me to go forth with a smile.

I don't. But, I try to remember that for my boys EVERYTHING is new. I am very much a homebody myself, and once went to Toronto, Canada for a vacation. For three whole days my husband and I tried to figure out the subway system so that we could get around the city without aggravating our already painful cases of shin splints! Finally, on day four we decided to just go down there and "try" to get on the train. The ticket taker was amused enough to help us...so I try to recall this experience whenever I get frustrated trying to teach a new concept. Or even an old concept that just isn't getting across. I remember how my husband an I analyzed the maps and directions and just couldn't figure out how in the world to get on a train!:blush:

 

Scenario: Mom trying to show dc how to understand a concept with math manipulatives. DC responds in frustrated anger when his way is interrupted.

I first deal with the anger. It is perfectly acceptable to be angry. It is not acceptable in any way to be rude, to strike out or show disrespect. Usually I send the child to his room to collect himself, (where it is acceptable to punch a pillow) and in fifteen minutes we start again. I usually use the fifteen minutes to get both of us a small cup of tea. Then we try again.

 

Scenario: Mom is about worn to shreds b/c dc knows math facts on Monday, but not on Friday. :) DC knows math facts at the top of the page, but not the same problem on the back of the page. :)

I don't know the pathogenesis of this problem but I encounter it all the time-less with math than with phonics. But in both cases I remember that my young ones have an ingrained habit of asking Mom for answers and for directions. For this purpose I always have the manipulatives that I think they will need. If there are money problems, they have dimes and pennies and nickles to work with when they get stuck. For math problems I remind them that they can work the problems out with crayons. If they still need my help I will be pleased to help them after I a) change the laundry over, b)load the dishwasher, c) unload the dishwasher, etc.

[PentecostalMom]

No quick answers. I have simply found that my patience improves with age! I think God knew this about me, and that is why my dc have such an age gap. :D

[stripe]

Scenario: Mom trying to show dc how to understand a concept with math manipulatives. DC responds in frustrated anger when his way is interrupted.

Let your child show you his way. Then show him yours. Or work together. Re-envision your relationship. I think it's great that your son is so invested in his way. Sure beats being bored or disinterested. He cares. He's thinking.

 

Your child is not going to memorize something just because he figured it out a minute ago and then remember it forever. It is the ACT of practice (doing all those problems) that will cement it into their memory. If your child knows the answers to something cold already, you shouldn't really be wasting time doing pages of that stuff. The repetition is a process.

 

Think long-term. Try to enjoy it.

[RachelFlores]

Perhaps if you can just even tell me why you LOVE the rambling attention span of the primer crowd, that would encourage me to go forth with a smile.

 

:bigear:

 

I love their sense of wonder, their excitement at learning new things, their imaginations and their development of character. That doesn't mean everything is always rosy, but the good times help me get throught the bad ones. And, they grow up so quickly, stages pass even when it feels like it never will.

[joysworld]

I love their curiosity, and their imagination. They aren't yet in that 'don't kiss me in public' stage. They have their cuddle times, their lovey times. At times they say the most incredibly sweet, or insightful thing. They are discovering their sense of humor (much to mom's dislike:) ), they are discovering their impact on the world around them.

 

Yes, there are lots of down sides, but the only way I can get through it is to find, and search, and squint to find the good things:) I also find it helpful to assign positive terms to those things that grate on my nerves. Example, one time my daughter had a piece of papar that she tore from a very important piece of paper of mine. I told her to give it to me, and she refused. She then puts it in her mouth. I pin her down and try to pry her mouth open. I get it open, and she had swallowed it!!!!! Yes, she's stubborn and defiant, but she's also a goal setter and determined!!! My job as a parent is to direct those attributes into something positive. So to turn that goal setting and determination into something that will better society:)

[boscopup]

For the math, does his way work? Sometimes my son comes up with a different way of working a problem, and it's perfectly valid. For example, we were doing a review of time, and he was supposed to find the number of hours between 9 am and 1pm. He correctly put 4. He said he was having trouble with the next problem that was similar. I asked him how he got the first one. He said he made the 1 a 13, then subtracted. I was expecting him to find 9 to 12 and then 12 to 1, but his method was a good one, and I was pleased that he had come up with it, having never been taught military time. So I went with it and asked him what 8 pm (next problem) would be if 1 pm was 13. He thought for a second, then said 20. He continued with the rest of the problems like that. There was nothing wrong with his method, and it's maybe actually a little faster!

 

Sometimes he does things, and I just have to laugh. If you can find humor in it, it makes it easier to not get angry. I have a picture on my blog of a pencil stuck in a box of salt. He did this while avoiding schoolwork. While he did get in trouble for it, I couldn't help but laugh when I really thought about it! So my best defense at this age is to laugh... Even moreso with my 4 year old's reading lesson, where I'm waiting for him to read something, and he's busy copying the letters and making then scary or dancing or falling in a hole. While I'm ready to get the lesson over with and get back to the student that actually has to do school, I just think about how funny it really is, and I laugh instead of getting frustrated. :)

[heart'sjoy]

Tonight my 7 year old cried. "Mom, I'm so sad. I'll never be able to do that again." We had just finished singing a lullaby from a board book we used when he was a toddler. He was wishing he could be the toddler and fit in my lap the same way.

 

The above is all the more precious because he's the one I've had to work the most with on willing attitude during school. He's more often convinced he's right and will go on 10 minutes about each dotting of the "i".

 

The math facts are finally starting to come along with sheer volume of written practice for this dc. The willingness has it's swings which changes how much responsibility and choice he gets in the order and flow of his school day.

 

I was so disappointed to see the willfulness and attitude and not respectful talk swing back in a month or so ago. I hated to go back to the coupon system we'd used a year ago. Stage one. But we're starting to make headway. Maybe another few months and we can try again with the second coupon system. Stage two. Yes, working toward that independent self-motivated learner, (stage three) who's ready and willing when the teacher says, " I'm available for helping with math now, or calling out spelling words."

 

Seeing what the two older ones have been able to work up to encourages me to keep going. Also I can remember that progress was not a straight incline rather a wavy one.:grouphug:

[MerryAtHope]

When my oldest was in K, we had a VERY rough start to schooling. Around November of that year, I realized that I was on track to ruin my relationship with my 5 yo over things like math and reading, unless I changed something. I took a serious step back and thought about my expectations and what I really wanted long term--I was NOT homeschooling so that I could push my kids away from me by all these frustrations! So I changed many of my expectations and my approaches.

 

Scenario: Mom trying to show dc how to understand a concept with math manipulatives. DC responds in frustrated anger when his way is interrupted.

 

Don't interrupt his way. Let him finish it, and find something encouraging to say about it. Find a different way to get him to watch your scenario--maybe a "your turn/my turn" type of approach, or make it a game--can he guess what you are going to do next? Or bring in a stuffed animal, rescue hero, puppet etc... and say that you are going to teach this one and he can be your helper to help the animal/whatever understand. Or say that you'll show him and then he can show the animal.

 

It may be that your son would enjoy a discovery-oriented program like Miquon, rather than one where you show him.

 

It may be that he would enjoy a program that gave him visuals rather than you having to show him.

 

It may be that you having to show him in HIS mind means he's not smart or that he should already know this (that may not make sense to you, but I have one who thinks this way!)

 

Scenario: Mom is about worn to shreds b/c dc knows math facts on Monday, but not on Friday. :) DC knows math facts at the top of the page, but not the same problem on the back of the page. :)

 

These are oversimplified situations. :001_smile:

 

:bigear:

 

1, stop expecting that he'll know them. Seriously. If you don't have that expectation, it won't frustrate you when he doesn't know them--but it will please you and excite you when he does!

 

2, I had a child who, when he was bored by being asked questions he knew, would pretend he knew nothing to generate interest. Some kids are little scientists this way. What will mom do this time? I guess the steam that came out of my ears was more interesting than finishing school. If I thought he knew something, I would give a wrong answer--example:

 

Mom--what's 2+2

Child--I don't know

Mom--oh, I guess it's 5.

Child--No! It's 4.

Mom--Oh! You're right!

 

I learned that drilling things my child knew just bored him, and I didn't continue--I changed things up instead.

 

Another thing you can do is have a puppet or stuffed animal give the wrong answer. Then your child gets to be the teacher. My kids loved things like this.

 

Hang in there! This isn't a very serious, down to business type of age. There is time for that later. Enjoy your young ones!

 

Merry :-)

Edited April 26, 2011 by MerryAtHope

[sagira]

Oh, I'm struggling with this. I pray in the morning:

 

"God, thank You for the privilege of staying home with my children. Please grant me the patience to deal with them."

 

My oldest is at this point in his life happy-go-lucky, careless about his work, VERY forgetful, a quite dreadful listener, reluctant to follow directions, capable of arguing and talking back, eager to catch me making a mistake, has the attention span of a gnat, and has his head stuck in the clouds. Sigh. I live for the good moments lol

Edited April 26, 2011 by sagira

[RootAnn]

It may be that your son would enjoy a discovery-oriented program like Miquon, rather than one where you show him.

 

:iagree:

 

Of course, that doesn't help with the patience thing. I struggle with this a lot with certain of my children. For some reason, others don't rub me this way.

 

I did find with my second child that when I went to teach "first grade math," that I was already burnt out on teaching it exactly the same way I did with her older sibling. I knew she hadn't been through all this, but in my mind, I had already been through all of it. I was bored. (I'm glad I have Miquon with #3 to help me not go through that again.) Second grade math the second time through has been better. :tongue_smilie:

 

Sometimes, as depressing as it is, I have to stop myself for a moment and remember two of my friends who had children die within the past year. This, for a few minutes, makes me much more patient, loving, and willing to live in the moment (while still getting things done).

[joysworld]

Oh, I'm struggling with this. I pray in the morning:

 

"God, thank You for the privilege of staying home with my children. Please grant me the patience to deal with them."

 

My oldest is at this point in his life happy-go-lucky, careless about his work, VERY forgetful, a quite dreadful listener, reluctant to follow directions, capable of arguing and talking back, eager to catch me making a mistake, has the attention span of a gnat, and has his head stuck in the clouds. Sigh. I live for the good moments lol

 

 

When I start to loose patience with my kids, I will pray out loud for perseverance, kindness, gentleness, and then pray what I'm grateful in them:)

[iona]

you are not alone, i lose patience too. thanks for the recs everybody.

[kalanamak]

I'm finding that I don't exhibit a great deal of patience with my youngest dc at times during our reading and math lessons. I would welcome your insight into the minds and hearts of the 5, 6, 7 yo crowd. I think often of SWB's insightful phrase, "Nibbled to Death By Ducks."

Perhaps if you can just even tell me why you LOVE the rambling attention span of the primer crowd, that would encourage me to go forth with a smile.

Scenario: Mom trying to show dc how to understand a concept with math manipulatives. DC responds in frustrated anger when his way is interrupted.

 

 

I try to remember the story (real or fictional I can't remember) of the 7 year old who comes on stage to play the violin. "Please, everyone remember I'm only 7".

 

As for "forgetting the math facts" you'll just have to get used to that :001_smile:. For the temper tantrums, I work on those the way I would any other fit. A little time out, a quiet but encouraging message about how much sooner we'll be done if he just listens to the instructions. Sometimes I just let him do it his way, and when he is wrong, I look him very seriously in the eye and tell him this is why we listen before we grab the pencil and rush ahead, and then he has to listen and do it all over again. It has sunk in. Slowly.

Slow deep breaths help me.

[NanceXToo]

I'm not saying you'd want to totally go this route but just for a little perspective, you might be interested in checking out what the Moores have to say in the book "Better Late Than Early," and also perhaps reading some books more on the unschoolish side. With your kids being so young and you already having teaching frustrations with them, maybe it might go smoother if you take a more relaxed approach with them, or at least have a slightly more relaxed attitude toward your approach with them?

[stripe]

I also think it's worth reading "The Learning Gap" which compares Japanese and American math classes. In the Japanese classes, the teacher gives them a really hard problem to puzzle through on their own, then they discuss. In American classes, the teacher is more "in charge" and asks leading questions to demonstrate the concept. Exploring and puzzling are really important in and of themselves. You want that curiosity. Even if it's not efficient.

[MerryAtHope]

When I would get frustrated, I'd have my kids go sit on their beds to think/pray and I'd go pray. One time I guess I took a long time & my son finally came to find me. We had a most eye-opening (for him) talk when he found out what I was doing and why. When I have shared struggles and how I handle them with my kids, it always seems to make an impression on their hearts. This can turn out to be a bonding time. Kids will learn a lot from how we handle things--and sometimes what they learn at that point is more important than whatever was in the math or reading book. Parents aren't perfect, that's ok. How we handle it teaches a lot though, and I find parenting keeps me on my knees!

 

Merry :-)

[Alyeska]

Patience with my ds is a constant struggle for me when it comes to phonics and reading. He is the polar opposite of dd. Teaching her to read was EASY. This has really thrown me for a loop.

 

1. I try my best to remember that he is NOT acting this way on purpose to get me frustrated.

2. He is a little boy who would much rather be playing legos or super heros.

3. He is precious in God's sight, and mine. Math/phonics/whatever is simply NOT worth ruining our relationship over.

4. He will eventually get it!

5. My frustration does.not.help him. It hinders him. So I paste on a smile and act super encouraging. Generally, this does the trick and alleviates my attitude problem within 5 minutes.

 

What I LOVE about his age is his sense of exploration, his imagination, his unending energy, his sweetness and innocence, his rowdiness, and his general attitude that life is FUN!

[I.Dup.]

I don't work my youngers very hard at all.

 

Also, I see this issue as a wonderful exercise in patience (on my part) ;)